Title: Four Nights
Author: Willow
Summary: Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.
Spoilers/Episode: Up to season 2, Midterms.
Characters: Ensemble
Rating: PG

Part IV - Wednesday Night

Josh opened the door and let Leo into his apartment. "You brought enough stuff?" he asked.

"There's not that much. Anyway, most of it's yours."

"You should ask for a raise," Josh smiled and closed the door. "You want anything to eat?"

"You're not cooking," Leo said.

"I can cook."

"You can sit down."

"Leo," Josh started to protest.

"Sit. We'll order Chinese."

"Okay," Josh agreed.

Leo made coffee, while Josh ordered the food. Thirty minutes later they were sat eating dinner and watching TV. "You've not got much food there, Josh," Leo commented, looking at Josh's rice and spring roll.

"I'm not really hungry."

Leo watched him intently. "Bad day?"

"No. I'm just tired, I didn't sleep much last night."

Leo nodded, but didn't ask. He'd known Josh a long time and knew better than to pry, if Josh wanted to tell him he would. They finished the food and Leo cleared away. When he came back into the lounge Josh was reading through one of the files.

Leo frowned and shook his head. "Put that down."

"Ah come on. Reading one file is hardly likely to put me back in hospital. I'm going crazy here, Leo."

Leo watched his deputy. Josh looked tired and drawn, but there was a sparkle in his eyes at the thought of being even slightly involved in some work.

"Yeah okay. I could do with your opinion on it anyway," Leo told him.

There'd been a lot over the last few weeks that they could have used Josh's opinion on. It was amazing how much you missed someone when they were suddenly not there. It wasn't always true that nobody was indispensable. Or perhaps Leo was just biased. They sat and discussed the report for an hour and Josh felt more alive than he had for weeks. Leo watched him and decided that maybe the ban on involving Josh in midterm elections should be lifted, a little anyway. He certainly appeared to be enjoying himself.

Once they'd finished, Leo made some tea. "Enough work," he said as he down. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"How was PT yesterday?"

"Same as always," was Josh's informative reply.

"Josh, don't do that, not with me."

Josh glared at Leo. "Painful. Is that what you want to hear? That I spent most of yesterday and last night throwing up because of the pain?" he asked.

"CJ didn't say," Leo said with concern.

Josh shrugged. "I'm good at hiding it"

"Throwing up?"

"She caught me once," he said quietly.

"Why won't you let people help you?"

"I don't want pity, Leo," Josh snapped, something he knew he was doing more and more these days.

"Nobody pities you. Your friends want to help you." Leo saw the look in Josh's eyes, a mixture of anger, frustration and fear, and his heart went out to the younger man. "It's not forever, Josh, you're getting better. You have to give yourself time."

"It's been over five weeks."

"Are you saying you feel no better now than you did five weeks ago?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Josh snapped again. He sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just.... CJ found me throwing up last night, and then she caught me..... I was in pain and, upset," he said quietly. "I don't want them seeing me like that." He found it easier to be honest with Leo, who had known him most of his life, and with Donna, though he has no idea why.

"I know," Leo said. "But they want to help, we all do. You nearly died, Josh." He watched Josh intently. "Five weeks ago last Monday, we nearly lost you." He paused while he regained his composure. The thought that Josh had nearly been taken from them was still very raw. "We just want to help," he repeated.

"I know," Josh said. "I wish I could let you."

Part Five.....