CHAPTER 5

Three days had elapsed since the single worst day of five certain peoples' lives. That afternoon, Ross was about to attend an occasion he never dreamed or wanted to imagine would ever occur: his younger sister's funeral. He was sitting on the couch in his apartment, holding his daughter in his arms and waiting for Rachel to be ready. He sat there staring off into space and stroking Emma's short, downy hair. He wasn't looking forward to this not only because he wasn't sure if he could psychologically and physically handle setting eyes on Monica in a casket, but also because he didn't want to see or talk to anyone, not even his parents. It seemed that Chandler, and maybe Rachel, were the only ones who knew just what he felt.

Still, he had an obligation to honor his sister and would not stand her up.

Rachel finally emerged from her room, dressed in a simple black pantsuit with her golden hair falling straight and sleek down her shoulders. She smiled sadly at Ross as she sat down beside him, placing a hand on his knee.

"You ready?" she asked softly.

Ross wanted to scream "Am I ready, Rachel? Am I ready? Do you think I'm ever ready to say goodbye to my dead sister, your best friend? Am I ever ready to walk away from that cemetery, knowing I will never see her again?..." He could think of several other things to shout following that. However, he knew that Rachel was just trying to be strong for him and was hurting within as well.

Instead he returned her small smile and nodded. "You look nice."

Rachel's eyes glowed with tenderness. "Oh." She uttered, drawing him and Emma into a warm hug. They held each other for a long moment before finally pulling apart and gazing at one another with mutual pain as well as understanding.

"Let's go," she whispered, standing up. Ross did the same and followed her, carrying his toddler daughter. Rachel put on her black coat and then slipped Ross' on for him as he shifted Emma from one arm to the other. After that, she opened the door and gently nudged him out before her.

Rachel walked beside Ross through the threshold of the dimly lit church and felt drearier than ever. The first familiar faces she recognized were Carol and Susan along with ten-year-old Ben. Sentiment filled Rachel's heart as she recalled the day Ross' son was born, as if it were yesterday.

Ben saw his father and immediately sprinted toward them. "Dad!" His young voice sounded choked.

Ross transferred Emma into her mother's arms and caught Ben in his. He had bent down to meet his son's height and held him sturdily to him. Rachel heard sobbing and she wasn't sure whether it was the father or son. She logically concluded that it was coming from both.

Ben pulled away, his face streaked with tears. "I miss her, Daddy. Why'd she have to die?"

Ross wiped his own tears. "I miss her, too, son. But she'll always be with us." He pulled Ben against him again. Rachel did the same with Emma, her eyes filling with tears as well. She rested her comforting hand on Ross's back and then shifted it to Ben's blond hair. It was then that she noticed Susan and Carol standing over them.

"Hi, Carol," Rachel greeted solemnly. "Hi, Susan.

"Hey, Rach," Susan returned.

"Hey," Carol said. "Hi, Emma." She added, touching the baby's head. She hugged Ross as he stood up. "I'm so sorry, Ross. I know how close you two were. Ben misses her so much."

Then Ross actually hugged Susan, something Rachel would never have presumed he would do under any circumstances. Once they had broken the embrace, Ross scurried away from her to sit down in the reserved front bench. Rachel followed him and put an arm around his quivering shoulders, settling their daughter directly in the center of both their laps. Chandler sat on her opposite side in the arms of Phoebe, who was next to Joey.

On Ross' other side, Judy and Jack Geller sat down as the service was about to begin. For the first time since he had been just a little kid, Ross rested his head on his mother's shoulder.