Edit (8/26/04):

Most of this epilogue is NC17 content. Since I'm not going to force myself to change my writing to fit the R handcuffs, I'll be putting a note wherever the content is missing. You can go to my bio to see what sites host the complete version.

The Memories will Always be There

Epilogue

[Seifer]

It's been several years now. But I don't think any length of time is going to completely erase Squall's memories. Every now and then his eyes will get cloudy and he'll start trembling. It makes me sad that the only thing I can do for him is to wrap him up in my arms. The only embrace he's felt that hasn't led to heartbreak and pain. But he told me once that it did help him, so if that's the only thing I can do for him then I'm going to make sure I do a hell of a job.

But he's not the only one that sometimes has nightmares. After I witnessed all of Squall's memories I had plenty of them. And I finally understood why he tried to kill himself numerous times. Hell, I wanted to kill myself after witnessing all that. And I didn't even do anything! The shit I did while I was the sorceress' knight was nothing compared to what Squall was forced to do. I never got raped and I certainly never raped any kids. But now I don't have to imagine what Squall went through. When Ellone took us back into his memories I felt what he was feeling, I knew what he was thinking and I witnessed everything that went on around him, when his eyes weren't closed from the pain that is.

Squall's progress is going well. His pale complexion is back to its original state - pale (as I already told Dr. Kadowaki). I make sure he eats every day. At first it was small portions, to get him used to it and to make sure it stayed down. And due to my care, the brunet was back to his original, lean and muscular body in several weeks. The bags that used to permanently have residence under his eyes have long since faded after he spent several nights in my arms.

All in all, a very healthy recovery. Even the sex isn't as hesitant as it used to be several years ago, when the memories were still fresh in Squall's mind. The only problem is; Squall still refuses to make love to me. He can do everything else, but he can never summing up the courage to do this. Of all the memories that Squall has, the worse will always be the times he raped those little boys.

I understand his fears though, since I did witness the events that took place. But I have to make Squall get over them. Making love to me isn't that same as raping little boys. Especially since it was technically rape on both sides. Squall didn't want to do it, he was forced to. Just like those kids. And I have to make him see that.

"What are you doing?" I jump slightly at the unexpected voice. Squall wasn't supposed to be back for several hours. Some kind of mission or something. Lowering my gaze from the uninteresting ceiling, I'm met with the sultry vision of my leather clad boyfriend leaning up against the door frame to our bedroom. I raise an eyebrow at the sock less feet, but eventually my gaze meets his after I check out his lean body.

"I was just thinking." Squall's lips curve in a smirk. Tch, he probably copied that from me. We seem to have picked up on each other's habits. I now brood more then I used to. Of course Squall loves to tease me about it.

"Don't hurt yourself now." See? Chuckling slightly, I raise myself to recline back on my elbows. I curve a finger in Squall's direction, beckoning him to come closer. Hips swaying, the brunet complies. Hyne... he is a vision that makes wet dreams pale in comparison.

"How come you're back early?" Squall lets out a grunt when I tug him down. He shifts until his slim frame is resting over my larger one and crosses his arms over my chest to rest his chin on the joining of his arms. He looks up from beneath his long lashes, while I'm forced to bend my head at a most uncomfortable angle.

"We finished off the monsters early. The others in my squad wanted to go out for drinks."

"Obviously you didn't go?"

"Nope. If I did, I wouldn't be here with you." Squall smiles shyly. I don't think I'll ever get used to how beautiful he looks when he does that.

"Aww, I'm touched."

Grinning, I pick up Squall and move so that the brunet is straddling my lean stomach. Curving my hands up his body to finally rest on his smooth cheeks (I swear, the man never shaves! Lucky bastard), I pull him down and find my lips curving in a smile of their own to match the small one that rests on Squall's.

"I take it your glad to see me?" he mumbles against my moist lips.

"Definitely. I wanted to try something new." Squall pulls back slightly, tilting his head. I smirk when I see the confusion and slight suspicion in his eyes. I know he isn't really going to like what I have planned and I don't want to push him, but he has to overcome the last of his fears. And I'm going to help him with that.

Since Squall did all the work when he took those kids, I decided that he would be most comfortable if I did all the work. He'll just lie back and enjoy it. Hopefully that will ease him into the whole idea better. I don't want to scare him... but I really want to know what it feels like. The only other people I've slept with are women, so obviously I've never been taken before. So it's a new experience for me also. And I want Squall to be my first.

Pulling the brunet closer to me, I roll us over so I'm on top. I sit comfortably on Squall's groin and cocking my head, smiling mischievously at the man beneath me.

"Can you hand me the lube?" while he follows the request I set to work on pulling down my shorts while still trying to sit on him. Finally getting it past my feet I toss it onto the floor. Squall finally gets the lube and raises an eyebrow at suddenly seeing me naked on top of him.

"Planning this were we?"

"Yep." I grin. Grabbing the lube from him I set it aside while I try to pull the black muscle tee off the brunet. He raises his arms obediently, lean muscles clenching underneath my finger tips. Shifting back to rest between his legs, I pull off the tight leather pants. Sometimes it can be bothersome to have a boyfriend who wears such tight clothes, but I guess it's definitely worth the results.

I sigh when I finally manage to get Squall naked. Pale skin quivering over hard earned muscles, a faint flush high up on his cheekbones, moist lips parted to allow hard pants... [NC17 Content removed]. Hyne he's gorgeous.

He spreads his thighs wantonly and places pianist like fingers on top of his leaking member. "Please... Seifer." I know he wants me to take hi,. but I can't. I have a mission and I'm set on completing it. Maybe I'll just take the edge of a bit...

[NC17 Content removed]

"Wow." I chuckle at his exclamation.

"All that and all I get is a 'wow'?" he smiles slightly and meets my gaze.

"Amazing, brilliant and incredible!" we both laugh. Cushioning my head against the crook of his neck I start to lap at his pulse point like a large kitten.

"Seifer! I can't get it up again!" grinning, I continue my ministrations, pausing only to purr in his ear,

"Of course your can Squall. You're young, you can get hard again in less than five minutes. And until then I'll enjoy teasing you and preparing you for what I have planned." Squall frowns when I bring up my 'surprise' again. I can tell he really wants to know what it is, but he knows me enough by now that I'll just continue teasing him until I'm ready to tell him.

[Squall]

I don't know what the hell Seifer has planned and I'm not sure if I'm going to like it or not. It's obviously going to be something we haven't done before, but I can't think of anything.

I stifle laughter when Seifer's tongue slides over my navel. I swear he always does that on purpose. Watching his blonde head travel back up my body to rest near my chest, I let out a gasp when his wet tongue flicks my nipple. Closing my eyes, I surrender to the pleasant torture he inflicts on my body. Startling green eyes can be seen on the back of my lids. The only thing keeping the memories at bay.

[Seifer]

Sneaking a glance from beneath my lashes, I almost sigh in relief when Squall closes his eyes. It doesn't happen often, since it sometimes brings up other faces in his mind, but when he gets comfortable enough I know that my face never leaves his mind.

[NC17 Content removed]

Looking down, I find Squall's eyes wide and a slight hint of fear in them. Shit... maybe I did go about this the wrong way.

[Squall]

Tight heat, velvet softness, high pitched screams, blood... so much blood. Tight heat envelops me, so much like those little boys. Too tight --so hot. No-no-no! Please, make it stop. Make it stop. Please...

[Seifer]

"Squall!" putting both hands on his cheeks, I move his head to face me. His eyes are cloudy; he doesn't see me. Fuck! His low whimpers reach my ears, his desperate voice pleading to make it stop. Not knowing what to do, I slap his cheek, careful not too put too much pressure behind it. Just enough to see the dazed look vanish, but the slight fear from the memories are still there.

Bending down, I place a light kiss on his dry lips. Pulling back just enough to rest my forehead against his, I try to sooth him.

"Squall, it's okay. This isn't like anything you've ever done before. You never raped anyone, it wasn't your fault!" Squall shakes his head, chestnut strands falling in front of his pained eyes.

"What's so different about it?" he whispers brokenly. Oh Squall...

"You're not raping me. You're not forcing me to do anything. You'll never do anything like that again Squall. Not if I can help it. You're not hurting me and you tried your best not to hurt them. It's not your fault Squall. Please... look at me." Running a hand through his hair I gently pull back his bangs, clearing the way for those beautiful storm-blue eyes to look into my own.

[Squall]

I look into Seifer's jade green eyes. I feel his hard, heavy muscular body on top of my own. His tight hole clamping around my cock unconsciously. A small winkle creases his scar, concern written plain across his face. Placing a hand on his cheek, I feel a slight stubble. This is nothing like those times in the cells. He is a man, he is my lover. I'm not forcing him into this, I am not raping him.

The memories slowly fade, not to be forgotten, they will still haunt my dreams occasionally. But Seifer will be there. Seifer will hold me, pet my hair until I fall back asleep. Those memories can't control me anymore. This is right. This feels right. Seifer on top of me, around me, surrounding me. This is the present, it's time to move on.

I feel a small smile play across my lips and this time I don't do anything to stop or hide it.

[Seifer]

A broad smile spreads across my face when I see Squall smile; a most beautiful sight. Placing a hand on top of his, I gently squeeze it.

[NC17 Content removed]

I collapse onto his heaving chest, both of us trying to regain our breath. He turns onto his side and snuggles up to me. Smiling down at him, I try to keep my eyes on him when I reach down blindly to grab an article of clothing. Using it to wipe the come off of each of us, I throw it to the other side of the room, using what little strength I have left to do so. Wrapping both arms around Squall, I tuck his head beneath my chin.

He shivers slightly and I use my foot to bring the rumpled sheets up high enough so that my free hand can pull it up around our bodies. I sigh contently when he wraps his arms around my waist.

I close my eyes and in no time I'm asleep. Pleasant thoughts carry over to my dreams and my lips curve upwards in a sleepy and satisfied smile.

[Squall]

Feeling Seifer's chest rise and fall in the steady rhythm of sleep, I squeeze his waist gently. For once I'm actually fully sated and happy. All thanks to Seifer and his stubbornness. He helped me get over my fears, he helped me put my heart and mind back together. He helped me feel again. He brought me back from the edge, again and again. And I wish I knew how to repay him. But I know if I asked he would probably say something silly like, "It's enough just to be with you." He can be quite cheesy at times. But it's been a long time since someone has cared for me like this and I like him just the way he is anyway. Even his romantic knight in shining armor side.

I snuggle closer into his chest, as close as I can get. Placing a small kiss on the cool flesh there, I mouth the words that I

never thought I would ever say. I never thought I would ever feel. But Seifer, once again, proved me wrong.

"I love you Seifer."

End.