One Moment Of Happiness, an angel fanfic

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS CHARACTERS BUT I DO OWN THE IDEA..I DO NOT OWN THE SONG EITHER THE SONG IS BY EVANESCENCE "BRING TO ME LIFE" I AM NOT MAKING A PROFIT OFF OF THIS STORY BLAH BLAH. YA KNOW THE REST.

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

Angelus looked into Cordelias eyes the way that Angel used to, he knew that it would break her down, kill her spririt, thats all he wanted to see her depressed, upset, not into anything he had done it finally, killed one of her closest friends, Winifred Burkle. Pretty. mostly petite. mousy looking, but it was all worth it, all worth it to see Cordelia break, to see the love of Angels life, break. He continued to look into her eyes as he spoke words that made her cringe "Cordelia..." he would say malice in his voice "I know everything about you....I know your deepest desire, the way you hunger to bring him back....I know every moment that you spent with him...I know you inside and out" Cordelia looked back at him with disgust and pain in her eyes "and that kills me"

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I've become

She wanted nothing more than to drive a stake through his heart and be done with it, but it was so hard to look at Angelus and really belive it wasn't Angel, because on some level it was Angel and she could never live with herself knowing she had killed the one person who understood her, the one person she loved more than she loved herself, Angelus knew that, he knew every part of her, he knew she wouldn't come near him with a stake, because there was that little bit of hope in her heart that Angel might come back, just maybe, but no. Angel was never coming back. Angelus would make sure of that. She wanted all that she had been through in the past 48 hours to be over, a dream. she would wake up next to Angel and her world would be restored, but no matter how much she wished it or dreamed it, that would never happen, although she knew it, she would never choose to believe it, she needed to stay strong, strong for herself, strong for her friends, strong for her Angel.

now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

She rememberd every detail of the night she had lost her soulmate, the way he smelled, the smile on his face, the sparkle in his eyes, but the worst part was, that night, she knew that this would happen, she knew she would lose him to Angelus the second things got out of hand, she knew it and yet she didn't stop him, she let him have his moment of true happiness, everything was her fault, but now...now if she could go back, she would change it all, but there was no going back, ever. she would never wake up from her life that was a nightmare, she wanted to be saved, saved from herself, saved from Angelus, she wanted her Angel back more than anything, she hated knowing that there was nothing inside her soul anymore, nothing to bring Angel back, nothing to bring her back to life.

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

As she looked at Angelus, she saw Angel, just Angel, her lover, her soulmate. she knew she couldn't think of him that way, it would be betraying Angel the one person she swore she'd never hurt. but how could she look at Angels face everyday and not think of her lover?, being frozen inside was not something that Cordelia liked, so she did the one thing that she could, be with Angelus. the worst betrayal possible. she knew it but she coudln't stop. Angelus's touch made her burn, burn the same way it burned when Angel touched her, she knew it wasn't Angel, she knew it, but she needed his touch, she knew that to Angelus she was just a girl that he could use and then discard, but he was so much more to her.

She wanted Angel back. She wanted him to wake her up from her terrible nightmare that was her life, but all she could do was look into the eyes of Angelus the one thing she had left of Angel and say "I hate you....but I can't stop loving you" she knew Angel was in there somewhere, he watched everything that Angelus did, he once told her it was like watching a movie, so in some way she knew that as long as Angelus was alive, her Angel was to, no matter how many people died. Angelus had to stay alive, for her. She needed him more than she needed friends or any type of life for that matter, she needed him, even wanted him, she hated herself for loving him, but it wasn't something she couldn't stop, no...it was something she had to live with forever, when Angelus touched her, she could pretend that it was Angels tender touch carressing her cheek, loving everything about her. but she knew it wasn't, it never would be, but that was her life now, thats what she had to hang on to. Angelus.