(back in the round room with no walls Laurel is pouring over her laptop-she-wishes-she-had, looking worried)
Laurel: Uh oh… this is not good!
Hen-Neko: I told you you'd mess up the story! You always do!
Laurel: (looks desperate) How was I supposed to know it was a real planet!? (types erratically on the keyboard) Okay… I'll just let this go. No one will know I started a war will they? (laughs nervously)
Disclaimer: I do NOT own… Star Trek, it's various characters, a life, breadsticks, cheese, Faeries, blindness… uh… or anything. (sigh)
Claimer: I DO own… the claimer, Hen-Neko, the anomalous cheese sandwich anomaly, the right to completely mess up any fictional character's life (and damn, I love to), Faeria.
-------------------------------
Chapter Four - This Kind of Stings My Eyes
(The Captain arranged a truce with the anomalous cheese sandwich. They have agreed to meet on the Enterprise to discuss things. In his ready room, Picard is meeting with the cheese sandwich)
Picard: So, it's agreed. We will attack the evil Faeries of Faeria.
Cheese Sandwich: Yes! With my knowledge of Cheese-technology and your ship, we will unite to defeat a common enemy!
Picard: (is staring at the cheese sandwich feeling a bit hungry…)
Cheese Sandwich: I have given you the coordinates to the planet of Faeria! I will assemble my fleet and we will attack!
Picard: Hmm? Oh, um yes! Of course!
(the cheese sandwich disappears, presumably beamed back to his 'ship', which looks like a huge block of Swiss Cheese… [cough cough… bad joke…])
Picard: Damn… I should've eaten it. (furrows his brow in a frown)
(meanwhile on the bridge…)
LaForge: (enters through another [broken] automatic door, screaming and running around) AHHHH! The Cheese! BLIND! (crashes into Data)
Data: Geordi, you have always been blind. Here, (hands him the visor)
LaForge: (puts it on and looks surprised) What manner of device is this? I was blind, but now I see? (gasps) MIRACLE!
Data: (frustrated sigh)
(suddenly Picard enters, skipping)
Picard: I'm gonna start a war! I'm gonna start a war!
Worf: (quietly) YES!
Picard: Set a course for FAERIA!!! (laughs evilly)
Everyone: (stares)
Troi: I sense chocolate cake nearby… uh… (looks around) I have to… uh… go. (rushes out)
Worf: (gasps) My precious!! (rushes out after her) [is he talking about the cake or Troi…? Uhg… I shouldn't have thought about it…]
(suddenly the show goes to a commercial, and upon returning the ship is shown orbiting a small green planet)
Picard: ATTACK! (flails his arms as he runs around the bridge) whoop whoop whoop whoop!
Data: Would it not be wise, sir, to speak with the Faeries first?
Picard: No. They're evil.
Riker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (falls to his knees)
Picard: (annoyed) Yes they are! I said so, so POO ON YOU! (glares at Riker)
Wesley: Ha ha ha! That captain said POO! (points and laughs)
Everyone on the bridge: (glares at him in silence until Wesley gets nervous and runs screaming from the room like a little girl)
Troi: (suddenly enters her face covered in chocolate) Uh… I had to check on… my… pet… gopher. (shifty look) Yeah…
Worf: (follows her in) NOOO! My cake! (cries uncontrollably and runs from the room, face in hands)
Troi: (sighs) Now I'll have to deal with HIM again…
Picard: (raises an eyebrow) okaaaay… anyway, where was I…? Oh yes! (runs around again) SHOOT!
(we are shown planet Faeria and an explosion is heard. A small building on the planet turns to ruins)
Picard: (laughs) AH HA HA! We win!
(suddenly a ship uncloaks nearby. It is pink, small and looks like a heart.)
Data: The Faeries are hailing us sir.
Picard: (sits) Talking-thing them too then.
(on the screen appears a short woman with wings, she carries a wand and a crown.)
Faery Queen: (in a sweet, high-pitched voice) Why are you shooting at us sir? (bats eyes)
Picard: Evil being, we have declared war on you!! (laughs evilly)
Faery Queen: Oh, I see… (pauses) Well then. I hope you're ready for some extreme ass kicking. (to a nearby faery) Ready the Faery Dust!!
(the screen shows a huge hand coming out of the heart-shaped ship holding a huge block of cheese. The hand smacks the Enterprise with the cheese-block. On the bridge, everyone flings themselves to the ground.)
Picard: What was that!? (clings to his chair)
Riker: The Faeries are attacking, sir!
LaForge: (runs in, his visor in one hand) I'M BLIND! They made me BLIND!!! (flails his arms wildly and runs around)
Worf: (looks around) It is a good day to die-
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Picard: AHHH! SHOOT THEM! With LASERS! AND DUCKS! Use the DUCK-GUN!
Troi: (gasp) FEAR! FEAR! UNBARABLE FEAR! (runs around)
-------------------------------
Will the duck-gun work? Will the Faeries kick Picard's ass? Do we even want to HEAR about Picard's ass…? Uhg… find out next time in… The Anomalous Cheese Sandwich Anomaly!
Laurel: Uh oh… this is not good!
Hen-Neko: I told you you'd mess up the story! You always do!
Laurel: (looks desperate) How was I supposed to know it was a real planet!? (types erratically on the keyboard) Okay… I'll just let this go. No one will know I started a war will they? (laughs nervously)
Disclaimer: I do NOT own… Star Trek, it's various characters, a life, breadsticks, cheese, Faeries, blindness… uh… or anything. (sigh)
Claimer: I DO own… the claimer, Hen-Neko, the anomalous cheese sandwich anomaly, the right to completely mess up any fictional character's life (and damn, I love to), Faeria.
-------------------------------
Chapter Four - This Kind of Stings My Eyes
(The Captain arranged a truce with the anomalous cheese sandwich. They have agreed to meet on the Enterprise to discuss things. In his ready room, Picard is meeting with the cheese sandwich)
Picard: So, it's agreed. We will attack the evil Faeries of Faeria.
Cheese Sandwich: Yes! With my knowledge of Cheese-technology and your ship, we will unite to defeat a common enemy!
Picard: (is staring at the cheese sandwich feeling a bit hungry…)
Cheese Sandwich: I have given you the coordinates to the planet of Faeria! I will assemble my fleet and we will attack!
Picard: Hmm? Oh, um yes! Of course!
(the cheese sandwich disappears, presumably beamed back to his 'ship', which looks like a huge block of Swiss Cheese… [cough cough… bad joke…])
Picard: Damn… I should've eaten it. (furrows his brow in a frown)
(meanwhile on the bridge…)
LaForge: (enters through another [broken] automatic door, screaming and running around) AHHHH! The Cheese! BLIND! (crashes into Data)
Data: Geordi, you have always been blind. Here, (hands him the visor)
LaForge: (puts it on and looks surprised) What manner of device is this? I was blind, but now I see? (gasps) MIRACLE!
Data: (frustrated sigh)
(suddenly Picard enters, skipping)
Picard: I'm gonna start a war! I'm gonna start a war!
Worf: (quietly) YES!
Picard: Set a course for FAERIA!!! (laughs evilly)
Everyone: (stares)
Troi: I sense chocolate cake nearby… uh… (looks around) I have to… uh… go. (rushes out)
Worf: (gasps) My precious!! (rushes out after her) [is he talking about the cake or Troi…? Uhg… I shouldn't have thought about it…]
(suddenly the show goes to a commercial, and upon returning the ship is shown orbiting a small green planet)
Picard: ATTACK! (flails his arms as he runs around the bridge) whoop whoop whoop whoop!
Data: Would it not be wise, sir, to speak with the Faeries first?
Picard: No. They're evil.
Riker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (falls to his knees)
Picard: (annoyed) Yes they are! I said so, so POO ON YOU! (glares at Riker)
Wesley: Ha ha ha! That captain said POO! (points and laughs)
Everyone on the bridge: (glares at him in silence until Wesley gets nervous and runs screaming from the room like a little girl)
Troi: (suddenly enters her face covered in chocolate) Uh… I had to check on… my… pet… gopher. (shifty look) Yeah…
Worf: (follows her in) NOOO! My cake! (cries uncontrollably and runs from the room, face in hands)
Troi: (sighs) Now I'll have to deal with HIM again…
Picard: (raises an eyebrow) okaaaay… anyway, where was I…? Oh yes! (runs around again) SHOOT!
(we are shown planet Faeria and an explosion is heard. A small building on the planet turns to ruins)
Picard: (laughs) AH HA HA! We win!
(suddenly a ship uncloaks nearby. It is pink, small and looks like a heart.)
Data: The Faeries are hailing us sir.
Picard: (sits) Talking-thing them too then.
(on the screen appears a short woman with wings, she carries a wand and a crown.)
Faery Queen: (in a sweet, high-pitched voice) Why are you shooting at us sir? (bats eyes)
Picard: Evil being, we have declared war on you!! (laughs evilly)
Faery Queen: Oh, I see… (pauses) Well then. I hope you're ready for some extreme ass kicking. (to a nearby faery) Ready the Faery Dust!!
(the screen shows a huge hand coming out of the heart-shaped ship holding a huge block of cheese. The hand smacks the Enterprise with the cheese-block. On the bridge, everyone flings themselves to the ground.)
Picard: What was that!? (clings to his chair)
Riker: The Faeries are attacking, sir!
LaForge: (runs in, his visor in one hand) I'M BLIND! They made me BLIND!!! (flails his arms wildly and runs around)
Worf: (looks around) It is a good day to die-
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Picard: AHHH! SHOOT THEM! With LASERS! AND DUCKS! Use the DUCK-GUN!
Troi: (gasp) FEAR! FEAR! UNBARABLE FEAR! (runs around)
-------------------------------
Will the duck-gun work? Will the Faeries kick Picard's ass? Do we even want to HEAR about Picard's ass…? Uhg… find out next time in… The Anomalous Cheese Sandwich Anomaly!