Draco And Harry's Final Battle
The halls of Hogwarts were empty and cold. The snow outside had driven all students to gather in the great hall for a final dinner before the winter break. Inside the room, chatter ran rampant as students talked of their plans for the break. Those that would be staying at Hogwarts listened silently and secretly wished they could return to their families as well. All except one boy, a tall thin young man with jet black hair and a famed lighting-shaped scar on his forehead.
"The Dursleys suck eggs!" he told his friends. "I wouldn't want to return to their forsaken home if I was clubbed, maimed, and dragged there!"
"Yes, yes... WE KNOW!" answered Ron. "You've bloody told us that five million bloody times, you bloody bugger. But SOME of us would like to see our families this winter."
Hermione looked at Ronald complacently. "What are you talking about, you hate your family."
"So what? I'm just speaking on behalf of some of the other people that want to go home."
"I hate the Dursleys! The should all just die! I never want to go back there again!" shouted Harry.
Hermione sighed heavily. "Haven't we already been through this?"
Ron suddenly spazed out, flailing his arms wildly. "Bloody crap, my bloody finger is bloody bleeding its bloody blood!"
"Ron, that's only catsup," Hermione assured him.
"What the bloody blood is catsup? Is it blood?"
"Oh I forgot, I guess I'll explain the muggle use of condiments to you in the most boring and uninteresting way I can since I'm a know-it-all."
"I hate my life! The Dursleys will pay!!!" shouted Harry.
Across the hall, Draco sat chewing on a large piece of chocolate frog. "Why the crap am I eating this?" he asked his friends Crabbe and Goyle rhetorically. "I never eat this junk. I mean, chocolate frogs? Come on... I can get a freaking chocolate bar at a muggle shop for half the price and I still don't have to deal with it squirming around in my mouth." Draco swallowed hard. "Well, aren't you going to agree with me?" he asked them.
".... Uh.... I never eat chocolate... I'm too dumb." Crabbe finally said.
Goyle shifted in his seat. "I find that the consumption of sweets only leads to unhappiness in life and the decreased physical abilities one is possible to obtain otherwise, not to mention the increased probability of acne and other hormonal and intestinal problems that chocolate might create."
Draco rolled his eyes while Crabbe's opened widely in shock. "Talking to you two is almost as dull as Magical Creatures class with that oaf Hagrid. Boy that Hagrid is such a big, dumb guy. I hate him almost as much as I hate Potter and Weasly and Granger and Dumbledore and... well pretty much everyone else. No wonder I don't have any friends... but gosh am I hot!" Draco said.
Crabbe reverted back to his mindless gaze worthy of someone with a one-digit IQ. Goyle sighed and stated, "Yes, despite your constant negative attitude towards all living beings on earth, you do have a knack for attracting girls." Goyle turned towards Crabbe. "Unfortunately, some people are just not fit to be counted amongst the truly gifted of mind."
"Thank-you Goyle, now if you'll excuse me, I must retire to my secret shrine dedicated to swooning over Hermoine." Draco stood up and crossed the hall, staring at the Gryffindor table until he left through the doors.
That night, Harry wandered the halls under his invisibility cloak. "I must find that book... the one that will lead us to defeating Voldemort!" he whispered to himself. "If I don't, I might have to go back and stay with the cursed Dursleys!! I must find it!"
As Harry found his way to the library, he lifted the cloak and began searching among the books. "I wonder why I'm searching for a book in the middle of the night if its not in the restricted area?" he thought to himself. "Let's see... I'll have to search in alphabetical order: books on witches, warlocks, wyverns, vacancies, vaccines, very ugly people, vicious killers, vines.... aha! Here we are: a book on Voldemort. Now all I need to do is search the "how to defeat" section and-"
Harry stopped. Footsteps sounded in the distance, footsteps that slowly got closer and closer towards Harry! Harry panicked and dropped the book on the floor. "Who's there? Oh crap, I just gave myself away!" Harry fumbled with the cloak as he tried to put it on. He slowly backed away and waited to see who was coming.
Emerging from behind the bookcase, Draco popped out his head. "Potter? Is that you?" Harry couldn't believe it. Why would Draco be wandering around at night in the library?
Harry took off his cloak. "AHA! I finally caught you breaking the rules!"
"What the-????!! Where did you come from?"
"I have an invisibility cloak, foo! What now?! I can get you in trouble and there's nothing you can do about it! HAHAHAHAHA!!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Draco.
"You're in the library after hours!" said Harry.
"Uhmm... no I'm not. It's only 8:15. I have every right to be here."
"Oh.... I wondered why they left the lights on... so how come no one's here? Hmmmmm???"
"This is the library Potter. There's never anyone in here, unless dire circumstances require the use of an actual book. Speaking of which, why are you here, Potter?"
"Oh, I'm uh... I'm looking to find how I can defeat Voldemort."
"They made a book about that? Hmph. I'm surprised no one's used it before."
"Yeah I wondered about that myself actually.... hey wait! Why are you here, Malfoy?"
"Me? Oh, I was just...."
"What's that book in your hand?! Is that-?" Draco quickly hid a book he was holding behind his back.
"No its not!" Draco started to back away.
"I knew it! That's "The Little Basilisk Who Could"! You're reading a baby book! Wait... they have actual story books in this library? I thought they just had stupid research books."
"That's what I thought too, then I saw a section labeled: Fiction. It's right there, Potter."
"Oh... well... thanks, I guess."
The two just stood there for a while. Draco broke the silence. "Well, uhm. This is awkward."
"Yeah..."
"I still think you're a goody-goody and I hate you."
"Yeah, thanks."
"Want to have a wizard duel?" asked Malfoy.
"Right now?" asked Harry. Draco nodded. "Okay, sure."
Both Draco and Harry took out their wands and began chanting spells and shooting sparks at each other. The fight somehow lasted all through the night. While in the middle of blasting Harry, Draco mentioned how it was strange that no one had heard them nor inspected the library. Harry agreed whole-heartedly while he shot back at Draco with a spell that turned his ears an odd shade of green.
By the time the sun rose, the two young wizards had become too tired to raise their wands. "Let's call truce!" said Harry.
Draco nodded immediately. "Yeah, I'm tired of being pissed at you all the time. Let's just forget it."
"Hey, want to see something cool on the school computer?" asked Harry.
"What the deuce is a computer?" asked Malfoy. Harry motioned his arms for Draco to follow. He lead them both to a dusty computer labeled,
Muggle Artifact: Muggle Studies Class Only!
Caution! Object is Highly Unstable and Muggle Purpose is
Unknown! Touch at OWN RISK
Looking confused, Draco said, "What does it do?"
"Watch!" answered Harry. After starting the computer, Harry told Draco about the internet and types of things you could find on it. "You can watch movies, and find jokes, and see all sorts of crazy crap on here!"
"Whoah! I never thought muggles were this smart!" exclaimed Draco. "Boy did I underestimate them!"
Both Harry and Draco spent the next three hours surfing the internet until they stumbled upon a website called "What in the bloody world is this?" asked Draco.
"I dunno, let's check it out."
An hour later, Draco and Harry were laughing and nearly pissing their pants.
"Holy crap these people are IDIOTS!" laughed Harry.
"Yeah!" cried Draco. "They write for hours about a bunch of copyrighted stories wishing they could have created stuff that good!"
"Why don't they just write their own books instead of stealing others' ideas? That way, they'd be able to sell it at least!"
The two laughed for awhile longer, continuing to point out the sheer stupidity of fan fictions, as they were called. When both Draco and Harry could no longer laugh and began to calm down, they turned off the computer and began to walk towards the Great Hall.
"Remember when I said that muggles were smarter than I thought?" asked Draco. Harry nodded. "Now I've lost all faith in them again!" They both chuckled at this remark.
The next day, to prove how useless fan fictions were, Harry, Ron, Draco, Hermione, Dumbledore, Sirius, Hagrid, Dobby, Moody, the Dursleys, Aunt Marge, The Chudley Cannons, the boa constrictor from the first book, Voldemort, Harry's parents, Cornelious Fudge, and Spanky the Wonderpoodle all went to Burger Fat and killed each other with plastic forks.
THE END