You guessed it. I don't own Harry Potter. *starts crooning strange Remus/Tonks chant*
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Chapter 2
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But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected ~Avril Lavigne
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He heard the knock and promptly ignored it. He laid on his bed, and closed his eyes. He couldn't sleep anymore, but closing his eyes helped. It made the aching moments hurt less, you see; each minute his eyes were closed was another minute he'd survived... without HIM. And maybe, if enough minutes passed by, the moments would start to ache less. And maybe, after some more minutes have passed by, it wouldn't hurt at all. Maybe.
He heard a soft click and light, awkward footsteps coming into his room. Still ignorable.
A silence passed, in which he had hoped whoever was there had left after coming to the conclusion he wasn't in a heart-to-heart chatting mood.
"Wotcher, Remus," said a soft voice.
"Please leave, Tonks," he said firmly, his eyes still closed. He was rude, he knew. But couldn't he be rude once every full moon? (Ironically, he was; but it was a situation he tried not to dwell on right now.)
"Why?" the voice blurted, "So you can go back to brooding?"
He opened his eyes slowly, and sat up, staring at the discomfited girl in front of him, who was staring back with just as much force. "Please, Tonks," he said quietly, his original determination gone, just leaving behind weariness and gray, "Just go."
And to his surprise, dismay, and almost amusement, Tonks instead, plopped down beside him on the bed, looked square into his eyes and said, "No."
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Nymphadora Tonks was sure she had just done the dumbest thing she'd ever done. (Yes, really.) She hadn't meant for it to turn out this way. In fact, in her mind, the whole conversation would've been quite detached, and not involved nestling her bottom against Remus Lupin's bed. ("Are you alright?" "I'm fine." "Good. Good night, then." A very good, formidable conversation, and she would have managed to left with most of her dignity intact.)
And now, she was sitting next to Remus, dignity no where to be seen, all but clutching to the courage she hoped she had; though with her faulty "courage", it usually ended up looking like foolishness instead.
It was a few moments before she remembered where she was, even though that was really all she was thinking about, and she looked up and saw worn up, fed up, had enough, seen enough eyes. Even his eyes are gray.
"I know you think you're helping, Tonks," he said, rising from the bed and heading toward the door, "But you're not. Now, go." His hand was on the doorknob.
"Wait!" she said suddenly, searching for the right thing to say, anything, anything at all. Remus stared at her from where he was, an odd expression on his face. "Ugh… erf… there's a… I… and…like… yeah…"
For a moment, just an instant between blinks, she was sure there was a glint of laughter in his eyes, reflected by the delicate moonlight, but a second later, it was gone. "Is there something you'd like to say?" he asked her with a carefully concealed voice.
"Well yes," she said indignantly, "But I'm trying to build up to it." After what felt like a long silence, she opened her mouth to attempt to speak again, which proved a horrible mistake.
"Um… it's… you… well… the thing is…" she stopped; helpless to the turn her ability to speak was taking her.
"Yes, Tonks, I believe we covered that," he said curtly, looking at her with unmoving neutrality, and perhaps a bit of disappointment. "Now, if you would please," he said in polite indifference, reaching for the doorknob again.
And it was then she finally said what she had been trying so hard to say correctly, but it wasn't very correctly at all probably, and in such a small voice that Remus had to turn to make sure it wasn't the murmur of the midnight wind.
"What?" he said, frowning slightly.
Her heart clenched tightly, feeling like it would burst in her chest all over again, leaving her empty and hollow and free.
"You never talk Sirius anymore. Since he… died." And a hoarse whisper afterwards, "Where are your tears?"
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Yesss, I finally finished this chapter. I hate it with a passion, but what can you do? I don't have the next chapter written up at all, so I'm depending on your reviews to rev me on :) Please review!