Disclaimer: No original characters in this one, so I don't own a single one.
A/N: Yeah, I know a lot of fictions about Amanuma have been coming up. I actually wrote this a couple of months ago after watching the DVD when it first came out, and I really only would come back to edit it when I was in the mood for something emotional and hurried (Kurama's thoughts are complete mess, but I enjoyed it that way).
How come it hurt so much? Kurama closed his fist, breathing barely even. The blood welled up from the crescent-shaped marks imbedded in his palm, the result of his own attempts at repentance. It continued to bleed despite his body's fast healing abilities. Red tears to make up for the salty, clear ones held back. He wouldn't let the wounds close. He wouldn't let the pain stop. If he did, he might forget. And forgetting would be a sin.
Another sin. Another black number to add to the long list of vices and crimes committed. Yuusuke and Hiei talked behind him as if they thought Kurama foolish. As if he did not have the thousands of years of training, of wisdom and instinct, to listen. Kurama's ears, though human, were tuned, sensitive to all that was around him. He heard what he would rather not hear.
"Do you think this is the first child Kurama has killed?"
Impossible not to flinch, but he kept his body still despite the ache that burned in his muscles. Weak. He was so horribly weak. Amanuma had led himself to his own downfall. He had allowed himself to be played by Sensui. He was a foolish child who deserved the death received.
A foolish child...
Yuusuke was looking at him again. Stop it! Stop looking at me like that! Kurama wanted to pull out the hair of his borrowed body. Or perhaps kill the detective. I don't need your pity!
When had he become so emotional over death? When had an enemy's life - no matter age, sex, or humanity - mattered to Kurama? Yoko would not stand for this behavior. It was nothing to be guilty over. Kill or be killed. Survival. That's what it came down to, right?
"I don't want to die!"
The pleas were still there. A child crying for his life. He had not wanted to die. Had not deserved it. Was just a pawn. Was just an unwise youth who thought he had a future filled with relaxing days. A summer vacation for eternity. Away from teachers and classmates and parents...
Parents.
The child had parents.
It was so hard to keep neutral. No crying, now, Kurama, no screaming or shouting or punching or wailing or frenzied movements. Not yet anyways. That was the key, wasn't it? The emotion. It was ok to feel emotion over this event, but, like everything else he had ever done, Kurama had to control that emotion. Harness it. Make it his to bend and use as needed.
Think only of Sensui. It was easy enough to convert the guilt, pity, and sorrow to anger. It was not his fault. It was Sensui's. Sensui who manipulated the child into believing he had a friend. Sensui who had purposely failed to tell Amanuma the fate of a loss. Sensui who had used a child as bait to prove his own deranged philosophical issues.
"Why are we stopping?" Yuusuke had ceased staring at him, instead focused on Mitarai and what he was saying. Hiei was carefully avoiding Kurama's gaze. He ignored them both in favor of the rage coursing through him.
The emotion was his. He was not hurt. He felt nothing for the child. It was only Sensui. He would be dealt with shortly. Kurama would be victorious. Amanuma would help him defeat the man who had caused his death. It was the last thing he could do to honor the innocent life.
Sensui's death would not make it right. But it would lessen the pain.
"Like I said, why are we stopping?"