Borath: Now hasn't this fic come far? We have a plot, some fluff, some comedy and a pool of reviewers. Isn't life peachy? So, continue to throw the roses by R&Ring and Chapter 7 will appear thereafter.
Pachelbel: Here's an update! Enjoy!! Oh, and review. Or Bakura will *never* get out of this!
Two months later and Bakura was definitely getting 'soggy' around the middle. It was no longer a matter of not being able to see his six-pack and having a general 'squidgy-ness'; he was actually *round* now. As in showing round. As in it was getting too obvious too quickly for his liking. Yesterday had hammered that point home pretty damn effectively.
He'd somehow been roped into socializing by Ryou and had dumped himself in an armchair at Yugi's, both to ease the gnawing ache in his lower back and to crumple his shirt enough to hide his stomach. Everyone was gathered in the living area; Joey, Honda, Anzu, Yami, Yugi and Ryou, all divided up in their own little conversations and extending a verbal link to each other every now and then. It was an odd little ritual, but it was distracting enough to keep his head out of the toilet for a while so Bakura was happy enough to indulge it.
Yugi was playing host, returning from the kitchen with a tray of snacks when Joey started complaining that he was hungry. The baby merrily joined in and Ryou had to hide a smirk as he sensed his yami's discomfort from across the room. And to top it all off, Yugi put down a plate of Twinkies in the center of the table with the sodas and cookies.
The temptation to pounce on the pile of doughy-goodness was almost too strong to resist, and watching several hands snagging a snack from the pile almost caused Bakura to rip the limbs off and get them back for himself. Oddly enough, the usually peace-loving baby was goading him on.
However, before he had to resort to anything drastic a Twinkie appeared next to his head. Looking up in confusion, Bakura shifted feeling slightly uncomfortable when he found it was Ryou offering him the morsel.
"You're welcome," the Hikari smiled before Bakura could speak, putting the Twinkie into his hand and rejoining Yugi and Yami on the sofa opposite him.
Bakura blinked a few times before downing it in a few mouthfuls, despairing when he discovered that, like most foods he'd sampled, eating just one made him crave a dozen. Powerfully. Mentally scowling at the baby who only sent back the tiniest traces of guilt, Bakura shifted forward on the seat and leant forward towards the tray without a second thought.
Of course this moved his shirt enough for a decent view if one was sat on the floor close-by. Like Joey was.
"Whoa, you slackin' on the weights, Bakura? I haven't seen you this outta shape… Well, *ever*," the blond mused loudly, capturing the attention of everyone in the group. Yami in particular was looking at him with a certain degree of interest.
Apparently not comfortable with the amount of interest it had suddenly attracted, most certainly considering its father's efforts to keep its existence a secret, the baby fell perfectly still, waiting with trepidation. Feeling his face flush ('Ra-damned hormones!'), Bakura jumped to his feet, bearing down menacingly on Joey. "It's the damn Twinkies!" he shouted before storming out with a rather impressive degree of dramatic flare.
Ryou cast a look around the group before following Bakura into the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway when he saw the door slam and Bakura's back retreating quickly down the path, figuring that this one was best left alone. Returning to the group, he excused his yami by stating that Bakura was just having 'one of his episodes' which cut off any unwanted questions.
So now he'd decided to lay low for a few days. Today his plans consisted of lying on the sofa, eating, and watching the collection of DVDs he'd 'liberated' a few days ago. He really felt like shit so it didn't bother him as much as it usually would that he was acting like a rather lazy slug. The baby was certainly happy with today's plans thus far.
Ryou walked in just as Bakura was polishing off his second Twinkie, hand reaching automatically for the third as his other reached for the DVD remote control. "You know, you should really eat some healthier foods. It's not good for the baby to just eat processed things," he advised softly, already preparing to make a run for it if Bakura showed even the slightest signs of getting up and going for him.
"Don't tell me what to do," Bakura snapped back, groaning internally when he felt the baby's mounting excitement at his Hikari's presence. It *really* did like him. Ryou smirked a little when he felt it himself through Bakura. "I didn't know you were so happy to see me."
"I'm not. *It's* happy to see you. It's *always* happy to see you. I can't see why I can't just dump it in your body. That way we'd all be happy," Bakura said with a scowl, sitting up and leaning his weight on his knees tiredly. Closing his eyes for a moment, he mentally tried to soothe the child into calm. It didn't work. He mentally growled at it. The baby found it amusing for a few moments and then went back to being in a frenzied joy over Ryou's presence. 'Sodding thing'.
Sensing that Bakura wasn't in the mood for even *trying* to attack him today, Ryou moved over to the other end of the sofa and sat down, not taking his eyes off of his yami the entire time. The baby was practically bouncing with glee now. "Do you really hate all of this that much?" he asked seriously after a few moments of watching Bakura staring at the coffee table.
"Yes… I think. I don't know! This damn thing is playing with my head and I don't know anymore. I just know that right now it's pissing me off."
Ryou felt inwardly relieved. Whether or not Bakura dismissed it as confusion, he did seem to be more accepting of the baby's presence. "What about Malik? Now that he knows, what are you going to do?"
"Keep praying every night that he gets hit by a wayward dump truck." Bakura leaned back against the cushions of the sofa, resting one fist on his stomach and rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "Who cares if he knows? As long as he's out of my hair-"
"I always thought…well, Malik insists that you two aren't together, but it seemed like you two were an 'item'. You were always over at his home, or he was over here." Ryou hoped his prodding wasn't just making Bakura angry. He didn't quite feel up to running at the moment, and Bakura didn't look like he could take the strain. Things were going to get interesting in three or four months judging from the degree of fatigue already apparent on Bakura's features.
Bakura shook his head, shrugging slightly. It was a simple arrangement between himself and the other psychotic, one that was apparently too simple for Ryou to grasp effectively. "It was convenient. We wanted the same things; destruction, torture, sex."
"So you really don't like him?" Ryou pressed, frowning slightly as he tried to understand this. It was all very strange to him.
"I hate him. We've always hated each other. Ra willing, we always will."
Ryou couldn't help but doubt the honesty those words were supposed to have, but knew that Bakura would never admit anything different than what he said. The same went for Malik. But he still couldn't see how everything could stay the same and things not get very insane and very messy.
He wanted to help his yami with this even though that help would likely be rejected in a rage of Technicolor violence and pride. But he didn't exactly have experience in this matter. He did know someone who did though. So he kneaded his hands nervously as he went on: "You know, Yami Yugi and Kaiba were sort of the same. I mean, similar, by hating each other."
"Yeah. Except that Kaiba doesn't belong in an institution," Bakura pointed out, snatching another Twinkie and resettling himself against the cushions. His eyes were still on Ryou, mildly curious as to where his hikari was taking this. And the baby demanded he give this *wonderful creature* his full attention. 'Guess who's gonna be your babysitter if you continue to exist long enough?'
"I'm not saying that you should get together with Malik; not if you two can't get along, and it doesn't seem like you do." Ryou frowned, trying to grasp the words. "What I'm trying to tell you is that Yami Yugi knows what it's like to…well, to be faced with single parenthood. And to have the other parent behave like a complete ass."
The yami eyed Ryou, pleased with the uncharacteristic bad mouthing he was hearing. It was so fulfilling to know that he was finally having a positive effect on the soft-spoken teen. He might have to be a little nicer to him if he kept talking like that. He'd been trying to force his lighter half into having some grit last year in an admittedly aggressive manner, more aggressive than he'd been in the time running up to then at least. He'd stopped when he and Yami had ended up rolling down the hill resulting in something that he, very uncharacteristically, didn't want to think about. Not now anyway, not since he was no in pretty much the same situation.
For the last few months though he'd treated Ryou marginally better; he left weaponry out of it completely for a start and had a tighter reign on his temper. This pregnancy thing was also draining his energy and distracting his mind so his hikari was a lot safer now than before.
But back to said hikari wanting him to turn to a nemesis for advice.
"So you want me to go talk to the Pharaoh," Bakura stated slowly, cocking an eyebrow slightly. The baby became ecstatic. 'The bloody Pharaoh, not Yugi,' he sent, hoping to calm the squirt before it became too much of a nuisance. Again.
Ryou nodded firmly. "If anyone can understand what's happening to you, he can."
"Bakura?! Why are you here?" Yami asked with a frown as he opened the door fully, moving to stand in the entranceway between the Tomb Raider and the inside of the house.
Swallowing his pride, Bakura said the words that he'd been building up the courage to speak all the way over here. Hell, it had taken half an hour to leave the damn house because of these words. "I need your help."
It was simply the look on the spirit's face that allowed Yami to restrain himself from laughing or delivering a sarcastic comment at that. Sensing that he was sincere, the Game King stepped aside leaving the invitation to enter open as he walked into the living area. Bakura followed after a moment's hesitation, making a point *not* to wipe his feet as he closed the door behind him.
Glancing around as he followed through to where Yami had sat in an armchair, he noted that they seemed to be entirely alone. "Where're your kids?" he asked curiously, wondering if Yami had set up some sort of play-pen in the Shadow Realm that he could use. It was an idea actually; could stick a Kuribo in there for them to play with and get a Magician or Warrior to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn't get eaten by something.
"Kiara's at playschool and Mokuba has Kiseki," Yami replied smoothly, curious as to Bakura's seemingly sudden interest in his children. He idly hoped that this wasn't a prelude to some sort of kidnapping scheme because there would be Hell to pay. It would be something to do though, at least to entertain in his head. If he watched one more damn Soap Opera he was going to put the contents of the kitchen through the television. Even the spoons.
"And what about…the other one? Kiseki's twin?" Bakura asked hesitantly. He'd wondered about it more than once, knowing that Tetsuo had done something before they all went to Egypt to fix the Puzzle, but he had been -and still was- nervous to broach the subject with the Pharaoh knowing that it was something of a painfully sore spot. Particularly since it was his fault that it had happened.
Yami's hands twitched as if he were about to clench them into fists as he looked down and took a deep breath. "In the Shadow Realm. As far as I can see there isn't enough for a personality or anything like it, but she's tied to Kiseki and until he's older we won't know for sure. If she's a conscious entity then I plan on working with Tetsuo to allow her to form apart from Kiseki like we do. If not, we'll leave her alone."
"She's not dead then?"
"Not in every sense of the word, no." Unsure of why he had told the Tomb Raider any of that and not willing to say anymore, Yami shook his head slightly and leant forward in the chair, looking up to where Bakura still remained standing. A brief image of Bakura hitting Ryou, and the after math of trying to stop that beating, surfaced from Yami's memories spawned by his earlier words. "How is Ryou?"
"Fine. Bloody fantastic. Better than ever." Bakura tried to ignore the interrogative glare Yami was sending his direction, but that only resulted in silence. "I've been too busy to really notice him. And he buys me Saltines."
"So things between you two are…" Yami considered his words. "Less violent?"
Bakura snorted. "Things are *non*-violent. Weren't you listening? He buys me *Saltines*."
Yami nodded a little in satisfaction. It wasn't quite the answer that he wanted to hear, but then again nothing that Bakura did or said was what he wanted. "What exactly was it that you wanted my help with?"
Shuffling his feet a little, Bakura took a breath before answering. "I kind of got myself pregnant," he admitted stiffly.
Yami blinked at that in surprise before waiting in silence for a few moments for the punch line. When it became obvious that there was none, he motioned for Bakura to sit and fumbled for where to start. "Okay, um… How, may I ask?"
"Spell. It was an accident," Bakura replied, deciding that it was a good idea not to mention that the plan had been to get Yami with it when he was asking for his assistance.
Nodding, Yami cottoned onto what he believed Bakura was going to ask him next. "And you want my help in getting rid of it, right? Well, you can go bug someone else because I don't kill infants," he stated firmly, narrowing his eyes slightly to demonstrate that there was no room there to broach an argument.
"No, you stupid fern-head! I want your help in getting through the next seven months alive! I don't know what the Hell I'm doing and you've done this twice now so I figured you could give me some advice," Bakura snapped back sharply, stepping forward angry steps until he was toe-to-toe with the sitting spirit.
It was instinct that had pushed him to move into a position of intimidation, his shadow cast by the large window behind him enveloping Yami in darkness although the other sat unimpressed. He looked curious if anything.
Totally contradicting the air of menace he was *trying* t project, feelings of happiness and gratitude seeped into Bakura's mind as the baby sensed further confirmation that it was no longer going to be completely rejected and killed.
Yami's face held something close to disbelief. "You want to keep it?"
Feeling that his pride was at stake, Bakura backed off to sit in the seat opposite Yami, glowering as he spoke the oft-used phrase: "I don't have a choice."
Yami nodded a little, perceiving that Bakura had simply not been *able* to kill it. The thought that he might actually be attached to it didn't enter his mind for a moment. "I take it that you've already tried, and failed, to abort this pregnancy then, tot that you've been to a doctor, I gather. What did you try? A counter-spell?"
Bakura sighed. "No. Heavy drinking, riding with Malik around town, and…well, it doesn't matter."
Yami decided to get back to the subject at hand. For whatever reason, Bakura *had* come to him for help, and considering the animosity between them that was no mean feat. Bakura genuinely wanted his help but it was purely because of the fact that no one else had experienced these circumstances other than him. However, regardless of any resentment between them, the baby didn't deserve to be punished because of its father.
Resigning himself to explaining the finer points of getting out of a bath at nine months and how baby monitors are not just good for use as walkie-talkies, Yami bridged his hands as he lent back in the chair. "How far along are you?"
"Three months and six days." Bakura frowned at his precision, adding, "Or so," lamely to reaffirm his masculinity.
Yami smirked openly at him at that. "Does Ryou know?"
"Yes. Surprisingly. I still don't know how he found out." Bakura had stood now and began pacing back and forth. "And Malik knows. And now you do."
The Game King's eyes widened rapidly. "Why did you tell *Malik* or all people?"
Turning on his heel to face Yami directly Bakura snapped his answer back indignantly. "I didn't! He just…knew! Between him and Ryou, I could make a bloody fortune on the Psychic Network!" He took a few deep breaths through his teeth to get himself to calm down after that outburst. 'Bloody hormones. Now I get why the Pharaoh was so touchy'.
Sensing Bakura's frustration, the baby sent an odd emotion along their bond, a mix between worry and comfort. Again, his hand took up a mind of its own and gently touched his slightly rounded abdomen, appreciating the gesture of concern.
Yami chose not to draw attention to this action, doubting that Bakura was doing it consciously. "What spell were you doing? I've never even heard of one that could cause a male to become pregnant, aside from the one that I had, which was a fluke." He didn't figure the pregnancy with Kiara counted, as he was technically female when conception occurred.
"Malik knows a lot of spells we didn't have back in our day." Bakura closed his eyes and reluctantly sat back down, bringing his hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ward off the oncoming headache. Dropping his hands, he rested his forearms on his thighs and stared intently at the other spirit. "I told you, it was an accident. The bastard didn't warn me not to drink the potion-thing."
Deciding it was probably too far a leap of logic to try to understand what Malik was doing with a pregnancy spell, Yami didn't question further about it figuring it safer to stay within an area that he was at least familiar with. He couldn't be sure that Bakura's condition was the same as his own, so it would be helpful to first find out what he could help with before figuring out the rest. "Have you had odd cravings? Aches or pains? Morning or evening sickness?"
Bakura's lip curled, a comical sign of disgust. "Twinkies. The little brat loves *Twinkies*. Yes, my back is twisted or something all the bloody time, but the sickness isn't as bad now, thank Ra. I swear: if I don't spend another night retching my guts up, I'll die happy. Beer seems to keep the little sod sated at night; it doesn't like spirits too much but brews keep it quiet when I'm trying to sleep."
Yami stared at the Tomb robber, brow furrowed in contemplation as his mouth hung slightly open, hesitant to pose his next question. "I'm almost afraid to ask this, but am I to understand your diet includes Twinkies, alcohol, and Saltine crackers?"
Bakura nodded idly with a small shrug, not seeing anything wrong with it personally. "Mostly. Ryou fixed some spaghetti the other day, but my leech doesn't particularly like anything health related."
The spirit's nose crinkled as he frowned. "Leech. What is that, a term of affection?"
"Look, if you're going to criticize everything I do, I'll just leave now." Those were bold words spoken with strength and conviction, a firm display of his assumed authority. Except that he made no move to get up. At all. In fact he was finding the chair despicably comfortable.
Yami studied him for a few moments, tipping his head to the side as he asked his next question with sincere curiosity. "What are you going to do when it's born?"
"I don't know, probably check myself into the loony bin. Why do you think I'm here? I don't like you and I don't want your sympathy or any of that shit. I want advice on what I'm going to do when it's born because you were faced with all this single-parent crap before and you being you, I'm gonna bet that you had it all planned out," Bakura stated firmly, pointing a firm finger at the other as he smirked.
Yami smiled slightly, cocking a brow. "Really? Is that right?" Standing, he moved to stand over Bakura just as he had a few moments ago, crossing his arms and glowering down at him with the smile still eerily in place. He'd stopped driving people insane when they cheated a long time ago, but at that moment he looked quite capable of doing it again.
"You honestly thought that I knew what I was doing? I was scared to death! It'd never even entered my head that I'd ever have to face anything like it so I didn't even know where to begin when I found out what happened. The best I could do was get on with my life and trust my friends and family for support. You've done a bang-up job of alienating pretty much everyone around you so in that respect, you've got some problems, and as for the simple, straightforward solution that you seem to believe exists and I have; there is no way in Hell that it's going to be that easy. I'll do what I can for you, Ra help me, but for the most part you're just going to have to deal with this."
Bakura sat in stony silence staring up at Yami unflinchingly. The baby was a little shaken by the intensity it had just sensed, the mental bond quivering whilst Bakura tried to send back a feeling of reassurance. After a few minutes of standoff, feeling that he'd calmed it as much as possible, he blinked and said, "I don't like your tone."
Yami whirled away from him, returning to his seat but not sitting. "Are you taking this seriously? This is a *baby*. It's going to rely on you, it's going to be hard and like it or not you're going to need help."
"Why the Hell do you think I'm here? To invite you out to pick daises and braid each other's hair?" The baby started squirming again as it felt the growing tension between the two spirits, anxiety pouring down the bond.
"I think you came here because you're scared."
Bakura smiled smugly, for once knowing with certainty that Yami was wrong. "Nope. Ryou said it was a good idea, and I agreed with him. Look, I don't know what I'm doing. I've screwed up a lot of things in the past and I don't particularly want to make a mess of this. Can't you just do something to make this easier?"
Yami remained perfectly still, staring at him with a stoically measuring gaze before nodding in assent. "Alright, I'll help you. But you have to swear that you'll do two things for me."
"Like what?"
"Swear it."
"How the bloody hell am I supposed to if I don't know what they are?! Ra, you're an idiot."
Rolling his eyes, Yami ticked off his conditions on his fingers. "First, you'll listen to what I say without spinning off into a tantrum-"
"I do *not* have tantrums!"
Ignoring the outburst, Yami continued. "And secondly, you'll leave Ryou alone. That means no threats as well as no violence. If I find out he's bruised, you're on your own as well as in the Shadow Realm."
Bakura glared at the terms and chewed his bottom lip irritably. Finally, he growled out a grudging, "Fine", before glaring viciously at the hand Yami extended to him. At Yami's firm stare, he took it and squeezed it hard as they shook once, snapping his hand back to himself instantly.
"Good. Now, follow me into the kitchen and I'll point out all the things you shouldn't take unless you want to seriously harm or kill your child," Yami instructed, already walking towards the kitchen.
Following, Bakura piped up, "Is alcohol one of the things you'll be pointing out?"
"Yes."
"Damnit."