Emma and Manny looked at one another. They weren't even on opposite sides of the same room, but for their understanding of one another they could be on opposite sides of the planet.
Manny was hurt. Emma's words had slashed into her, like they were meant to do. She felt a certain bitterness she didn't want to feel towards her friend, the only friend she had left. But she could also see something she hadn't been able to before.
Emma was right.
Manny had spent so much time blaming other people, she forgot all about personal responsibility. She forgot that she was supposed to control at least factions of her own destiny.
But there it was, like a slap in the face. Emma could have just slapped Manny; it felt the same. A wound she had been trying to heal inside herself was torn open again, but Manny understood why it had to happen. She hadn't been healing herself with the truth. It was lies. It was all lies. The problem was, Manny felt more comfortable with pretty lies than ugly truths.
"Em," she whispered slowly, tears glistening in her long dry eyes.
Emma's face was supposed to be neutral, but it almost looked like a scowl to her friend. Manny felt tears cascading quickly down her face.
"Em?" Manny repeated as if it were a question of the utmost importance. A certain feeling of solitude filled her. It was as if Emma had left the room. Manny's heart beat a little bit faster. With each passing second, she was more and more alone.
Manny chewed her lower lip. Her pounding heart began to ache with the stress. How could she? How could she speak with such harsh words and then recede into her own thoughts so completely? Manny felt betrayed. Was Emma lost? Where had she gone? Where was Emma?
Manny's tears were endless. Her sorrow overwhelming. Emma had to hear her! She couldn't leave her now, now that everything was bleeding inside her.
Emma's eyes locked into Manny's. What felt like hours had only occurred in seconds. Time hadn't stopped, it just slowed down.
Manny's throat constricted. She wanted to shriek, but felt herself unable. "Emma," she whispered hoarsely. "Please, Emma."
"What?"
Manny jumped. Emma's voice had cut through. It echoed throughout the room. Time sped up again. Manny looked at Emma. She had never felt so relieved in her life.
"Is it wrong?" Manny whispered.
"Is what wrong?"
Manny felt nervous. She thought Emma should know already. She concentrated on breathing for a moment.
"This…thing," Manny said slowly. "This thing that's inside of me. Is it wrong?"
Emma sighed impatiently. "You have to be more clear."
"How can you not know?" Manny demanded, tears streaming down her face. "How come you can't feel it? Not like I do! How is it that something can be in me like this…take over my everything…and you can't even tell it's there?"
Sobs thrashed through Manny's body. Her heart collapsed. Her eyes flooded with tears. She doubled over in a pain Emma Nelson could never understand. Her entire body was torture.
"It's broken, Emma! Everything inside of me is broke, and you can't feel it," she accused. "Why can't you fix me? You're supposed to be my best friend, but you can't even put out this fire that I don't want inside me!"
Emma went to Manny, her arms wide. Concern flushed her face.
"Manny, shh. Everything will be alright, Manny," Emma said, rocking her friend back and forth. "Everything will be alright."
"How do you know?" Manny sobbed into Emma's shirt.
"Because it has to be."
-X-
Manny was determined. She had been for three weeks. Ever since the first time Emma had visited her. She had fought with new strength to get out of the hospital.
She flew around like a mad butterfly. Every time her group met for therapy, she shredded open her wounds, and stitched herself back together that very night. She talked to doctors. She socialized with Jahnava and Valerie. Even David couldn't bring her down, though he tried and tried.
Every move she made was calculated. She felt something missing, but she never let on. She'd smile. She'd laugh. She'd charm her way right out of the door if she had to.
Emma continued visiting, whenever she could. Sometimes she couldn't even get a foot in the door, but she always tried. She was even more consistent than she had ever been in her futile fight to save the planet.
Manny's relief in having Emma was more than she ever dreamed of. They couldn't be closer even if they had been born identical twin sisters. Emma was Manny's rock. Manny knew Emma would always be there.
But she was careful, oh-so careful. Centuries could pass in an instant if she closed her eyes too long. The world could cease to be.
And the opposite was true, too. Time would stop and all of Manny's work would be meaningless. Her fear still screamed through her brain at night, but she could pretend it wasn't there. She could live the perfect lie again, if only they'd give her the chance.
She needed to be free.
Manny suspected that Emma could feel the twinge of unease that constantly thrummed through Manny's body. Though if Emma knew, she never spoke of it. Manny was grateful. Verbalizing her doubt, her shortcomings, could only damage her quest for freedom.
Manny tried for serenity in a world of chaos, but it was never pure. But that was okay. No one knew.
No one knew.
No one knew.
Manny could taste her freedom. She knew her day would soon arrive. She knew she'd be free.
-X-
"Your progress seems excellent," the doctor smiled warmly.
"Thank you," Manny replied, subdued. Her fate lay completely in his hands. His big, nervous hands. He was unschooled. So young. Manny felt power.
He seemed nice enough. As fresh and shiny as a new penny. Probably in his early thirties, but he seemed younger. Like a peer. Manny felt a little smug. She knew this was her day. It had to be. No one could deny her that.
"So," he said, clearing his throat. "I have some questions for you."
"Yes?" Manny asked, smiling brilliantly. Her hair had been cut short. She missed the length of it, but at least it wasn't an uneven, partially bald mess. It was good he hadn't seen her like that. This way she had all the information, and he was struggling in the dark. Her arms were covered in long sleeves. He might have it on paper, but she wouldn't let him see the real thing. He didn't see her worst. She had the power.
"Do you feel any compulsion to injure yourself?"
Manny thought for a moment. What should she say? Yes? No? Too much so-called progress and they'd surely smell a lie. "Not really," she concluded.
"Not really," he repeated.
Her smile never wavered. "If I said absolutely no, it would be a lie. If I said yes, I'd still be lying. It's about ninety-five no, five yes, and I like to think I'm getting better all the time."
"Hmm," he said, jotting down notes.
Manny's heart fluttered. She felt nervous. Was five percent too much? Too little? She had to get out of this place!
"What about home life? Do you think you're prepared to handle it?" he asked, flashing a toothy grin.
I can't believe it. Is he actually flirting with me? "As you know, doctor," she said pointedly, trying to remind him of his station, "my parents had to go to court. Once people had found out what they had been doing to me, they lost 'the privilege of having a daughter'," she quoted.
"Yes," he interjected, writing again.
"I'd be staying with friends," Manny concluded.
"The Nelsons?"
"Simpson-Nelsons," Manny corrected.
The doctor chuckled. "Of course. Silly me."
Manny breathed in, both deeply and quietly. He made her uneasy.
"What about your lady friend? Theresa, is her name?"
Manny shifted uncomfortably. She couldn't stop herself. Even the girl's name was overwhelming. "I think that if I saw her…I could deal," she said quietly. "Things will never be alright with us, but maybe with time…they can be okay."
"There's a difference?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said softly, almost a whisper. "To me, there is."
"Okay," he said, his smile a little brighter. Manny felt herself growing disgusted. Was she imagining it? After all, he was only smiling…
"I'm going to be honest with you, Miss Santos. I don't believe a word you say." His eyes grew cold.
Manny opened her mouth to protest, shock surging through her. "But—"
He held up a hand to stop her. "But I'm not the only one who gets a say here. Some of my colleagues believe you've been rehabilitated. Unfortunately, most of them who have examined you. It's been decided hat you'll have a time of reprieve. You must report here once a week—every Thursday—at six o'clock sharp. If you're late even once, you'll be picked up and sent right back here immediately. Those are our terms," he said, shutting his notebook. "And remember, I'll be watching you."
-X-
"Manny!" Emma shrieked in excitement. She raced towards her friend. Tears welled in both the girls' eyes, and Manny met her halfway. They clung to each other with a ferocity rivaling only Emma's first visit.
Christine Nelson, Emma's mother, quickly caught up with the girls. She latched onto both, feeling herself begin to cry as well.
"H-h-hi, Ms. Nelson," Manny managed to stutter out as the trio separated.
"Oh, baby, look at you!" Christine said, kissing Manny's forehead.
Manny felt a blush rise in her cheeks. She lowered her eyes to the floor. "I'm afraid I'm not much to look at these days, Ms. Nelson."
"Don't be ridiculous. You're just as beautiful as ever," she smiled. "And, please, call me Spike," she said, referring to a nickname and a term of endearment she'd had since high school.
"Okay…Spike," Manny said, unsure of how the name sounded in her own voice.
"We have a lot to catch up on," Spike said warmly. "But first, let's get the hell out of here."
Manny grinned. Sounded good to her!
-X-
"I wish you came to me," Spike commented as she wove the car through the busy streets.
"Mom," Emma complained. "It's not like she's your daughter."
"I know, Em. I just wish there was something…anything…I could have done."
"You're doing plenty now," Manny reassured her. "More than I ever expected from anyone."
Spike was quiet. "It kills me, what you went through. And your parents! To think…all this time…"
"Mo-om," Emma whined.
"It's okay, Em," Manny said from the backseat.
"No, no. I'm sorry," Spike said, stealing a quick glance at Manny in the rearview mirror.
"Don't be," Manny said quietly. "They were no good. It's okay for you to think it."
Spike felt her eyes water again. All that Manny went through…and her parents…and Spike's own daughter had been exposed to those monsters…! She was terrified that someone like that had been under her nose this entire time.
The rest of the drive was mostly in silence. Emma seemed half-determined to break it with idle chitchat, but Manny was unresponsive. And it's no wonder! Spike thought.
Manny squirmed in her seat. This ride is taking forever, she thought moodily.
But finally, after what had seemed like days, Spike Nelson said the two words Manny had longed to hear for so very long.
"We're home!"