Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist to Ninjas
Chapter Eight: Grey Hair

Dr. Katz sat at his desk in his office and buzzed Laura. "Ah, Laura. Could you come in here for a moment? Just a moment, would really be great."

"Can't do it." Laura's voice emitted from the intercom.

"It's just, that, when I ask you to come into my office, well, I feel that you never take the idea seriously." Dr. Katz said. "Could you come in here once?"

"I got a crisis I have to deal with." Laura removed her finger from the machine and focused on a hair that she held between her fingers.

"Is there anything I can give you to enter my office?" Dr. Katz asked. "Anything at all, you can think of?"

"You mean something like a door prize?" Laura asked.

"See, there is no having it one way or the other, Laura. If I were to give you a door prize, I would have to start stationing someone outside my door for an exiting poll for the election." Dr. Katz explained. "I can give you reassurance. When you enter my office,"

"Isn't your office just for people with mental problems?" Laura asked.

"I'm in here." Dr. Katz stated.

"And that is why you're having to explain your case to me." Laura retorted.

"Just a brief case, you should know." Dr. Katz snickered. Laura moaned over the intercom.

"Will it prevent a string of bad word puns?" Laura asked.

"Yes." Dr. Katz said. He waited for Laura to come through his door. She stood at the front of his desk. "Last night..."

"No way," Laura interrupted, "not starting like that."

"How about the night before this morrow?" Dr. Katz suggested. "I can do this in a poetic fashion."

"Just get on with it." Laura demanded with her hand in her wavy red bangs. "Only pull out points that will sicken me."

"Ben has recently found my old stash, and I am afraid that if he learns that during the elections that he may throw his vote away on a 3rd party candidate who supports legalization." Dr. Katz explained. "What would you suggest to be the best way to inform my son about all of his choices? I would not object if he does vote for a 3rd party candidate, but I just don't want him to pick the wrong reasons."

"Why don't you get him to meet the runners?" Laura thought and the phone rung. "You better pick that up. That was why I didn't want to come in here."

"Could you, could you pick that up?" briiiiing Dr. Katz asked. "I have to be prepared to take the call and compose myself." briiiiing

"It's probably Ben," Laura said. "He calls here a few times a day."

"It doesn't sound professional." BRIIIIING Dr. Katz said. "It would be very... thanks."

Laura had left and soon the phone started ringing. "Dr. Katz, it's Ben."

"Hey Ben, how are you enjoy my marijuana?" Dr. Katz asked and his smile of hearing his son vanished. He muttered an approval. "I see why you would not want to come to your next appointment, Mr. Stiller. It was like that time you couldn't bring yourself to have sex with that woman." Dr. Katz explained. "Great, see you tomorrow."

"Hello," Hinata said to Laura at her desk.

"You can go in to see the doctor now," Laura added, "to avoid repetitiveness in life of already experiencing changing a girl."

"My sister," Hinata started as she sat at the edge of the couch, "she takes up all of my father's attention. Oh sure, I suppose he was there for my kidnapping, but he did not sit next to me during the final Chuunin exam. It is quite a strange thing to show up at an event to see that people you could have gone with are also there. Do you try to sit next to them or sit somewhere else?"

"Flip a coin," Dr. Katz hinted, "if it doesn't come down, you are trapped in a nightmare."

"Indeed, we have all had this problem." Hinata said. "So Kiba and I sat behind them to mentally torment them. It was a real cute suggestion, but really, he didn't have enough money to buy closer tickets."

"This was at a sporting event." Dr. Katz said. "Do you get to see advertisement there as well?

"Advertisement would be different for ninjas." Hinata said. "If you are not careful enough walking around during a sporting event, you could end up in a deep sleep to dream about tourist information about the Sound Country."

Ben pressed the numbers on phone. "Hey, Laura."

"What do you want?" Laura asked on the other line.

"I'm wondering if you want to meet at the arcade." Ben said. "The local candidate for some party that supports legalizing pot will be there."

"You shouldn't vote on stuff superficial and unimportant things." Laura commented. "Who are the party and candidate?"

"Who cares? Pot." Ben coughed. "Could you burrow the car from my dad? I need a lift there."

"I would like to do something youthful." Laura said. "See at the apartment."

Dr. Katz got out from behind his desk and went to the reception room. Laura was gone and Kiba and his dog were sitting down.

"Hello," Dr. Katz said. "If that dog isn't assisting a physical handicap, I can't allow that dog in the office."

Akamaru barked. "You're right, Akamaru," Kiba said and broke a leg off the chair he was sitting on, "he wants you to sit outside in the cold to shiver as you are tied to a tree."

"You know," Dr. Katz said, "as a mental professional, I don't think that you should pretend that your dog can speak."

"But he can!" Kiba said. "And we can prove it."

"Okay," Dr. Katz said and put Akamaru on Laura's desk, and pulled out some coloured pens, "if your dog can tell you the colours of my pen then I will believe you."

"Akamaru can't see colours."

"I'll show him a number with my fingers."

"Can't count."

"A sentence from a book."

"Can't read!!!" Kiba shouted. His patience was gone and he started trashing around the room as Akamaru chased his tail in excitement. Kiba ended his whirl wind of destruction. "Akamaru can talk."

"I'm going to write you a subscription for this pill." Dr. Katz said. "I think it will calm you down."

Dr. Katz heard his intercom beep. "Yes."

"Tsunade is here to speak with you," a blonde haired receptionist said.

"Okay, get her to wait a moment before I call her in," Dr. Katz said and looked up as his door opened and Tsunade entered. "Hello, Tsunade."

"We can't perform much here in this world," she said, "we should have little effect on it, but Orochimaru is running as a candidate for some seriously stupid title."

"Tsunade," he said. "Could you wait at the front desk as I recollect my thoughts?"

"I forgot how loud arcades were," Laura said as Ben had a friendly conversation with the changer, "Ben, ah, Ben, you know that is only a machine."

"It's one of my secrets." Ben said. "It makes me a better player. Are you getting gray hair?"

"Shut up!" Laura scoffed. They went upto a beat them up, and Ben fed the machine. "So, what do I do?"

"You just tag along for my high score journey, so that we can use both of our initials to spell out a bad word on the high score list." Ben said. "What's a six letter word?"

"Stupid." Laura said. "Not a suggest mind you; but, a comment on your plan."

"Hello," Orochimaru said and the two jolted as they saw his pale face and purple eye shadow, "I am the candidate for the Sound Party. Ever since the beginning of existence has a species been most misled and confused as humankind. This is because we see the reflection of death. I will break the cycle of life and death."

"Pot, yeah!" Ben said hazily looking around at all of the flashing screens and noise.

"So, I can count on your vote?" Orochimaru said.

"Nope," Ben said, "I am not going to vote. It's a political thing."

"I have always explained that the U.S. government had nothing to do with Sailor Moon being taken off the air," Laura said.

"Then I challenge you to a game," Orochimaru held up his hand with two tokens between his fingers, "If you win, I will give you the secret of immortality."

"Those are crappy terms, sorry for putting it mildly," Ben said. "If I win, you have to get rid of Laura's gray hair."

"Oh, Ben," Laura crossed an arm over her chest, and sunk her shaking head into her other hand. "You will get them too."

"Deal," Orochimaru said, "and if I win, you have to become my slave."

"I don't have anything to worry about," Ben let out a single laugh, "I have spent more than fifty dollars on average on each machine. I'll even let you choose."

"Then, I choose, Tetris," he pointed at a machine in the corner.

"What the hell is Tetris?" Ben asked Laura as Orochimaru lead them to the machine. He placed in two tokens and the game began. "Well, it's a video game, I must be good at it."

It did not take Ben long to lose.

"Now, I will be your opponent," Laura said. "Since College I have brought my Gameboy to class and everywhere."

"Didn't it get hard carrying around all of those punch cards?" Ben joked. Laura sneered at him. The game began.

"If I win, I want black hair," Laura said. "And you?"

"I prefer red," he said.

Ino sat on the couch, she had a bowl of ice cream in her lap that she was stirring with a racket using her spoon.

"Do you have to be so loud?" Dr. Katz asked. "You shouldn't play with your food."

"I like to eat my ice cream melted," Ino replied doubling her efforts.

"Can't you just leave it out?" Dr. Katz suggested. Ino gave him a dirty look belonging of the highest degree of disgust that can only be performed by a girl her age at that period of time.

"Then it wouldn't be cold," Ino said.

"Cold isn't the greatest quality I could think of now," Dr. Katz murmured to himself.

"That was a shot at me!" Ino objected. "Besides, I'm a busy girl."

"At your age?" Dr. Katz said skeptically. "I don't believe you have important things to do."

"And don't you have better things to do than to argue with a girl trying to enjoy her ice cream?" Ino replied and pointed her finger at the therapist as he opened his mouth. "Don't start in this loop argument with me; everyone has better things to do than be subjected to that."

"What do you mean loop argument," Dr. Katz said raising his hands up innocently, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You say I waste my time, and I say you waste your time by saying that I waste my time," Ino said, "and the loop continues about how is wasting the most time."

"But," Dr. Katz started, "how about a circle argument?"

"Ah, no, and neither" Ino bossed him and quickly added, "No loop, coup, droop, hoop, troop, stoop, dupe, drupe, croup, roop, soup, swoop, poop or group argument."

"Wait, what is the last one you said," Dr. Katz asked.

"So what, I said poop," Ino said, "You don't have to take a crap over it!"

"No, I think you said group argument," Dr. Katz said, "Perhaps we can get some group sessions."

"You just want to drain more money from Konoha," Ino objected.

"Officially, I am undertaking suggestions from my clients," Dr. Katz said but looked at Ino's raised eyebrow, "and what would it take to make you agree that this is a suggestion?"

"Let me chose the pairs," Ino said enthusiastically and leaned forward with her hands together in front of a flowery background.

"Mmmmm... I wonder if it would make a good wall paper?" Dr. Katz said finishing up his picture of a goldfish, "Oh, you were saying something?"

The ending music started to play.

"You know what that means," Dr. Katz said.

"Uh, you said something?!?" Ino shouted.

The screen flashed: "Game Over"

The crowd that had formed cheered as Laura defeated. Ben put up his hand to give Laura a high five that she nodded to someone in the crowd to take.

"There, I win," Laura said, "Ben is your slave. Now give me my black hair."

"Okay," Orochimaru said, "Forbidden Jutsu: Immortality no Jutsu!"

With a flash of light, Laura and Ben screamed.

"Why am I screaming like a girl?" Laura said.

"There's your black hair," Orochimaru laughed in his girly tone and vanished with the red haired girl.

"This isn't part of the deal!" Ben yelled shaking his fist. He slumped down and found his hands in his pocket. "Ewww... there's holes in these pockets. Oh no, I've become Ben!"

"Okay, we are glad to hear you are taking care of this mishap," Dr. Katz said and put down receiver down. He sat next to Laura. "So, why don't you stay at your place?"

"I'm not going to explain this to my friends," Laura said. "Bad enough they wouldn't believe that I switched bodies with the son of my co-worker."

"Boss," Dr. Katz corrected her, "call me boss."

"This is your fault for dealing with those ninjas," Laura crossed her arms in the usual across the chest and under the arms. "Disgusting, how much does Ben sweat? He doesn't do much."

"Consider it a step to tolerating his bowel movement," Dr. Katz joked.

"That's not helping," Laura said, "and what about my body. I don't like this one bit."

The End

Next Chapter: Pairings!
Hinata and Naruto (together in couples therapy)