Borath: Hey there! Can't be bothered with individual responses to all
those lovely reviews, so we'll just say a general 'thanks' to all of you
lovely people. Keep it up! Um, the delay for this one is mostly my fault.
So 'surprise! We're not dead!'. Read and review. Leave praise, chocolate
and shiny things. ^^
Pachelbel: Well, here it is! I think the late posting is actually mostly *my* fault..
Spawn: Chapter 8
Seto Kaiba's house-or estate, manor, mansion, whatever-was a long walk from the Bakura home, a *very* long walk for someone who'd gained a few pounds and was reluctant to go there in the first place. But it was a pleasant day, cloudy and warm with no chance of rain, so Bakura didn't grumble. Much. His lower back was still aching where he was certain the baby had carved itself a little niche in his spine. And then kicking it. It was a very active creature when someone it had decided it liked (ie; a weak, pathetic mortal) was around.
Bakura had also recently discovered, much to his irritated amusement, that the child loved ducks almost as much as it liked Yugi; and that it was scared of dogs. Even measly Chihuahuas. So the two Dobermans roaming the grounds at the Kaiba house made it go ballistic, squirming and kicking and sending fuzzy, hot lines of panic straight down their bond.
The dogs snarled and barked, forming a vicious blockade across the gravel path a few feet infront of him/them and making passage to the front door almost impossible.
Not overly fond of guard dogs himself, Bakura paused and stared coldly at the snapping jaws ahead of him. The animals continued to raise their hackles threateningly, completely undaunted by the spirit's posturing. Slowly, after a moment of thought, he knelt down and picked up two of the fist sized decorative rocks that lined the sidewalk.
He straightened, patiently tracked the nearest dog, and threw the rock. It hit neatly between the animal's eyes, and the dog went down without so much as a whimper. The second dog hesitated; the baby squirmed; Bakura knocked Dog Number Two out as well. The baby responded with loving, grateful waves of admiration.
He hadn't noticed little Kiara Kaiba standing on the porch up until now and shoved his hands into his pockets in a feigned attempt at innocence. She *did* have Shadow Magic and a temper. Her mouth was open and her eyes as wide as dinner plates. "What?" Bakura growled.
"Doggies.?"
"They're sleeping." Yeah. Kids always took that as an excuse, didn't they?
Kiara eyed the dogs and was only satisfied when she saw them breathing. Tottering up to him after a moment, she turned her bright, red eyes up to him. "Are you the babysitter?"
"Yeah," he replied already feeling a headache coming on. At least this was going well so far. She hadn't started screaming or summoning yet. Actually Yami hadn't confirmed or denied that his daughter could do that. He crossed his fingers and hoped that telekinesis was the only thing he'd have to worry about today.
Lost in his own thoughts, Bakura naturally jumped and backed away when Kiara reached up and put a small hand on his stomach.
"Ohh.a baby." she breathed seemingly mesmerized, then pressed her ear up against him. "Hello, baby."
Bakura wasn't entirely comfortable with this, but didn't know how to react. The first reaction that had sprung into his mind was not only ridiculously protective, but a sure way to get himself skinned by the Pharaoh. Still, there had to be a way to distract the kid. The fuzzy feelings he and "Junior" were getting from Kiara weren't exactly something he was used to.
Before he had to think of an overly complicated scheme, Kiara pulled back and grinned. "You should name her 'Fizgit'," she announced proudly.
Bakura decided not to dwell on the 'her' in the child's previous sentence. Malik had dubbed it a 'he', and now this. What was it then? He didn't want to speculate on it being both. Better to stick with 'it' and other pet names.
"I think it wants to be called 'Twinkie'," Bakura groused more to himself than to his little listener. "Or 'Cavity'."
Kiara giggled, then grasped his hand and pulled him inside. Reaching behind to shut the door behind him, he blinked when he saw it swing shut before he could touch it. Looking down to Kiara just in time to see the Eye of Horus fading from her forehead, he knew that he was in for an interesting time today.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do with the tyke or her little brother for the vast part of the day, and there was no shame in seeking advice. Glancing around the cavernous hallway, he realized that he was going to need some help in even *finding* Kiseki. Exhaling heavily, Bakura bit on his bottom lip and looked back down at his charge.
"Where's your dad?"
"On a airplane," she replied smoothly.
Bakura rolled his eyes. "No, your other dad."
Frowning, Kiara bought a hand to her face and stuck a diminutive finger in her mouth as she thought. "Dad's on a airplane. Papa's upstairs though!"
'Well that's one way to deal with two fathers' Bakura mused as he nodded slightly, allowing his hand to be taken and dragged towards the double spiraling staircases by the toddler. Walking up a ridiculous number of stairs and down a stupidly long corridor, he finally found himself stopping at heavy oak doors. Kiara opened them without actually touching them, leaving him in the doorway and she scurried towards the bed and leaped into her father's arms.
Propped up against numerous pillows, Yami waited for her to curl up against his chest over the thick covers before wrapping his arms around her and looking to Bakura. "Thanks for coming. To be honest I wasn't too sure that you would."
"Yeah well, need to get some experience in, don't I? I'll call you for this one eventually," he replied gruffly, glancing about the room before returning his eyes to the bed. Kiseki was curled up against Yami's side sleeping peacefully and Kiara had fallen quiet too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "Really buggered your legs up haven't you?"
Yami scowled lightly at the reminder that he certainly didn't need. "Yes, but I'll be fine by the morning so you don't have to worry about doing this again any time soon."
Reminded of why he had come up here, Bakura took a few steps into the room. "What exactly am I supposed to do with them all day by the way?"
The Game King shrugged a little, already shifting Kiara about to pick her up and hand her over. "Just keep them both amused. Television, toys, there're some films they'll both watch quite happily. Just stay in the house though, and if you harm either of them, I will take off your head and put it so far down your throat that you'll need an enema to brush your teeth," he finished lightly, although the threat was very real.
Confused now, Bakura cocked his head to the side and crinkled his nose. "If you don't trust me then why the Hell are you letting me watch your kids?"
"Because I trust Malik less and you need Shadow Magic or to be a parent to look after Kiara when she's this temperamental. And there's the fact that my daughter is quite capable of putting you through a wall if you do anything inappropriate," Yami replied reasonably, showing the utmost faith in his child's powers. It was true; Bakura was a risky choice, but it was the only option he had at the moment.
Grinning wolfishly, Bakura strode over to the bed and plucked Kiara up from the folds of the deep fabric. "Fine then." Holding her against his chest, he began towards the door only to stop at Yami calling out to him.
Nudging Kiara off of the bed, Yami watched her go to Bakura's side and clutch a handful of the fabric of his trousers before saying dryly, "I have two children, and I'd appreciate it if you returned them *both* to me later."
*~*~*
Stumped for what to do first, Bakura had sought out and stuck on the longest film he could find: 'The Lord of the Rings'. Perhaps the content wasn't quite suitable for the kids, but he figured that they could just close their eyes at those bits. Unfortunately he hadn't accounted for the fact that the plot was a bit too complicated for pre-schooler's and Kiara was too old to simply let it go over her head without a fight.
This lead to a wonderful series of questions that went on continuously from minute one. To top it off, Bakura had practically encouraged it by showing some knowledge of the film, his reward for watching it thirteen times out of sheer boredom and backache.
"Who's that?" she asked about the same character for the twelfth time.
"Legolas," replied Bakura tiredly, taking small comfort in the fact that Kiseki had gone to sleep against his side out of boredom.
"Oh. What's he doing?"
"Stabbing a cave-troll."
"Why?"
"Because it's trying to kill him."
"Why?"
Finding this all very tedious, especially with the fact that there were two hours left, Bakura decided to make this marginally more interesting. For himself at least. "Because it fancies Aragorn too and he's jealous."
"*Oh*. Papa said he liked Legolas one time. Dad didn't like that."
And with that the daughter of the Game King had Bakura's full attention. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all. It looked like the kid was full of potential blackmailing information. What fun. Now came the task of extracting that knowledge. "Really? And what else does Papa say?"
Kiara swung her legs as she thought. "He says that."
"Hold it." Bakura exercised his own hold on Shadow Magic to levitate the notepad and pencil left on the coffee-table to him. His back hurt, he didn't want to get up, and the baby was enjoying the senseless display of Orc blood on the screen. So "exercise" could screw itself. Thus equipped, he turned his attention back to the toddler. "Go on."
Kiara giggled and obliged, quite liking the attention she was receiving. "Well, a lot of the time, Papa likes to talk about ruling the world and how he woulda stopped 'the degra.degradation of society' if he hadn't been put in the sodding Puzzle."
"Really." Bakura scribbled this down, not quite sure how he'd use it against the Pharaoh, but best to play it safe. He was already finding this amusing all the same. He didn't know that Yami was still quite that egotistical. There were likely a lot of other things about the Pharaoh that he didn't know, an utter crime at the moment. He planned to make very good use of the little fountain on knowledge sat with him sucking on her thumb.
"What's he say about Yugi?" Bakura asked wanting to see if Yami truly was *that* fond of his Hikari. He grimaced as the baby sent a jolt of excitement rampaging through their link at the mention of the name.
"He says that Yugi is really nice, and he wishes that I'd take lessons from him," Kiara replied smoothly, her lack of any real interest in the latter of that sentence indicating that she had absolutely no idea about what those lessons actually were. Noting that mentally, Bakura decided not to press.
There was something that he was genuinely curious about though. He knew that Kaiba hated him with a passion, even if he did tolerate him at late hours in back-alley stores, but Yami had turned into a bit of a question mark after asking him to child-mind for him. "And what does Papa say about me?"
Kiara blinked owlishly. "Who are you?"
Bakura had to resist the urge to roll his eyes and quashed the impending irritated groan. "I'm Bakura."
"Oh. Papa says lots about you. Papa says that you're a crazy git with dumb hair, but with really nice legs. Dad doesn't like it when Papa talks about you," she replied matter-of-factly before her bright eyes sparkled conspiratorially. "He says lots of funny stuff when he thinks I've gone to bed. Or when Dad opens the secret cupboard."
"'Secret cupboard'?" Bakura asked, quirking a brow. He seriously hoped that Kiara was twittering on about some sort of safe or hidden room in the house. He doubted that though. The Powers That Be were simply not that kind to him.
"It has soda and drinks in it. But I'm not s'posed to see it." She frowned, her lower lip protruding in a childish pout. "I can't open it."
Ah. She'd seen the liquor cabinet. Smirking, Bakura had her lead the way. He wasn't supposed to drink while pregnant (and the baby didn't like anything harder than mild beer, anyway) but there was no reason not to stash some away for after the birth.
Oh, Ra. The birth. That brought on waves of panic and a desire to kill himself, here and now..
Kiara watched as he broke the spell on the liquor cabinet with wide eyes, utterly puzzled as to how he could remove the magical bindings and she couldn't. The Tomb Raider noted that she's obviously made some damn-good attempts to get into it though, the spell obviously weaker than it should have been when he accessed it. Not being related to Yami and thus having slightly different magical energies at his command, breaking the seal had been relatively easy overall.
"You have to keep this quiet, got it, kid?" Bakura instructed as he started rummaging around the various bottles, naturally reaching for those at the back. He looked down at her when she was silent, offering neither understanding nor confirmation to his order, and found her poking at a bottle of Schnapps.
"Stop that!" He pulled her hand away, then tugged the bottle out and went to put it under his coat, the dark material lying crumpled over the arm of an expensive armchair. Whilst he was on that side of the room he glanced over to Kiseki, smiling wryly to see the tot still fast asleep on his side, minute fingers twitching every couple of seconds into fists.
"But I want some, too!" she protested loudly when he had returned to the cupboard, looking up at him with frighteningly large eyes that now rivaled Yugi's. Such things did not work on infamous Tomb Raiders though.
"No! 'Papa' will blow a fuse and you'll be grounded until you're as old as he is! Not to mention the fact that he'll send me so far into the Shadow Realm this kid of mine'll be grown and crusty by the time I find my way back out," Bakura stated firmly, picking up a few bottles by their necks and setting them on top of the cabinet. Closing the mahogany doors, he set about restoring the sealing spell whilst trying to ignore the noisy child at his knees.
"But I want some!" came the near-shouted insistence, totally wrecking his concentration.
"Drink your damn orange juice!" Bakura outright shouted, glaring down at her with fierce eyes as he pointed at the untouched plastic cup of juice he'd planted on the table a few hours ago.
Her eyes widened at the cuss word, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' as she stared at him. Then speaking in a quiet, breathy voice as if fearing that she might be overheard, she warned, "You said a bad word. Say 'sorry' now."
Bakura was not one to be ordered around by kids an eight of his height and his expression showed as much. "Sod off. You're parents don't tell me what to do and neither do you."
Tiny hands curled into tiny, trembling fists at Kiara's sides. Her mouth scrunched up along with her eyes before she unleashed the most ear- shattering scream that Bakura had ever had the misfortune to hear. Lunging at her in a desperate attempt to cover her mouth before she woke up her brother and pissed off her incapacitated -yet still powerful- father, Bakura found himself being levitated and then relocated relatively gently into the armchair where he had just hidden his Schnapps. The baby was treating this experience as something of a theme park ride, quivering with glee at being chucked around.
Removing the large bottle from the dent it had made in his leg and cringing at the pre-scream noises Kiseki was beginning to make, Bakura was faintly relieved to hear that Kiara had fallen silent. Looking back at the temperamental tyke, he suddenly wished that she was still bawling her head off. Her eyes had reduced to slits and she was sending veritable death- glares at him, but what concerned him more was the rapidly swelling mass of black and purple behind her. Apparently she *could* invoke the Shadow Realm, and if he guessed right, it didn't look like she knew she was doing it.
Still, the dark cloud crackling with energy afforded him an opportunity. Reaching out a hand, Bakura concentrated a little and 'pulled'. He wasn't actually summoning so whatever he got would be extremely weak, but it just might distract the pair long enough for him to come up with a long-term plan. There was a flash of white light and then a fat Kuribo appeared on the carpet in front of him.
Kiara practically squealed in barely-contained delight, scurrying towards the creature that was looking around itself with great confusion. Consequently, the portal into the Shadow Realm instantly evaporated.
Getting up from the chair and leaving Kiara to fuss over her new plaything, Bakura strode back to the couch where Kiseki was still sniveling. He hadn't actually started crying but he looked damn near close. Awkwardly, Bakura put his hands around the cotton-encased child and lifted him up, naturally placing and then supporting him against his chest, taking a steadying breath as he did so.
Instantly the sniffling sounds ceased, one of Bakura's thick bangs getting snatched by grasping hands and held tightly as Kiseki drifted off. Not daring to move, the Tomb Raider looked down to check that Kiara hadn't set the Kuribo on fire or anything, not moving his head even a fraction of an inch for fear of waking up her brother. Seeing that she appeared quite contented and, most importantly, *quiet* for the moment, Bakura breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was learning something: one kid per lifetime is *enough*.
*~*~*
Yami would have been less than pleased to find a Duel Monster in his house, and so Bakura had had the sense to convince Kiara to part with her fuzzy- friend. The price had been high though. A few choice children's videos complete with song and dance routines meant that he'd never be able to look at the colour purple again. Even the baby seemed genuinely frightened of the infamous Barney.
Kiara had then demanded a finger-painting session. Kiseki had approved also, shouting a weird little gurgled chant (for lack of a better word to name the repeated sounds he'd made for a full three minutes) until Bakura had given him. Getting the paint was very straightforward: one scout down in the basement had produced multiple tins of paint, testers and the like, left over from decorating this place.
It took a while, but Bakura gathered all the finger-painting supplies and returned to the room where Kiseki and Kiara were waiting with unbridled glee, fidgeting where he had put them and ordered them to stay looking disturbingly like Yugi on copious amounts of caffeine. He hadn't been able to find any paper, or mats, and didn't particularly want to walk up all those stairs again to ask Yami where such things were kept.
So he'd improvised.
He'd challenged both kids to redecorate the walls and ceiling (this room was painted a sickening shade of red-brown, anyway.)
A half hour later the paint was gone, and splattered across the furniture, carpet, Bakura, the kids, but more importantly, the ceiling and walls.
"Not bad," Bakura admitted. "I didn't think you'd be able to do it." He felt a twinge of hunger from the baby and relented without so much as a grumble. "Let's get lunch now."
Bakura fixed tuna-fish sandwiches. While they ate, he explained in graphic detail how dolphins had been drowned for their lunch. He cackled while the kids whimpered and sobbed; as he'd expected, he got to finish off their lunches.
A little while after Bakura had finished licking the last few crumbs from his fingers, Yami came limping down the stairs, wincing every now and then but clearly determined to retrieve his children.
Kiseki clapped his hands and squealed at the sight of 'Papa'; Kiara launched into a shortened version of their adventures (lacking, Bakura noted, any reference to the 'secret cupboard', or finger painting.)
Yami smiled down at his little darlings, scooping Kiseki from his highchair, and stroking Kiara's hair. "Well, Bakura, does her version of things match up to what you remember?"
With a smirk at Kiara, Bakura answered, "We did some arts and crafts that she fell asleep during, but otherwise yeah."
"Kiara, would you go find Paula?" Yami asked gently, and his daughter nodded enthusiastically and dashed up the stairs. At Bakura's expression, Yami explained conspiratorially, "Kaiba and I hide her favorite doll in her room. Keeps her up there searching for a few hours at least, and prevents our guests from having things thrown at them."
"And here I thought you'd be opposed to manipulating children."
"We'll see who's getting the snide remarks in a few weeks, hm?" Yami was leading him down the hall now, having set Kiseki down. "Before you go, I want to run a few of the tests on you I had to have done."
"You are planning on paying me, aren't you? And what tests? You know that if you come anywhere near me with a needle that I'll find an interesting place to stick it."
The Pharaoh tossed an annoyed look back at him. "Yes, you'll be played," he drawled out. "But you're past due for an ultrasound, among other things, and I'd love to meet the obstetrician who would take you seriously about being pregnant," he continued, collecting Kiseki and leaving the room. Rolling his eyes a little, Bakura saw no alternative but to follow. He watched with some satisfaction though as Yami made his painful way back upstairs.
Making their way down doubtlessly one of the many corridors in the mansion, Bakura felt the need to break the silence again. He also wanted to see if his voice would echo. "Why are we doing this again?"
He couldn't see it but he could just tell that Yami had arched a brow at the question. "This isn't exactly a usual pregnancy. You in particular need to know if everything's all right."
Bakura shrugged, looking around darkened the room Yami had eventually led him into. He could just about make out the shape of a bed against one wall and an assortment of machines dotted around, none of which he knew the function of. "Fine, I get it. Check and see if Junior's got all her legs and limbs, yeah?"
Yami gave a noise of affirmation as he flicked on the lights, carrying Kiseki to the opposite wall to the bed and setting him down on the high metal table. The Puzzle glowed for a second, and Bakura guessed that the Game King had established some kind of barrier to prevent the tot from falling off. Apparently Yami was still 'misusing the Puzzle' as it were, against Tetsuo's instructions.
Yami glanced at Bakura and motioned to a metal table. "Lie down on your back."
Ignoring the fact that he had just been ordered around, Bakura hopped up onto the table and took a moment to look around the room properly. It looked like a fully kitted medical unit, albeit a rather small one. "Why the heck do you have all this stuff?"
Yami was in the process of rummaging through a cupboard, finally producing a large white bottle. "Seto had it brought in when I was pregnant with Kiseki. It was the only way to make sure everything was fine. He had a nurse come in and show him how to use everything. Now, roll up your shirt so I can put this on you."
Gritting his teeth, Bakura grudgingly exposed his faintly rounded belly. Yami squirted a cool, pale gel all over him and then stepped back, dragging a monitor with various attachments to the bed. Bakura watched with a certain degree of disguised apprehension as Yami flicked it on.
Picking up what looked like a small microphone, Yami rubbed it across the gel, smearing and spreading it, all the while looking at a screen on the monitor. "It's good you haven't used the restroom yet. Otherwise this might've taken a bit longer, or made the pictures less obvious." Bakura felt like hitting the spirit; he'd spoken just as he pressed down on the thief's bladder.
But before he could move to get in range, Yami pointed at the screen with a surprising amount of excitement, grinning. "There. That's it." The black- and-white screen was turned so it was facing Bakura. "Do you see it? That's its head.and its back is facing us, see the spine.. There are its feet.."
Bakura swallowed heavily, not really hearing Yami's words, just watching, completely mesmerized, as his baby's various parts were pointed out to him.
*~*~*
Bakura was still asleep when Ryou's alarm went off the following morning. Ryou decided to make breakfast and then wake his yami, since an offering of food would probably soothe any irritability he'd undoubtedly have at being forced out of sleep.
As he was walking out to the kitchen, which meant he had to pass by the front entryway, he noticed that a bunch of envelopes were being stuffed under the door. However, the mailman usually came at noon. Not only that, but when he did come, he usually put the mail in the *mailbox*.
Curiously, Ryou scooped up the deliveries and opened the door, just catching a glimpse of a tall figure racing down the street.
Scowling, Ryou looked back down and closed the front door. On top of what were probably bills sat a yellowed envelope with "For Master Yami Bakura" in elegant script.
Puzzled, and a tad nervous, he went back to Bakura. "Yami." When there was no answer, Ryou slowly waved his free hand over Bakura's stomach.
Apparently the spirit hadn't just been paranoid, for he groaned and opened his eyes, muttering, "What is it?"
He glared at Ryou when he saw what the hikari was doing, but a letter was shoved at him before he could come up with a suitable threat. "This came for you."
Quickly, Bakura took the paper and tore open the envelope, not bothering to puzzle out who knew of his existence.or who would bother to send him something after they *did* know him. He pulled out a gift certificate- marked with a very hefty sum-for "Babies 'R Us". He went cold at the sight; who knew he was pregnant? Only a few people had that sort of money to just casually toss aside. Kaiba wouldn't support it, unless Yami had threatened him with celibacy. That was possible.
"Do you think.that Isis will be mad? Isn't she supporting them, and so.isn't this *her* money?" Ryou asked quietly, motioning at the certificate.
Almost afraid to find out who had sent this, Bakura looked closely at his gift.
Down at the bottom it was signed 'Rishid Ishtar'.
****
Borath: Okay, the delay was long, but so was the chapter! There were a few cutesy moments in this fic, so review if just for the sake of fluff! Next chapter when we begin. Well, me, as it's my turn. Oi. This might take a while again.
Pachelbel: Well, here it is! I think the late posting is actually mostly *my* fault..
Spawn: Chapter 8
Seto Kaiba's house-or estate, manor, mansion, whatever-was a long walk from the Bakura home, a *very* long walk for someone who'd gained a few pounds and was reluctant to go there in the first place. But it was a pleasant day, cloudy and warm with no chance of rain, so Bakura didn't grumble. Much. His lower back was still aching where he was certain the baby had carved itself a little niche in his spine. And then kicking it. It was a very active creature when someone it had decided it liked (ie; a weak, pathetic mortal) was around.
Bakura had also recently discovered, much to his irritated amusement, that the child loved ducks almost as much as it liked Yugi; and that it was scared of dogs. Even measly Chihuahuas. So the two Dobermans roaming the grounds at the Kaiba house made it go ballistic, squirming and kicking and sending fuzzy, hot lines of panic straight down their bond.
The dogs snarled and barked, forming a vicious blockade across the gravel path a few feet infront of him/them and making passage to the front door almost impossible.
Not overly fond of guard dogs himself, Bakura paused and stared coldly at the snapping jaws ahead of him. The animals continued to raise their hackles threateningly, completely undaunted by the spirit's posturing. Slowly, after a moment of thought, he knelt down and picked up two of the fist sized decorative rocks that lined the sidewalk.
He straightened, patiently tracked the nearest dog, and threw the rock. It hit neatly between the animal's eyes, and the dog went down without so much as a whimper. The second dog hesitated; the baby squirmed; Bakura knocked Dog Number Two out as well. The baby responded with loving, grateful waves of admiration.
He hadn't noticed little Kiara Kaiba standing on the porch up until now and shoved his hands into his pockets in a feigned attempt at innocence. She *did* have Shadow Magic and a temper. Her mouth was open and her eyes as wide as dinner plates. "What?" Bakura growled.
"Doggies.?"
"They're sleeping." Yeah. Kids always took that as an excuse, didn't they?
Kiara eyed the dogs and was only satisfied when she saw them breathing. Tottering up to him after a moment, she turned her bright, red eyes up to him. "Are you the babysitter?"
"Yeah," he replied already feeling a headache coming on. At least this was going well so far. She hadn't started screaming or summoning yet. Actually Yami hadn't confirmed or denied that his daughter could do that. He crossed his fingers and hoped that telekinesis was the only thing he'd have to worry about today.
Lost in his own thoughts, Bakura naturally jumped and backed away when Kiara reached up and put a small hand on his stomach.
"Ohh.a baby." she breathed seemingly mesmerized, then pressed her ear up against him. "Hello, baby."
Bakura wasn't entirely comfortable with this, but didn't know how to react. The first reaction that had sprung into his mind was not only ridiculously protective, but a sure way to get himself skinned by the Pharaoh. Still, there had to be a way to distract the kid. The fuzzy feelings he and "Junior" were getting from Kiara weren't exactly something he was used to.
Before he had to think of an overly complicated scheme, Kiara pulled back and grinned. "You should name her 'Fizgit'," she announced proudly.
Bakura decided not to dwell on the 'her' in the child's previous sentence. Malik had dubbed it a 'he', and now this. What was it then? He didn't want to speculate on it being both. Better to stick with 'it' and other pet names.
"I think it wants to be called 'Twinkie'," Bakura groused more to himself than to his little listener. "Or 'Cavity'."
Kiara giggled, then grasped his hand and pulled him inside. Reaching behind to shut the door behind him, he blinked when he saw it swing shut before he could touch it. Looking down to Kiara just in time to see the Eye of Horus fading from her forehead, he knew that he was in for an interesting time today.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do with the tyke or her little brother for the vast part of the day, and there was no shame in seeking advice. Glancing around the cavernous hallway, he realized that he was going to need some help in even *finding* Kiseki. Exhaling heavily, Bakura bit on his bottom lip and looked back down at his charge.
"Where's your dad?"
"On a airplane," she replied smoothly.
Bakura rolled his eyes. "No, your other dad."
Frowning, Kiara bought a hand to her face and stuck a diminutive finger in her mouth as she thought. "Dad's on a airplane. Papa's upstairs though!"
'Well that's one way to deal with two fathers' Bakura mused as he nodded slightly, allowing his hand to be taken and dragged towards the double spiraling staircases by the toddler. Walking up a ridiculous number of stairs and down a stupidly long corridor, he finally found himself stopping at heavy oak doors. Kiara opened them without actually touching them, leaving him in the doorway and she scurried towards the bed and leaped into her father's arms.
Propped up against numerous pillows, Yami waited for her to curl up against his chest over the thick covers before wrapping his arms around her and looking to Bakura. "Thanks for coming. To be honest I wasn't too sure that you would."
"Yeah well, need to get some experience in, don't I? I'll call you for this one eventually," he replied gruffly, glancing about the room before returning his eyes to the bed. Kiseki was curled up against Yami's side sleeping peacefully and Kiara had fallen quiet too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "Really buggered your legs up haven't you?"
Yami scowled lightly at the reminder that he certainly didn't need. "Yes, but I'll be fine by the morning so you don't have to worry about doing this again any time soon."
Reminded of why he had come up here, Bakura took a few steps into the room. "What exactly am I supposed to do with them all day by the way?"
The Game King shrugged a little, already shifting Kiara about to pick her up and hand her over. "Just keep them both amused. Television, toys, there're some films they'll both watch quite happily. Just stay in the house though, and if you harm either of them, I will take off your head and put it so far down your throat that you'll need an enema to brush your teeth," he finished lightly, although the threat was very real.
Confused now, Bakura cocked his head to the side and crinkled his nose. "If you don't trust me then why the Hell are you letting me watch your kids?"
"Because I trust Malik less and you need Shadow Magic or to be a parent to look after Kiara when she's this temperamental. And there's the fact that my daughter is quite capable of putting you through a wall if you do anything inappropriate," Yami replied reasonably, showing the utmost faith in his child's powers. It was true; Bakura was a risky choice, but it was the only option he had at the moment.
Grinning wolfishly, Bakura strode over to the bed and plucked Kiara up from the folds of the deep fabric. "Fine then." Holding her against his chest, he began towards the door only to stop at Yami calling out to him.
Nudging Kiara off of the bed, Yami watched her go to Bakura's side and clutch a handful of the fabric of his trousers before saying dryly, "I have two children, and I'd appreciate it if you returned them *both* to me later."
*~*~*
Stumped for what to do first, Bakura had sought out and stuck on the longest film he could find: 'The Lord of the Rings'. Perhaps the content wasn't quite suitable for the kids, but he figured that they could just close their eyes at those bits. Unfortunately he hadn't accounted for the fact that the plot was a bit too complicated for pre-schooler's and Kiara was too old to simply let it go over her head without a fight.
This lead to a wonderful series of questions that went on continuously from minute one. To top it off, Bakura had practically encouraged it by showing some knowledge of the film, his reward for watching it thirteen times out of sheer boredom and backache.
"Who's that?" she asked about the same character for the twelfth time.
"Legolas," replied Bakura tiredly, taking small comfort in the fact that Kiseki had gone to sleep against his side out of boredom.
"Oh. What's he doing?"
"Stabbing a cave-troll."
"Why?"
"Because it's trying to kill him."
"Why?"
Finding this all very tedious, especially with the fact that there were two hours left, Bakura decided to make this marginally more interesting. For himself at least. "Because it fancies Aragorn too and he's jealous."
"*Oh*. Papa said he liked Legolas one time. Dad didn't like that."
And with that the daughter of the Game King had Bakura's full attention. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all. It looked like the kid was full of potential blackmailing information. What fun. Now came the task of extracting that knowledge. "Really? And what else does Papa say?"
Kiara swung her legs as she thought. "He says that."
"Hold it." Bakura exercised his own hold on Shadow Magic to levitate the notepad and pencil left on the coffee-table to him. His back hurt, he didn't want to get up, and the baby was enjoying the senseless display of Orc blood on the screen. So "exercise" could screw itself. Thus equipped, he turned his attention back to the toddler. "Go on."
Kiara giggled and obliged, quite liking the attention she was receiving. "Well, a lot of the time, Papa likes to talk about ruling the world and how he woulda stopped 'the degra.degradation of society' if he hadn't been put in the sodding Puzzle."
"Really." Bakura scribbled this down, not quite sure how he'd use it against the Pharaoh, but best to play it safe. He was already finding this amusing all the same. He didn't know that Yami was still quite that egotistical. There were likely a lot of other things about the Pharaoh that he didn't know, an utter crime at the moment. He planned to make very good use of the little fountain on knowledge sat with him sucking on her thumb.
"What's he say about Yugi?" Bakura asked wanting to see if Yami truly was *that* fond of his Hikari. He grimaced as the baby sent a jolt of excitement rampaging through their link at the mention of the name.
"He says that Yugi is really nice, and he wishes that I'd take lessons from him," Kiara replied smoothly, her lack of any real interest in the latter of that sentence indicating that she had absolutely no idea about what those lessons actually were. Noting that mentally, Bakura decided not to press.
There was something that he was genuinely curious about though. He knew that Kaiba hated him with a passion, even if he did tolerate him at late hours in back-alley stores, but Yami had turned into a bit of a question mark after asking him to child-mind for him. "And what does Papa say about me?"
Kiara blinked owlishly. "Who are you?"
Bakura had to resist the urge to roll his eyes and quashed the impending irritated groan. "I'm Bakura."
"Oh. Papa says lots about you. Papa says that you're a crazy git with dumb hair, but with really nice legs. Dad doesn't like it when Papa talks about you," she replied matter-of-factly before her bright eyes sparkled conspiratorially. "He says lots of funny stuff when he thinks I've gone to bed. Or when Dad opens the secret cupboard."
"'Secret cupboard'?" Bakura asked, quirking a brow. He seriously hoped that Kiara was twittering on about some sort of safe or hidden room in the house. He doubted that though. The Powers That Be were simply not that kind to him.
"It has soda and drinks in it. But I'm not s'posed to see it." She frowned, her lower lip protruding in a childish pout. "I can't open it."
Ah. She'd seen the liquor cabinet. Smirking, Bakura had her lead the way. He wasn't supposed to drink while pregnant (and the baby didn't like anything harder than mild beer, anyway) but there was no reason not to stash some away for after the birth.
Oh, Ra. The birth. That brought on waves of panic and a desire to kill himself, here and now..
Kiara watched as he broke the spell on the liquor cabinet with wide eyes, utterly puzzled as to how he could remove the magical bindings and she couldn't. The Tomb Raider noted that she's obviously made some damn-good attempts to get into it though, the spell obviously weaker than it should have been when he accessed it. Not being related to Yami and thus having slightly different magical energies at his command, breaking the seal had been relatively easy overall.
"You have to keep this quiet, got it, kid?" Bakura instructed as he started rummaging around the various bottles, naturally reaching for those at the back. He looked down at her when she was silent, offering neither understanding nor confirmation to his order, and found her poking at a bottle of Schnapps.
"Stop that!" He pulled her hand away, then tugged the bottle out and went to put it under his coat, the dark material lying crumpled over the arm of an expensive armchair. Whilst he was on that side of the room he glanced over to Kiseki, smiling wryly to see the tot still fast asleep on his side, minute fingers twitching every couple of seconds into fists.
"But I want some, too!" she protested loudly when he had returned to the cupboard, looking up at him with frighteningly large eyes that now rivaled Yugi's. Such things did not work on infamous Tomb Raiders though.
"No! 'Papa' will blow a fuse and you'll be grounded until you're as old as he is! Not to mention the fact that he'll send me so far into the Shadow Realm this kid of mine'll be grown and crusty by the time I find my way back out," Bakura stated firmly, picking up a few bottles by their necks and setting them on top of the cabinet. Closing the mahogany doors, he set about restoring the sealing spell whilst trying to ignore the noisy child at his knees.
"But I want some!" came the near-shouted insistence, totally wrecking his concentration.
"Drink your damn orange juice!" Bakura outright shouted, glaring down at her with fierce eyes as he pointed at the untouched plastic cup of juice he'd planted on the table a few hours ago.
Her eyes widened at the cuss word, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' as she stared at him. Then speaking in a quiet, breathy voice as if fearing that she might be overheard, she warned, "You said a bad word. Say 'sorry' now."
Bakura was not one to be ordered around by kids an eight of his height and his expression showed as much. "Sod off. You're parents don't tell me what to do and neither do you."
Tiny hands curled into tiny, trembling fists at Kiara's sides. Her mouth scrunched up along with her eyes before she unleashed the most ear- shattering scream that Bakura had ever had the misfortune to hear. Lunging at her in a desperate attempt to cover her mouth before she woke up her brother and pissed off her incapacitated -yet still powerful- father, Bakura found himself being levitated and then relocated relatively gently into the armchair where he had just hidden his Schnapps. The baby was treating this experience as something of a theme park ride, quivering with glee at being chucked around.
Removing the large bottle from the dent it had made in his leg and cringing at the pre-scream noises Kiseki was beginning to make, Bakura was faintly relieved to hear that Kiara had fallen silent. Looking back at the temperamental tyke, he suddenly wished that she was still bawling her head off. Her eyes had reduced to slits and she was sending veritable death- glares at him, but what concerned him more was the rapidly swelling mass of black and purple behind her. Apparently she *could* invoke the Shadow Realm, and if he guessed right, it didn't look like she knew she was doing it.
Still, the dark cloud crackling with energy afforded him an opportunity. Reaching out a hand, Bakura concentrated a little and 'pulled'. He wasn't actually summoning so whatever he got would be extremely weak, but it just might distract the pair long enough for him to come up with a long-term plan. There was a flash of white light and then a fat Kuribo appeared on the carpet in front of him.
Kiara practically squealed in barely-contained delight, scurrying towards the creature that was looking around itself with great confusion. Consequently, the portal into the Shadow Realm instantly evaporated.
Getting up from the chair and leaving Kiara to fuss over her new plaything, Bakura strode back to the couch where Kiseki was still sniveling. He hadn't actually started crying but he looked damn near close. Awkwardly, Bakura put his hands around the cotton-encased child and lifted him up, naturally placing and then supporting him against his chest, taking a steadying breath as he did so.
Instantly the sniffling sounds ceased, one of Bakura's thick bangs getting snatched by grasping hands and held tightly as Kiseki drifted off. Not daring to move, the Tomb Raider looked down to check that Kiara hadn't set the Kuribo on fire or anything, not moving his head even a fraction of an inch for fear of waking up her brother. Seeing that she appeared quite contented and, most importantly, *quiet* for the moment, Bakura breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was learning something: one kid per lifetime is *enough*.
*~*~*
Yami would have been less than pleased to find a Duel Monster in his house, and so Bakura had had the sense to convince Kiara to part with her fuzzy- friend. The price had been high though. A few choice children's videos complete with song and dance routines meant that he'd never be able to look at the colour purple again. Even the baby seemed genuinely frightened of the infamous Barney.
Kiara had then demanded a finger-painting session. Kiseki had approved also, shouting a weird little gurgled chant (for lack of a better word to name the repeated sounds he'd made for a full three minutes) until Bakura had given him. Getting the paint was very straightforward: one scout down in the basement had produced multiple tins of paint, testers and the like, left over from decorating this place.
It took a while, but Bakura gathered all the finger-painting supplies and returned to the room where Kiseki and Kiara were waiting with unbridled glee, fidgeting where he had put them and ordered them to stay looking disturbingly like Yugi on copious amounts of caffeine. He hadn't been able to find any paper, or mats, and didn't particularly want to walk up all those stairs again to ask Yami where such things were kept.
So he'd improvised.
He'd challenged both kids to redecorate the walls and ceiling (this room was painted a sickening shade of red-brown, anyway.)
A half hour later the paint was gone, and splattered across the furniture, carpet, Bakura, the kids, but more importantly, the ceiling and walls.
"Not bad," Bakura admitted. "I didn't think you'd be able to do it." He felt a twinge of hunger from the baby and relented without so much as a grumble. "Let's get lunch now."
Bakura fixed tuna-fish sandwiches. While they ate, he explained in graphic detail how dolphins had been drowned for their lunch. He cackled while the kids whimpered and sobbed; as he'd expected, he got to finish off their lunches.
A little while after Bakura had finished licking the last few crumbs from his fingers, Yami came limping down the stairs, wincing every now and then but clearly determined to retrieve his children.
Kiseki clapped his hands and squealed at the sight of 'Papa'; Kiara launched into a shortened version of their adventures (lacking, Bakura noted, any reference to the 'secret cupboard', or finger painting.)
Yami smiled down at his little darlings, scooping Kiseki from his highchair, and stroking Kiara's hair. "Well, Bakura, does her version of things match up to what you remember?"
With a smirk at Kiara, Bakura answered, "We did some arts and crafts that she fell asleep during, but otherwise yeah."
"Kiara, would you go find Paula?" Yami asked gently, and his daughter nodded enthusiastically and dashed up the stairs. At Bakura's expression, Yami explained conspiratorially, "Kaiba and I hide her favorite doll in her room. Keeps her up there searching for a few hours at least, and prevents our guests from having things thrown at them."
"And here I thought you'd be opposed to manipulating children."
"We'll see who's getting the snide remarks in a few weeks, hm?" Yami was leading him down the hall now, having set Kiseki down. "Before you go, I want to run a few of the tests on you I had to have done."
"You are planning on paying me, aren't you? And what tests? You know that if you come anywhere near me with a needle that I'll find an interesting place to stick it."
The Pharaoh tossed an annoyed look back at him. "Yes, you'll be played," he drawled out. "But you're past due for an ultrasound, among other things, and I'd love to meet the obstetrician who would take you seriously about being pregnant," he continued, collecting Kiseki and leaving the room. Rolling his eyes a little, Bakura saw no alternative but to follow. He watched with some satisfaction though as Yami made his painful way back upstairs.
Making their way down doubtlessly one of the many corridors in the mansion, Bakura felt the need to break the silence again. He also wanted to see if his voice would echo. "Why are we doing this again?"
He couldn't see it but he could just tell that Yami had arched a brow at the question. "This isn't exactly a usual pregnancy. You in particular need to know if everything's all right."
Bakura shrugged, looking around darkened the room Yami had eventually led him into. He could just about make out the shape of a bed against one wall and an assortment of machines dotted around, none of which he knew the function of. "Fine, I get it. Check and see if Junior's got all her legs and limbs, yeah?"
Yami gave a noise of affirmation as he flicked on the lights, carrying Kiseki to the opposite wall to the bed and setting him down on the high metal table. The Puzzle glowed for a second, and Bakura guessed that the Game King had established some kind of barrier to prevent the tot from falling off. Apparently Yami was still 'misusing the Puzzle' as it were, against Tetsuo's instructions.
Yami glanced at Bakura and motioned to a metal table. "Lie down on your back."
Ignoring the fact that he had just been ordered around, Bakura hopped up onto the table and took a moment to look around the room properly. It looked like a fully kitted medical unit, albeit a rather small one. "Why the heck do you have all this stuff?"
Yami was in the process of rummaging through a cupboard, finally producing a large white bottle. "Seto had it brought in when I was pregnant with Kiseki. It was the only way to make sure everything was fine. He had a nurse come in and show him how to use everything. Now, roll up your shirt so I can put this on you."
Gritting his teeth, Bakura grudgingly exposed his faintly rounded belly. Yami squirted a cool, pale gel all over him and then stepped back, dragging a monitor with various attachments to the bed. Bakura watched with a certain degree of disguised apprehension as Yami flicked it on.
Picking up what looked like a small microphone, Yami rubbed it across the gel, smearing and spreading it, all the while looking at a screen on the monitor. "It's good you haven't used the restroom yet. Otherwise this might've taken a bit longer, or made the pictures less obvious." Bakura felt like hitting the spirit; he'd spoken just as he pressed down on the thief's bladder.
But before he could move to get in range, Yami pointed at the screen with a surprising amount of excitement, grinning. "There. That's it." The black- and-white screen was turned so it was facing Bakura. "Do you see it? That's its head.and its back is facing us, see the spine.. There are its feet.."
Bakura swallowed heavily, not really hearing Yami's words, just watching, completely mesmerized, as his baby's various parts were pointed out to him.
*~*~*
Bakura was still asleep when Ryou's alarm went off the following morning. Ryou decided to make breakfast and then wake his yami, since an offering of food would probably soothe any irritability he'd undoubtedly have at being forced out of sleep.
As he was walking out to the kitchen, which meant he had to pass by the front entryway, he noticed that a bunch of envelopes were being stuffed under the door. However, the mailman usually came at noon. Not only that, but when he did come, he usually put the mail in the *mailbox*.
Curiously, Ryou scooped up the deliveries and opened the door, just catching a glimpse of a tall figure racing down the street.
Scowling, Ryou looked back down and closed the front door. On top of what were probably bills sat a yellowed envelope with "For Master Yami Bakura" in elegant script.
Puzzled, and a tad nervous, he went back to Bakura. "Yami." When there was no answer, Ryou slowly waved his free hand over Bakura's stomach.
Apparently the spirit hadn't just been paranoid, for he groaned and opened his eyes, muttering, "What is it?"
He glared at Ryou when he saw what the hikari was doing, but a letter was shoved at him before he could come up with a suitable threat. "This came for you."
Quickly, Bakura took the paper and tore open the envelope, not bothering to puzzle out who knew of his existence.or who would bother to send him something after they *did* know him. He pulled out a gift certificate- marked with a very hefty sum-for "Babies 'R Us". He went cold at the sight; who knew he was pregnant? Only a few people had that sort of money to just casually toss aside. Kaiba wouldn't support it, unless Yami had threatened him with celibacy. That was possible.
"Do you think.that Isis will be mad? Isn't she supporting them, and so.isn't this *her* money?" Ryou asked quietly, motioning at the certificate.
Almost afraid to find out who had sent this, Bakura looked closely at his gift.
Down at the bottom it was signed 'Rishid Ishtar'.
****
Borath: Okay, the delay was long, but so was the chapter! There were a few cutesy moments in this fic, so review if just for the sake of fluff! Next chapter when we begin. Well, me, as it's my turn. Oi. This might take a while again.