The Final Fantasy Character Formerly known as Cloud
An SSJ2 PikaFlash Fanfiction...
Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to
their respective owners.
At a barbecue party, Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7 was with Tidus, Selphie and Irvine.
"So, I took out the bad guys without any problem, all thanks to my Buster Sword," Cloud boasted.
"Great story, Cloud," Tidus commented, "Hey, here comes Squall!"
Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy 8 walks to the group and Cloud avoids looking at Squall.
"Are you still having problems with Squall, Cloud?" Irvine asked.
Cloud was still showing his back at Squall. "I am not talking to him," Cloud mumbled.
"I've only came here to introduce my new partner, Zidane," Squall explained. At that moment, Cloud turns around to see Zidane Tribal from Final Fantasy 9 and greeted the other characters.
"Hello..."
Cloud groaned. "Of all the people I meet, it has to be Zidane!"
Cloud angrily walks off.
Irvine walks into the bathroom to wash his hands when he sees Cloud crying in the toilet.
Irvine tried to comfort Cloud. "I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything for you."
"That's ok." Cloud wiped off his tears.
Back at the barbecue, Zidane was telling his battle experience to the other characters, but a jealous Cloud was heavily drinking beer.
"So, I took out those bandits thanks to the Thief Skills from my Trance."
Cloud yelled out, "You're just a wuss, because you had your trance that could be used like you're Super Saiyan 4 Goku!"
Zidane ignored Cloud's outburst and continued his story. "But anyway, if it weren't for that video games heroes insurance..."
"Oh, you really are a coward!" Cloud yelled again.
Squall looks at Cloud.
"Please, Cloud," Squall calmly said, "don't take it wrongly."
"Shut up!" Cloud screamed
"Well, lets go, Squall. Leave Cloudy boy behind," Zidane said as he puts his drink down and walked off with a worried Squall following him. Cloud begins to look pale.
"Does anyone have a bucket? I feel like I'm going to puke."
As Cloud holds his stomach, everyone runs off...
After the barbecue, Irvine and Selphie were cleaning up the backyard when they saw a trashed Cloud sitting at the wall.
Irvine and Selphie pulled Cloud into the shower and turned on the shower, with the water splashing on Cloud.
Cloud: Thanks.
Irvine and Selphie walked off.
"Does anyone have a towel?!" Cloud yelled.
At that moment, Squall enters the room with a towel and walks to Cloud. Cloud looks up and was surprised to see Squall. "Squall, you're back for me?!" Cloud asked.
Squall smiled. "Yes, Cloud. I am here to help you."
Both Squall and Cloud hugged.
Cloud was in a phone booth with the Buster Sword on his back as he was making a phonecall.
"Hello, Barret? Yes, it's me, Cloud Strife. Yes, the blonde Dragon Ball Z-hairstyle Final Fantasy Character with the Buster sword. Look, just wanting to say that my PHS was disconnected and I just want to know if there are any jobs for me? None? Well, if you need me, you can just contact me by playing Final Fantasy VII. Yes."
Zell was outside the phone booth.
"Will you hurry up?!" Zell yelled, "I've got a call to make!
"Look, Barr..." Cloud was suddenly cut off. "!$!%!%!%!%!#!$! That was my last gil!"
Out of anger, Cloud slams the phone handle on the phone table.
Cloud walked into his front yard and looked around.
"What the?! Where did my motorcycle go?!"
Laguna, Cloud's Neighbor, was watering his garden.
"Oh, Cloud. Shinra repossessed your bike."
Cloud slaps his forehead. "No, and I just got a job interview today. How am I going to be on time if I don't have my transportation."
Laguna thought for a while, then, he took out his car keys and tossed the keys to Cloud.
"You know what? You can borrow my car."
"Thanks, Laguna. I'll remember to bring it back later."
Cloud got into the car, but was having trouble getting onto the seat and putting the seatbelt on because of the Buster Sword on his back.
"Err, Cloud," Laguna called out, but Cloud didn't listen. "If you're feeling uncomfortable, you could take the big sword off your back."
Cloud drove off without hearing a single word Laguna said.
"What a moron," Laguna mumbled.
Cloud Strife was at the Gold Saucer Chocobo Races ripping up his betting ticket.
Cloud: Best odd, my ass. I could polish my Buster Sword with these tickets if I had won.
Tidus sees Cloud and walked to the mercenary.
"Excuse me, but do I know you from somewhere?" Tidus asked.
"Yes, I used to be a jockey for these races" Cloud explained, "you might know me. My name is Cloud Strife."
Tidus shakes his head. "No, it's not that. I think I've seen you from somewhere else."
"Yeah, I used to be a mercenary for the group AVALANCHE. Ever heard of them?"
"Nah." Tidus shakes his head. "Which Elementary school do you go to?"
"Nibelhem Elementary," Cloud replied.
Tidus crossed his arms. "Nah, I went to Zanarkand Elementary," Tidus said, then he remembers something. "Wait a minute, I remember you. You work at that hardware store at Costa De Sol!"
Tidus walked to his group of friends and pointed at Cloud.
"Hey Guys! This is the blonde guy with the big sword I was talking about. The one who doesn't know what a monkey wrench is!" Tidus yelled out.
"Really?" Wakka looked at Cloud. "The one with the big sword, ya?"
The group laughed out loudly.
"Yeah, right. Laugh at me," Cloud mumbled as he showed the middle finger at the group.
Cloud was at a restaurant table with Squall.
"So...Squall. I see that we are finally meeting each other after a long time."
Squall looked at Cloud.
"I know. It has been quite a while."
"So, Squall...any news with the other Final Fantasy Characters?" Cloud asked.
Squall looked at Cloud. "Well...one time Rinoa tried to do her Angle Wing special attack, but we were fighting monsters on the airship while moving, so Rinoa accidentally ended up in one of the Ragnarok engine's..."
"But, she's alive, right?" Cloud asked.
"She's alright," Squall takes a sip of wine. "She just needs a bit of rest in the hospital."
"Any more characters?"
"Well, Vincent has moved from the Shinra Mansion to Yuffie's home in Wutai after a Dragon Infestation of the Mansion."
"I see. And what about Mr. Monkey Boy?" Cloud asks.
"That's Zidane." Squall corrected. "And he respects me. Unlike you."
"What do you mean?" Cloud asked. "We hang out together and what about our team name. Remember 'The Cloudy Boys'?"
"Bingo," was Squall's answer. "And that's why I left you. Everything is all about you, Cloud. With Zidane, he treats me as an equal. And he will consent me about the team name." Squall took out a pair of handcuffs. "I believe these are yours, Cloud."
Cloud looked at the handcuffs. "But, Squall! We were locked together in these handcuffs when we were chasing Seifer!"
"I'm sorry, Cloud," Squall said without looking at Cloud, "Its over."
Squall walked off, leaving Cloud back at the table, who couldn't control his tears and drank his wine.
Lulu and Wakka were at the tool shop with a shop worker carrying a big sword on his back.
"Are you sure it is here?" Lulu asked
Cloud Strife was looking at a shelf full of tools.
"Of course. You're looking for a plunger, right?"
"Yes," Lulu said, "but could you please make it quick, we're kinda in a hurry."
Cloud was still looking. "Well, I'm pretty sure its here."
Wakka was impatient. "Come on, I can't wait anymore, ya. Lu, lets go, ya."
Lulu and Wakka walked off.
"Yeah, as if I'm useless," Cloud mumbled
As Cloud was about to raised his middle finger at the couple, Squall bumped into Cloud with a trolley.
"Cloud."
"Squall."
Squall looked at Cloud's uniform. "I see you got yourself a new job here."
"Yes," Cloud replied, "So how's your friend with the French Soccer player's name?"
Zidane appeared holding a shovel.
"Hey, Squall." Zidane called out. "I found this nice water feature we could put on our Airship..." At that moment, Zidane sees Cloud.
"Hello, Cloud. I see that you are now the 'hero' of 'Final Fantasy Tools'."
Cloud picks up a sledgehammer. "How do you like it if you have your face bashed by my 'Final Fantasy Tool', monkey boy?" Cloud threatened Zidane, but Zidane was very calm.
"Calm down, Cloud. I mean, there is the threat of a large DIY Company, a Super DIYSoldier and a giant tap leak."
Zidane was mocking Cloud as Squall tries to stop Zidane from provoking Cloud.
"Zidane, please..."
At that moment, there was an announcement. "Would Cloud Strife head to the service desk? I repeat, would Cloud Strife head to the service desk?"
Zidane looked at Cloud. "Looks like you have a job to do...tool boy. Come on, Squall, lets leave Mr. Fix-it-alone."
Cloud was pretty POed as Zidane and Squall walked off.
Cloud woke up on a nice sunny morning as he was carrying a cup of coffee. As he tries to keep himself from falling asleep again, he spots a girl in orange and green in his garden.
"HEY! Get out of my garden, you Al Bhed!" Cloud yelled out as Rikku has finished burying a landmine in Cloud's vegetable patch and runs off. "Man, I hate it when she puts landmines in my garden," Cloud mumbled as he scratched his head.
The landmine exploded.
"There goes my vegetable patch."
[The Premiere of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children]
"The new Final Fantasy VII movie, Advent Children is now out in Cinemas and lets see what the fans say about the movie."
Irvine and Selphie from Final Fantasy VIII were being interviewed on camera.
"Its really great," Irvine said, "I like the special effects when Cloud was on the
motorcycle."
Dagger and Eiko from Final Fantasy IX walked out of the cinema.
"Cloud Strife is sooooo cute!" as both summoners cried out.
Tidus from Final Fantasy X was smiling after watching the movie.
"Its a very interesting and I like the storyline," Tidus commented, "Very original."
Cloud (!) walked out of the cinema carrying his Buster Sword.
"Well, I didn't think its realistic at all," Cloud said as he shrugged and walked off.
Cloud was setting up a video camera.
"How do you work this thing..."
[Beep!]
Scene changes to Cloud with the Buster Sword in front of the camera on the couch.
"Hi, I'm auditioning for...what was it again?"
[Beep!]
Scene changes to Cloud holding up a pizza box reading "cloud's big brother ordition"...
"The reason why I want to be on Big Brother is because...well, you never had a Final
Fantasy Character on the show. I am a bit of a musician."
[Beep!]
Cloud was playing the electric guitar badly to the tune of "Simple and Clean". Cloud's singing is no different.
"Regardless of warning that the future doesn't scare me no more, not that I cared before!"
[Beep!]
Cloud was working with a pottery machine.
"Well, what I am doing is some sort of pottery I am making. I am not sure what it is,
but it could be a cup or a pot...Now...if I could..."
Cloud messed up the "cup" or the "pot" he was making by accidentally flattening it.
"%#&!!!"
[Beep!]
Cloud was showing some old photos of himself with his partner, Squall...
"These are some of my old trophies when I used to play baseball. Because I use a big sword in battle, it helps with my swinging technique. Although, it would be a bit difficult to figure out when the ball comes because I swing fast. That's why all I seem to get are consolation trophies."
Cloud looks at a photo.
"And these are old photos of with me and my crime-fighting partner, Squall. He was one of my best friends. Now he's with a new crime-fighting partner named Zidane."
Cloud tried to contain his tears.
"Sorry...got a bit of dust in my eye."
Cloud switches off the camera.
[Beep!]
Cloud was sitting on a couch.
"Well...what else can I say about myself. Well, I am sensitive and a metrosexual,
because not many male Final Fantasy characters have a Hello Kitty toy."
Cloud takes out a Hello Kitty toy, then tosses it away.
"Well, I suppose to finish this off, I would do a poem."
Cloud picks up a piece of paper and begins his poem.
"The sky is full of Clouds..."
The tape cuts Cloud off at the poem and changes to a video recording of Rikku
taking her groceries from the back of her hover. Then, she sees the camera and turns
to it.
"Cloud! If I ever catch you peeping at me again with that camera, I swear that I
will shove a grenade up your ass!"
At the very moment Rikku pulls out a Grenade, the camera's POV runs away from Rikku
after hearing her threat.
Van Helsing (The monster hunter) was carrying a crossbow and the trademark hat as he entered a dark room. Van looks around for his target. Suddenly, Van Helsing hears a suspicious noise from the movement of a cape and begins to rapidly shoot out lots of arrows out of his Crossbow at the direction of the noise. After a while, Van Helsing stops shooting arrows and walks towards the wall, where Cloud Strife was wearing a red cape and holding his Buster Sword (Cloud's outfit from Kingdom Hearts) wrapped in bandages as the arrows stick him to a wall.
Van Helsing looks at Cloud, then asks, "Are you Dracula?"
"I think you're in the wrong game. This is Kingdom Hearts." Cloud was trapped with arrows sticking his cape to the wall. "If you're looking for Dracula, try your luck in Castlevania."
"Oh, sorry about that," Van Helsing apologised, taps his trademark hat and walked off.
"Don't worry," Cloud was as calm as he could be as one arrow was in between Cloud's legs
and one arrow pierced through a can of beer.
[That's all of the shorts scenes involving Cloud Strife...you may send the second R in R&R]