(back in the round room with no walls Laurel is reading her reviews on her laptop-she-wishes-she-had.)

Laurel: Let's see… start from the beginning, eh? (deep breath)

Thank you LaSemeuse, I love MP!

TGoGS, I love the way that all fits together! Conspiracy!! (runs away)

KaraLee713, never feel inhibited by strange looks! I usually find it helpful to point and laugh at inanimate objects at random to cause onlookers to turn away, afraid they might be suddenly attacked by my insanity. (grin)

Kamikaze, well thankies. I hope you do well.

Heavenly Faye-Faye, I'm glad you enjoyed this wonderful story about growing up and facing the depressed bully known as Chee- oh wait… that's not right.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own… Star Trek, it's various characters, a life, breadsticks, cheese, Faeries, blindness, (sigh)

Claimer: I DO own… the claimer, Hen-Neko, the anomalous cheese sandwich anomaly, the right to completely mess up any fictional character's life, ducks, Faeria, lasers, guns, war (yay violence! …wait…)

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Chapter Five - And here's where it all went wrong...

(The flashy lights are blinking, the alarm is sounding, and the crew is once again flinging themselves around.)

Troi: (is running around) FEEEEEEAAAARRRRR!!! ALL AROUND ME!!! AHHHHHHHH-ck (trips over some fallen [and nameless] crewmembers, instantly crushing their bones) Oops…

Nameless Crewman 574: (looks around) Oh my god… I'M AN EXTRA! (screams) NOOOOOO! What's my NAAAAAAME!!!

Picard: (looks at him) Uh… um… 5...7...4?

Nameless Crewman 574: I can't believe it! I always thought I had an important job! All I do is play Tic-Tac-Toe all day on this touch screen!!! (starts crying uncontrollably)

Troi: Hmm… (looks at the large group of people Nameless Crewman 574 is standing in) I sense some sort of sadness over in… this general area (waves her finger in a huge arc around the room, completely ignoring Nameless Crewman 574 who has collapsed into a sobbing mess) I just can't pinpoint it.

Picard: Who cares!!! (clings to Riker) JUST FIRE THE DUCK-GUIN!

Nameless Crewman 3: (raises her hand)

Picard: Yes?

Nameless Crewman 3: (stands) What's the Duck-Gun? (is immediately shot "accidentally" by a phaser)

Picard: Uh… (shifty eyes)

Data: The Duck-Gun uses a special hybrid duck that emits super-charged particles from it's "bill". When shot from a cannon, these birds discharge a stream of highly active neutrons and electrons tha-

Everyone else: (stares with a look of confusion)

Riker: Basically it shoots laser-shooting ducks.

Everyone: OOOH!

Data: That is what I sai-

Picard: FIRE!

(A giant hand holding an oversized gun-shaped laser emerges from the ship. It shoots once and many large rubber duckies fly out. The birds stop about halfway to the other ship and suddenly begin to pelt it with lasers)

Picard: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! (sips his tea) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(the ship explodes in a huge ball of fire. Suddenly millions of similar ships appear)

Faerie 1: (over the hailing-thingy) You have killed the queen!

(every ship opens to show a large white hand holding a block of cheese)

Faerie 1: (over the hailing-thingy) PREPARE TO DIE!

Picard: Uh oh… Run away!!!

Nameless Crewman 574: Oh my GOD! It's a war! I'M gonna die!!! (cowers in a corner)

Troi: (is eating cake again) Now, now… It's not a war! It's just a… disagreement. (smiles brightly)

Nameless Crewman 574: But the captain just started a WAR with the Faeries!! (looks exasperated)

Troi: Nuh-uh…

Nameless Crewman 574: Ya-huh! (is almost shot by a phaser) AHH!! What the hell! Who did that!?

Worf: (whistles and looks around, pretending not to notice)

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Will the Enterprise get away? Will Nameless Crewman 574 be killed 'accidentally'? Will Troi get really, really fat from eating all that cake? Find out next time in… The Anomalous Cheese Sandwich Anomaly!