Chapter Twenty-Nine: Goody Two Shoes
Emma glared at the envelope in her hand, as if it were the cause of all her problems.
Theresa Scannel.
An hour ago Manny's mother had dropped it off, a big envelope with her name written on it.
Theresa Scannel.
She wanted to rip it up, tear it open, anything, anything. Her anger swam up inside her, and she wanted to destroy this letter, this innocent little letter.
Theresa Scannel.
She had been so happy when Mrs. Santos had arrived, pleased that Manny had thought of her. Thought of her, wrote to her. Let her know she was okay. But when she eagerly ripped through her envelope, her heart sank.
Another envelope. Another envelope with another name. Manny hadn't written to Emma. Manny hadn't thought of her at all, unless you counted the messenger.
"Jeez, Manny. She's so bad for you. Why are you doing this to yourself?" Emma whispered.
Behind the outrage, there was hurting. A deep ache inside Emma as she thought of how she had worried, how she had neither the time to sleep nor eat, constantly waiting by the phone for Manny. Constantly waiting for Manny, and when she was found, all Manny gave her was an envelope that said her name. There was no content, nothing for her. Nothing to quell her fear for Manny. Just a simple little envelope.
Emma felt betrayed, betrayed by her best friend. Betrayed by Manny. She had tried to stick by her, tried to let Manny know everything was going to be okay, at least between them. She had waited for Manny; waited so long to hear her voice, see her smile. And all Manny gave her in return was a letter…for Theresa.
She thought about reading it. Or better, setting it on fire. She thought about destroying it and never wasting her time on Manny again. Emma sighed angrily and threw the letter behind her, letting it fall to the floor in her basement bedroom. She grabbed her bag and walked upstairs to leave for school.
Emma walked down the hallways of Degrassi, caught up in her own thoughts. Her anger was like a perfume, emanating off of her, if only in her own mind.
"Hey, Little Miss Save-The-World, where's your girlfriend? Aren't all you hippies lezzies, too?"
Emma turned around. "That's the best you can come up with?" she asked.
"Shut up," Hazel Aden glared.
Paige Michalchuck stood idly by while Hazel, yet again, showed her homophobic colors.
"Honestly, Hazel, why are you so intolerant?" Emma asked.
"It's perverted," Hazel replied. "It is sick and so wrong."
"No, it's not," Emma protested. "She's different from you, from me, but so what? Everyone is different."
"People are not supposed to be with the same gender. We're not built that way."
"Hypocrite," Emma rolled her eyes. "You seem fine with Dylan and Marco. They're gay. But Manny? That is what threatens you. Not homosexuality. Manny. Lesbians. Whatever it is, that's what bothers you. Why? Why do you think that it is threatening to you as a person?"
Hazel's face was turning red. "You don't know anything," she said.
"And you, Paige! Why is it your business about what Manny may or may not be going through? You don't even like Manny. You've never liked her. You've never given her a thought except how her talent can make you look better. But you—"
"Don't
bring me into this," Paige interrupted.
"You brought yourself into it.
You sought her out, made her tell you."
"I didn't make her do anything."
"You know what, Paige? I don't want to hear it. You manipulated her, like you manipulate everything, made her confess her secrets to you. And instead of acting like an even marginally decent human being, you pushed her life even further out, made it so there was nothing even a little bit good. You're just a waste of skin."
Paige stared at Emma, her mouth agape. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. Emma didn't care. She walked away from Paige, glad that she could affect her that way. Glad Paige may see the error of her ways and try to change. But no matter what Paige did to try to make things better, the damage had been done.
Emma's anger with Manny had subsided when she was faced with the two girls. She made a decision that moment. She would give Theresa the letter. Whether or not it was in Manny's best interest, Manny wanted her to, and she wasn't going to make Manny's decisions for her. If it turned out well, Emma would be happy for her. If it went badly, Emma would be there for her, try to hold her back from the depths of her deteriorating mind. But whatever the letter said and whatever Theresa's reaction, Manny needed Emma to do this for her, and Emma would.
"Am I a monster?" Paige asked meekly, staring at herself in the washroom mirror.
"What are you talking about?" Hazel asked, touching up her makeup. She stopped and glanced over at her best friend. "Oh, my god. You're not feeling sorry for Manny, are you?"
"What? No! Of course not. I was just…rehearsing. I was thinking about becoming an actress," Paige smiled, turning to Hazel.
"Oh! Well that was really convincing. You should go for it," Hazel grinned encouragingly at Paige. "Be right back," she said, heading for one of the stalls.
Paige nodded, and caught a glance of herself in the mirror. Who am I? She wondered. "Emma was right," she whispered.
"What?" Hazel called.
"I didn't say anything," Paige quickly replied.
"Okay, sorry."
Paige looked at her reflection a moment more. She grabbed her purse and left quickly. She didn't know where she was going, what she was going to tell Hazel, but at that moment she didn't care. I've gone too far, Paige thought. But no matter how she tried to repent, nothing could make up for what she had done to Manny. And pride was important to Paige, superiority one of her top priorities. Even if it was a lie, she didn't see how she could lower herself to admit she was wrong. Irrational, but true.
"It doesn't matter. She'll deal with it," Paige said to herself. But a tiny voice in the back of her mind told her that wasn't the case. Paige sighed. "So not my problem."
She walked all the way home and went directly to her room. Paige lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling.
She felt bad, but she also felt stupid for caring. Manny was Manny. Sure, she probably had some bad things going on, but that didn't mean she had to run away. It was stupid. Manny was stupid. She was a stupid little girl who ran away from home. Nothing more. They'd find her, they'd take her home, and all would be fine.
So where is she? Paige thought. Admit it, Paige, you did this to her.
No, I didn't.
Sure. Why did Manny run away, then?
She probably has other problems.
Yeah, but where do you think they came from?
Paige's internal conflict went on and on, though nothing could be resolved. She felt too guilty, yet too innocent at the same time.
"No. I can't take it back, and there is nothing I can do to make it better."
With that resolve, Paige sat up on her bed and looked at the clock. Four-oh-four in the afternoon. School had been out for a while. She picked up her phone and called Hazel to apologize for leaving. She'd tell her she felt sick. Hazel would believe it.
Paige felt better, but there was nothing that could shut up the feeling that she had ruined a piece of Manny forever.