Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist to Ninjas
Chapter Three: DVD
By: Cornel Kennedy
Ben and Todd chatted at the cash register in the local movie rental place called Vic's Video Palace. A black cloaked figure walked into the video store and Todd greeted the man who responded by tilted his peasent hat which climed the bells that hung from the edge of his hat. Later on he returned to the counter and put down a copy of Laurence Oliver's adoptation of Hamlet and a pack of red lifesavers.
"Is this all?" Todd asked.
"Yes." He responded. Ben rolled the pack of lifesavers.
"I can't believe you got a pack of these in the cherry flavour." Ben said. "That is the flavour you give to people you don't really like."
Todd was finished. "It's going to be a dollar extra because the film you returned last week was not rewinded to be the beginning."
"Kisame!" Itachi said clutching his fist in the air. He calmed down. "I allowed Kisame to use my membership card. Permit me to have the fine waved."
"Ah, I can't do that." Todd said. "You know the last person who rented 'The Mating Habits of Sharks' had to use his own time to rewind the film."
"Kisame, that disturbing bastard." Itachi removed his peasants hat and stared Todd and then Ben in the eyes with his sharigan eyes. He picked up the pack of lifesavers and film and walked out of the store without paying. They stood in a daze and awoke with a scream.
"Woah," Ben stated shaking violently more so than Squigglevision, "I just had a dream that for 72 hours that all the televisions in the world were destroyed."
"I know your feelings. For 48 hours I was tied up to a cross and that man would stab me with his sword. when he pulled it out he would say, 'How about I rewind this, just like you want it?'" Todd vomitted and keeled over on the counter.
"Hey, why did you only have to go through 48 hours of torture?" Ben asked. Todd moaned and drool came out of his mouth. "I've learned a lesson from all of this."
"To stop relying on TV so much? To not tease strangers?" Todd managed to release in a disjointed voice.
"Hell no." Ben twitched. "I have to get a DVD player so I don't have to run the risk of paying the penalty for not rewinding."
Gia rubbed his sharp chin with his hand and grinned. Laura raised her hands over her eyes to block the glare from his teeth.
"Imagine if I get her number..." Gai wondered and drifted off in his imagation.
Clip:
(Gai providing voices)
Kakashi and Gai meet outside the ninja academy. Gai holds up a piece of paper with Laura's number on it and with his free hand he gives Kakashi the thumbs up.
"Oooooooo...." Gai pumbs back his hand that had given the thumbs up. "I got a phone number!!!"
"Well," Kakashi says sluggishly, and pulls back his headband that covers one of his eyes. "I will COPY it!"
Gai puts it back quickly. Kakashi grabs his chest and he falls over. "My dying words: 'Hard work beats genius, any day'."
A shovel emerges from Gai's green jumpsuit, and in an instant, a hole is dug to put Kakashi. When Gai is finished, he does a little jig and laughs boldly on Kakashi's grave.
End of clip:
"But if I don't get the number," Gai thought to himself, "I will do ten thousand push-ups while on a raging river with Kakashi sitting on my back reading his filthy book."
Gai walked up to her and did a spin to introduce her to his thumb. "Can I have your phone number?"
"No." She said.
"Very well," Gai said, "then I will do my push-ups."
"Why are you doing push-ups?"
"I said if I did not get your number, I would do push-ups." Gai answered.
"I see, that is why you are in excellent physical condition."
"Thank you for noticing," Gai said and paused. "Wait a moment."
Sakura sat down on the couch in Dr. Katz's office. He asked: "If there were one thing in your life you could change, what would it be?"
"My forehead!" Sakura shouted.
"Yes, can we go for something a little less superficial?" Dr. Katz asked.
A white outline of Sakura, called Inner-Sakura, came out of her and clutch its fist. "Superficial!?!?" Inner Sakura bellowed in Sakura's scary subconscious. "Kill him."
"No one is going to dislike you because of your forehead." Dr. Katz said.
"Thank you."
"They all have complicated issues and reasonable excuses not to like you." Dr. Katz told her. Sakura held her head down in shame. "So, what would you change about yourself?"
"I don't know," she spoke down to her feet, "I just feel.. I feel.. I get in trouble and..."
"People have to finish your sentence." Dr. Katz concluded.
"Yeah," Sakura smiled and raised her head, "and when I am trying to protect someone, I feel.."
Dr. Katz interupted her: "That you are getting in their way and not helping at all."
"Exactly." Sakura agreed.
"I am on a roll!" Dr. Katz said. "I can't tell you how good I feel because of his session."
"This session is suppose to be.." Sakura started but was cut off.
"About you." Dr. Katz faked a basketball shot. "Am I right?"
"Stop that, you're..." Sakura didn't finish. The closing music started.
"Out of time." Dr. Katz said.
"But???" Sakura threw her hands out to her side. Dr. Katz crossed his arms and looked away from her.
"That the end." Dr. Katz annouced.
"I am on an edge of a major breakthrough." Sakura said.
"Maybe when you are going home, you're have that major breakthrough that are time is already up." Dr. Katz said.
"I detest you."
"The only thing you're deTESTING is my patience." Dr. Katz said.
"That wasn't funny, that wasn't funny at all." Sakura stated.
"I leave my A-material for paying clients during their time." Dr. Katz said. "Bye now."
Dr. Katz checked over the history of his next patient as the phone rang. He picked it up. "Dr. Katz's office, Dr. Katz's speaking."
"We need a DVD player." Ben stated. He closed the mircowave door and set it for his burrito.
"Am I finding a pattern to these calls Ben?" Dr. Katz asked.
"What are you talking about?" Ben asked back.
"So many times, you have called talking about needing some new technology, but either you spend too much on it or you aren't happy with it." Dr. Katz told him.
"Sheeh... I thought you were going to recall our playful banter. You know, our good times we have when I call you." Ben said. "Have I ever call you and not made you laugh or lighter?"
"Yeah, I can feel my wallet get lighter each time we speak." Dr. Katz laughed. "Oppss.."
"There you go. We have chemisty and timing with these call." Ben commented.
"That is just how I vent my frustation with you, Ben." He revealed. "Why do you want a DVD player?"
"I have to avoid getting a fine for not rewinding the movies I rent when I return them." Ben said.
"I have a beta player in storage. We can get that because after the movie is done, it loops back to the beginning." Dr. Katz said.
"Problem solved. When I hang up, I will start calling up some paleoanthropologists so that we can dig that fossil out of the stone." Ben remarked. The timer beeped a few times and his burrito was done.
"What is that beeping noise?" Dr. Katz said.
"That is the sound of a well thought out zing." Ben said and sniffed the air. "I think I smell something burnt in the oven."
"What did you burn, Ben?" He felt for the ploy.
"I just burnt you and your silly suggestion." Ben chuckled. "Come on. DVD player."
"I think to stick with tradition, you're going to have to bug me a second time before you buy the DVD player." Dr. Katz said.
"Well, I've already brough it." Ben said. "But I tell you what. I'll phone you up again and we can pretend like I didn't."
Gai was about to sit on Dr. Katz's couch, when Dr. Katz warned him. "Watch out, Kakashi spilled some water on that."
"What? Thinks he can wreak your couch more than me?" Gai ninja chopped the couch and it split it in halves. "One up for Gai!"
"Gai, you're going to have to pay for it." Dr. Katz said.
"You can't control the green beast!" Gai yelled in his intense fist clutching pose.
"Well, when Kakashi spilled his glass of water on the couch, he promised to buy me a two thousand dollar couch." Dr. Katz lied.
"Is that so?" Gai said. "I will buy you a four thousand dollor couch and out do him."
"Very good." Dr. Katz said. "And after you do, I will help you fix that problem you have with Kakashi. I think you ought to leave now."
Ben showed his father the new DVD. "There are many reasons why we need this DVD player."
"I don't know." Dr. Katz said. "There's an adult cartoon that I really liked but it got cancelled. Will that ever be put on DVD?"
"You're dreaming, Dado." Ben said. "Just to change things up, how about tomorrow, I wouldn't go off and buy something."
"That would be gracious of you."
"I mean, I can call you," Ben said, "and we can just have that other pattern."
"You mean that great banter?" Dr. Katz asked. "This is the reason why my show wouldn't be put on DVD."
"What reason wouldn't the cartoon you like be on DVD?"
"It never got a proper ending."
"Got cut off when something interesting was about to..." Ben started,
Next Patients: Kakashi and Anko
Special Guest: Shino's Pop!
Chapter Three: DVD
By: Cornel Kennedy
Ben and Todd chatted at the cash register in the local movie rental place called Vic's Video Palace. A black cloaked figure walked into the video store and Todd greeted the man who responded by tilted his peasent hat which climed the bells that hung from the edge of his hat. Later on he returned to the counter and put down a copy of Laurence Oliver's adoptation of Hamlet and a pack of red lifesavers.
"Is this all?" Todd asked.
"Yes." He responded. Ben rolled the pack of lifesavers.
"I can't believe you got a pack of these in the cherry flavour." Ben said. "That is the flavour you give to people you don't really like."
Todd was finished. "It's going to be a dollar extra because the film you returned last week was not rewinded to be the beginning."
"Kisame!" Itachi said clutching his fist in the air. He calmed down. "I allowed Kisame to use my membership card. Permit me to have the fine waved."
"Ah, I can't do that." Todd said. "You know the last person who rented 'The Mating Habits of Sharks' had to use his own time to rewind the film."
"Kisame, that disturbing bastard." Itachi removed his peasants hat and stared Todd and then Ben in the eyes with his sharigan eyes. He picked up the pack of lifesavers and film and walked out of the store without paying. They stood in a daze and awoke with a scream.
"Woah," Ben stated shaking violently more so than Squigglevision, "I just had a dream that for 72 hours that all the televisions in the world were destroyed."
"I know your feelings. For 48 hours I was tied up to a cross and that man would stab me with his sword. when he pulled it out he would say, 'How about I rewind this, just like you want it?'" Todd vomitted and keeled over on the counter.
"Hey, why did you only have to go through 48 hours of torture?" Ben asked. Todd moaned and drool came out of his mouth. "I've learned a lesson from all of this."
"To stop relying on TV so much? To not tease strangers?" Todd managed to release in a disjointed voice.
"Hell no." Ben twitched. "I have to get a DVD player so I don't have to run the risk of paying the penalty for not rewinding."
Gia rubbed his sharp chin with his hand and grinned. Laura raised her hands over her eyes to block the glare from his teeth.
"Imagine if I get her number..." Gai wondered and drifted off in his imagation.
Clip:
(Gai providing voices)
Kakashi and Gai meet outside the ninja academy. Gai holds up a piece of paper with Laura's number on it and with his free hand he gives Kakashi the thumbs up.
"Oooooooo...." Gai pumbs back his hand that had given the thumbs up. "I got a phone number!!!"
"Well," Kakashi says sluggishly, and pulls back his headband that covers one of his eyes. "I will COPY it!"
Gai puts it back quickly. Kakashi grabs his chest and he falls over. "My dying words: 'Hard work beats genius, any day'."
A shovel emerges from Gai's green jumpsuit, and in an instant, a hole is dug to put Kakashi. When Gai is finished, he does a little jig and laughs boldly on Kakashi's grave.
End of clip:
"But if I don't get the number," Gai thought to himself, "I will do ten thousand push-ups while on a raging river with Kakashi sitting on my back reading his filthy book."
Gai walked up to her and did a spin to introduce her to his thumb. "Can I have your phone number?"
"No." She said.
"Very well," Gai said, "then I will do my push-ups."
"Why are you doing push-ups?"
"I said if I did not get your number, I would do push-ups." Gai answered.
"I see, that is why you are in excellent physical condition."
"Thank you for noticing," Gai said and paused. "Wait a moment."
Sakura sat down on the couch in Dr. Katz's office. He asked: "If there were one thing in your life you could change, what would it be?"
"My forehead!" Sakura shouted.
"Yes, can we go for something a little less superficial?" Dr. Katz asked.
A white outline of Sakura, called Inner-Sakura, came out of her and clutch its fist. "Superficial!?!?" Inner Sakura bellowed in Sakura's scary subconscious. "Kill him."
"No one is going to dislike you because of your forehead." Dr. Katz said.
"Thank you."
"They all have complicated issues and reasonable excuses not to like you." Dr. Katz told her. Sakura held her head down in shame. "So, what would you change about yourself?"
"I don't know," she spoke down to her feet, "I just feel.. I feel.. I get in trouble and..."
"People have to finish your sentence." Dr. Katz concluded.
"Yeah," Sakura smiled and raised her head, "and when I am trying to protect someone, I feel.."
Dr. Katz interupted her: "That you are getting in their way and not helping at all."
"Exactly." Sakura agreed.
"I am on a roll!" Dr. Katz said. "I can't tell you how good I feel because of his session."
"This session is suppose to be.." Sakura started but was cut off.
"About you." Dr. Katz faked a basketball shot. "Am I right?"
"Stop that, you're..." Sakura didn't finish. The closing music started.
"Out of time." Dr. Katz said.
"But???" Sakura threw her hands out to her side. Dr. Katz crossed his arms and looked away from her.
"That the end." Dr. Katz annouced.
"I am on an edge of a major breakthrough." Sakura said.
"Maybe when you are going home, you're have that major breakthrough that are time is already up." Dr. Katz said.
"I detest you."
"The only thing you're deTESTING is my patience." Dr. Katz said.
"That wasn't funny, that wasn't funny at all." Sakura stated.
"I leave my A-material for paying clients during their time." Dr. Katz said. "Bye now."
Dr. Katz checked over the history of his next patient as the phone rang. He picked it up. "Dr. Katz's office, Dr. Katz's speaking."
"We need a DVD player." Ben stated. He closed the mircowave door and set it for his burrito.
"Am I finding a pattern to these calls Ben?" Dr. Katz asked.
"What are you talking about?" Ben asked back.
"So many times, you have called talking about needing some new technology, but either you spend too much on it or you aren't happy with it." Dr. Katz told him.
"Sheeh... I thought you were going to recall our playful banter. You know, our good times we have when I call you." Ben said. "Have I ever call you and not made you laugh or lighter?"
"Yeah, I can feel my wallet get lighter each time we speak." Dr. Katz laughed. "Oppss.."
"There you go. We have chemisty and timing with these call." Ben commented.
"That is just how I vent my frustation with you, Ben." He revealed. "Why do you want a DVD player?"
"I have to avoid getting a fine for not rewinding the movies I rent when I return them." Ben said.
"I have a beta player in storage. We can get that because after the movie is done, it loops back to the beginning." Dr. Katz said.
"Problem solved. When I hang up, I will start calling up some paleoanthropologists so that we can dig that fossil out of the stone." Ben remarked. The timer beeped a few times and his burrito was done.
"What is that beeping noise?" Dr. Katz said.
"That is the sound of a well thought out zing." Ben said and sniffed the air. "I think I smell something burnt in the oven."
"What did you burn, Ben?" He felt for the ploy.
"I just burnt you and your silly suggestion." Ben chuckled. "Come on. DVD player."
"I think to stick with tradition, you're going to have to bug me a second time before you buy the DVD player." Dr. Katz said.
"Well, I've already brough it." Ben said. "But I tell you what. I'll phone you up again and we can pretend like I didn't."
Gai was about to sit on Dr. Katz's couch, when Dr. Katz warned him. "Watch out, Kakashi spilled some water on that."
"What? Thinks he can wreak your couch more than me?" Gai ninja chopped the couch and it split it in halves. "One up for Gai!"
"Gai, you're going to have to pay for it." Dr. Katz said.
"You can't control the green beast!" Gai yelled in his intense fist clutching pose.
"Well, when Kakashi spilled his glass of water on the couch, he promised to buy me a two thousand dollar couch." Dr. Katz lied.
"Is that so?" Gai said. "I will buy you a four thousand dollor couch and out do him."
"Very good." Dr. Katz said. "And after you do, I will help you fix that problem you have with Kakashi. I think you ought to leave now."
Ben showed his father the new DVD. "There are many reasons why we need this DVD player."
"I don't know." Dr. Katz said. "There's an adult cartoon that I really liked but it got cancelled. Will that ever be put on DVD?"
"You're dreaming, Dado." Ben said. "Just to change things up, how about tomorrow, I wouldn't go off and buy something."
"That would be gracious of you."
"I mean, I can call you," Ben said, "and we can just have that other pattern."
"You mean that great banter?" Dr. Katz asked. "This is the reason why my show wouldn't be put on DVD."
"What reason wouldn't the cartoon you like be on DVD?"
"It never got a proper ending."
"Got cut off when something interesting was about to..." Ben started,
Next Patients: Kakashi and Anko
Special Guest: Shino's Pop!