Disclaimer : I own nothing that has anything to do with Harry Potter, thank you for your time - that is all.

A/N : Here's Harry's journal! I just LOVE writing this fic! It's so much fun! Haha! Anyways please enjoy this chapter!

This Is Not A Diary

Chapter Four

Welcoming Matthew

Harry's Diary

Feb. 8th

Erm Hello? Ginny was explaining how this journal thing worked. So er, I just write whatever I want and you answer back?

Hello Harry, yes that is basically what you do.

Oh, um how did you know my name?

You wrote it in the front cover. Harry Potter, THE Harry Potter. It's wonderful to meet you.

It's nice to meet you too. So you know ... all about me?

Yes ... No. I only know what most people know. You're The Boy Who Lived. You came face to face with the Dark Lord many times. Blah blah blah, all that stuff.

Oh ... cool. So, er, what's your name?

It's your job to name me. So I don't have a name yet.

All right then. Lets see. Do you like the name Matthew?

Yeah sure, sounds cool. Matthew ... Matt. Hah, nice! So tell me about yourself. You know, stuff only your friends know, things that wouldn't be in the Prophet.

Okay, lets see. My very best friends are Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. I've known them since the first day of school, when we were eleven. Then there's Ron's sister ... Ginny Weasley. She's really sweet, she's great she's ...

- Your best friends sister.

Yeah, exactly.

You like her?

... Yes. A lot. But I know she doesn't like me that way. She use to like me ... when I was in my fourth year and she was in her third. But she came into her fourth year she stopped liking me ... which was when I started liking her. Kinda messed up, huh?

It doesn't matter though, I'm pretty sure Ron would kill me if I even looked at his sister the wrong way. It's really hard, I like her so much. She's sweet and funny, she's pretty and amazing!

Hmm, I remember once, I skipped potions with SNAPE! because she had a cold. I brought her hot soup and I hunted down other girls in her year and got all her homework. I got detention for a week from Snape but it was worth it.

Wow. She must be one special girl.

She is. But she's always saying things like 'Harry, you're such a great friend.' Or 'Harry, I would hate to lose a friend like you.' It's so hard. And I've had to sit and listen to her talk about Dean; a boy in my year, and about that Ravenclaw bloke in her year. I hate it! I can't do anything, I just get to sit there while she tells me about her latest crush. It really kills me sometimes. But as long as she's happy right?

Yeah I guess. But why don't you tell her how you feel? Maybe she really does feel the same about you.

No, you heard what Ron would do if he found out. Plus ... If I fall in love with Gin (which is most likely possible if we started dating) I'd just be putting her in danger. Voldemort goes after everyone I love, and I don't want Ginny to get hurt.

That's real noble. But friends is still a good thing.

Yeah, friends. Whatever. She's so great though! She listens to all my problems, we talk about what it's like to be ... possesed by the Dark Lord, and we laugh and joke around as if there isn't a crazy, evil, powerful wizard out there who wants to kill me.

Ron and Mione usually go for walks somewhere (they like each other, they wont admit it though) and Gin and I sit and talk or goto the kitchens for a visit to the house elves.

So while your best mate is off worrying about how he's going to get your other best friend to fall for him ... you're off trying to get his sister to fall in love with you? Interesting.

No! It's not like that. Hermione and Ron both like each other but they think that the other doesn't like them. So Ron likes Hermione, but he thinks she would never go for someone like him. Hermione likes Ron, but she thinks he's not interested in someone like her.

As for Ginny and I, I am not trying to make her fall in love with me while her brother isn't looking. I don't want her to fall in love with me! I don't want to hurt her ... but then again I don't want any else to hurt her either. It's hard to explain.

Man, you lead one very confusing life. Fighting off the Dark Lord one day, loving a girl the next. I'd be very tired if I were you.

I am. But ... Ginny's special, I don't mind going crazy just thinking about her.

You go crazy just thinking about her?

Yeah, I mean ... Well whenever I watch her from across the common room, when she's sitting at a table doing her homework and I'm sitting infront of the fire on a couch and a lock of hair falls in her eyes something inside me wants to push it out of her face. I want to hold her in my arms when she's cold and I want to tell her how I feel. But I know I can't and that's the worst feeling in the world.

You are one deep guy.

Hah yeah right. I'm usually not like this. It's just that ... well I don't know. Wow I guess journals can really help people understand their feelings. Cool.

Well that's what I'm here for. I just have one question. Do you mind?

Shoot.

Okay, well if you like Ginny so much ... why don't you just tell her how you feel and see what she says? Isn't it worth the risk of rejection? Atleast you'll know where you and her are at right now.

I've thought about that so many times, and everytime I come to the same thing. If I tell Ginny how I feel I'll only end up causing so many problems for her. Everytime she reads something in the paper about Lord Voldemort she'll think about me, about how one day soon I'll have to fight him, and one day soon I might not make it out alive, I might not get to come back to her. It'll just be more painful for her.

Harry?

Yeah?

Don't you think that's already how she feels now? I mean, even if you're not dating and even if you're only friends ... Ginny must feel what you just described to me a second ago, anyways. That's the way friends feel. So what's the difference between her feeling like she might lose you as a friend or as a boyfriend? Is there really any difference at all?

Yes ... No. I don't know. I just don't want to hurt her. That's all.

I know, I know. But still, think about it.

Okay, thanks. I've got to go. Ron and Hermione have left for their walk and Ginny's smiling at me from across the room. She wants me to go over. Bye?

Bye. Good Luck.