Chapter Nineteen: Blue Eyes
Dear Diary,
I've been hanging around new people lately. Two girls and a boy. They're older than me, but it doesn't seem to matter to them. I like that, that they can accept me even when I'm so young. One of the girls commented that I have a "very old soul". It was nice.
I'm not going to say her name. In case this ever gets out, I'm just going to refer to her as "Blue Eyes".
We've been spending a lot of time together. She gave me my first cigarette, and supplies me with them, too. She doesn't know about my arms. I don't want her to know, not yet. I think she'd understand.
I like her. I like being around her. She makes me feel happy when nothing else does. I feel jealous when I see her with her other friends. I want to keep her for myself, but I guess that's not fair. It's just hard. Everyday I wait for her to call; everyday I wait for her to come by. Everyday I don't spend with her is a day wasted.
Mom has been a little nicer to me lately. I'm not grounded (hooray!) anymore, so I get to spend a lot more time with Blue Eyes. Mom doesn't hit me, and I guess it was only because I was such a bitch to her. I guess I deserve what I get, huh?
Emma hasn't been around as much. I think she's jealous that I have new friends. Emma has always been and maybe always will be my friend, but I just have to take this road without her for a while, you know? Maybe I'm shutting her out, but I don't care. She has enough on her mind, anyway, so she shouldn't have to worry about me.
Blue Eyes. I can't imagine what life was like without her, and it hasn't even been that long since we met. A month and a half, I think.
People have stopped being so mean to me lately. They mostly leave me alone. Sometimes I run into Sully and he looks like he's going to say something to me, but since I'm almost always with Blue Eyes, he shuts up. She's older, smarter, and tougher.
I don't know how she feels about me, but I think she likes me—like likes me. I could be wrong. I hope not. I think I'm falling in love with her. For real, this time. Not like Craig or Sully or any of those jerks. She's my Dream Girl. No, she's better than my Dream Girl. She's real.
Love,
Manny
Manny smiled as she thought of Theresa. They had been seeing a lot of each other, a lot less of Emma, and she didn't burn herself half as much now that she had a friend. A true friend, and maybe more.
She didn't know when she started thinking of Theresa as "more", but maybe she always had. Maybe Theresa felt the same way about her, and they could live forever in happiness.
Scott and Theresa had broken up. According to Janelle, they did that often. They were more friends-with-benefits than a real couple, and Manny hoped this time it was forever. Forever, so she could be with Theresa.
She wanted to spend every waking moment with Theresa, and every moment after that. She wanted to wrap Theresa around her, be with her forever. She wanted to keep a piece of her with her always, and all of her with her whenever humanly possible.
Manny was in love.
Manny relearned how to love.
Emma was a problem. Emma, of course, didn't like Theresa, or Janelle, or Scott. But Emma always had a crusade, and when it came to her people moving on to other people, she always found something wrong with them. Sometimes she was right, sometime she was wrong, and this time she was definitely wrong. Manny knew it, she felt it deep inside of her.
She hid her diary under her mattress, and smiled as she turned off the lamp, Theresa her last thought of the beautiful day. She fell asleep, and the dreams were good, but not as good as Theresa. Theresa knew Manny liked girls, and didn't seem to care. She never expressed any indication that she liked them, but Manny knew they were going to fall in love and live happily ever after.
It was how it had to be.