Chapter 16...

"Meaning"

Gavin DeGraw

Situation candlelight

Enough to see the bits around you

But it's never very bright

Stare at a memory

You, through the grapevine, heard the truth

It's good to learn from your mistakes

But that only works in youth

For being so nervous, uptight, and well... sick, I was dressed to kill. Just because my life had changed from sort of sick to definitely sick didn't mean that I couldn't still dress to the nines. My James White stretch jeans hit so low on my hips that my protruding hip bones seemed to hang over the top. The satin camisole I was wearing was given to me as a gift on my last birthday. Lace trim on the bottom and around the neck line gave just the perfect hint of...something.

At the bottom of my stairs, my new Manolo Blahnik pink and lime strappy mules awaited me as if they were prepared for a night of long dancing. I slid the first one on and before the second shoe could reach my foot, I watched my front door open. She stood in front of me dressed perfectly, if not better than me. Her upper half was dressed in a silk paisley print halter top while her lower half wore the Chip and Pepper mini that I had been dying to have since I saw it on television.

"Shut up." I said, eccentrically pointing to the skirt that was on Brooke's body. "Where in God's green earth did you find that?"

She shrugged her shoulders and sat next to me on the bottom step. "Ordered it." She tugged at the hem of her skirt and watched me put on my other shoe. "Are you kidding me?" She shrieked, grabbing the shoe out of my hand. "How much did you pay for these?"

I shook my head, "Brooke," I took the shoe away from her, put it on, and stood up. "Since when do I buy anything?" Brooke shrugged her shoulders and I continued, "Daddy did. Thank goodness for credit cards."

We both laughed and Brooke headed for the door. I held up one finger and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing my cell phone off of the kitchen table, I went back to where Brooke was. I threw my phone into my Paul Smith Swirl bag and went out the door. She followed after me, rummaging through her crocodile print purse. "There you are." She said pulling her car keys out from the bottom of the bag.

After climbing into the front seat, I turned the music down and said, "Brooke there is something I have to tell you." I knew now was not the best time considering we were on the highway and the most spastic driver in the world was driving.

"Shoot." She replied, switching from the left lane to the right.

We pulled off the exit and headed down the road to Brooke's new favorite. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her. I made up a lie. "These shoes were five hundred dollars."

Even though I had not told her the truth, Brooke still swerved off the road when she heard my comment. I could only dream of what she would do if I had told her the truth. "Five hundred." She pulled into the parking lot, turned off the car, and looked at me. "That is a load of money."

I shrugged my shoulder and got out of the car. Brooke had the best ID in the world, so I followed her. No one would ever card either of us. Just as I suspected, no trouble. We walked into the club without anyone saying a word to us.

Brooke headed over to the bar and ordered two Cosmopolitans, one for me and one for her. The bartender, who she knew, gave them to her on the house. She came back over to me, drinks in tow. "Here you are my dear." I took my drink from her and took a long sip. She did the same and said, "Okay, that's enough." She took me by the hand and led me onto the floor.

After hours of shimming and shaking I decided to take a break. Once at the bar, I asked the man behind the counter for a glass of water. "You sure?" He asked, "No Cosmo, no long island, no nothing? Just water?"

I nodded my head, which was now lowered into my hands. "Just water." I mumbled and slid the glass of water in my direction. Hearing footsteps behind me, I slowly lifted my head and turned around. A familiar face stood in front of me. The only reason I recognized her was because of Jake Jagielski. Her fingers ran through her black hair and spoke, "Well if it isn't little Madison Carter." She let out a small laugh, "I guess I haven't seen you in a while."

I took a long sip of water and pushed the glass out of the way. "And Nicki I had missed you so much." I put my hands on her shoulders and she quickly shook them off. "What?" I stood up off of the bar stool. My balance was a little shaky so I decided to sit back down.

"Cut the crap, Madison. You know why I am here." I grabbed a beer off the bar and took a drink.

"Actually, Nicki, I don't have a clue why you are here."

"Listen here missy, just because I have a baby doesn't mean that I don't want Lucas back. I may not have been here lately but I have heard all about you and Lucas' little love affair and trust me... I am not going to take this sitting down."

"Obviously." I said, pointing up and down, "You are standing up."

Nicki took one last swig from her beer bottle. "Not to sound cliché, but this is not the last of me you will be seeing."

Rolling my eyes and watching her leave the bar, I called out to her, "Nice talking to you Nicki."

I turned around to see where Brooke was. The life of the party herself was in the middle of about seven or eight guys. Over there heads, I could see her dainty hand waving in the motioning for me to come over. I jumped off of the stool and started to go over to her. On my way there I began to feel dizzy. Once I reached her, I grabbed her arm incase I fell down.

"Hell, Madison, you look like... well, hell." She ran her hand over my head. "You are freezing." Her hand touched my arm which was drenched in sweat. "Madison, are you okay."

Trying to answer, the only thing I could manage to say was, "Call Lucas."

I watched Brooke pull her cell phone out from her purse and anxiously dial Lucas' number. The first time there was no answer but by the fourth call she got him. "Lucas, its Brooke. Listen, we are on the other side of town at the bar and Madison is really sick and I think she is about to pass out." There was a long pause and then Brooke closed her phone.

I tried to speak but it was no luck. "He is comin' babe. Don't worry." I watched the bartender bring my water back over. "Here babe, drink some of this..." Brooke tried to get me to drink the water but I couldn't. She tried to keep my awake but I couldn't. I dozed on and off for the next ten minutes waiting for Lucas.

"Where is she?" I heard a recognizable voice call out from the entrance to the bar. Finally, I thought to myself. I felt Lucas' arms under my body. He carried me out and laid me in his truck. He got in and laid my head onto his lap.

Brooke knocked on his window and he quickly, manually rolled it down. "To the hospital?"

He nodded and started the car. Once we finally reached the hospital, Lucas rushed me in. "Her name is Madison Carter." His voice was filled with nervousness, anticipation, and a slight sense of hope. As if in the back of his mind, he knew not to worry about me.

The receptionist fiddled with her computer until she finally said, "Okay is she here for a check up?"

Lucas looked at his watch, "At two in the morning on a Saturday night?"

"Well Sir, Miss Carter has missed her last several appointments so don't get antsy with me. I didn't know."

"Appointments?"

"Yes, her WBC count is still too high for comfort and she knows what she has, so I don't know why she is doing this to herself."

Lucas watched the doctor come and wheel Madison away. He continued speaking with the receptionist. "I'm not so sure I follow."

"Miss Carter was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia several years ago."