[[ Chapter 3- Commitment ]]
"Don't Misunderstand
You're the perfect man
But I'm not ready to go
And settle down with you"
Lucy Woodward "Trust Me (You don't wanna see this)"
Neal could hear nothing but his footsteps shuffling depressingly down the hallway. All the thoughts and confusion swimming in his head had got him in a rather irritated mood. He thought back to his conversation with Kel. Even though she had acted as normal as possible, he could still feel the awkwardness between the two of them. It was not only her though, although it was most uncomfortable with her. He had distanced himself deliberately from his friends, ever since the Incident. Everyone told him that it wasn't his fault, that Dom had died fighting for his life in the war.
But is was. Oh how it was. Nobody knew though, not even Kel. Especially not Kel. Dom had died fighting in the war not because he was a poor fighter, but because he had been distracted, mentally. Neal could still remember the way he had furiously fought with Dom, just before his cousin had gone to fight. He frowned, guilt clouding his eyes. Why had he yelled at him like that? Why had he even involved himself into matters that didn't concern him!?! What Dom and Kel were doing did not affect him. So Why!?!?! Why had it sent him off the roof? He had gotten over his silly schoolboy crush for Kel ages ago, before he had gone through his Ordeal of Knighthood.
Neal sighed loudly with regret. He had never got the chance to tell Dom how much he cared about him, how he was not only a cousin, but a good friend to him. Instead, his last conversation with him was a heated debacle, with him objecting to Dom's suggestion of proposing to Kel and leaving the King's Own. He had said that Kel wasn't ready, that he shouldn't sacrifice his duty to the country in order to marry Kel. The argument had continued, with Dom accusing Neal of still having feelings for her.
That was ridiculous, Kel was just his best friend, he only had her best interests at heart. He'd told Dom that, outraged at the fact that he would even suggest that, since that meant he was also leading Yuki on. He wasn't, and he'd made sure that Dom got THAT message. But Dom had just looked him in the eye, and proclaimed with an un-nerving determination in his voice that he loved Kel, and he was going to marry her, and Neal was too late.
Neal had gawped disbelieving that despite all his efforts to explain otherwise, he still thought that he might like Kel as more than a friend. Realising that he could not talk his cousin around, he had let out a final anguished cry and stormed out of the room, his blood boiling.
By now, a tear had formed at the corner of Neal's right eye. He rarely ever cried, it was too unmanly, but Dom was the one thing that he shed tears over. Raising his hand, he wiped it away and blinked, sniffing before straightening his back to banish all evidence of sorrow and tears. He twisted the shiny brass doorknob to the room that he and Yuki shared and entered, confident that if she questioned him about his whereabouts that day, he would have a reasonable story.
Relieved to be back in the comfort of his own home, he slouched against the chair at his desk, starting to feel drowsy. He heard someone come up behind him, and opened his eyes and spun around to find Yuki there, looking up at him with her almond eyes and a serious expression on her face.
"Neal, we need to talk.." She began, nervously. He shifted, a pained expression washing over his face. Neal knew what was coming. Anything that a woman said that started with 'We need to talk' was a VERY bad thing. But he knew that this conversation was unavoidable, especially when it was long since due. "Umm... yeah, OK" He replied, and nodded reluctantly before following her into the main room of their dwelling.
"So, what do we need to talk about?" He asked, giving her what he hoped looked like an encouraging look.
"Well, You know that we have been together for 3 and a half years now... Neal, do you love me?" She asked abruptly, her face blank but her eyes focused intently on her face. Neal immediately replied with "Of course I do Yuki! Why would you even have to ask!", almost too hurriedly. A fleeting moment of suspicion swept across her face as her eyes crinkled, but she dismissed it and smiled at him. "I knew you did. I'm sorry... Its just that I want to know where this is going. I want you to settle down and make a commitment to me. At least then I'll know where we stand" She explained.
Neal had seen this coming from miles away. Every girl wanted to settle down and have a family with kids. In fact, he himself had a standard speech that he used on all the previous court ladies he had courted through the years. But never had he been with someone for so long... What if Yuki is my last chance? What if I grow up to be a grey-haired knight with basic healing gift and no family? He really wanted to propose to her, to assure her that he loved her and stay by her side until he died, but something inside him was stopping him from doing so.
"Yuki... I don't think I'm ready to well... marry you yet. It's not that I don't love you enough... really, it isn't. It's just that things that have been happening lately... it's just... too much to deal with at the moment. I need some space..." he tried to explain in the gentlest way he knew. He put on his most honest look, hoping that she'd take it that he meant his problem with Dom and denied to himself that he was doing anything wrong. Yuki looked right into his eyes, but she didn't object and nodded with her mouth set in a grim line.
"It's OK. I understand. Things must be... hard for you at the moment". He could see the sympathy in her eyes as well as understanding. But she has no idea in reality, he thought. But even though he was glad that Yuki just accepted his excuse without complicating things, he couldn't help thinking that Kel would have been able to tell he was lying. That she knew him better than the person who was supposed to love him.
Are you out of your MIND Queenscove? Thinking about your best friend while your supposed to be in a meaningful conversation with your bride-to-be? he scolded himself for thinking such thoughts about his platonic best friend. Neal looked around the room and realised that while he had been thinking about Kel, an awkward silence between the two had formed. Bringing his eyes back to look at Yuki, she saw her open her mouth to say something else but hesitate and decide against it. Standing up, she smiled and said, "I'm going to the practise courts to do some glaive training in the morning... are you going to come?". When Neal had first started courting Yuki, he would rise at dawn and watch her practice with her glaive, to prove that he loved her and would even wake up early for her. Since then, it had become tradition for Neal to watch her as she practiced the intricate pattern dances in the training courts.
This time however, Neal didn't feel up to it. "Erm... well, I would really really like to, but I uh... promised Kel that I'd go with her to do something. I forgot what it was, but it was really important to her. I'm sorry. I really am" he knew that he sounded completely bogus, but he couldn't help it, he never was a good liar. The disappointment that was clearly written across her face made him guilty, so he added quickly, "But I promise the day after tomorrow I'll be there and take you to the city or something. How about that?".
This seemed to brighten her up a little, and she replied "Yeah, that sounds great. I'll see you at dinner then. Bye Neal!" before walking gracefully out the door. Or as graceful as you could be with a tight kimono wrapped around you.
He sat there and watched her go, biting his lip. After the brush off that he gave Kel earlier that day, how was he gonna convince her to do something with him for this evening now?