Title: Final Goodbye's

Author: Matthew Shine

Date: August 27, 2004

Disclaimer: Mournfully, I do not own Voyager or any character therein and I reap no profits.

Summary: Post Endgame, Chakotay tells a very special woman goodbye.

Notes: I have had a massive writers block for about a year now and this is the first story in a long while. I know I'm a bit rusty, so please be gentle.

Final Goodbye's Mess Hall, Alpha Quadrant

Voyager hung in Earth's orbit, the slowly spinning globe below a sight to behold to the crew lost for so long. To many of the crew, it was a welcome vision. To others it was the last stop before going home to their respective planets; for the couple sitting quietly in the Mess Hall, it was the signaling the end of a journey neither had the ability to fully walk.

Looking at the planet that was in truth a finish line for him, Chakotay could see massive cloud cover over the west coast and the San Francisco bay area and what looked like a few storms in the mid-west. For his home planet Dorvan, the scenery from space wasn't nearly as beautiful. A disadvantage of living on a planet that was mostly desert. A message from his sister and brother-in-law had stated they were going to be on the next ship heading for Earth and from what was indicated, he had a nephew to get to know. Life had changed so much in the few days Voyager had been back in Sector 001.

Of course, thinking about that also served as a catalyst to bring him back to the present, where he had nearly forgotten the objective of this impromptu meeting. The subject matter normally would have a conversation conducted in maybe his or her living space and he had no idea it would occur in the Mess, he coming in here looking for a padd, he saw her looking at the world below and suddenly the time to talk became right now. Unaware of how to start, he simply looked at her in the eyes and her demeanor changed. She was expecting this.

Perhaps it was the guilt of betrayal in his eyes, or maybe the tinge of anticipation that she knew didn't include her, but she knew exactly why he wanted to speak with her. "You're going aren't you?"

Not expecting her to address the issue so quickly, he merely replied, "Yes." Looking at his feet for a moment, Chakotay examined his polished StarFleet issued boots and idly wondering what the coming debriefings would bring. Perhaps a court martial, perhaps a ticker tape parade, perhaps both. Although public opinion was in the lost ships favor, those with a political agenda or an axe to grind could be the ones with power. 'I may not be a free man in a few weeks. StarFleet would be well within its power to send me to prison.' "I have to make some very big decisions, we both do. We are no longer in the Delta Quadrant, a lot more people to get used to again."

Irritated that he didn't grasp the undercurrent of her question, the woman repeated with more clarity. "I meant you're are going to her aren't you?" Once she cared for the other woman like a… now that was over. Her name would be something no longer associated with warmth and caring, rather heartache and pain. Her face would be something reserved for anger and bitterness, not friendly gatherings. Not anymore.

Dropping the pretence of ignorance, Chakotay tentatively reached out and grasped her shoulder. An action that was quickly undone when his companion leveled a glare at him. Nodding his head with remorse, the man answered. "I'm so sorry. I know I made you a promise once, and maybe if we had stayed on…" Chakotay's sentence drifted off. Mindless platitudes were never something his current companion suffered gladly, something he had previously found alluring when he wasn't the one under a microscope, but now it left little wiggle room. Chakotay saw the inner battle in the person before him and silently struggled with himself. It wasn't that he didn't care for her, even love her in a sense, but so much had happened he couldn't walk away from the opportunity currently being presented to him. "She may say no, this is a different situation for her and she may decide she doesn't want to settle down with me now or even ever, but I have to find out. If I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life."

The woman breathed heavily and looked toward the ceiling, trying to compose herself. Regret was something that she had let get the better of her in the past and on a purely logical level, understood his need to find out if this other woman and he could make a relationship work, but emotionally she didn't understand at all. Letting her frosty mask slide from her face temporarily, she let the lonely, afraid woman inside out. "Do you wonder what would have happened if we had gotten the chance? How far…"

"Yes. A part of me will probably always wonder what may have happened if the situation was different. Some things just aren't meant to be."

The woman snorted in distain. "I choose not to believe in fate. I would like to think I choose where my life is heading." The concept that her life was pre-determined made her angry. So much tragedy, so many injustices that if something or someone purposely caused her this pain…

"I don't necessarily believe in fate, but I do think certain things happen for a reason. There was a reason we were stranded on that planet; there is a reason Voyager got back to the Alpha Quadrant so soon." Chakotay didn't wish to mention that he thought there was also a reason his feelings for her had changed so quickly, but out of decorum kept silent. "I… I have to find out if she and I can have a future. I owe it her, myself, and to you I owe the truth."

Biting her bottom lip, mentally she screamed at him. 'You, owe her? You owe yourself? You promised me…' but the woman refused to let her eyes release the tears that currently burned her eyes fall or the emotion of the moment dictate her words. She never had, not on this ship, not in life off of it. He was so willing to give the truth now, but what about before when he had said he wanted to be in her life even after the ship got home, was that a lie? Did it matter if it was? "I knew. I had heard about you two, I just… I didn't think…" Sighing in frustration, she quickly cleared her throat. "I was once told that love meant sacrifice, but I never let it in before. Not with former… not with anybody, but I understand now. That's why I'm letting you go. I will not stand in your way." Yes, it hurt to say and yes the cost was high, but she had paid it. He had his freedom, freedom from her, freedom to embark on a new romance. She could only hope that someday she would understand why.

Chakotay knew that was as close as he would get to acceptance from her, and he couldn't fault her that resentment. "Someday, someone will come up to you and give you what you deserve. Someday, someone will knock my memory right out your mind. Someday, you will learn that love doesn't always mean sacrifice. When it does, you may understand why I have to do this… I can only hope we can be friends."

Sniffing at the possibility, the female raised her eyebrow toward her hairline and gave no vocal response.

Looking at a chronometer, he knew it was time to go. He was also aware that the door he was about to walk out of swung one way and one way only. "Before I leave, before it becomes to late to have these conversations, I want you to know something: without you I don't think I would have gotten this far. You helped me rediscover something in myself I have long thought dead. I can only hope I have had a positive influence on you."

"You have. Now, go to her." It wasn't a lie. He did have a positive influence on her, an influence that she would no doubt carry for the rest of her days. In realizing that, she had an epiphany: she didn't resent the other woman, nor could she resent Chakotay. How could she? They had made the years on this ship easier; through their friendship she had come closer to reconciling her personal demons. They deserved happiness, not her anger or shared sorrow that would come from denying feelings. She was hurt yes, but that didn't mean she couldn't actively try to remain friendly, now it was the only thing she could do to.

Chakotay looked at the person in front of him and nodded his head, a sort of exclamation point on their relationship. The dye had been cast, now for the follow through. Exiting the Mess Hall, he entered the desired deck and quickly prayed his gamble would pay off, for all three involved.

Looking down at the planet, the lone occupant of the Mess Hall silently lost her coveted control she maintained during the talk and wept as the light of the sun reflected off her ocular implant. Little did she know, a few decks above her a newly minted couple shared their first real kiss while the sun glistened off that woman's four pips.

The End