Chapter Three...
"Split Screen Sadness"
John Mayer
All you need is love is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we're tired, battered fighters
And it stings when it's nobody's fault
Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
It's only the air you took and the breath you left
While walking into Karen's, I felt like I was on trial. Of course I had had this many people looking at me before, especially when Brooke and I were together, but I had never gotten these looks before. They were looks of disgust. I sat down in the booth across from Brooke, placed my aviator sunglasses atop my head and leaned in toward Brooke, "What's going on?"
Brooke lifted her coffee cup, took a sip, and looked at me. "Lucas called me." She ran her fingers through her dark hair. "Someone started a rumor." Staring at the table, she continued, "He said when you didn't come back to class Friday, people started talking." She paused, "It isn't just you; it's me too. People are saying that..."
"Damnit Brooke, what are people saying? I can take it. Tell me." I demanded leaning closer and closer to her so she was forced to tell me. Then it all came out at once. Like a bomb going right out of Brooke's mouth, onto the table, and into my ears.
"People are saying that you're pregnant with Nathan's baby and I am pregnant with Lucas' baby and that we are both keeping them just to hurt them. They are saying you are going to try to break up Nathan and Haley and that I am just trying to ruin everything." She said it all so fast. It was out there. I wanted her to pick her words back up and put them into her head again.
My head hit the table and tears filled my eyes. Then I remembered... I was strong. "Pregnant? Couldn't they think of anything better?" A smile crept across Brooke's face. I could read her like a book. We were going to get back at everyone. We were going to be bad. That night we called Peyton. She was on her way to Nathan's apartment for a "Congratulations Married Couple" sort of deal. She was on speaker phone when we called and Brooke and I both made gagging noises when she explained the party. We cringed at the thought of playing nice with people who were playing dirty.
If we were going to get back at everyone, we had to look exceptional. Brooke and I had the type of parents to throw money at you, therefore whatever we wanted, we got it. Brooke wore dark jeans with black stiletto heel pumps and a black and pink lace camisole. I had on a white linen skirt and a turquoise knitted tube top with a white jacket.
Receiving the expected reactions at the party, Brooke, Peyton, and I nonchalantly walked up to Nathan and Haley. Brooke did most of the talking. "Guys, we are just so happy for you." She hugged Nathan and then began talking to Haley. "I know we haven't been such good friends in the past, but hopefully your husband will let you get out some nights to go with the girls." The sound of husband made me almost pass out. Peyton must have known because she immediately put her arm around my waist. So far the plan was working, they thought we were sincere.
"Ya know, I was really hoping you guys would be supportive and I am so glad that you are. I don't know what I would do without you all." Time for the corny group hug. I leaned in and tried my hardest not to vomit out of nervousness. Haley looked me in the eyes and said, "How have you been feeling?"
She must be talking about my pregnancy. She obviously didn't know Nathan was the supposed father. I looked at Brooke, she nudged my leg. "Good. I guess." I gave myself a minute. "As good as I could be under the circumstances." I gave her a smile. I was telling the truth about something.
I looked down at Nathan's hand and felt myself getting sick again. Oh this would be great, I thought to myself, everyone already thinks I am pregnant. If I run into the bathroom puking everyone will be 100% sure I am pregnant. I held myself back. Finally Lucas entered the room. His blonde hair and tanned skin stood out from the rest. He found me and began to walk over. His hand landed on my thigh. "You okay?"
I shrugged. "Trying to be." I replied. "Everyone seems so oblivious." He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair. I looked into his blue eyes, "You know I'm not pregnant right?" He let out a light laugh and nodded. "Luke, I really messed up." Tears swelled in my eyes.
One lone tear dripped down my face. Lucas wiped it away, "Madison, I hate this. I hate seeing you like this. I know how you are. You can't pretend around me. You're hurting and it is killing me not being able to do anything for you."
I watched Nathan and Haley glide across the room hand in hand. Part of me longed to feel the same. So happy you could float on air. I hoped and prayed that someday I would be able to feel that. To love and to be loved. I picked up my purse and walked outside, "I'll be out here if you need me," I said pointing to the front door. Lucas nodded.
Crickets. I loved the sound. It was surprisingly calming. There was a rhythm to it. One, two, one, two. I sat on the top step of the stoop when I heard the door open and saw a silhouette walk out. It was Nathan. He sat down on the same step as I, but several feet away. I watched him open his mouth and nothing came out. "So..."
"Don't pretend like you have nothing to say to me Nathan Scott. We have been best friends for years." I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes. "I, I just want to know one thing. Why?"
"Why what?" Nathan never was the smartest kid, but you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know what I was talking about.
"Come on Nathan. Getting married. I mean, seriously..." I let out a long, tired sigh. "Whatever." I got up to go back inside and get Brooke or Peyton or Lucas or someone to take me home. I turned around. "If you want to ruin your life... go right ahead. But I am not," My voice began to rise; "I am not going to be there to bail you out again Nathan. I am sick and tired of your juvenile bullshit. When I said grow up I didn't mean get married." I opened the door and slammed it shut.
Nathan followed me into the house. There was no way I was going to get the last word. "What the hell what that supposed to me Madison? Bail me out? Horse shit! You never bailed me out of anything. If anything you were there with me at the accident. I was drunk, you drove me. I wasn't the one who had the wreck, it was you. I wasn't the one who screwed up my knee for season; it was you from that damn car accident. You were the dd and that's that. Did you ever think that maybe I had enough common sense to look out for myself and maybe that I really did know what was best for me?"
"No!" I screamed. "I didn't because if you did look out for yourself then you wouldn't be married. If you did know what was best for yourself you would not be here right now having a wedding party. If you were smart you would have realized along damn time ago what you had. I loved you Nathan and I still do. God, this is killing me, don't you get it!"
Everyone was silent. I ran out of the apartment. It was raining. It only made sense; the weather never suited my feelings until now.
"Split Screen Sadness"
John Mayer
All you need is love is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we're tired, battered fighters
And it stings when it's nobody's fault
Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
It's only the air you took and the breath you left
While walking into Karen's, I felt like I was on trial. Of course I had had this many people looking at me before, especially when Brooke and I were together, but I had never gotten these looks before. They were looks of disgust. I sat down in the booth across from Brooke, placed my aviator sunglasses atop my head and leaned in toward Brooke, "What's going on?"
Brooke lifted her coffee cup, took a sip, and looked at me. "Lucas called me." She ran her fingers through her dark hair. "Someone started a rumor." Staring at the table, she continued, "He said when you didn't come back to class Friday, people started talking." She paused, "It isn't just you; it's me too. People are saying that..."
"Damnit Brooke, what are people saying? I can take it. Tell me." I demanded leaning closer and closer to her so she was forced to tell me. Then it all came out at once. Like a bomb going right out of Brooke's mouth, onto the table, and into my ears.
"People are saying that you're pregnant with Nathan's baby and I am pregnant with Lucas' baby and that we are both keeping them just to hurt them. They are saying you are going to try to break up Nathan and Haley and that I am just trying to ruin everything." She said it all so fast. It was out there. I wanted her to pick her words back up and put them into her head again.
My head hit the table and tears filled my eyes. Then I remembered... I was strong. "Pregnant? Couldn't they think of anything better?" A smile crept across Brooke's face. I could read her like a book. We were going to get back at everyone. We were going to be bad. That night we called Peyton. She was on her way to Nathan's apartment for a "Congratulations Married Couple" sort of deal. She was on speaker phone when we called and Brooke and I both made gagging noises when she explained the party. We cringed at the thought of playing nice with people who were playing dirty.
If we were going to get back at everyone, we had to look exceptional. Brooke and I had the type of parents to throw money at you, therefore whatever we wanted, we got it. Brooke wore dark jeans with black stiletto heel pumps and a black and pink lace camisole. I had on a white linen skirt and a turquoise knitted tube top with a white jacket.
Receiving the expected reactions at the party, Brooke, Peyton, and I nonchalantly walked up to Nathan and Haley. Brooke did most of the talking. "Guys, we are just so happy for you." She hugged Nathan and then began talking to Haley. "I know we haven't been such good friends in the past, but hopefully your husband will let you get out some nights to go with the girls." The sound of husband made me almost pass out. Peyton must have known because she immediately put her arm around my waist. So far the plan was working, they thought we were sincere.
"Ya know, I was really hoping you guys would be supportive and I am so glad that you are. I don't know what I would do without you all." Time for the corny group hug. I leaned in and tried my hardest not to vomit out of nervousness. Haley looked me in the eyes and said, "How have you been feeling?"
She must be talking about my pregnancy. She obviously didn't know Nathan was the supposed father. I looked at Brooke, she nudged my leg. "Good. I guess." I gave myself a minute. "As good as I could be under the circumstances." I gave her a smile. I was telling the truth about something.
I looked down at Nathan's hand and felt myself getting sick again. Oh this would be great, I thought to myself, everyone already thinks I am pregnant. If I run into the bathroom puking everyone will be 100% sure I am pregnant. I held myself back. Finally Lucas entered the room. His blonde hair and tanned skin stood out from the rest. He found me and began to walk over. His hand landed on my thigh. "You okay?"
I shrugged. "Trying to be." I replied. "Everyone seems so oblivious." He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair. I looked into his blue eyes, "You know I'm not pregnant right?" He let out a light laugh and nodded. "Luke, I really messed up." Tears swelled in my eyes.
One lone tear dripped down my face. Lucas wiped it away, "Madison, I hate this. I hate seeing you like this. I know how you are. You can't pretend around me. You're hurting and it is killing me not being able to do anything for you."
I watched Nathan and Haley glide across the room hand in hand. Part of me longed to feel the same. So happy you could float on air. I hoped and prayed that someday I would be able to feel that. To love and to be loved. I picked up my purse and walked outside, "I'll be out here if you need me," I said pointing to the front door. Lucas nodded.
Crickets. I loved the sound. It was surprisingly calming. There was a rhythm to it. One, two, one, two. I sat on the top step of the stoop when I heard the door open and saw a silhouette walk out. It was Nathan. He sat down on the same step as I, but several feet away. I watched him open his mouth and nothing came out. "So..."
"Don't pretend like you have nothing to say to me Nathan Scott. We have been best friends for years." I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes. "I, I just want to know one thing. Why?"
"Why what?" Nathan never was the smartest kid, but you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know what I was talking about.
"Come on Nathan. Getting married. I mean, seriously..." I let out a long, tired sigh. "Whatever." I got up to go back inside and get Brooke or Peyton or Lucas or someone to take me home. I turned around. "If you want to ruin your life... go right ahead. But I am not," My voice began to rise; "I am not going to be there to bail you out again Nathan. I am sick and tired of your juvenile bullshit. When I said grow up I didn't mean get married." I opened the door and slammed it shut.
Nathan followed me into the house. There was no way I was going to get the last word. "What the hell what that supposed to me Madison? Bail me out? Horse shit! You never bailed me out of anything. If anything you were there with me at the accident. I was drunk, you drove me. I wasn't the one who had the wreck, it was you. I wasn't the one who screwed up my knee for season; it was you from that damn car accident. You were the dd and that's that. Did you ever think that maybe I had enough common sense to look out for myself and maybe that I really did know what was best for me?"
"No!" I screamed. "I didn't because if you did look out for yourself then you wouldn't be married. If you did know what was best for yourself you would not be here right now having a wedding party. If you were smart you would have realized along damn time ago what you had. I loved you Nathan and I still do. God, this is killing me, don't you get it!"
Everyone was silent. I ran out of the apartment. It was raining. It only made sense; the weather never suited my feelings until now.