Title: Coming Home... Kinda

Feedback: I'd love it.

Note: Well here's my next chapter. I'm not sure about it. My muse for this story flew away about a paragraph into this chapter. So yeah I want to thank everyone for the reviews. Your all so kind! Um ideas would be helpful... even about redoing this chapter. As I've said I don't really like it and you, as the readers are always very helpful. So that's about all I can think to say at this moment in time.

Told in: First person POV Dawn's to be more specific.

I want to tell him everything that has happened to me but somehow my voice won't let me. My subconscious screams that he's been lying to me... or has he? It depended on how long he's been back. But I don't know if I want to know. My words stumble out each with the possibility to break me, "How- how long?" I loose myself waiting for the answer. Possibilities clog any sense of reason. Spike's answer will be nothing but truthful, I know that. He wouldn't lie to me straight out; at least I don't think he would. Then again I haven't seen him in almost a year.

"Nibblet..." he pauses knowing that his answer is my deciding point. "I've been back awhile."

A tear falls from my eye. How could he? Didn't he know that I needed him? Didn't he think how we would grieve? Why couldn't he see that nothing would be right with us ever again? I wished he'd lied. No, no I don't if he did; I couldn't ever trust him. Then again... its not like I can trust him anymore and how could I tell if he had been lying? I slowly place the receiver down. I don't want to hear anymore. I don't know him anymore. The only thing that I need right now is my sister but she's half the world away. I lay my head on the bed. Soft, comforting.

Why? Why'd he do this to me? Not only me... but also Buffy? He loved her... I know he did. How come he keeps hurting her? He never was the most trustworthy person but... Oh god, I've been such a fool. I sit up sharply and grab my backpack. I reach inside for my coat and quickly place it around my shoulders.

I need to get out of here. I need to run, kill something, just anything that'll make me stop feeling... for awhile. I guess that's the result of living with Buffy for so long... everything gets solved with violence. I place my hand in my pocket to be sure I have some kind of weapon and sure enough there's a stake. It seems so proper that my weapon would be exactly what would end the person that has caused so much sorrow to me.

I leave the piece of wood where it is while my mind flashes to a memory. It's the time when I had run to see Spike. I'd had a crush on him at the time but he had loved Buffy. His face haunted my thoughts. His laughs boomed in my ears. I looked at my wrist to see my watch. It was 6:30. I'd missed dinner, how long had I lain? I called out in the silent house, "Hey I'm going out for a while, be back later." No one responded and I wasn't going to wait. I ran out of my room and to the front door.

Darkness had fallen when I stepped out the door. Where was I going? Anywhere but here. I walked down the street to no where in particle. Spike's British tinted words still fresh on my mind, "I've been back awhile." Why didn't he come to Rome and tell us he was back? Why didn't he phone? I guess now it's too late for him and Buffy... she's dating again. She's too afraid to be alone. She loved him, I think. Right after the battle it seemed like it wasn't a big deal to her, Spike's death that is but I knew that deep down standing over the used to be Sunnydale crater she was saying her last farewell. Spike hadn't always been the best guy to her but out of all of Buffy's boyfriends he was my favorite. He talked to me, watched over me, truly cared. But what had that accomplished? Nothing at all, it didn't change his fate... The fate of all the people that Buffy goes out with. They all leave. Everyone I love leaves. Spike, mom, Buffy, even all of the scobbies. Technically I guess I left but it feels like they did.

I continue walking and finally reach a building. I look at it closer to figure out what it is, in the dark the words on the side are hard to read. I finally made out one word... elementary. It's a school. I stare harder at the words in front. Rusher Ward Elementary School. That's why I'd come this way, habit I guess. This was my old school, the one that I had never really attended. It seemed so familiar, all the same outside. I walked around to the back where the Jungle Gym stood. The swings moved aimlessly in the breeze. I wanted so much to go back to my innocent days of school here, forget everything that had happened but I couldn't. I reach out to the far right swing and gracefully take a seat. I feel like I'm home although I'm truthfully sitting on a swing in the middle of LA. I laugh out loud, never thought I'd end up here...

A hand closes around my neck and pulls me backward. What's happening? But then I remember that this isn't some regular city it's LA, second home to the big and ugly. My head hits the ground harshly and I look up at my attacker. It's only a vampire. A vampire that is so toast and so shouldn't have messed with me. Not today.

He doesn't know that I've killed things exactly like him before. All he sees is this innocent young girl that looks lost. I quickly bound up. We're two feet apart, both ready to fight. He moves first. Swings towards my face but I duck. He seems surprised that he didn't collide with me. I move next swinging my leg towards his side, I know he won't expect that... except I guess he did. He grabs my leg out of the air in one swoop. He pulls and my one sturdy leg falls out from under me. Maybe I shouldn't have left the house. What if this is all that's left? I fear for my safely as the vamp bends over my form. I don't want this to be the end though; I'm too good to be brought-en down by one measly guy. As his head comes flush with me neck, not quite biting but so close that I feel his breath. I knee upwards. I've seen this move many times in fights. As long as I collide with the right part he'll be quite hurt, if you know what I mean.

It works he falls to my side. He cries out angrily to me as I run out of the park. I shouldn't leave him there, but the most important thing is to live. I don't want to keep fighting. I don't think I can win, not in this state. I thought it would make me harder to defeat but it just clouded my thoughts. I can't fight on if I can't think. I run down the road by video stores and hot dog venders. Why would anyone be hungry so late? I turn the corner into an alley and continue down the street. It's deserted here, I feel better here. I hesitate, and instead of running I walk. I've run long enough. I need to phone Buffy. Tell her what happened; tell her about Spike, that is if she doesn't already know.

The road before me feels darker than the night is. It's harsh and I need that. Spike never really cared, I guess. He didn't want us... he didn't even like me it seems. I thought of him as my friend but I guess I assumed too much. The moon moves out from behind a cloud and the darkness disperses. Why else would he leave us out of his life? I know I need to get home but I don't want to. I find that I've come to my decision. Home. I don't want to but I have to... I don't want to worry everyone; I don't want to make myself noticed.

I see a woman ahead of me. She's leaning against the wall staring up. What's she doing here? She seems almost familiar as if possibly I've seen her before. Tonight's full of surprises. Her head falls towards me, as if sensing me. Who is she? Her hair is long and brown. Her dress is white, almost as white as her skin. She seems so delicate. "The stars told me you would come. I only hoped they'd be right. And look here you are. As perfect as the night," she rambles. I want to run back the way I came but something in her eyes dares me not to. I move closer instead. "Do you here em? The stars are screaming your arrival." I blink confused. What does she mean? I move closer still. Her hand moves to touch me but never quite makes it. She seems stuck in her own trance.

"Who-who are you," I stutter.

"Dear, dear me I'm forgotten my manners, haven't I?" she laughs. Her eyes search mine. She doesn't say anything else, no name is given. I stand in hopes of clarification. She speaks again after a while; "Now, now you look lost. Come with me." I follow her as she moves. Why? I don't know I can't help it, I'm drawn. All my feelings dart past me leaving me in peace. I need to get home but... I only follow along. Where are we going? Why am I agreeing to this? I'll only get myself into trouble, and I think I've had enough for tonight.

Thank-you for reading!