The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters is missing. I don't know where it is. This is an outtake from 'This Soap Opera Called Life'. Set during the chapter 'Murder'. If you've read it you know where this goes. If not, investigate the fic for yourself and you'll see.
Misfits are a Mystery
"All right my name is Sgt. Jones and this is Officer Mary Stewart," The officer spoke to the Misfits in the room. "As you know there was a murder tonight and I need to ask all of you questions. I need to know what you know, what you saw and what you did. This is serious business so you could please get out of that Sherlock Holmes costume?"
Pietro was blowing bubbles out of a fake pipe and wearing the traditional detective's costume. "Why it's elementary my good man! Daniels was framed for the murder of Guy Spears."
"Yeah it's so obvious seeing that a three foot spear was stuck in his stomach," Sgt. Jones said sarcastically. "Now I wanna know who was where and what happened!"
"It was Colonel Mustard in the library!" Fred called out. "And he used a candlestick!"
"Nah it was Mr. Green with a wrench in the conservatory yo," Todd remarked.
"Will you two stop playing that game and pay attention?" Sgt. Jones snapped.
"He's right," Pietro said. "Besides you can't use a candlestick to kill anyone."
"Yes you can!" Fred told him.
"No you can't!" Pietro shouted.
"You can!" Fred shouted.
"Can't!"
"Can!"
"Okay let's settle this right now!" Pietro whipped around and asked Officer Stewart. "Can a person get killed by a candlestick or not?"
"Yeah how many folks did you see get it by candlestick?" Fred asked. "I mean you guys are the experts here."
"Well actually I've only heard of people getting whacked by candlestick," Officer Stewart shrugged. "But I've never really seen it. Baseball bats, pipes, and even one guy got his face bashed in with a lamp but…"
"What are you doing?" Sgt. Jones asked.
"Answering our question," Fred said. "It's a valid one."
"Not according to this case it isn't!" Sgt. Jones snapped.
"How do you know?" Fred asked. "Maybe somebody whacked Spears in the back of the head with a candlestick before he got killed? It could happen."
"Yeah maybe that's how they framed Evan?" Arcade wondered.
"Actually Sarge they have a point," Officer Stewart said. "Remember that case on Shore Lance a few years back where the guy was stabbed a couple of times but it turned out he really bought it because somebody whacked the back of his head with a 2 by 4?"
"Could we get back to this murder case if you don't mind?" Officer Jones snapped. "And no more stupid questions about Clue!"
"Yeah Officer Stewart should only discuss important things," Shipwreck said. He turned to her. "Like what time do you get off work? Are you available?"
"You people are crazy…" Sgt. Jones said.
"Well duh," Lance rolled his eyes.
"Let's go over where everyone was again," Sgt. Jones decided to try a different tactic. "And we're gonna get to the bottom of this even if we have to stay up all night."
"Okay," Fred held a pot up. "Anybody want coffee?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I want some!" Todd said happily.
"I already had a cup but I could go for another one," Pietro remarked.
"Yeah why not?" Sgt. Jones sighed as he got a cup.
"Would you like a cookie?" Xi asked as he dunked a chocolate chip cookie in his coffee. "They go well with coffee." He happily munched on one.
"No this will be fine," Sgt. Jones took a large sip.
The next thing he knew he felt his eyes collide with the back of his brain. "WHOA!" Sgt. Jones coughed and sputtered.
"It is a little strong," Roadblock told him. "But it will keep you up all night long."
"A little strong?" Sgt. Jones gasped. "You could knock an elephant out with this stuff!"
"I think it dissolved my spoon," Officer Stewart blinked.
"Let's get on with this shall we?" Sgt. Jones sighed. "Which one of you is this…Xi character?"
"Hello," Xi blinked as he stepped forward. "Would you like to be my friend?"
"Okay…" Sgt. Jones looked at his notes. "Says here you were created by Cobra. And you can make yourself invisible?"
"That is correct," Xi told him. "I was created to kill by Cobra but I decided I liked to eat cookies instead."
"Yeah," Sgt. Jones did a double take. "Right. And you were with the Pryde girl the whole time until you found the body?"
"Yes," Xi said. "We both discovered the body together. Would you like a hug?"
"What?" Sgt. Jones noticed the strange look in Xi's eyes. He grew very afraid. "What's he gonna do to me?"
"You need a hug!" Xi happily put his arms around Sgt. Jones and purred.
"What is he doing?" Officer Stewart gasped.
"Oh don't worry Xi hugs people all the time," Fred assured her. "Xi must really like you."
"Must have picked it up from me. I like to hug people too," Shipwreck winked at Officer Stewart.
"The one time I leave the station without my pepper spray…" Officer Stewart groaned.
"This is a genetically engineered assassin?" Sgt. Jones gulped.
"Hard to believe I know," Shipwreck shrugged. "Say Officer Stewart, you related to Martha? Cause you look like you can make any place a home. Wanna start with my bedroom?"
"Pop will you knock it off before I knock your block off?" Althea snapped. "And Xi quit hugging the nice police officer so he can finish his murder investigation!"
"Come on Xi, get off the guy," Roadblock pulled him off. "Sorry about that, but Xi's affectionate like a big old pussy cat."
"All right…" Sgt. Jones gasped. "Now according to this one of you kids is human. Which one?"
"ME! ME!" Arcade jumped up and down. "Oh boy! I get to help solve a mystery! Do you need me to help hook anyone up to a lie detector? I can get one!"
"No, I just need to know where you were tonight," Sgt. Jones sighed.
"I was working back at the lab with the Joes and Dr. McCoy coordinating data on finding an antidote to the Power 8 formula," Arcade said. "That and I was trying to find ways to fix up the spaceship we have in our garage."
"Spaceship?" Sgt. Jones blinked.
"Oh pay no attention to that last part," Low Light coughed. "There's no spaceship in our garage!"
"Especially since we don't even have a garage," Fred added.
"So I made a few holes in the walls big deal!" Lance snapped.
"Oh right…" Arcade blinked. "Did I say spaceship? I mean transport beam…no wait…Yes my transport beam for my…spaceship on my Star Trek online game. I'm Captain Proton from the planet Vulcan," Arcade made the traditional Vulcan hand gesture. "Live long and prosper."
"He's normal?" Sgt. Jones asked.
"Genetically yes," Roadblock shrugged. "Mentally…well that's another story."
"Does he always talk in rhyme?" Sgt. Jones indicated Roadblock.
"Pretty much all the time," Fred shrugged.
"We should really get back to the crime," Wanda said.
"This coffee truly is sublime," Xi said as he took another sip.
"KNOCK IT OFF!" Sgt. Jones shouted. "OR I'LL DRAG ALL YOU FREAKS DOWN TO THE STATION."
"That would be a nice vacation," Shipwreck grinned.
"All right that's enough of the imitation," Roadblock said.
Low Light put away the coffee. "Perhaps we should cut down on the libations."
"Stop it or I'll book you all without hesitation!" Sgt. Jones screamed. Then he winced. "Now they've got me doing it!"
"Speaking of doing it," Shipwreck leered at Officer Stewart.
"Officer can I borrow your nightstick for a second?" Althea asked.
"Look at any time did anybody see this Daniels character tonight?" Sgt. Jones yelled. "Anybody?"
"Yes I did," Arcade said.
"Now we're getting somewhere," Sgt. Jones said. "Where was he?"
"In Wanda's crystal ball," Arcade told him. "He seemed very distressed."
"Have you been fooling around with that again?" Wanda snapped. "Arcade you know that's not how it works!"
"I'm not even gonna ask…" Sgt. Jones was getting a massive headache. "Okay next question. You guys took pictures of somebody coming out of the building. The guy was covered up but you did get the license plate number, which we're currently tracing. One question, how come nobody noticed this guy going into the building in the first place?"
"We didn't notice the van until everyone else left the lot," Angelica said. "Maybe he went in disguised as a regular employee?"
"That's a possibility…" Sgt. Jones nodded. "Or maybe this Spyke character picked up a few shape shifting tricks."
"Evan Daniels can barely change his underwear, let alone his shape!" Pietro scoffed.
"Don't worry Pietro," Fred said. "I'm pretty good at mysteries. I'm sure we can figure it out. I usually guess who did it on Law and Order."
"Oh god…" Sgt. Jones held his head in his hands.
"You try and touch me one more time and I will get out my gun!" Officer Stewart shouted at Shipwreck.
"Don't worry," Althea took out a pair of handcuffs and put them on her father. "Dad you have the right to remain stupid…"
"It's official," Sgt. Jones groaned. "I'm on the case from Hell."
"I got it!" Fred called out.
"What?" Sgt. Jones asked. "What have you figured out?"
"It was Ms. Scarlet in the library with a rope," Fred crowed.
"You're right!" Todd called out as he read the solution.
"I told you I was good at mysteries!" Fred folded his arms in pride.
"That's it!" Sgt. Jones threw up his hand. "No more questions! We're out of here!"
"I have a question," Arcade said.
"What?" Sgt. Jones asked.
"Can I see the body?" Arcade asked excitedly. "I've never seen a dead body before! I've been reading a book on crime detection and I may have some theories! Oh please let me see the body!"
"Uh fine…" Sgt. Jones backpedaled. "But don't bother coming to the station, we'll bring it to you!"
"Sarge I have a theory," Officer Stewart said as they escaped. "Nobody killed Spears, he committed suicide after spending too much time with this bunch!"
"That's a theory I'm willing to buy!" Sgt. Jones agreed. "If its between violently stabbing myself or getting hugged again by that hyper green thing…I'll take the sharp pointy stick every time!"