All the characters are property of Joss Whedon.
I hope you enjoy the story(it's my first) and review.
Ironic
I was happy. I was happier than I had been in a long time, or ever. Time just floated, nonexsistent, unnecessary, meaningless. I was warm, and safe, and whole. I was complete. No more pain, no more death, just...silence, softness, and love. And now...
Earth. Living.
Words I associate with pain and heartache.
The sun shines down on me, and yet, I'm still so cold. My skin feels like ice, and looks as white as paper. I don't shiver. It hurts when I move. It hurts when I walk, when I talk, and even when I breath. It hurts to breath.
In my dreams I can escape this world, this nightmare. In my dreams I can go back there again. I can go back to heaven. I can feel safe and warm again. It's odd, it happens all the time, but still everytime I think I'm there for good. I think I'll stay forever. But I don't. And when I wake, it's indescribable. It feels just like it did that night, when I was torn out of heaven. Out of my happiness.
All I feel is cold and empty. Everything I touch is hard, and textureless, like stone. The food is tasteless and ashy. Sometimes I stop breathing, and I hope I'll die. But they say when you pass out your lungs automatically breath for you. Besides, there's Dawn to think about. Her and the other's are counting on me.
The scoobies...
How comforting that used to sound. I can never tell them this. I want to, I want to scream at them, to make them feel what I'm feeling. I want someone to absorb my pain. It's just...they think they're the heroes. They think after all these years I've saved there lives that they finally saved mine. God, they really are idiots.
I know, I sound a bitter, and a little cynical. But, really, wouldn't you be too?
It's sort of funny really, I remember my first year in sunnydale. When Giles told me I would fight the master and die, I was so scared. I cried and I screamed, and I even tried to get my mom to take me out of town. When Zander brought me back I was so glad...and traumatized. Now, I'd give almost anything to die.
I wanted so much to turn the master to dust...and now...everything I touch turns to dust.
It's Ironic really, don't you think?