Link The Housekeeper
part 1
About the Story: He's saved the world, is the legendary Hero Of Time, and the keeper of the Courage-Triforce. But would you trust an idiot like him to watch your house?!
[ ] = narration
( ) = actions, side comments from the Author
{ } = thoughts
% = look for this at the end of the chapter to see what it means
Chapter 1: Geneva On The Lake We Go!
Link's Tree House (3:00 pm)
[The Hero Of Time is relaxing in his little tree house playing Uno with Navi]
Navi: Heh heh heh! Un-
Link: NO UNO!!
Navi: No uno?! What the--
Link: If I say "no uno" before you say "UNO" you hafta pick up two cards from the deck--nyah! (optional rules)
Navi: (rolls eyes and draws from the deck)
Link: Hmmm...[after a good 2 minutes of utter silence...]
Navi: HEY LISTEN!!
Link: (drops his cards in surprise) Naviiiiii! You promised not to do that anymore!! (whines)
Navi: No...I'm getting a message...(%)
Link: Ooh! Is it from The Milk Bar Latte, because they told me that they were coming out with a new drink--
Navi: SHH! It says..."Link, you have an overdue library book"
Link: (freeze) The Library?! Since when did Hyrule have a li-brare-reee?Navi: (rolls eyes) You should REALLY read the Hyrulian (%) Gossip.
Link: Oh, could you get me a subscription?
Navi: Pfft! Yeah right. Oh, and this letter came for you. (hands him a pink envelope)
Link: Hmm, a PINK letter? (sniffs it because it's obviously from a female) Ahhh...Exclamation? Cheap perfume but so great-smelling!
Navi: (hovering over his shoulder) Who's it from?
Link: I dunno, there isn't a return address on the envelope...
Navi: Well aren't you gonna open it?!
Link: Okay, okay! (opens the letter)
[bum bum BUM! Guess who it's from!]
Link: (freeze) It's the blue-haired girl! Could you read it to me Navi?
Navi: (whines) Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-eeeee?! Can't YOU read it!?
Link: You know I can't read English as well as I can read Japanese!! (%)
Navi: (snatches the letter and huffs) FINE. {Navi reading the letter}
"Dear Link,par tab I need a HUUUUUUGE favor! Come to my house around...whenever you get this letter. Lord knows you had Navi read it with your illiterate ass. par tab Anyways, there wasn't an address enclosed for a reason. Please learn this song below. If you don't have your Ocarina, or broke it or something, you can sing it.
Signed,par Mz/Chx
(P.S.)
Stop referring to me as 'The Blue-Haired Girl', I have a name dammit!"
{end letter}
Navi: And that's the end of the letter.
Link: Hmm, "huge favor" eh? SWEET! I'm gonna get some from the Blue-Haired girl!
Navi: (rolls eyes) Yah, right. Now here's the song! (hands him the paper) It's on the bottom.
Link: (whips out his ocarina) Ooookay. Now...Hmm...uh...Alright. (deep breath and plays) Dooo...Nope, that ain't it...Deeeee...Uh-uh...Doooot...Crap!
[After several hours of practicing the song he finally has it right]
Link: Okay, okay, I got it! (plays) Dooooooo....DOO...Do...DOOOOOOOOO...
[mystical pink spots of light surround him and in seconds, he VANISHES]
Mz/Chx's House (5:03 am)
[in a very nice home placed in the surburban-ish side of Ohio, an impatient blue-haired girl impatiently waits on her emerald green leather couch surrounded by luggage]
Mz/Chx: ARRGH! Where IS that id-giot?
[when a flash of neon-pink light um...FLASHES before her grenn-contacted eyes!]
Mz/Chx: (blinking and wincing from the blinding light) What the--
Link: Whew! I'm here!
Mz/Chx: Man, what TOOK you so long?!
Link: Well if that song didn't take me forever to learn!!par par Mz/Chx: You never heard that song, "Moments In Love"?! It's a 10 minute classic!
Link: Wait, how did you write a song that would enable me to warp here by playing it?
Mz/Chx: Hmm, I had a "Song Soaring Kit" installed!
Link: A What?
Mz/Chx: Uhhh...nothing!
Link: (rolls eyes) Whatever, so what's the HUUUUGE favor?
Mz/Chx: Wellllll....I'm going camping at Geneva for the weekend...annnnd...
Link: WOW! I'd be THRILLED to go camping!
Mz/Chx: (laughing hysterically) WAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHA! (wipes away tear) Whooooo!
Link: (sweatdrop) ...
Mz/Chx: Yeah right, a pansy like YOU couldn't survive in the great outdoors against Mother Nature!
Link: Mother Nature?
Mz/Chx: Or to you it'd be Din, Nayru and Farore!par par Link: Oh, pleeeeeeeeeease can I go! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!!
Mz/Chx: NO! Now stop acting like a bitch! Plus, I have a super-duper...
Link: Super-duper?
Mz/Chx: Extra-special...
Link: Extra-special (eyes widening)?
Mz/Chx: Top-secret assignment for you!
Link: Don't make me wait!!
Mz/Chx: (whispering) You're job is to...
Link: (leans in) Yah...?
Mz/Chx: Watch my house while I'm away! (BEEP! BEEP!)
Link: WHAT?! B-but-but-but...
Mz/Chx: OH! Would-dya look at that! Here's a handy little instruction manual to the proper housekeeping of my valuable home and how to easily operate the appliances of the house. (hands him the packet)
Link: B-b-b-but, but, but!
Mz/Chx: So, you're Porky Pig now? (heads for the door) Be sure to lock up before you leave, take ALL phone messages, and NO PARTIES!!
Link: But-but-but-but-but!!
Mz/Chx: (stares) Riiiiiiiiiiiiight...So long! I'll bring you back a souvinier!(%) (slams door)
Link: {great}. (sweat drop)
end chap 1
RECAP:
Ha! Poor Link left home alone. Seriously, would you REALLY trust him to watch your home? I'm sorry if it bugs some of you that I portray Link of a dumbass, but...if you don't like it, then what the HELL are you doing reading it?!
NOTES:(%) Navi: I'm getting a message... = Hmm, let's just say she doubles as an answering machine.
(%) Navi: Don't you read the Hyrulian... = Okay, this is the time to debate about the grammar of the game. See, it's very much argued that people from Hyrule are Hylians. But I prefer Hyrulians (Hyruleans, whatever) because I think Hylian is a term used to describe the more...upper-class people of Hyrule (i.e. Royalty)
(%) Link: You know I can't read it as well as I can Japanese!= After all, even though he is not of that origin, he's still a character made from the geniuses of animation and art that are the Japanese.