CHAPTER 3

"Sweetie, you have to eat," Phoebe ordered, gesturing to the plate of salad, sandwich, and diet coke in front of her on the booth table she was sitting at. Ross, across from her and next to Joey, sighed and stared at the meal before him. For nearing ten minutes, his two friends had been prodding him to accomplish something that should have been as easy as breathing air. Still, it somehow seemed impossible.

Joey patted his back. "Come on, man. You can do it."

Ross finally picked up the sandwich and took a pathetic bite. Phoebe applauded optimistically just as he heard his name.

"Ross!" Rachel's voice called. Ross turned and saw her scuttling across the cafeteria toward them. She halted at their table and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Mon wants to see you, honey."

"Now?" Phoebe whined. "We had just experienced the beginning of a breakthrough." Ross laughed and shrugged apologetically for appearance's sake, but deep down he was on the verge of losing it.

Ross quickly got up, leaving his friends behind. His trembling legs carried him through the cafeteria and waiting room all the way to Monica's room. She was lying down, resting her eyes again. Ross carefully approached his sister's bedside and laid a hand on her shoulder, prompting her eyes to flutter open. She smiled at the sight of her brother.

"Hi, sweetie," she whispered, altering herself into a sitting position.

"Hey, Mon," he responded shakily.

Monica motioned for him to sit down and, when he did, reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. Ross felt tears sting his eyes as he observed strength, fearlessness, and evident worry for him in her cerulean orbs. She reached over and brushed a tear off of his cheek.

"Ross, don't cry." she said gently. "Sweetie, I'm not scared of dying, I'm only scared of leaving you. All I want is to know that you're going to be all right."

"I don't think I will be," he responded miserably, tears flowing freely down his face. "I can't imagine my life without you, Monica, and I just...I just can't..." He was unable to go on and sobbing openly once again. Monica reached out and pulled him into her arms. He clung to her and rested his cheek on her shoulder, taking in the warmth emanating from her delicate form. He knew it wasn't macho, but he was physically sick of always being the strong one. A human soul could only take so much sorrow, especially so much all at the same time.

Monica held her brother and let him cry. When she had received the fateful news that morning, she had instinctively worried about Ross the most out of everyone, even before Chandler. She only hoped and prayed that Rachel would be there for him, as he would need her now more than ever. Maybe this sad occurrence would cement their relationship once and for all, and they would finally be able to give each other the love they each so desperately longed for. The mere thought made her smile.

Much later that night, the gang had reluctantly decided to go home and rest. Rachel gazed around at all of her friends, wondering who looked the worst. She concluded with Chandler and Ross.

"Chandler, honey," she said, taking his hand. "Do you want to stay at our place tonight?"

"No, no," he answered, wiping away the tears that had incessantly been shed since the morning. "I need to be alone."

"Okay," she assented softly. "If you change your mind, you know you can call us, or actually, just come over." He nodded his thanks, and Rachel, then Ross, hugged him warmly. They did the same to Phoebe and Joey, who would each be staying at Joey's place that night.

Rachel then slipped her arm through Ross's, and led him to the cab she had summoned. The ride home was silent. Rachel had her arm consolingly around Ross, and he had let his head rest on her shoulder. He had almost drifted off when the taxi halted in front of Central Perk.

When the twosome was finally back in their apartment, Ross immediately went to his room and shut the door behind him. Rachel remained in the middle of the living room and gazed at the closed entrance. As Emma was at her mother's house for the evening, Rachel had nothing else to do. Finally, she decided to act the same as Ross had.

Rachel awoke in the middle of the night to hear faint sobs coming from the living room. She tightly wrapped her light blue robe around her and slowly crept out of her room. There was Ross, sitting with his back to her and shoulders bobbing in sync with the cries. Rachel carefully, so as not to startle Ross, made her way over to him and sat down. She put her arm around his shoulders and held him close. He continued to shake and sob in her embrace. After a few minutes, Rachel spoke.

"Ross, honey, come with me," she whispered, and gently tugged him off the couch. Wary, he allowed her to take his hand and lead him back to her room. She pulled him down on the bed next to her.

"I don't want you to have to be alone tonight. Why don't you stay in here with me?"

Ross sighed miserably. "Rachel..." he began, starting to cry again. "I...I just can't do this tonight..."

Rachel hugged him to her, cutting him off. "Oh, no, no, no, Ross, I didn't mean it like that. Shh, calm down. All I meant was that, you're a mess and you shouldn't have to wake up like this and be alone. Just stay here, I'll hold you and keep you company."

"You really don't mind?" he inquired in a shaky, but perceptively grateful, voice.

"Oh, sweetie, of course not. I want to be here for you, just like I promised I would. This has been an emotional day for all of us, especially you. So, come here."

She pulled back the covers, and got underneath, sitting up against the pillows. Then she held out her arms to Ross, and he willingly laid back against her, securing his weary head on her shoulder and gripping her arms tightly. Rachel gently rubbed his forearms and settled her chin on his head. A peaceful, almost content, silence stretched as the pair lay together comfortably.

Finally, Ross spoke again. "What am I going to do without her, Rach? What are we all going to do?"

Rachel sighed. "I guess we'll go on living. I know Mon would want us to."

"But how?" he asked in the childlike, panicked voice that tugged at Rachel's heartstrings. "I don't think I can." He added, his voice breaking.

"I know it's seems that way now, honey, believe me, I do. But you have me and Emma. You're never alone. We're in this together, I promise. I'll always be here for you."

"Emma. I don't deserve her. Monica wanted a baby, and she deserves one. There are so many people out there that have children they don't bother caring for. Mon will never get the chance, and kids need people like her. Why, Rachel, why? She doesn't have any and I have two."

"You're right. Mon would have made a great mother, and it's so sad that she never will get the opportunity. Life's not fair. But, Ross, you're also wrong. You do deserve Emma, and Ben. You're a wonderful father with two wonderful kids who are very lucky. I won't deny that I'm lucky, too."

"I appreciate hearing that Rachel, but still..." he felt so confused, he didn't know what to say next. "I just..." he trailed off, starting to cry. Rachel held him tighter.

"Honey, just try to get some rest. I'll be right here. Everything will be okay, sweetie..." she kept whispering words of comfort as he cried himself to sleep in her arms.