(A/N): Sorry it took me so long to update. Wanted to see how many people
would actually review this nutty story. Then again, if I get more reviews
I'll probably review sooner. Especially with President's week coming up.
Even if I'm writing other stuff under my other penname, FieryDiMaia and
with my co-authors Madbrilliantangel and Coldrevenge, whom I'd like to
shout-out. I'm determined not to abandon my first X-Men fic.!
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Chapter 2: The Snip Heard From Coast to Coast
Mystique/ Senator Kelly's POV:
It's been two days since I left Eric and his All Boys' Club to fart and belch all by themselves. I have been plotting the devious punishment of men all over America to make up for my humiliation. So what if it took God forty days and forty nights to punish MANkind? I can get it done in 2 weeks tops... Ya know it's funny. At the turn of the twenty-first century my plan would have probably been too outrageous to even consider. Hell, the most famous female senator was HILARY CLINTON! Doesn't exactly build confidence for a positive result on my overall mission. Still, I don't imagine she'd have any problem at all with the idea of her husband being neutered. I wonder if Lorana Bobbit would like to run for senator of a state. She'll have my support...
You maybe wondering what I'm talking about, wondering if old Mysty has finally fallen of her rocker. Well I assure you, I have never been more of sound mind or body...Even if I am currently wearing Senator Kelly's. Here I have been, in Kelly's office for two days and nights, being the scheming bitch I am. Yes, it did take an unfathomable amount of take-out that although I can shift my thighs and hips to counter any cellulite inducing effects the limitless amount of grilled chicken and sausage pizzas and cheese sticks, I still feel bad for eating. It also took so much coffee that I seriously considered putting up a private Starbucks across the hall. Hell, it's not my money. Tax payers' dollars... ahhh how I love it. I probably would have, but just my luck it would still be crowded.
In the last two day, I've managed to prank phone call Xavier's mansion about five ZILLION times, unintentionally write 'All work and no play makes Mysty a dull girl' several hundred times at odd intervals and "accidentally" while "researching" online, come across some porno that looks suspiciously like Xavier and his XXX-Men. So THAT'S how they get enough money to finance that smut emporium they have the nerve to call a school...
But I'm getting off topic, for you see, my ingenious plan is quite simple really. I shall propose a bill stating that all men 18 or over across the U.S. must get a vasectomy... 'And Mother Nature looked down at her blue, scaly daughter, smiled and said: "It is Good".' Excuse me a moment while I do my victory dance. I think I'm going to put up a sign that says "Making Peoples' Lives Suckier since 19**"... No one needs to know my age!!!!! Hell hath no fury like a Scaly Blue Bitch scorned!
"Senator Kelly, sir. It's time." I turned and openly leered at my new secretary, Jason. Very, very cute guy. Kinda reminds me of Eyall Podell. Might as well run Kelly's image through the ground... Or should I say through the Gay and Lesbian Parade. I walk outside and into the waiting limo. When we arrived, journalist and Mutant protestors lined the streets and the Congress building. My fake political smile turned into a sadistic grin. 'At least these Mutant protestor dolts won't reproduce.' I made my way into the building and sat down at the bench. I listened to the senator's drown on until finally it was my time to talk.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I've come before you today to propose a new bill to solve the Mutant Epidemic. Since recently and up until now, I've been an adamant supporter of Mutant/Human co-existence. But every great leader must know when to compromise. That's why I propose that we pass a bill to castrate men all over the U.S."
The friendly smile I kept plastered on my face turned into a full on grin as I paused, let the loud intangible grumbles and shocked gasps rolled engulf me. I always loved that reaction. It's like the courtroom of some bad old western. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing as I remembered Conan O' Brien saying the same thing.
"Please. Let me continue." I say in my most benevolent, cult-leader like voice. Like sheep to the veterinarian... "You see, we've already determined that the Mutant gene is found in men, so rather than taking the risk of creating more mutants, we'll have men all over America get a vasectomy. I call it Operation: Castration. Jason, if you'll please roll out my demonstration." Jason rolled out a small table that had a banana and a pair of scissors.
"The procedure's really not a big deal." I took the banana and peeled it, taking the scissors in my other hand. "A certified doctor will just make a little incision here..." I inched the scissors into the banana slowly. "And make just an itty, bitty snip..." I "accidentally" cut the banana a little too suddenly and "accidentally" cut about half of it, making the little 'snip' a full on butchering... A loud, manly "Ohhhh" echoed through the room.
Remember how I said that during the turn of the twenty-first century my plan probably wouldn't have worked? That's because now the Senate was made up of 100 senators... and over half of them were female. Old, menopausal women with dirty old husbands who cheat on them with airline stuartists and maids and other busty, airhead blondes. Women who are just a shade under being just as mean and bitchy as me. God I love my life....
"This is preposterous!" Senator Thomas Jackson shouted. He turned around at our peers slightly shaken and sputtering. "Sur- surely you can't be considering this asinine idea!" With a dead calm ease that any evil bitch can appreciate, my 'Ace of Spades' raised out of her seat and a devilish smile etched his way onto my face. Senator Judith M. Hater looked at Jackson with fire in her eyes. It was said that the M in her name stood for Man. She was divorced a staggering ten times by ten different men who cheated on her. She was my Yoda...
"We will vote on the proposal." She stated and sat back down as more shocked grumbles and whispers filled the room and I finally allowed myself to chuckle.
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Please R&R
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Chapter 2: The Snip Heard From Coast to Coast
Mystique/ Senator Kelly's POV:
It's been two days since I left Eric and his All Boys' Club to fart and belch all by themselves. I have been plotting the devious punishment of men all over America to make up for my humiliation. So what if it took God forty days and forty nights to punish MANkind? I can get it done in 2 weeks tops... Ya know it's funny. At the turn of the twenty-first century my plan would have probably been too outrageous to even consider. Hell, the most famous female senator was HILARY CLINTON! Doesn't exactly build confidence for a positive result on my overall mission. Still, I don't imagine she'd have any problem at all with the idea of her husband being neutered. I wonder if Lorana Bobbit would like to run for senator of a state. She'll have my support...
You maybe wondering what I'm talking about, wondering if old Mysty has finally fallen of her rocker. Well I assure you, I have never been more of sound mind or body...Even if I am currently wearing Senator Kelly's. Here I have been, in Kelly's office for two days and nights, being the scheming bitch I am. Yes, it did take an unfathomable amount of take-out that although I can shift my thighs and hips to counter any cellulite inducing effects the limitless amount of grilled chicken and sausage pizzas and cheese sticks, I still feel bad for eating. It also took so much coffee that I seriously considered putting up a private Starbucks across the hall. Hell, it's not my money. Tax payers' dollars... ahhh how I love it. I probably would have, but just my luck it would still be crowded.
In the last two day, I've managed to prank phone call Xavier's mansion about five ZILLION times, unintentionally write 'All work and no play makes Mysty a dull girl' several hundred times at odd intervals and "accidentally" while "researching" online, come across some porno that looks suspiciously like Xavier and his XXX-Men. So THAT'S how they get enough money to finance that smut emporium they have the nerve to call a school...
But I'm getting off topic, for you see, my ingenious plan is quite simple really. I shall propose a bill stating that all men 18 or over across the U.S. must get a vasectomy... 'And Mother Nature looked down at her blue, scaly daughter, smiled and said: "It is Good".' Excuse me a moment while I do my victory dance. I think I'm going to put up a sign that says "Making Peoples' Lives Suckier since 19**"... No one needs to know my age!!!!! Hell hath no fury like a Scaly Blue Bitch scorned!
"Senator Kelly, sir. It's time." I turned and openly leered at my new secretary, Jason. Very, very cute guy. Kinda reminds me of Eyall Podell. Might as well run Kelly's image through the ground... Or should I say through the Gay and Lesbian Parade. I walk outside and into the waiting limo. When we arrived, journalist and Mutant protestors lined the streets and the Congress building. My fake political smile turned into a sadistic grin. 'At least these Mutant protestor dolts won't reproduce.' I made my way into the building and sat down at the bench. I listened to the senator's drown on until finally it was my time to talk.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I've come before you today to propose a new bill to solve the Mutant Epidemic. Since recently and up until now, I've been an adamant supporter of Mutant/Human co-existence. But every great leader must know when to compromise. That's why I propose that we pass a bill to castrate men all over the U.S."
The friendly smile I kept plastered on my face turned into a full on grin as I paused, let the loud intangible grumbles and shocked gasps rolled engulf me. I always loved that reaction. It's like the courtroom of some bad old western. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing as I remembered Conan O' Brien saying the same thing.
"Please. Let me continue." I say in my most benevolent, cult-leader like voice. Like sheep to the veterinarian... "You see, we've already determined that the Mutant gene is found in men, so rather than taking the risk of creating more mutants, we'll have men all over America get a vasectomy. I call it Operation: Castration. Jason, if you'll please roll out my demonstration." Jason rolled out a small table that had a banana and a pair of scissors.
"The procedure's really not a big deal." I took the banana and peeled it, taking the scissors in my other hand. "A certified doctor will just make a little incision here..." I inched the scissors into the banana slowly. "And make just an itty, bitty snip..." I "accidentally" cut the banana a little too suddenly and "accidentally" cut about half of it, making the little 'snip' a full on butchering... A loud, manly "Ohhhh" echoed through the room.
Remember how I said that during the turn of the twenty-first century my plan probably wouldn't have worked? That's because now the Senate was made up of 100 senators... and over half of them were female. Old, menopausal women with dirty old husbands who cheat on them with airline stuartists and maids and other busty, airhead blondes. Women who are just a shade under being just as mean and bitchy as me. God I love my life....
"This is preposterous!" Senator Thomas Jackson shouted. He turned around at our peers slightly shaken and sputtering. "Sur- surely you can't be considering this asinine idea!" With a dead calm ease that any evil bitch can appreciate, my 'Ace of Spades' raised out of her seat and a devilish smile etched his way onto my face. Senator Judith M. Hater looked at Jackson with fire in her eyes. It was said that the M in her name stood for Man. She was divorced a staggering ten times by ten different men who cheated on her. She was my Yoda...
"We will vote on the proposal." She stated and sat back down as more shocked grumbles and whispers filled the room and I finally allowed myself to chuckle.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Please R&R