Chapter 2 is here! Now you can all cheer! *dead silence* -_-;
Well, I worked REALLY hard on this chapter. I hope it's worth it. Thanks to everyone for the feedback ^_^ I loved reading all of your comments!
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it.
For the One You Love
Chapter 2: On My Own
~*~ Kirei Blossom
Filled with mixed feelings, Sakura rushed across the campus, towards Syaoran's dorm. Right above her, an ominous mass of gray clouds was churning in the sky, occasionally a few rumbles of thunder breaking the otherwise silence of the early Sunday morning campus. Gulping down a nervous lump in her throat, Sakura organized her thoughts. Where should she start? What should she say? What would his reaction be? Truthfully, she had gone over this subject millions of times in her head. But right now, just when she was about to go and actually do it, all her planned words sounded sort of hollow.
"I guess I'll just say it as directly as I can." She mused.
Her thoughts were cut off when she heard someone call her name. Looking up, Sakura's eyes widened when she saw Syaoran hurrying over towards her. Feeling her heart hammering madly against her chest, she forced herself to calm down as he approached her.
"Hey." He greeted her cordially.
"Hi. Um.. Syaoran, I… I have something to tell you.."
Syaoran held up a hand. "Wait, I have something to tell you first."
Sakura stared up at him, curiously. Around them, the breeze rose steadily and a low rumble of thunder echoed over the campus. "What is it?"
"Well, I..." Syaoran looked almost awkward. "I've been wanting to tell you this for quite a while now. You see, I.. I…love you."
Sakura stared at him. Very aware of the tremendous jolt she felt in her heart, she clutched her trembling fingers together. "Syaoran," she said softly. "I love you too."
"God, I hope that's what she says in return."
A flash of lightning illuminated the sky, followed closely by a crash of thunder.
"W-who?"
"Suzuno, of course." Syaoran explained. "I thought it was obvious I like her."
Suddenly, Sakura's heart felt as though it wasn't beating at all. All she could do was stare back at Syaoran, her emerald green eyes emotionless.
Syaoran continued, "I have to tell her before it drives me crazy. I've been rehearsing how to say it to her in front of the mirror, but I wasn't sure if it sounded believable; I had to try it on someone. Well, what do you think? Was it convincing enough? Sakura?"
"…What?… Oh… yes. Yes, it was."
There was another loud crash of thunder and Sakura felt a few drops of water fall on her face and hands. It had started raining.
"That's a relief." Syaoran said. "But I'm still nervous as hell. Let's try this one more time, all right? Pretend you're Suzuno." Syaoran paused for a moment, passing a hand through his hair. "Um.. I, love you."
"I love you, Syaoran!" Sakura cried desperately, yet at the same time straining every nerve in her body to keep her voice even.
A smile spread across Syaoran's face. "I hope that's the answer I get. I've made up my mind; I'm going to go tell her right now." For a second, Syaoran looked at the ground. "Sakura, do you think I have a chance with Suzuno?"
Sakura struggled to keep an encouraging smile pasted on her face. "Of course you do." Her mind flitted back to every time Suzuno had blushed around Syaoran. Sakura had never given it much thought, but... "Syaoran, I'm sure she feels the same way. You know, you're a wonderful person – a-anyone would fall in love with you."
"Thanks, Sakura. You're the best friend any guy could ask for." He ruffled her hair. "Here, give me a good luck hug."
As Sakura rested her cheek against his shoulder, she let her smile drop. She clung to him a while longer than was necessary, her wide expressionless eyes staring at the ground, and yet, not really seeing it. "Right, friend." She murmured.
When they separated, Syaoran looked at her face, mistaking her tears for raindrops. "So what did you want to tell me?"
"Oh, it was nothing important."
Sakura welcomed the rain falling on her, the cool wetness seeping into her hair and clothes. And as she watched Syaoran walk away from her, she felt as though he were walking away from her life.
~*~*~*~
A door slammed loudly, making Tomoyo look up as Sakura ran inside and collapsed on her bed.
"Sakura-chan! What happened?" she asked delicately, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"He loves Suzuno." Sakura replied so quietly, that Tomoyo barely heard the answer.
"Are.. are you sure?"
Sakura nodded. And as she sat up, Tomoyo felt a ripple of pain to see Sakura's red, puffed up eyes, with tears streaming unchecked down her face. "He told me himself. Syaoran really loves her; he's going to tell her right now." she sniffed. "I'm sure Suzuno likes him back just as much."
"Sakura-chan.." For the first time, Tomoyo didn't know what to say to reassure her friend. All she could do was sympathetically pat Sakura's back, trying to calm her down and watch as tear after tear poured out of her emerald eyes.
Sakura wiped her face with her hands, took a shuddering breath, and continued in a strained voice. "He only thinks of me as a friend, Tomoyo. Only a friend. Nothing more. That's all I am to him – a friend!" Sakura said this as though she hated that word and as sobs racked through her body, she buried her face in her pillow.
Uncertainly, Tomoyo decided to bring Sakura something to drink. She got up and headed for the door.
"But you know what's funny, Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura asked. Tomoyo paused and glanced back. "The strange thing is that I can't blame either of them." She took a deep breath. "I couldn't hate Syaoran even if I want to. And I can't hate Suzuno-chan either. She's so nice, always so pleasant and helpful. No wonder Syaoran loves her; she's so friendly, smart, and she's pretty too. Unlike me."
"Sakura, don't say that."
"It's true though." A tear silently ran down her cheek. "I know I'm not much special. Syaoran's always saying that I'm clumsy, that I'm not good at anything. He's right. How could anyone love someone like me? I don't have any exceptional qualities. Syaoran's right."
Tomoyo returned to Sakura's bedside. "But he doesn't really mean that, when he says those things."
"What difference does it make?" Sakura gave a delirious laugh. "I'm so stupid! I just had to go and fall in love with my best friend. It doesn't work that way; you're not supposed to fall in love with your best friend of all people. I think I must be the first person to do such a thing. I deserve what's happening to me."
"Sakura-chan, please—"
But Sakura wasn't listening to her. "I love him so much. So much. It hurts – I feel like my heart's being ripped apart." More tears fell. "Why did I have to love Syaoran so much? Why?!" Fresh sobs engulfed Sakura, making her collapse back on her bed. "Suzuno's so lucky! She's so lucky! Syaoran…"
~*~*~*~
Next day…"Sakura-chan, are you all right?" Tomoyo asked as Sakura stuffed her books into her backpack, ready to head outside to start her day.
Sakura nodded. "Yes, I think I feel a lot more calm than I did yesterday. I know it'll take a few days to get used to, but.. I can't go out there with a sad face. Syaoran and Suzuno are both in my first class so I have to act normal. You don't have to worry, Tomoyo-chan, really, I-I'll be fine." Sakura slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the room.
Walking along the campus, Sakura spotted Chiharu and stopped to talk to her.
"There's going to be a party tonight at the Theta frat house. Are you going to be there, Sakura?"
"Um, I don't know..."
"You should come, it'll be fun. Oh, and did you hear?" Chiharu asked excitedly.
"What?"
"I heard that Syaoran and Suzuno are officially going out together!"
"……….."
"Sakura-chan?"
"Oh, r-really? That's great!"
Chiharu tilted her head. "What's wrong?"
"Hoe? Nothing! Why do you ask?"
"You don't look all that good."
As they entered the building, Sakura shook her head. "No, I just didn't get much sleep last night, studying for a test, that's all."
"Oh, okay." Chiharu waved and entered a classroom.
Sighing Sakura pushed a strand of hair away from her face. Syaoran and Suzuno are officially going out together. So she was right, Suzuno did like Syaoran back. Somehow, she was hoping and praying that it wouldn't be so. But then, that would've made Syaoran distraught. Looking up, Sakura noticed that she was nearing her class, and suddenly she didn't want to face the two of them anymore. She stopped uncertainly, half of her wanting to go on, knowing that that was the right thing to do, while her other half fought to run away. Finally, she slowly turned around the corner of the hallway, and entered the class.
"Sakura-chan!" Suzuno waved at her. She was sitting with Syaoran. Putting on a mask of happiness, Sakura walked up to them and sat down next to Suzuno. "I just heard from Chiharu-chan." Sakura smiled. "I'm happy for you two!"
Suzuno turned into a tomato, while Syaoran just looked away, trying to hide a smile. As class started, Sakura tried her best to ignore the aching feeling growing inside her.
They exited the classroom together after the lecture. "You're awfully quiet today." Suzuno commented to Sakura. "What's up?"
Sakura shook her head forcefully. "Nothing at all."
"Why're your eyes so red?" Syaoran suddenly spoke. Sakura winced at his statement, but of course, she had been able to lie to Chiharu convincingly.
"I didn't sleep too much, you know, studying for a test."
"You don't have any test this week."
Sakura cringed inwardly. Why had she been so stupid to have told him that earlier? But.. this was Syaoran – she had always told him everything. She hastily looked at her watch. "Eep! I'm late, I have to go!" Quickly, she ran down the hall and out the building.
For the whole next week, Sakura did her best to avoid Syaoran whenever possible, only seeing him during classes. He probably didn't miss her much. After all, he spent most of his time with Suzuno – always with Suzuno whenever Sakura spotted him walking across the campus or hallways. And Sakura had to admit, she had never felt such loneliness before as she was feeling now.
~*~*~*~
"Late, late, late, late!" Sakura sprinted along a path, clutching her music sheets in her hands. She was late for piano class. Taking a shortcut behind the Sigma Fraternity house, Sakura bounded around a corner.
And then suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks staring forward, her papers falling noiselessly to the ground. A little distance away, Syaoran and Suzuno stood together, locked in a passionate moment. Feeling a tremendous pain stab her heart, Sakura took a step back and then turned around as fast as she could, letting her legs carry her away, anywhere, not caring if she bumped into people along the way. She tried to get the image of Syaoran kissing Suzuno out of her head, but it was no use. Dodging in and out of people, Sakura kept on running, wanting to put as much distance between herself and Syaoran.
~*~*~*~
"What do you mean you're leaving?" Tomoyo cried out frantically, watching Sakura empty her wardrobe and desk drawers.
"I can't stay here, Tomoyo." Sakura faced her friend. "It hurts too much. I thought I could get over the pain in a few days, but I can't. I can't stand seeing Syaoran every single day. I can't stand him being so friendly towards me when what I want is something I could never receive from him. It's just too hard to forget someone I've loved all my life so easily. And if I stay here, Syaoran and Suzuno will notice that I'm not myself; they're already getting suspicious that something's up. I don't want to hurt them in anyway. They're happy together. Staying here would mean to pretend I'm happy. I don't know how long I can keep behaving like this, when inside it hurts so much. I need time to think - on my own. Don't worry about me, Tomoyo-chan, I'll get over this pain eventually. I'll be leaving without telling Syaoran. I don't want him to know I'm leaving. He'll try to stop me, I know, and I can't do that."
"Sakura-chan, just think about what you're doing. Syaoran doesn't love you back, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. You two have been together for years; he'll miss you a lot."
Sakura looked away. "He has Suzuno now.. H-he should stop worrying about me all the time now or else Suzuno-chan will feel bad; after all, who am I to interfere? I'm sure she will be able to give him the happiness and love I never can." A wistful expression crossed her face. "Soon, Syaoran can forget all about me; it's the best thing for him, and for me. For the one you love, isn't this the right thing to do – to do everything in your power to ensure they have a happy ending?"
"But.."
"No buts." Sakura started going through her stuff once more. "My mind is made up; the best thing is for me to be away – as far away from Syaoran as possible."
~*~*~*~
At the busy train station, clutching her ticket in one hand, Sakura tried to heave her suitcase up the steps of the train. With difficulty, she finally managed to get it onto the train. Sighing with relief, she shouldered her bag and pushed her hair out of her eyes, climbing aboard as well.
A hand reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her down. Turning around, Sakura felt her heart sink.
"Where do you think you're going?" Syaoran asked sternly.
"Syaoran, please, let go—" So much for trying to slip away unnoticed. Carefully, she noticed that Suzuno was also with him.
"Where are you going, Sakura?" Syaoran asked again.
Bowing her head a little, Sakura stared at the ground. "I-I got a letter from Oniichan saying that father hasn't been well these past few weeks. I've decided to transfer to another university closer to home to take care of him. You know, Oniichan's not able to be home all that much, what with his work and all."
Syaoran narrowed his eyes suspiciously for a second. "You're not going." He tightened his hold on her arm.
"Baka Syaoran.." She struggled against him, feeling desperate. He wasn't supposed to be stopping her right now! If he got his way this time.. no! Sakura couldn't let him stop her.
"Syaoran, let go!" Jerking out of his grasp, she felt the frustration of everything building up in her. Heedless, a tear slid down her cheek. She quickly turned around to hide it, and found herself face to face with Suzuno.
"Sakura…" Suzuno stared at her face carefully as Sakura surreptitiously wiped the tear away.
Somewhere near the front of the train, the whistle sounded, signaling that the departure time was near. Sakura jumped onto the train, but found that Syaoran had grabbed hold of her hand.
"Don't leave me." He pleaded. Sakura did all she could not to break down at his gentle tone.
"I.. I have to Syaoran!" Why did he have to make things more difficult? "Please understand!" Slowly, she slid her hand away from his and plopped into a seat near an open window.
"Call me when you get there, all right?" Sakura tried not to look at his piercing amber eyes.
"I will." She answered softly. Secretly, she planned to do no such thing. The train door shut and the train started to move out of the station. All Sakura could do was smile sadly at him, for as long as she could see him standing on the platform -- probably the last time she would be seeing him. Almost in slow motion, Sakura watched until the station was left behind in the distance out of sight. "Goodbye, Syaoran." She whispered, leaning her forehead against the cool glass of the window, listening to the sound of the train. Overhead from the speakers, a soft song drifted to her ears.
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
Flashback
Five-year-old Sakura ran around in the school playground. Noticing a boy alone in the sandbox, poking at something, she walked up to him. "Hi, will you be my friend?"
Little Syaoran looked up with large amber eyes at the girl and her outstretched hand. "Why?"
Sakura sweatdropped. "Oh, it would make me happy."
"All right." He stood up and shook her hand. "I'll be your friend."
A little later, a group of kids were chasing Sakura, teasing her about her funny hairstyle. "Your hair's all uneven, and why is it sticking up in the front?" one boy teased her. Stumbling over a rock, Sakura fell down. All the other kids laughed at her.
"Leave her alone!" Little Syaoran clenched his fists, standing in front of Sakura. "Go away before I beat all of you up." The other kids looked at the small angry boy with his fiery amber eyes and walked away, scared of him. From the ground Sakura stared up at him with new respect. "Why did you do that?" she asked curiously.
Syaoran helped her up. "My mother says that friends should always take care of each other."
"Wow." Little Sakura gasped with awe. "I would like to meet your mother!"
"You can't. My family's in Hong Kong. They sent me here for my education."
"You're here alone?"
"No, with Wei."
Sakura smiled at him as brightly as the sun. "Then I'll take care of you too and make sure you're never lonely!"
End Flashback
From the train window, Sakura watched the city drift away, replaced by fields and meadows. She didn't stop the tears welling up in her eyes; she couldn't.
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
Flashback
"I can too!" Sakura argued with Syaoran in their first year at middle school.
"Fine, we'll just see then, shall we?" Syaoran checked his watch. "You have until 3:30 today. Whoever loses has to buy the other a nice present. Remember, not even one "hoe", understand?"
"Piece of cake." Sakura smirked.
Syaoran laughed. "That present's as good as mine. I should start thinking what you're going to buy me, no?"
Later..
Sakura and Syaoran walked out the school building. Sakura looked at Syaoran's watch. "Haha! I'm going to win! Only one minute left, and I haven't said it once all day."
Syaoran looked very worried.
"I want something expensive, Syaoran."
"Fine." Syaoran heaved a sigh. "Thirty seconds left. Say it, please. I don't have a lot of money right now."
Sakura shook her head happily. "Nope."
"Ten seconds left."
"I won! I won! I—" Sakura stopped, staring at the school gates. "HOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! The school bus left without us!!!" Realizing, Sakura turned to Syaoran who had a triumphant look.
"Haha, I told you you could never go half a day without saying your favorite word. Looks like I won."
"No, that wasn't fair! The bus left, see."
"I wasn't planning on taking the bus. We're going to the gift shop across the street." Taking her arm, he led her to the store. "I won fair and square. Hmm, I want something expensive."
Sakura wailed in dismay.
End Flashback
Leaning against the train window, Sakura couldn't see clearly anymore. Her eyes were too blurred with tears.
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Flashback
"Oy, stop crying." Syaoran tried to cheer her up as Sakura cried on his shoulder because she was upset. "Look, you're getting my shirt all wet."
"Baka Syaoran.." Sakura whispered between sobs. Unsuccessfully, she tried to push him away, yet he wouldn't let her.
"Cheer up, Sakura." Syaoran patted her back. "Your crying's making you look all ugly."
This got the intended giggle out of Sakura. Finally, she pulled away and wiped her tears, still giggling a little, looking up into Syaoran's gentle eyes.
"Did you mean that? Do I really look ugly when I cry?"
With his handkerchief, Syaoran wiped away the tears she had missed. "You look a lot better smiling."
End Flashback
Sakura sniffed and blinked, causing the tears to slip down her face.
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Flashback
"The circumference of a circle is… um.. two times pi.. times radius.. um.. oh, this is hopeless!" Sakura closed her math's book, frustrated. She had had enough of studying for the high school entrance exams. "I don't think I'll be able to do this, Syaoran."
"Actually, your formula was right." Syaoran looked pleased.
"Still.. I'm scared. What if I don't qualify for Tomoeda High?" Stretching, Sakura looked at him. "Syaoran?"
"Hmm?"
"You know, I'm sure that you'll get in the Kyugiri High School easily. Why aren't you applying for that one? Tomoeda High isn't as good as Kyugiri, but you're still only trying for Tomoeda."
"I don't want to go to that snobby Kyugiri place."
Sakura stared at him. "But it's a really good school."
Syaoran didn't say anything.
"You're wasting your precious study time helping me.."
Syaoran playfully pulled her ponytail. "Listen Sakura, I don't want to go to any other high school than the one you're going to attend. And I'm going to make sure that you get into Tomoeda High because we're going to go to the same High School. And when it comes to it, I'm going to help you for the college entrance exams as well. Because we are going to go to the same college too. Understand?"
End Flashback
"Syaoran… I'll miss you so." Sakura sighed, watching the landscape out of the window. "Please forget about me."
Without me
His world would go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
"Did you have to be this caring and protective towards me all the time, making me fall for you?"
Flashback
Returning to their college campus from the city, Sakura and Syaoran barely managed to get onto the crowded train as it left the station. Giggling, Sakura held onto the handle, standing next to a window. "Maybe we shouldn't have stayed out this late in the city. I think this is the last train for tonight that goes towards campus, huh?"
"You're the one who wanted to go shopping. Who knew you would buy so much.." Syaoran grumbled.
Sakura pouted. "You're such a spoilsport." She paused for a moment. "Actually, I could've come alone."
"This late at night?" Syaoran looked at her in disbelief. "Like I'd let you."
Sakura didn't say anything. She looked around at the other passengers, some sitting and some standing like themselves in the crowded train. Looking over Syaoran's shoulder her eyes fell on a man staring and making not-so-decent gestures at her. Subconsciously, she took a step closer to Syaoran.
Noticing the frightened look on her face, Syaoran glanced behind him and without a word, stepped to the side, completely blocking Sakura from view. Sakura shot him a grateful look, and for the rest of the train journey both stayed quiet.
When they reached their station, they got off the train onto the dark, deserted station along with a handful of other passengers. Heading towards the gates, Sakura let out a cry of surprise when she suddenly felt someone grab her arm from behind. Turning, she noticed it was the same person who had been leering at her in the train. She tried to release her arm from his grip but it was too tight.
"Let her go." Syaoran said quietly.
Ignoring him, the man ran a hand through Sakura's hair. "You have such nice soft hair, pretty one." Sakura shuddered at his touch, trying to pull away.
That was enough for Syaoran. In one swift movement, he knocked the man's hand away and grabbing him by the collar slammed him into the wall opposite.
"Lay a finger on her again.." Syaoran growled through gritted teeth. "And I swear I'll rip you up limb from limb." Throwing a punch, he left the guy sprawled on the floor in a crumpled heap and putting his right hand behind Sakura's neck, promptly led her out of the station. Sakura could feel him trembling with fury.
"You wanted to come alone, huh?"
Sakura didn't know what to say to that. Silently she was glad that it was Syaoran with her.
End Flashback
I love him
I love him
Feeling a coldness sweep through her, Sakura shifted in her seat. "Syaoran, all this time, I always thought… that you liked me back."
I love him
But… only… on my own.
~*~-----To Be Continued-----~*~
Yes.. to be continued. ^^ What? You didn't think this was the end of the story, did you? u_o That would be horrible!
Well….
REVIEW!
Or else you'll never find out what happens next. Hohoho!! Tell me what you think should happen next. I want to hear what my readers think..
Oh, the song I used is "On My Own" from the Les Miserables musical. It's one of my favorite songs ^^ Check it out sometime, the singer has such a pretty voice and it's got really beautiful music.. I decided to add it in at the last moment, feeling that it really related to this chapter.
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Well, as far as I'm concerned this story has only just begun ^~ Next chapter may come as a surprise; that's all I'm going to say. See you in chapter 3!
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