'Don't leave me, Tenpou.'
'I need you.'
'Death could never be the end.'
'I'll find you.'
'This life or the next.'
'Somehow.'
'I miss you.'
'I miss your touch.'
'Your voice.'
'You...lying next to me.'
'And me...inside of you.'
'Come back to me.'
'Find me.'
'Love me...again.'
'Tenpou.'
'Tenpou...'
'Tenpou...'
'Tenpou!'
-----
Gojyo's eyes spring wide, his breath caught high in his throat. His dream has shaken him deeply, straight to his usually nonchalant core, and yet, he does not understand it. All he can remember as the visions fade is the smell of cherry blossoms, the lingering taste of wine, and the sound of his voice calling for someone he has never met.
Bringing a slightly shaky hand up to swipe at the now damp hair clinging to his forehead, Gojyo releases the breath he had unconsciously been holding. He has had similar dreams for quite some time now, all staggered with no real purpose or sense of place and time. They began the first night he brought a certain brunette home with him and have grown increasingly stronger as the years pass. Now, nearly three years since the pair began to live together, he swears the dreams must have something to do with Hakkai.
But what?
A fleeting glance to the right brings Gojyo face to face with the back of his friend's brunette head, turned away from him in sleep. It appears Hakkai hasn't been awakened by Gojyo's sudden start, and for that he is very grateful. Had Hakkai awoken he would have most certainly been forced to explain himself.
Once upon another dark night, Gojyo had almost confessed his dreams, of dreaming about something...about to Hakkai. He caught himself before taking that deadly plunge, however. The last thing he needs is for Hakkai to think he...
Gojyo shakes his head, not even allowing himself to think along the lines he had been headed. Hakkai is his dearest friend in the world. Sure, they live together. They do all the shopping together. They eat every meal together. They almost always come home together. And...they sleep together. But...why should that mean anything...unordinary?
'Coz every so often...when I wake up like this...all I want...is to pull you back against me...and hold you there...' Gojyo thinks with an uncharacteristically sad smile. '...even if you'd just wake up and blast me back into next week...'
But Gojyo can never say that out loud, and he certainly can't ever indulge in such dangerous ideas. Besides, it is only a foolish side effect that comes from living with one person for so long. He knows it doesn't really mean anything. And as for those dreams, they're just...dreams.
Settling more comfortably again, Gojyo lays facing Hakkai's back, a good few inches set between them even in their too small bed. He closes his eyes, but still, the same image remains in the darkness. Tousled, brown hair and the curves of a body he knows better than he knows the body of any woman he has ever been with. After all, he patched this body back together and has slept next to it for three long years.
And for 500 years he has been haunted by something so similar to the real thing, he doesn't even realize the beauty of what he has.
-----
He knows Gojyo has only just fallen back to sleep, that the half-breed had recently roused himself from what must have been a very jarring dream, but he remains still, feigning his own sleep until he is certain Gojyo has once again drifted off.
Hakkai has also had a rather odd dream, having shocked himself awake only a few heartbeats before Gojyo. It had been a familiar dream, one he knows well these days. A dream filled with books, cigarette smoke, and his own voice calling for someone he has never met. He has debated many times telling Gojyo of the dream, because the more he has it the more he feels it has something to do with his friend. But he refrains, believing he would only strain their comfortable relationship. Gojyo has his own odd dreams and never feels the need to tell Hakkai. Why should he feel the need to tell Gojyo something the redhead wouldn't share in return?
Confident now that it is safe to move, Hakkai shifts, rolling over unto his other side. The act brings him face to face with Gojyo, who has settled in facing him. The kappa's expression is devoid of its usual roguishness, now something so purely boyish Hakkai would think the man younger than he is if he didn't know better. Gojyo's hair fans over the pillow like...like some lovely shade of red spilled over a field of white flowers. Not blood. It doesn't have to be blood. It's just...Gojyo red.
'And if I wasn't so afraid of what you might think of me, my friend...I would run my hands through that perfect color...' Hakkai muses, smiling a sad little smile that reaches his eyes better than any manage to during the day.
He stays that way, watching his friend's slow breathing and occasional twitch, content with the few inches between them, even as a tiny part of him longs to bridge the gap and pull Gojyo into his arms.
When did friendship blossom into something more? Could it have been there all along, slowly nurtured year by year to bloom overnight suddenly as something neither really knows how to deal with? It must have, for now it is strong despite both ends being too stubborn and oblivious to see and embrace it for what it truly is.
And after 500 years, though they are once again sleeping side by side, they are further apart than they have ever been.
-----
"Tadaima, Gojyo!"
Kicked back on the bed for a nap he never quite got to enjoy, Gojyo peeks over at the door to watch Hakkai jovially walk through it.
The brunette hangs his coat on the nearby rack, sets his shoes neatly by the door, and enters with a smile--as always. "Back from gambling already? I'm sorry I wasn't here for dinner if you've been home all this time, but I was meeting with my student's parents tonight if you remember, and it ran a little long."
Gojyo offers a wave of his hand. "No prob. I only just got back about half an hour ago from hitting the bar and wasn't all that hungry anyway." he dismisses, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. "Won a pretty sweet pot so I thought I'd come home early. Sounds like you had a good day, too. I did remember about the parent thing, by the way. How'd it go?"
Hakkai stretches with pleased fatigue and pulls up a chair from the small table near the bed. "Wonderful. Everyone is doing quite well. Even Shion, who really had me worried at the beginning of the year. Talking with the children's parents always sets me more at ease. I just can't believe the school year is almost over and that vacation is just around the corner."
Gojyo doesn't reply, but is soon struggling to contain a slight chuckle that is steadily growing beneath his breath.
"Have I said something funny?" Hakkai inquires.
"Nah, it's just...you get so pumped about this stuff. It's kinda...cute."
Hakkai promptly blushes. "Well...I can't help enjoying what I do."
"It's not a bad thing, 'Kai." Gojyo mends, unable to stop the wink that follows his words. "What would it take to get you to leave your teaching job, I wonder."
"Oh...only the end of the world."
The pair shares a laugh, not yet getting the joke that in less than a month they will no longer be laughing.
"You get rather 'pumped' about your card games, you know." Hakkai states back. "We really don't need you to go out at all anymore with my salary putting bread on the table, especially since we learned long ago to live on such meager earnings, and yet out you go, usually stumbling back rather late. Though I suppose you are always home for dinner, even if you merely go out again afterwards."
"And I'm always home before you hit the sack." Gojyo adds. "I can't remember the last time we went to bed alone."
"Oh, my, imagine if one of the women in town heard you say that. It would validate those rumors of theirs, I think."
"Us sleeping together would do the job on its own. That's not exactly normal, ya know?"
"It is for us."
"Then how come you put up the cot we never use whenever Sanzo and Goku come to visit? Don't want them catching wise of our arrangement?"
"Ano...that...that's just--"
"Just you pretending we're normal when you know we're not."
"Really, Gojyo, must you spoil a good conversation with...with something that really doesn't need discussing?" Hakkai puts in quickly, sitting perhaps the smallest bit more rigid in his chair.
Gojyo instantly recognizes this as Hakkai-code for 'Please drop the subject; I'm not ready to talk about this yet.' Which is pretty much how they have lived for the past three years--bordering on truth, but always one step away. Things are comfortable just as they are, and as long as they don't address the peculiarities that could lead to similarly frightening discussions, things can remain that way without the fear of anything being lost.
Funny. What they should fear is that which they have never had.
"Now, why don't I go make us some dinner." Hakkai speaks, with an obviously forced smile, one Gojyo is expected to ignore. "Are you planning on going out again, or is the evening ours to spend together?" he adds, slipping out of his chair to head to the kitchen and make good on his suggestion. He is rather famished.
Gojyo remains poised on the end of the bed, still fighting down an incessant urge to bring up the subject of sleeping arrangements and other oddities all over again. But years of experience have taught him better. "Yeah, I'm in for the night. Maybe you can humble yourself to beat me at poker a few million times again, if you don't have papers to grade, that is."
A soft chuckle signals Hakkai's acceptance of that challenge.
"And would you let me help, for once. I can cook, you know, ya damn mother hen."
Laughter sounds again, echoed quickly by Gojyo. The entire evening plays out much the same--light laughter coupled with clever avoidance of something that has been inching to the surface since the day they met.
And 500 years after admitting love, they no longer know how to recognize it.
-----
"Did you hear what I said? Sanji went all pointy ears and fangs on me and had to be put down. Sanji! We've played cards for years, 'Kai. There's some serious shit going down." Gojyo rants feverishly, calling through the bathroom door at his housemate, who has yet to speak in reply.
Just then, the door opens, revealing Hakkai dressed for travel with his bathroom supplies gathered into a bag that is clutched in his hand. "Which is exactly why I have packed our things to meet up with Sanzo and Goku." the brunette explains, breezing past Gojyo and gesturing to the packs by the door that the half-breed somehow missed when rushing inside. "We leave when you're dressed. Don't dawdle now."
Gojyo stands stunned a moment, agape, mouth wide and brows furrowed. Eventually, he remembers to speak. "How do you do that?" he asks, shaking his head as he turns towards the bed, where his own travel clothes have been neatly laid out.
"I had an encounter myself this morning while traveling back from that teachers meeting one town over." Hakkai speaks, unable to stop himself from tidying up while waiting for Gojyo to change. "A rather large number of youkai children, who I can guarantee you were not looking for a tutor, nearly ambushed me. Thank goodness I decided to take Hakuryuu for the trip instead of walking. The motor's running, by the way."
A few hurried minutes later. "Okay, okay, I'm dressed." Gojyo grumbles, snapping his headband into place. "Oi...you okay?" he adds, noticing that Hakkai is looking over their home with a bit too much meloncholy for what he hopes will only be a short trip. "It's not like we'll never see the place again, ya know? We're just going to find out what's happening to the youkai, right? We'll be back in time for next week's poker tournament."
Hakkai turns his solemn eyes on Gojyo, smiling with little reassurance, as if he somehow knows--or at least understands--something Gojyo does not. "I'm sure we will, but just in case something happens...I do hope the house holds up well."
Hoisting both packs onto his shoulders, Gojyo walks to Hakkai and begins leading his friend to the door with light pressure at the brunette's back. "It's the home that matters, and that's us. And we're gonna be just fine."
"Yes...yes, I know." Hakkai nods, slowly consenting to walk out the door and leave the house behind as they hop into the waiting jeep. "I still can't help thinking that since this is affecting youkai--"
"You were born human and I'm only half." Gojyo cuts in, watching his friend closely as Hakkai shifts into drive and starts off down the road. "We'll be fine."
"Yes. But then there's Goku--"
"Who is something so different from a normal youkai, he'll be fine, too."
"I...I suppose you're right."
"I am."
"And...if this is a serious problem..."
"We'll deal with it."
"And...you know, Gojyo, that I...that we...that you and I..."
Gojyo stops Hakkai with a hand on the monocled man's shoulder, smiling into the face trained so intently on the road. "You and I...we're us. The best of friends in the whole damn world...right?"
For the most fleeting of moments, Hakkai tears away from staring ahead and looks back into the crimson eyes he knows so well. He smiles--an honest smile. "Right."
And after 500 years...they are still searching in the dark for what has always been right in front of them.
END PART 9
-----
A/N: See the progression? Neither can quite admit anything yet, and then with the journey, they are interrupted. The next and last part (sniffle) will be placed about halfway into the journey, after all the Chin Issou stuff, prolly right before things switch into the Homura section. At least, that's where it feels right to me, but really, it can be anywhere.
Comments are, as always, so appreciated. I'm glad I am doing the boys justice.
Crim
P.S. I just turned 20 last week! Woohoo!
'I need you.'
'Death could never be the end.'
'I'll find you.'
'This life or the next.'
'Somehow.'
'I miss you.'
'I miss your touch.'
'Your voice.'
'You...lying next to me.'
'And me...inside of you.'
'Come back to me.'
'Find me.'
'Love me...again.'
'Tenpou.'
'Tenpou...'
'Tenpou...'
'Tenpou!'
-----
Gojyo's eyes spring wide, his breath caught high in his throat. His dream has shaken him deeply, straight to his usually nonchalant core, and yet, he does not understand it. All he can remember as the visions fade is the smell of cherry blossoms, the lingering taste of wine, and the sound of his voice calling for someone he has never met.
Bringing a slightly shaky hand up to swipe at the now damp hair clinging to his forehead, Gojyo releases the breath he had unconsciously been holding. He has had similar dreams for quite some time now, all staggered with no real purpose or sense of place and time. They began the first night he brought a certain brunette home with him and have grown increasingly stronger as the years pass. Now, nearly three years since the pair began to live together, he swears the dreams must have something to do with Hakkai.
But what?
A fleeting glance to the right brings Gojyo face to face with the back of his friend's brunette head, turned away from him in sleep. It appears Hakkai hasn't been awakened by Gojyo's sudden start, and for that he is very grateful. Had Hakkai awoken he would have most certainly been forced to explain himself.
Once upon another dark night, Gojyo had almost confessed his dreams, of dreaming about something...about to Hakkai. He caught himself before taking that deadly plunge, however. The last thing he needs is for Hakkai to think he...
Gojyo shakes his head, not even allowing himself to think along the lines he had been headed. Hakkai is his dearest friend in the world. Sure, they live together. They do all the shopping together. They eat every meal together. They almost always come home together. And...they sleep together. But...why should that mean anything...unordinary?
'Coz every so often...when I wake up like this...all I want...is to pull you back against me...and hold you there...' Gojyo thinks with an uncharacteristically sad smile. '...even if you'd just wake up and blast me back into next week...'
But Gojyo can never say that out loud, and he certainly can't ever indulge in such dangerous ideas. Besides, it is only a foolish side effect that comes from living with one person for so long. He knows it doesn't really mean anything. And as for those dreams, they're just...dreams.
Settling more comfortably again, Gojyo lays facing Hakkai's back, a good few inches set between them even in their too small bed. He closes his eyes, but still, the same image remains in the darkness. Tousled, brown hair and the curves of a body he knows better than he knows the body of any woman he has ever been with. After all, he patched this body back together and has slept next to it for three long years.
And for 500 years he has been haunted by something so similar to the real thing, he doesn't even realize the beauty of what he has.
-----
He knows Gojyo has only just fallen back to sleep, that the half-breed had recently roused himself from what must have been a very jarring dream, but he remains still, feigning his own sleep until he is certain Gojyo has once again drifted off.
Hakkai has also had a rather odd dream, having shocked himself awake only a few heartbeats before Gojyo. It had been a familiar dream, one he knows well these days. A dream filled with books, cigarette smoke, and his own voice calling for someone he has never met. He has debated many times telling Gojyo of the dream, because the more he has it the more he feels it has something to do with his friend. But he refrains, believing he would only strain their comfortable relationship. Gojyo has his own odd dreams and never feels the need to tell Hakkai. Why should he feel the need to tell Gojyo something the redhead wouldn't share in return?
Confident now that it is safe to move, Hakkai shifts, rolling over unto his other side. The act brings him face to face with Gojyo, who has settled in facing him. The kappa's expression is devoid of its usual roguishness, now something so purely boyish Hakkai would think the man younger than he is if he didn't know better. Gojyo's hair fans over the pillow like...like some lovely shade of red spilled over a field of white flowers. Not blood. It doesn't have to be blood. It's just...Gojyo red.
'And if I wasn't so afraid of what you might think of me, my friend...I would run my hands through that perfect color...' Hakkai muses, smiling a sad little smile that reaches his eyes better than any manage to during the day.
He stays that way, watching his friend's slow breathing and occasional twitch, content with the few inches between them, even as a tiny part of him longs to bridge the gap and pull Gojyo into his arms.
When did friendship blossom into something more? Could it have been there all along, slowly nurtured year by year to bloom overnight suddenly as something neither really knows how to deal with? It must have, for now it is strong despite both ends being too stubborn and oblivious to see and embrace it for what it truly is.
And after 500 years, though they are once again sleeping side by side, they are further apart than they have ever been.
-----
"Tadaima, Gojyo!"
Kicked back on the bed for a nap he never quite got to enjoy, Gojyo peeks over at the door to watch Hakkai jovially walk through it.
The brunette hangs his coat on the nearby rack, sets his shoes neatly by the door, and enters with a smile--as always. "Back from gambling already? I'm sorry I wasn't here for dinner if you've been home all this time, but I was meeting with my student's parents tonight if you remember, and it ran a little long."
Gojyo offers a wave of his hand. "No prob. I only just got back about half an hour ago from hitting the bar and wasn't all that hungry anyway." he dismisses, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. "Won a pretty sweet pot so I thought I'd come home early. Sounds like you had a good day, too. I did remember about the parent thing, by the way. How'd it go?"
Hakkai stretches with pleased fatigue and pulls up a chair from the small table near the bed. "Wonderful. Everyone is doing quite well. Even Shion, who really had me worried at the beginning of the year. Talking with the children's parents always sets me more at ease. I just can't believe the school year is almost over and that vacation is just around the corner."
Gojyo doesn't reply, but is soon struggling to contain a slight chuckle that is steadily growing beneath his breath.
"Have I said something funny?" Hakkai inquires.
"Nah, it's just...you get so pumped about this stuff. It's kinda...cute."
Hakkai promptly blushes. "Well...I can't help enjoying what I do."
"It's not a bad thing, 'Kai." Gojyo mends, unable to stop the wink that follows his words. "What would it take to get you to leave your teaching job, I wonder."
"Oh...only the end of the world."
The pair shares a laugh, not yet getting the joke that in less than a month they will no longer be laughing.
"You get rather 'pumped' about your card games, you know." Hakkai states back. "We really don't need you to go out at all anymore with my salary putting bread on the table, especially since we learned long ago to live on such meager earnings, and yet out you go, usually stumbling back rather late. Though I suppose you are always home for dinner, even if you merely go out again afterwards."
"And I'm always home before you hit the sack." Gojyo adds. "I can't remember the last time we went to bed alone."
"Oh, my, imagine if one of the women in town heard you say that. It would validate those rumors of theirs, I think."
"Us sleeping together would do the job on its own. That's not exactly normal, ya know?"
"It is for us."
"Then how come you put up the cot we never use whenever Sanzo and Goku come to visit? Don't want them catching wise of our arrangement?"
"Ano...that...that's just--"
"Just you pretending we're normal when you know we're not."
"Really, Gojyo, must you spoil a good conversation with...with something that really doesn't need discussing?" Hakkai puts in quickly, sitting perhaps the smallest bit more rigid in his chair.
Gojyo instantly recognizes this as Hakkai-code for 'Please drop the subject; I'm not ready to talk about this yet.' Which is pretty much how they have lived for the past three years--bordering on truth, but always one step away. Things are comfortable just as they are, and as long as they don't address the peculiarities that could lead to similarly frightening discussions, things can remain that way without the fear of anything being lost.
Funny. What they should fear is that which they have never had.
"Now, why don't I go make us some dinner." Hakkai speaks, with an obviously forced smile, one Gojyo is expected to ignore. "Are you planning on going out again, or is the evening ours to spend together?" he adds, slipping out of his chair to head to the kitchen and make good on his suggestion. He is rather famished.
Gojyo remains poised on the end of the bed, still fighting down an incessant urge to bring up the subject of sleeping arrangements and other oddities all over again. But years of experience have taught him better. "Yeah, I'm in for the night. Maybe you can humble yourself to beat me at poker a few million times again, if you don't have papers to grade, that is."
A soft chuckle signals Hakkai's acceptance of that challenge.
"And would you let me help, for once. I can cook, you know, ya damn mother hen."
Laughter sounds again, echoed quickly by Gojyo. The entire evening plays out much the same--light laughter coupled with clever avoidance of something that has been inching to the surface since the day they met.
And 500 years after admitting love, they no longer know how to recognize it.
-----
"Did you hear what I said? Sanji went all pointy ears and fangs on me and had to be put down. Sanji! We've played cards for years, 'Kai. There's some serious shit going down." Gojyo rants feverishly, calling through the bathroom door at his housemate, who has yet to speak in reply.
Just then, the door opens, revealing Hakkai dressed for travel with his bathroom supplies gathered into a bag that is clutched in his hand. "Which is exactly why I have packed our things to meet up with Sanzo and Goku." the brunette explains, breezing past Gojyo and gesturing to the packs by the door that the half-breed somehow missed when rushing inside. "We leave when you're dressed. Don't dawdle now."
Gojyo stands stunned a moment, agape, mouth wide and brows furrowed. Eventually, he remembers to speak. "How do you do that?" he asks, shaking his head as he turns towards the bed, where his own travel clothes have been neatly laid out.
"I had an encounter myself this morning while traveling back from that teachers meeting one town over." Hakkai speaks, unable to stop himself from tidying up while waiting for Gojyo to change. "A rather large number of youkai children, who I can guarantee you were not looking for a tutor, nearly ambushed me. Thank goodness I decided to take Hakuryuu for the trip instead of walking. The motor's running, by the way."
A few hurried minutes later. "Okay, okay, I'm dressed." Gojyo grumbles, snapping his headband into place. "Oi...you okay?" he adds, noticing that Hakkai is looking over their home with a bit too much meloncholy for what he hopes will only be a short trip. "It's not like we'll never see the place again, ya know? We're just going to find out what's happening to the youkai, right? We'll be back in time for next week's poker tournament."
Hakkai turns his solemn eyes on Gojyo, smiling with little reassurance, as if he somehow knows--or at least understands--something Gojyo does not. "I'm sure we will, but just in case something happens...I do hope the house holds up well."
Hoisting both packs onto his shoulders, Gojyo walks to Hakkai and begins leading his friend to the door with light pressure at the brunette's back. "It's the home that matters, and that's us. And we're gonna be just fine."
"Yes...yes, I know." Hakkai nods, slowly consenting to walk out the door and leave the house behind as they hop into the waiting jeep. "I still can't help thinking that since this is affecting youkai--"
"You were born human and I'm only half." Gojyo cuts in, watching his friend closely as Hakkai shifts into drive and starts off down the road. "We'll be fine."
"Yes. But then there's Goku--"
"Who is something so different from a normal youkai, he'll be fine, too."
"I...I suppose you're right."
"I am."
"And...if this is a serious problem..."
"We'll deal with it."
"And...you know, Gojyo, that I...that we...that you and I..."
Gojyo stops Hakkai with a hand on the monocled man's shoulder, smiling into the face trained so intently on the road. "You and I...we're us. The best of friends in the whole damn world...right?"
For the most fleeting of moments, Hakkai tears away from staring ahead and looks back into the crimson eyes he knows so well. He smiles--an honest smile. "Right."
And after 500 years...they are still searching in the dark for what has always been right in front of them.
END PART 9
-----
A/N: See the progression? Neither can quite admit anything yet, and then with the journey, they are interrupted. The next and last part (sniffle) will be placed about halfway into the journey, after all the Chin Issou stuff, prolly right before things switch into the Homura section. At least, that's where it feels right to me, but really, it can be anywhere.
Comments are, as always, so appreciated. I'm glad I am doing the boys justice.
Crim
P.S. I just turned 20 last week! Woohoo!