Chapter Twenty-One: Don't You Want Me?
Manny sat back, her heart fluttering inside her chest. Theresa's eyes were wide, and people were staring. "Manny, I…"
Manny swallowed almost convulsively, terrified at what would happen next. "Yeah?" she choked out, her voice raspy with fear, and need.
Theresa looked down into her cappuccino. Her eyes didn't look up, and several minutes passed that felt like hours. Manny wanted to run, but she was glued to her seat. Frozen, caught like a deer in headlights, Manny didn't know what she could do.
"Manny…you're a nice girl, and I like you—but not like that. I don't think of you that way. I…I don't—I can't—think of any girl that way." She looked up. "I'm sorry, but I never imagined…I never thought…"
Manny stood up. Her chair crashed, but she didn't care. Tears welled in her eyes. "You don't…you…you don't feel it?"
Theresa couldn't meet her eyes, and Manny felt her heart die. "I don't."
Manny wiped away a tear. She thought of a million things to say, and nothing. Finally, she turned and ran. She ran and ran, never looking back, never responding to Theresa's calls after her.
Theresa caught up, as she had a car, but Manny couldn't face her. Manny couldn't look her in the eye and realize it could never be.
She ran into a patch of trees, where no car could go. She heard Theresa's car door slam, but it was too late. Manny could evade her now, and she would.
She would never be happy again.
She would never feel alive again.
She would never feel love again.
Manny ran until she couldn't hear Theresa anymore, and she brought out a lighter. She flicked it on, and pressed the flame to her arm. It hurt so badly, it hurt so good.
She heard Theresa call her name a while later, after she had burned and burned her arm, then tore off the metal casing and used it to carve into her skin. Blood was dripping, drying, hardening on her flesh, fresh burns bringing new tears to her eyes. Theresa's coming was like a mockery, a mockery of her pain. Just one more thing she could never have.
Janelle and Scott's voice sounded with Theresa's, all calling, "Manny! Manny! Manny!" The closer they came, the more Manny realized they could eventually find her. She stood and tiptoed away, careful not to make a sound. They had made a wrong turn, their voices grew distant, but she knew it could be done. Eventually, it could be done.
She went home to a mother and father who'd surely be angry with her. She went home to a life she didn't see as worth living.
Manny went home, and as she walked, she cried until she could feel almost nothing but the searing pain from her arms.