OMG LYK THS FIC ROXX!
Summary: Another one of my silly stories. Again, using my own challenge. Includes Aragorn, son of Arathorn, stupid puns, and a whole lot of chatspeak.
Disclaimer: Sirius Black, James Potter, Severus Snape, and Remus Lupin belong to J K Rowling. Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Arwen what's-her-name belong to J. R. R. Tolkien, or whoever owns LOTR now. I, do, however, own my cheesy puns(mostly cheddar and gouda). See? There's another one! Any similarity between the AIM screenames and real ones were purely unintentional(except for wanting them to sound extremely dumb). I even made them longer than 16 characters so they couldn't be exact. Happy? Good. Just read it already!
A/N: Here was my challenge:
- Must include James, Sirius, Remus, Snivelly, and Aragorn from Lord of the Rings
- Sirius must find a computer with AIM and act like an idiot talking to random people
- James must think the computer is a bomb
- Remus knows exactly how to use the computer(Don't care if computers weren't used at home until the 80's!)
- Snivelly thinks the computer is a washing machine
- Aragorn thinks the computer is Arwen, cursed by some evil thing
- Must take place in a giant room made of sponge
- Must include chocolate chip cookies, spinach pie, emoticons, and a whole lotta chatspeak
"Hi-yah!" Aragorn, son of Arathorn, yelled out a war cry as he was about to plunge his blade into the heart of an orc, but ended up plunging it into thin air. He blinked as he found himself sitting on some sort of spongy surface. Where was his horse? Where were all the orcs? More importantly, where was he? He looked around, and saw five boys, looking as confused as he felt(he had on a determined look, being perfect and never revealing fear or confusion. He was too perfect for all that!). "Who are you?" he demanded.
"HAH!" Sirius Black cried triumphantly, "SEE? MOONY, I TOLD YOU MIDDLE-EARTH WAS REAL!"
"Shut up," James Potter told his friend, then asked Aragorn defiantly, "Who are you?"
"Why do you and your moronic "friends" use these nicknames?" Severus Snape sneered to Sirius, "Your real ones are too grotesque for human speech?"
"Look who's talking," Sirius snapped.
"You are," Remus Lupin pointed out.
"So are you," Sirius returned. Aragorn surveyed James suspiciously.
"Aragorn, son of Arathorn." he replied.
"Man, your name is even weirder than mine!" Sirius cried in disbelief.
"And I thought you read the book?" Remus asked dryly.
"I did! I don't know all the stupid character's names, I just know what they look like!" Sirius said defensively.
"Whatever," James scoffed, "Anyway...You have a really weird last name; Sonofareethon? I'm James Potter."
"You imbecile," Snivellus drawled in a long-suffering tone, and said slowly, as if James was daft, "Son..of..Arathorn. Three WORDS."
"Whatever," James repeated.
"Hey!" Sirius yelled, poking something in the corner of whatever they were in, "Moony! What's this thing?"
"It's a washing machine, DUH!" Severus Snape proclaimed, rolling his eyes.
"Duh?" James said, repressing a fit of laughter, "Since when have you said 'duh?'"
"Since I felt like it," Snivellus sneered. Aragorn still wore his(by now, obviously fake) determined, "I'm-a-brave-and-perfect-king" look, trying to figure out what on Middle-Earth was happening. Remus went over to examine the "thing".
"It's a computer," he announced.
"Whats a COMPUTER?" Sirius asked, confused. James cried out as he looked at the computer.
"IT'S A BOMB!" he yelled, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
"It's a WASHING MACHINE," Snivellus protested.
"Its Arwen!" Aragorn cried, unable to stop tears from flowing down his face, "Saruman..he's cursed her..and left me with overgrown hobbits, in a strange place with no one and nothing to save her.."
"What's a hobbit?" James asked.
"Some kind of titchy midget thing," Sirius said boredly, now sitting down at the chair by the computer. There was an AIM buddy list open on the screen. Suddenly, a message box popped up on the screen, which read:
Cutybabiiroxxya111: hi lyk r u hott?
"OH MY GOD!" Sirius screamed, "ITS ATTACKING ME!" Remus sighed and went over to look at the computer. He blinked.
"Someone's asking if the temperature's high?" he suggested. He made a move to type on the computer, but Sirius blocked him.
"ITS MINE!" he yelled, then began to slowly type. He pressed the send button, and his message was sent; somehow the computer knew his name.
Sirius: No, its cold, wherever the heck we are.
James pushed Sirius away from the computer, and sat down in the chair, just as the girl typed back.
Cutybabiiroxxya111: ROTFL u r reli funy
He gave a questioning glance at Remus.
"Er, she's saying you're funny." he supplied. James typed back; the computer seemed to be able to distinguish who was using it.
James: Of course I'm funny! I'm me!
Cutybabiiroxxya111: hoo r u?
Sirius pushed James away and typed,
Sirius: I'M the funny one!
James scowled and typed,
James: No, I AM!
Remus pushed James' hands away and typed. His message appeared on the screen:
Remus: Hi. Who are you? Might you be able to help us? We're lost and stuck with an obnoxious king from a fictional land.
Cutybabiiroxxya111: im ashlee nd u guys r funny lol
Remus sighed.
"She's flirting," Sirius said proudly, "I know how to deal with things like this." Severus Snape groaned. Aragorn, son of Arathorn, was still sobbing.
Sirius: Want to go out on a date sometime?
"Charming," Remus remarked dryly.
"Its easier when you're actually TALKING, and not using - using - whatever this thing is," Sirius protested. Ashlee's reply:
Cutybabiiroxxya111: lol sure whre do u lve?
Sirius: England, most of the time at Hogwarts.
Cutybabiiroxxya111: wots tht? I lve in america lol sry
"I'm guessing she's not a witch." Remus suggested boredly. Suddenly, a new person IMed the group.
Eyelinnstardenmorlett: Hello; is this Cyprus?
Sirius immediately closed Ashlee's message box with a mischievous grin.
"I'm going to pretend I'm this guy, it'll be fun!" he announced.
Sirius: Yeah, who's this?
Eyelinnstardenmorlett: Stop pretending not to know me, all right? You live right next door, and now all you do is ignore me, Cy. I thought we were friends.
"Sirius..." Remus warned. Aragorn suddenly yelled out.
"What?" Snape said, annoyed, obviously not caring why he'd yelled. The other three boys turned. A giant chocolate-chip cookie was crushing Aragorn. Everybody shrugged. Sirius began to contemplate the uses of spinach pie. James jumped up continually, trying to poke the ceiling, but it was too high. Sirius got up from the computer chair and said loudly,
"Like, I'm totally bored, dudes." Aragorn's screams were muffled from being crushed by a flat, sugary lump of dough topped with more sugary confections(so fattening, but so good...unless you're being killed by it.). James blinked.
"Whatever," he said hesitantly, staring at Sirius.
"What are you staring at?" Sirius growled.
"Nothing," James snapped.
"Sorry.." Sirius said meekly.
"No problem, mate!" James replied jovially.
"You stink," Sirius sniffed.
"So do you," James returned angrily.
"No I don't!" Sirius said sadly.
"Whatever," James scoffed.
So, Aragorn died and everyone took on multiple personalities.
THE END
Moral: If you ever see anything that even slightly resembles a giant chocolate chip cookie, scream and run away.