New Characters this Chapter:

Shane

Chapter 6:

Escaping Plotholes and Villainy 101

The first thing Tammi realized when she came to was that it was very, very hot.

The second thing she realized was that her mouth was full of sand.

She sat up, coughing out the sand in her mouth, and looked around. Endless desert met her eyes, with some orange cliffs in the distance.

"You're up." Tammi looked up to see a man standing over her, holding out a hand to help her up. She coughed again and took his hand.

"Who are you? Where are we?" she asked as he pulled her to her feet.

"Well, my name's Shane," he said. "As for where we are, I haven't the slightest idea. I just fell into some kind of hole and ended up here. It looks an awful lot like the Lamakan Desert, doesn't it?" He gestured toward a circle of stones a small distance away.

"It does, but at the same time it doesn't," Tammi said. "For one thing, while it is hot, I certainly don't feel my strength being sapped out of me."

"Yeah, me neither," Shane said, running a hand through his slightly curly brown hair. "Then again, I'm not an Adept, so what do I know?"

"Well, let's just find a way out of here as fast as we can," Tammi said. "I don't like it here at all."

"I don't know anybody who would," Shane said. "So, let's get going." He turned and headed for the distant orange cliffs. Tammi followed.

"You said you're not an Adept?" she asked.

"Nope. Didn't sign up as one on the form. Seems like it doesn't matter much, as none of the so-called Adepts can use psynergy anyway." He stopped beside the circle of stones and inspected it.

"What is it?" Tammi asked.

"Well, I was just thinking that if you were a Jupiter Adept and had any training, Reveal might come in handy here. But if not . . ." He shrugged. "I doubt you'd know Reveal even if you were a Jupiter Adept."

"I am one, and I do know Reveal!" Tammi bluffed.

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, then, by all means, go on and show me." He gestured.

Tammi focused all her mental energy on Reveal. Vynna knew Reveal! And Vynna was her creation, so why shouldn't she know Reveal?

Please, please, please work, she prayed silently, closing her eyes. Please, please work. I know I can do this.

She opened her eyes and flung her arms out in front of her. She then pointed upward, doing her best to look dramatic.

"Reveal!" she yelled.

There was silence as absolutely nothing happened.

Shane sighed. "I should have guessed. I was hoping that might have been a way out, but even if it was, we'll have to find a different one now." He turned and continued walking.

Tammi jogged to catch up with him and glared. "Well, at least I tried!"

"Yes, you did, and that's admirable. But it still doesn't get us anywhere. Hurry up." He kept walking.

Tammi pouted for a few minutes, but stopped when she realized that Shane was paying absolutely no attention to her. "This isn't fair at all," she muttered.

"Life isn't fair. Deal with it," Shane said. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Dare I ask what's wrong with your hair?"

Tammi sulked. "I wrote down raven-black, and they did this," she said, pulling a few feathers from her hair.

There was silence for a moment as Shane stared at the feathers. The silence was broken when he started laughing hysterically.

"Shut up! It's not funny!" Tammi felt herself turning red.

Shane snorted, then continued laughing as the two walked.

"Well, what about you, mister? What's your problem?"

"Me? I don't have one! I described myself pretty well, using the right words as I did so, so I got off easy. Unlike you." He stifled another laugh.

Tammi sulked. "It's not funny."

The rest of the distance to the nearest cliff was spent in silence. When they finally did reach the cliff, a small opening was in it. The two walked in to find that a puzzle awaited them.

"Oh, this is stupid!" Tammi cried, throwing her arms into the air. "What, are we supposed to be imitating Golden Sun here?"

Shane was pushing a pillar toward a switch on the other side of the room. "Would you shut up and help me here?" he asked.

Tammi glared at him, but walked over and helped him push, despite herself. The pillar soon pushed down the switch, and the two heard a door opening somewhere above them.

"This is great," Tammi muttered. "Now we have to move something else around, don't we? Or hit some other stupid switch, or use Psynergy we don't even have . . ."

"Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself?" Shane shook his head and walked over to a vine against the far wall. He started to climb. "It doesn't look like there are any more puzzles to solve, so quit whining and hurry up, you!"

"My name's Tammi!" she yelled after him. She started climbing the vine as well, and reached the top to find him waiting for her.

"Well, Tammi, if a little puzzle like that gets you so frustrated, I have to wonder how you even made it through both Golden Sun games." He pointed toward another door which awaited them. "Let's go."

Tammi stuck her tongue out and hurried to the door, anxious to be the first one in.

When she entered the room, she could see light flickering off of many tiny swords. One sword raised into the air, and Tammi saw a bolt of energy screaming through the air toward her. She tried to run, but felt it cut into her.

Saying "it hurt a lot" would not have done the pain justice.

She blacked out again.

"Mia, we've got two more."

Mia finished washing her hands, and walked back to where Alex stood, looking over the beds where Downed students appeared, ready for Revival. A male and a female had appeared, both appearing to have suffered under multiple Mini Formina Sages. The boy had somewhat curly brown hair and looked more normal than most of the other students. The girl, on the other hand, seemed to be molting from her head; several black feathers were in her same-colored hair. A few of the feathers fell onto the bed and floor.

"Two more," Mia muttered. "And it's only Wednesday. This is ridiculous." She fished a Water of Life out of her bag, and walked over to the female student. Alex didn't need Water of Life—the quintessence of Alchemy was rather useful that way—so he just walked over to the male and cast Revive.

The boy, Shane, was the first to stir. "Ouch," he managed. "I don't think I even want to know what that was."

"I'd guess it was an attack from one of the Minis," Alex said. "They seem to be the most common reason for Downed students ending up here."

"Oh, so that's what those things in the cave were," Shane said, nodding. "It was too dark to see, so I wondered."

"Cave?" Alex frowned for a moment, then nodded. "I see. Got caught in a plothole, did you?"

"Yes. How'd you know?"

Alex was about to reply, but instead made a choking noise when the female student latched herself around his neck.

"Miss, let go this instant!" Mia yelled, grabbing the girl by the ankles and pulling. The girl only tightened her grip, however, and Alex let out another choking noise.

"Tammi, let go of him!" Shane said, shaking his head and tugging at the girl's arms.

Alex shook his head, gritting his teeth, and closed his eyes, clearly focusing. Mia stepped back a good distance, and Shane followed suit, quickly getting off of his bed and following Mia to the back of the Sanctum/infirmary. As Tammi tightened her grip even more, Alex winced again, but suddenly a jet of water hit the fangirl square in the chest, forcing her to let go as she was blown across the room.

"Ow!" she said as she hit the floor a distance away from Alex.

Alex, meanwhile, was rubbing his neck. "Note to self: keep a Mini with you even when in the infirmary," he said. "That's happened one too many times for my liking."

"Well, it could be worse," Mia said. "We could have Picard in here, and then there'd be no end to the fangirls injuring themselves on purpose. I'm just glad we haven't had many male students in here yet."

"Yes, well, you are rather well-liked," Alex said, standing up and rubbing his shoulder with one hand. "Whereas most of the people who come in here either cringe at the sight of me or start cussing when I enter the room."

Tammi said up and opened her mouth.

"Don't say a word, girl," Alex said. "Yes, I know I have fangirls, as you've obviously just proven. Now stay away from me."

Tammi pouted.

"Anyway," Alex said, looking at Shane, "what I was saying is that the Mini-Dullahans like to inhabit the areas they find in plotholes. The Mini's aren't all here all the time, or there'd probably be more of them than there are students. But the plotholes you find around campus all lead to a place we call the Nonexistent Plane."

Shane raised an eyebrow. "And? It seemed like we were in the Lamakan Desert when we landed there."

"Then I'd guess you were in the Lamakran. Or maybe the Lamarkan. Do you see where this is going?"

Shane winced. "As if Mini-Dullahans weren't enough, now we have to deal with plotholes leading to misspelled places as well?"

Mia laughed. "If you think that's all there is, you're bound to be unpleasantly surprised."

Tammi looked up. "Can I go back to my dorm now? I still have to get my books. Villainy 101 starts tomorrow."

"Ah, yes, Villainy 101," Alex said. "Saturos's class. It should be interesting. I think it was ingenious of him to start classes early."

"It's evil!" Tammi cried.

"Isn't that the point?" Mia asked. "Well, yes, you should be fine. Go on back to your room."

Tammi stood up and walked toward the door, then suddenly changed direction and leapt toward Alex. Alex's eyes widened, and he vanished in a few slivers of blue light, reappearing beside Mia on the other side of the room.

"Nice try," Alex said dryly as Tammi's head slammed into the wall.

Tammi groaned and sat down, putting her hands to her head. "Alex, heal me?" she begged, her eyes big and wet with tears.

"It's a bump," Alex said, wrinkling his nose. "You can deal with it on your own." He glanced at Mia. "Call me if you need me." With that, he vanished.

Tammi began to bawl, and Mia, feeling sorry for the fangirl despite herself, cast a quick Ply on the bump. Tammi's crying, however, did not subside, and Mia was forced to shove her outside while still sobbing.

"This job gets worse by the minute," she said.

"I can't begin to imagine," Shane said. Mia glanced at him. Shane shrugged. "I'll show myself out."

He left.

"Good morning, class! How are we today?"

A chorus of groans answered Saturos. Five AM was really far too early, according to the students. A good number of them hadn't even shown up yet.

"Welcome to Villainy 101," Saturos continued. "This is a mandatory class during your time here at OFUW. In this class you'll learn what it means to be a villain. Every other week, we will have a guest lecture by one of my fellow Proxans or by Alex. And before any of you ask, no, the Wise One will not be teaching. He's not evil enough."

Tammi spotted Susie, who was sitting across the room, raising her hand and looking rather infuriated.

"Yes, what is it?" Saturos turned to her and folded his arms.

"The Wise One is evil, though! I mean, he basically killed Agatio and Karst—"

"Because they were a threat to what he believed," Saturos cut in. "The Wise One believed that mankind would cause the downfall of Weyard if Alchemy was unleashed, so he had to try and stop anyone who would release it."

"Well, what about what he did to Isaac, Felix, and Jenna's parents?" Susie stammered.

"For the same reason," Saturos said. "Now if you'd be so kind, I'd like to continue with the lecture." Susie pouted when Saturos turned away.

"As I was saying, there will be a guest lecture every other Tuesday. If you hadn't noticed, this class meets twice a week, because you people are just that horrid at writing villains. So, first of all, we have a pop quiz."

There was much shock at this news, and Karrie stood up from where she sat beside Tammi. "That's not fair!" she said. "How were we supposed to know that we had reading to do for the first day of class?"

Saturos grinned crookedly. "We are having a pop quiz," he repeated, "on the first ten chapters of What it Means to be a Villain. I hope you're all prepared."

With that, he began walking up and down the isles, handing out stacks of paper. The Mini-Dullahan following him around was enough to deter most of his fangirls, but a stubborn few—Susie among them—tried anyway, and either vanished to the Sanctum for Revival, or retreated to their seats with nicely-sized cuts and bruises covering their bodies.

Saturos retreated to the podium and said, "You may begin."

Tammi stared blankly at the paper before her, clicking her mechanical pencil nervously.

1. What is the defining trait of a true villain?

2. Name five ways to give yourself the title of "One of the Greatest Villains Ever."

3. Write the Villain's Oath in the space given below.

Tammi stared at the paper for several more minutes, understanding the next questions as little as she understood the first three.

When Saturos called that time was up, her paper was still blank. She looked at Karrie to see the girl staring down at her paper, equally as blank-faced as Tammi.

Stauros the Mini-Dullahan went around collecting the papers, a good number of which were completely blank, and handed them to Saturos. He flipped through them and smirked.

"It looks like not one of you managed to pass," Saturos said. "Well then, I guess class will be extra-long today."

This was met with groans.

"Well, now, I don't much like whining. Stauros, would you care to take out some of the noisier ones?"

A miniature True Collide hovered over several of the students. When it dispelled, the students had also vanished—they had likely been Downed and now needed Reviving.

The class went silent, and Stauros began patrolling the aisles, his tiny sword out as he looked around at the students. Saturos, meanwhile, narrowed his eyes.

"We'll begin with the laws of villainy," he said. "Repeat after me: I will justify my actions, no matter how bad the justification or actions may be."

The class mumbled something.

Saturos held a fireball in one hand. "I said repeat it."

"I will justify my actions, no matter how bad the justification or actions may be," the class repeated, suddenly aware that Saturos was dead serious about this.

He extinguished the fireball. "Now, does anyone care to tell me why this is important?"

"Well, you did it," a Saturos-hater Tammi didn't know called.

Saturos grinned. "Exactly. But how did I do it?"

"You killed a bunch of people," the Saturos-hater, a Proxan girl with black hair and green eyes, said. "All those guards in the Suhalla and by Babi's lighthouse. You held Felix and Isaac's parents hostage, you blackmailed the original group into giving Felix the Shaman's Rod . . . let's see, what else?"

"I think that's enough," Saturos said. "Now, did I have good enough justification for these actions? That's debatable. All the same, I did them. Menardi and I killed several people on our way through the Suhalla and Babi Lighthouse. Those we didn't kill were injured quite severely. Do you all understand?"

There was more murmuring, and Saturos folded his arms. "Next law. Repeat after me: I will not be merciful to my enemies."

"But—but—but—" Susie started. "What about all the fanfics when you're portrayed as a good guy?"

"Those are fanfics my dear author, and written better than anything you could manage. Here's a lesson you'll learn in Canon and You—if it is written well enough, mucking with canon is somewhat acceptable, assuming Mary Sue isn't involved. But that's not my class to teach, so if you'll kindly shut up and let me teach, I think things will go better for all of us."

The class continued until eight o' clock AM, though it was supposed to end at six. By the time it was over, a group of students stumbled out of the lecture hall, a ten-thousand word essay on how the laws of Villainy applied to Alex due by Tuesday.

Tammi was only starting to realize how awful this year was going to be.