To those who reviewed....as I cannot hope to get online at the moment and do not have the best memory, I promise you I shall thank the four of you more personally next chapter. I know that Monikka reviewed...she reviews everything, not that it's a bad thing...and to answer her confusion, I have to say that chapter one had nothing to do with Bellatrix...originally it was not a romance but a one-shot poem. And then I remembered that I never really write one-shots. I have always wondered about this pairing...it's part of the reason I want so desperately for Remus to kill Bellatrix for the Sires thing (I'm not worrying about spoilers- everyone should know by now!). I also love Gin&Toxin (or Gin&Tonic, whatever...) for the same reason; it's a psychological legend. To agree with one of my reviewers on another story, they are a fascinating blend of light and dark, which either balance eachother out or consume eachother, much like my baby, Jormungand...the serpent eating it's tail, my favorite mythological oroboros. I have definitely reached my confusing quota for the time, and shall now finish the damn author's note. Sorry to all my fans of humour. I am not in a humourous mood, as some of you have noticed. You will just have to bear with me for a spell. I know what to write, I just....don't want to write it, sorry.
I've always been on the...different side of things. Narcissa was the prim, proper one, like a porcelain doll, the youngest, letting everyone dote on her and drown her in gifts and love and life's lessons, wrapped in a pretty package. She was sophisticated, a lady, but gentle. Andromeda, she was so different. She was adventurous, brilliant, charming and devious. She was not meek like our baby sister, she was openly rebellious, yet not in the way that most teens are. She went against our parent's wishes by being good, and I outwardly hated her, but I missed her deeply, and wished that I was so brave as her. No wonder she was a Gryffindor. I was the middle child, in between the two of them, and I was never silent and meek like blonde Narcissa, or amazing and imaginative like strong, fiery Andromeda; it's always been the dark one. The unique one. I did all the bad things and pressed the edge, but not like Andie. I obeyed our parents, but to a point. I never felt like myself. I only felt like the middle child.
They indulged my little sister and praised (for a while) the big girl, but never me. I got used to it, and learned to love my ability to be invisible, but I want to be seen. Make a statement.
In Slytherin House that was welcomed. They love me for it. I met Lucius Malfoy- he was my best friend and ally, we schemed together. He wanted a wife who obeyed him, of course, and I would never be held under his thumb, but he liked to...play around just the same. I grew tired of it quickly, and we were never that close again. I also met Rodolphus Lestrange. He was a good listener, and I always liked to talk. I am strong-minded, always have been, and people like that about me, usually. And he always was there to hear it. I met countless others, but none affected me. Besides Severus Snape. He and I never agreed on anything, but we were both clever and skilled with the Dark Arts. He also had many enemies, like I, although they never feared him. I was content being a slick tomboy until that day in our fifth year...when James Potter and Sirius Black, my cousin (one of my favorites, although he hated me), taunted Snape after the OWLS. I was furious with them for what they did...not because I liked him, but because they dared. And their little shy friend, Remus Lupin, a prefect, did nothing at all to stop them. I cornered him once when he was walking alone, the first time I ever had spoken to him....I will never forget that meeting.
"Hey. Lupin, is it?"
He turned and blanched. "Black?"
"You know me, of course; I'm your best friend's cousin." I said coolly, throwing my ponytail behind my shoulder.
"He doesn't much like you," Remus said coldly, and made to leave.
"I don't think so," I said, and walked over and seized his shoulder. He faced me and stared me down. I never had any doubts about myself before then, but he was at least five inches taller than I, and his cold blue eyes bored into me, my soul, I could've sworn.
"Why didn't you stop him and Potter from doing that to Severus?" I asked.
He did not reply, but I saw his gaze falter and knew this was something. I allowed the faintest flicker of a smile to touch my lips. "A bit of a coward, aren't you? That's rare in a Gryffindor. Are you sure you belong there?" I teased.
His gaze was no longer icy and unpenetrable. I could have drowned him with words then, I think, if I had thought to try. I continued unmercifully.
"You don't really belong, anywhere, though, do you?"
He looked away from me, then looked back and said softly. "Neither do you, Bella."
No one had ever called me Bella, not since I was little, not since before Narcissa was born and I was Ms. Black again. I had faltered, then sneered at him and left.
If I had known then what I know now, I would not have cared so damn much about fate and all that, and I wouldn't have tried to cheat it. There's no escaping some things.
I went back up to my room and I let my hair down, just to see what I looked like. I tried out some makeup and I slit my skirts and added chains. I had never cared what I looked like, but I did then. Not to impress...well, okay, to impress. But not so I could get a boyfriend; so that they would all be intimidated by me. I just wanted things to be like that, and I always got my way. I'm a Slytherin, after all.