We Could Just Send Him To Prison
Also known as the Final Chapter
In which, Duke breaks into a museum . . . sort of . . .
"Well I'm beat," Wildwing said. He didn't seem to notice Nosedive, who was leaning on his back. "What's this?" Wildwing picked off a note attached to the Drake One. "To the ducks," he read aloud, "If you see Peppermint anywhere let me know because she's vanished since this morning. No one can find her. I'm worried. Phil." Wildwing sighed and walked away from the Drake One. "I'm not dealing with it tonight. Any other time but not tonight, no, I've had my torture for the day."
"Don't worry about it Wing," Duke said, "This is only a Friday, and I've got energy left. I'll drop by Phil's place and ask him if he knows anything more. I might be back late though, you know Phil when he's upset."
"If you're not kidding me, then go for it. To each his own."
"I don't know about you, but I'd rather have a machine blow up in my face," said Tanya.
"Isn't that a regular occurrence?"
"Whatever," Tanya muttered, annoyed. The rest of the team, sans Duke, left, each crashing in their individual rooms.
Duke stood there until everyone was gone, then glanced at his watch. "I've got another engagement anyway."
After a quick change into a thief's clothes and a burgundy trench coat, Duke L'Orange threw a bag he had stored in his room over his shoulder and took a duckcycle out onto the dark streets. He stopped by Phil's apartment, but after knocking and ringing loud enough to wake the neighbors, he concluded that no one was home.
"Phil's vanished too now, hm? Lovely." Bestowing a shrug at nothing in particular, he mounted the cycle once more and drove on. He had a job to do.
He rolled to a stop fifteen minutes later behind the museum. The brick walls of the building were clean of graffiti, and by a quick touch he knew they had been sandblasted. He walked to a metal door and paused. The door opened a crack, then widely.
"Been waiting for you, Mr. L'Orange," a security guard said. "Follow me."
Duke eyed the valueless exhibits lining the sides of the halls. The guard stuck a key in a door and opened it into a brightly lit room.
"Good evening, Mr. L'Orange." A man in a suit sitting at the end of a modern style conference table said. A few more men sat along the sides of the table.
"Evening to you too."
"How soon can you get to work on the exhibits?"
"Just as soon as I double-check all my tools."
"Alright then. Charlie," he spoke to the guard, "You may return to your post."
Duke pulled out a tool belt and a small all-purpose digital readout. The man continued.
"You're doing a real service to us you know, and-"
Duke waved a hand. "Yeah, yeah. I'm ready."
Wildwing Flashblade turned over and wished he could relax. Something just wasn't right, there was some detail he had missed, or maybe had left undone. He couldn't sleep.
Being the leader is always too much, he thought dejectedly, sitting up. He pulled his blanket around his shoulders. I'll never be able to relax. The Pond was quiet. It was a comfortable quiet. He sincerely hoped the Drake One didn't go off again. Dragaunus better not try anything tonight.
Wildwing picked up the Mask. His mind wandered over the stories of the Mask's maker, Drake DuCaine. Then Wildwing stared at his socked feet, his mind clearer. Duke. I let him go to Phil's alone. Where was my head, we should always use the buddy system at night. Better comm him. Wildwing picked up his comm. Duke was in his room, according to the tracker. He probably was still awake, might as well see how things went with Phil. He buzzed Duke's comm.
"Hm." No answer. Wildwing slid his feet into his boots and put on the Mask, changing into his battle gear. He paused.
That's the other thing I was going to do. Wildwing jogged to his door and out into the hall. I was going to find out what Phil was doing in that closet. It bothered Wildwing. After he'd agreed to do a publicity stunt for Phil, the human had wanted to be sure that Wildwing would adhere to his word. So Phil had written the verbal agreement up, and asked Wing to sign a day later. What Wildwing said, Wildwing meant, and since it appeared that nothing was wrong with the "contract" Wildwing had signed. Now . . . Phil's odd behavior, and the insistence he had seen in Phil left Wildwing feeling very uneasy. Of course, he'd had no opportunity to think much on it, what with psychopaths holding up a chemical plants.
First he stopped by Duke's room. He knocked, and buzzed Duke's comm three times. Wildwing sighed to himself, then using the Mask to see straight through the walls, Wildwing decided Duke was definitely not around. He checked the clock. "Eleven, and it was ten when we got back. Phil wouldn't take him that long." Then something was definitely going on here, and Wildwing did not appreciate the fact that no one could bother themselves to tell him. I'll check the closet, and then get out there and find Duke. I don't understand why he had to leave his comm.
When Wildwing stepped into the closet, he was surprised to find that the chair Phil had had was gone. He was hiding something. Wildwing rubbed his chin. He spotted some wires sticking out of the wall and laying on the forearm-high shelf. "Yeah, if I remember right, there was a TV in here earlier too. What's Phil up to?" He reached and gave the wires a firm tug. The wall moved a bit.
"Boy my job would be a whole lot harder without this thing," he said, activating the Mask. Now he could see that the analogue cable merged into one of the many spare wires Tanya had installed throughout the Pond. He followed the wire up, and over, all the way under the high ceiling, then down into the supercomputer Drake One. Adjusting his focus, he saw it diverted into a device that was definitely not a part of the Drake One. From that, a wire came and attached into the main processing hub for the security cameras. If he remembered right, anyway.
Wildwing took a panel off the Drake One and leaned in to see what this device was. Some kind of small, hi-tech laptop. Wildwing touched the mouse pad and the screen saver vanished. A program was recording simultaneously from the cameras in the building. He could tell-one of these was surveillance of his own room. Phil . . . is watching us?
Wildwing slammed his head on the low ceiling within the Drake One when a siren blared in one of his ears. He scooted out of the computer.
Putting a hand over his aching ear, he typed at the keyboard. The alarm in the room went off. Tanya and Grin hurried up behind him.
"Uh, how were you up so fast?" Tanya said.
"Drake One's picked up teleporter energy at the California American History Museum," Wildwing said when he heard two more sets of footsteps. "I have no idea where Duke is. He left his comm here, and we're not waiting for him."
He turned to the team. They stared at him like he was trying to teach them calculus, but there wasn't time to explain further. "Well, c'mon, let's rock you guys."
Duke smiled to himself as he disabled a tenth motion sensor. He was almost there.
He slipped around a display. A guard walked by from the intersecting hallway. The guard waved his flashlight over the hall in which Duke was hiding, but he didn't walk down it. Instead, he continued on. His footsteps hadn't dulled when Duke stepped out, lept over the remaining active sensors, and rolled into his targeted destination.
Under a glass case lay a tiara studded with pearls and rubies. Duke circled the display. It was probably weight-tripped. However, he had a feeling that that was only if the weight got lighter. Deciding to risk it, he pressed a hand down on the case. He waited several minutes, but no one showed up to indicate a silent alarm had gone off. Good.
Something swooshed above him. He glanced up. A bird fluttered down from an overhang above and dropped behind a display down the hallway Duke had come from. Duke shook his head. He felt near the edges of the surface of the display. There were no cracks, but the material could be pressed down slightly. The case was hollow, and the trip had to be within the display. He pressed a hand down on the case again, and grit his teeth-
A blast rang out. Duke was knocked down to the floor when something hit his shoulder. He scrambled behind the solid display stand for the tiara. A volley of shots hit the floor where he'd been.
"Hehe, not going to return the greeting from your old pal Chameleon?" A high-pitched voice asked.
"Saurians?" What were they doing here? Duke pulled a puck launcher from his belt. He would have snapped a comeback, but he crumpled when pain spiked down his arm and through his shoulder. It settled to a throb, and Duke realized he'd been hit by a shot from an energy rifle. Then a shot hit the glass case of the display, partially shattering it and throwing it to the ground. Duke recovered enough to drive Chameleon back to a comfortable distance with the launcher.
How on Puckworld did they know I was gonna be here?
Duke paused for a moment as security guards ran toward Chameleon. He fled. "I sure could use a few droid backups here to clean out some pesky humans," Chameleon said into his comm. "What are you talking about, of course I don't have Siege's teleporter. Hurry and send me some droids or I won't be able to fry the duck's feathers!" He pressed some more buttons on his comm. "Get out here Wraith I've been fighting for three whole minutes!"
Duke jumped aside as a something teleported in besides him. "Stay back," he warned, at first thinking it was a droid. It was a woman. She-Phil's girlfriend?-froze. "Uh never mind," Duke said when he spotted two humanoid droids appear in the hall and force the guards away from Chameleon. Chameleon advanced.
Duke opened fire again, but also drew his saber after transferring the launcher to his weakened side. Phil's girlfriend, Peppermint, was confused. "Where am I?"
"California American History Museum," Duke said, eying some clouds of gray smoke revolving in the air nearby. "I'd make a run for it if I were you, I'm fighting some overgrown lizards."
"Oh man!" She cried unhappily.
The clouds formed into Wraith. Duke had expected it.
Peppermint crawled away. She ran down one of the halls. "Ahh, help!"
"Hey lady, watch it!" Chameleon put a hand to his head and shut his eyes as something crashed loudly out of sight. "You busted my backup!" Chameleon spoke into his comm again. "Shape shifter to base, send me more droids!"
Wraith had been surprised by Peppermint's presence, but he kept his focus on Duke.
"Care to feel the short end of my walking stick?"
"Not really." Duke parried the blow Wraith brought down. Then another, and another.
More droids appeared, and the extras fired on Duke when Wraith forced him into the open. A shot tore his sword from hand. A sideswipe from Wraith knocked him into the corner, stunned.
"Look like you're out of luck without your precious teammates to gang up on us." Wraith chuckled and raised his stick. Chameleon came forward.
"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Wraith."
A puck tore Wraith's stick from his hands.
"Stay away from our friend, jerks!" A teenage voice said. Chameleon turned in time to be disarmed instead of hit.
"It's the rest of the ducks!" Chameleon jumped behind Wraith. The team opened full fire on the two saurians, aim accurate enough not to chance striking Duke. Chameleon and Wraith moved to cover.
"I could have told you not to bring your silly back-up in. They picked up on our teleporter energy," Wraith moaned, reaching and grabbing his stick. "We were supposed to destroy that duck and now-" He looked up as Wildwing activated his shield and stepped between Duke and the saurians.
"Let's get out of Kansas, shall we?" Chameleon touched his teleporter.
"Dragaunus won't be pleased."
Then the two were gone.
Wildwing let down his shield and turned. Tanya hurried by him and knelt by Duke, who had a hand on his right shoulder. "You okay?" Wildwing asked.
"Relatively," Duke replied. Tanya looked at his back and grimaced. "Be careful with my right shoulder, would you?" Duke said. "Chameleon surprised me from behind."
"I'll say. Hey, get me the med pack out of the Aerowing, would you?" Tanya said to Mallory.
"Affirmative," Mallory saluted and left.
Nosedive walked over and picked the tiara from the display off of the ground. "Wow, I can see why Dragaunus was after this. How'd you know he'd be here, Duke?"
Duke shook his head. "I didn't. Dragaunus couldn't have been after that, that tiara is a fake. The real one is on display in Beijing at the moment. The question is more like, how'd Dragaunus know I was going to be here? . . . Er, I guess I have a bit of explaining to do." Duke said, seeing his teammate's confusion.
"He has a lot of explaining to do? Your manager Phil has a lot of explaining to do!" A frustrated Peppermint said approaching the ducks. "Those horrible lizards that attacked you jumped me this morning! In case you didn't know, they're out to slaughter you all. Here." She pulled up Wildwing's hand and clapped a teleporter into it. "I don't ever want to see those things again, I don't care if they have the water of life." She shuddered, rubbed her arms, and looked to the floor. "I just . . . want to go home. Can you find someone to take me home?"
A security guard stepped forward. "Ma'am, why don't you have a seat and we'll call you a taxi-"
"There's no way I'm going home in a taxi," Peppermint stomped a foot and crossed her arms. "I wanna go home with someone who has a gun!" She did, however, take the seat.
"Well uh . . . the police should be here shortly."
"Fine."
Wildwing held the teleporter between two fingers. "So you're saying Dragaunus kidnapped you?"
"Duh."
Wildwing paused. "Do you know why Phil has been spying on us?"
"I'll tell you anything . . . just don't hurt me."
Wildwing softened. "We won't, I promise."
She sighed. "It's part of a business deal Phil has with the guy I work for, George Kitzing. He's a name you might have heard when it comes to television."
Nosedive brightened. "Hey, he's the dude behind Saturday Night Re-runs, isn't he?" Peppermint nodded. "Aw I love that show." Nosedive said.
"Does it have anything to do with why Dragaunus knew Duke was here?" Wildwing turned to Duke. "And what exactly were you doing here?"
"Mr. L'Orange!" And chronically nervous-looking man in a suit ran up, the same man that Duke had talked with earlier. "Are you alright? Should I call an ambulance?"
"Guys," Duke said, "Meet Vincent McCarran, owner and manager of this museum. I'm working for him."
"Does this mean we won't be getting your report?" Vincent said impatiently.
"Can I tell them what's going on first? At this point they might as well assume I was robbing the place."
"Oh, fine, fine. They need to know now, I suppose?"
Duke glanced at Tanya, who was still working on his injuries. "I've been freelancing for the museum as a security system developer. I break in, then tell them what they need to fix to make it harder or even impossible for someone to get in." He shrugged with his good shoulder.
"After we heard the wonders he's already done for the Anaheim Museum of Science, I insisted on contracting him. He's impressed every developer he's worked with. His expertise has shown itself remarkable and invaluable." Vincent took the false pearl and ruby tiara from Nosedive. "In only a month we will be having the real Rupert tiara from Beijing and many other extremely valuable items on display here. I wanted to give our investors peace of mind, which I'm sure they will, when they see his improvements."
"You've been freelancing and haven't told us?" Wildwing said. "Then how did Dragaunus know you we going to be here when not even we did?"
"I can answer that," Peppermint said. "Two weeks ago Phil overheard a telephone conversation had that scheduled him to be here tonight. It was vague enough that Phil assumed that your friend here was going to rob the museum. He didn't want to put his publicity stunt in danger, however, so he decided not to say anything. I didn't know until Dragaunus did." Peppermint pushed a loose bunch of hair behind her ear. "It was only a few days ago that he realized he should have just let George in on it to deal with it. At our date yesterday he gave me a tape of the conversation for George. It was still in my car when that Dragaunus kidnapped me. . . . He watched the tape and decided that since Duke would be alone, it would be a good time to strike. The rest you pretty much know."
"Whoa, back up," Nosedive put his hands in a T. "Are you saying Phil's be spying on us for two weeks?"
"Yes, he has."
"She's right," said Wildwing, "That's what he was really doing in that closet this morning. Somehow he's tapped into our security cameras."
"Unbelievable," Mallory slammed a fist into the palm of her hand. "Ooh I could strangle that guy."
"Do you think we could use the Star Sword to turn him back into a stone statue?" Nosedive asked.
"I'm just as angry, but none of that, you two," Wildwing said. The white duck folded his arms. "Our first priority is getting Duke home. Peppermint, would you like a lift?"
She stood. "Go home with the people that lizard is after? No offense, but-forget it! I'm going to see if the police will give me a ride." She walked off in the direction of the nearest exit. Blue and red lights were flashing in through the windows.
"You think Phil will keep his girlfriend after this one?" Duke said, standing with his left arm draped over Tanya's shoulders.
Wildwing shook his head with uncertainty. "Who knows? Let's just get you home. And really, can you lay off on the secrets?"
In the early morning hours back at the Raptor, All three of Dragaunus's henchmen were already wishing they lived in another galaxy. Dragaunus was barely finished taking out his wrath for everything that had gone wrong. No ducks were dead, and that woman had escaped with Siege's teleporter.
"You fools are going to clean every inch of this ship with those toothbrushes until it glows like a bed of hot lava!" Dragaunus hovered over them with menace. "And scrub faster or I'll tear you apart, piece by worthless piece."
"This is all your fault, Chameleon," Siege said. "How could you miss and not kill the duck when he was right there in front of you?"
"Yeah, well I'm not the one who let the hostage make off with his teleporter." Chameleon said.
"Shut up and get back to work. If you don't, after this the both of you will be doing all the dirty dishes!"
"Being evil really stinks," Chameleon grumbled as he scrubbed harder, "It seems like the good guys get all the breaks!"
The next day Duke was up and around the Pond, only feeling a bit sore. Tanya had ordered him to rest. For most of the morning he relaxed on the couch in the rec room, reading.
The remainder of the team were also spending their time in the rec room. No one was saying much. Wildwing had frowned the whole morning. The fact that he had signed the contract with Phil loomed over everyone's thoughts. Phil was going to make a TV show out of their lives, and the had to do it. This was horrible. So much for privacy, and, depending on what funny moments got selected, so much for whatever minuscule bits of dignity the had left. If Phil showed up like he normally did on Saturdays, there was going to be a storm. Wildwing still felt that without their exclusive permission given to Phil to tape them, Phil'd stepped way out of line.
Phil did come that day, but late. He approached the ducks cautiously.
"So . . . you know all about it?"
"Yes. Phil . . . I, can't believe you." Wildwing gave Phil a stern look. "How could you violate our trust?"
"I uh. Well . . ."
"Invasion of privacy is a misdemeanor, Phil," Duke said calmly, putting down his book. "If we took you to court you could be fined and get jail time. And trust me," he pointed a finger at Phil, "You do not want to hang out for a year in a place like that."
"Hold up here," Nosedive waved a hand, "How do you know that it a misdemeanor?" Nosedive said.
"Well I might as well know how bad I can be without crossing the line," Duke smiled. "Kidding, I'm kidding Mal!" He held up a hand to block the pillow Mallory threatened him with.
"Be careful with the shoulder he doesn't need you to make it worse," Tanya said.
Wildwing got up from the couches and walked over to Phil. "We don't plan to 'report you,' but it better not happen again. I want every piece of tape you have, including what you gave to George, and any subsequent copies made by him or anyone else."
Phil held his hands up. "O-okay babe, will do." He sighed. "I'm sorry you guys it's just . . . I didn't think when I took you on that it would entail giant lizards bent on world domination, lawsuits, and ducks who were the most finicky beings when it came to public appearances! I tried to fix my problems but . . . I knew something had gone wrong when Peppermint called me this morning and said she wanted to have some 'space.'"
"I feel for you Phil, in some ways," Wildwing said, "But the sympathy play is not going to work on me right now. You'll give those tapes back if you know what's good for you."
Phil frowned, then arched an eyebrow. "Well you still owe me. You promised that you'd do a publicity stunt when I found one. It's in writing! If you don't go through-"
"But Phil, be reasonable, that's-"
"This is perfectly reasonable!" Phil pulled out the contract Wildwing had signed and waved it in front of Wing's face. "This TV show of your lives can totally stay in line with your conditions. I'll make sure of it. Frankly, the show's nearly ready to premier. I was thinking it could be a four part special. There won't be anything in there that could be sensitive info, I promise." Phil was suave. "You're not going to go back on your word now, are you?" He waved the contract some more.
Duke glared at Phil. "He's skipping the sympathy and going for blackmail now, Wing."
"Phil, I think the team is going to have a meeting." Wildwing took Phil by the shoulders and steered him out the door.
"Are you going to be a liar or are you true to your word?" Phil challenged as the doors slid shut.
"Does he ever tire of driving us nuts?" Nosedive said. "You can't seriously let him do this, bro!"
"But Wildwing did promise, and he is a duck of his word," Grin said factually.
"Grin's right, I did. He's got it in writing, which makes it twice as bad. I can't just go back on it. Phil will make sure nothing's in there we can object to."
The team asked each other solely with looks: Any ideas of how to get out of this one?
Grin nodded slowly. "Phil promises to ensure that none of your conditions can be violated, but perhaps they already have."
Wildwing stared at Grin, and after a long silence smiled with relief. The rest of the team watched them. "Grin . . . I think I see exactly where you're going."
"Phil, when I told you we'd do a publicity stunt, I gave you two conditions: one, that no one would get hurt; and two, that we wouldn't end up fighting anyone." Wildwing stood before a neutral Phil, hands on his hips.
"Right. And I will make personally sure it doesn't happen." Phil said with confidence.
"But it's already happened." Wildwing smiled.
"Tch, how?"
"Last night, Duke was injured, and we fought with Dragaunus."
Phil looked worried. "What does that have to do with it?"
"Duke's injured and we fought Dragaunus, all because of a tape you made for the publicity stunt. Peppermint told us all about it. You we negligent. Therefore, my terms have already been broken. Find another stunt Phil, because we're not doing that one." Wildwing pulled the contract from Phil's hands and pointed to the bold words on the paper.
"You-aw man, you're kidding me!" Phil grabbed it back. "I knew I should have left those off."
"Yeah, you can thank the Grinster here for his insight on this one," Nosedive said.
"I am but one of many voices," Grin said in his typical manner.
Hopping up, Phil pulled out his cell phone. "Yeah, well . . . then I'm gonna find you a better stunt! I'll find one so good, you'd wish you'd taken the first one!" He glared as he marched out the door.
The ducks burst out laughing when Phil was gone.
"I feel sorry for that guy now, but there is no way I'm letting him broadcast our private lives!"
"For once getting injured was a good thing," Duke said, putting his feet up on the couch's armrest. He resumed his book, confident (not to mention pleased) that the emergency was over.
Nosedive smiled. "That was an awesome save, Wing. How bout we send a nice thank-you note to Dragaunus for all the good he's done?"
"Hey, now there's an idea." Wildwing grinned. Their privacy and their public image had lived to see another day. . . . What Phil hadn't already destroyed of it anyway.
FIN
Whoo!!! Oh yeah, finally done!!! Hope you all made it this far and enjoyed it. Alright, thanks for reading. Hope you had fun in my little "Comedy of Errors." If you liked it, drop me a line at , or in a review, and constructive crit is especially nice. Bye!