(A/N): I'm extremely sorry and upset that my computer crashed, causing me to have to re-write this whole damn thing. Then again I did add a bit more. Unfortunately, I don't see me writing more than two additional chapters for this story, if that. But I do have a sequel in mind seeing as my last chapter leaves wiggle room for more.
And now, Because in reality I'm really surprised that anybody reviewed on to my responses!!!!:
Maya: I have to be truthful. The only reason I'm responding to you first is because Maya's my name, too. Except I spell it with and "i" instead of a "y". I strongly recommend anything smothered, dipped or rolled in chocolate while reading this story. Makes the world seem just a little bit brighter.
Rebel Goddess: Wolverine better be careful. Before he tries kicking Mystique's ass he better make sure all those women don't tackle him down and give hmmm a wax. Oh crap. I just gave you a spoiler...
Jojo: You are by far the most dedicated fan to this crazy little story, that's why I've decided to dedicate the next chappie to you. Name one thing you want to see in the next chapter and I'll make dam sure to put it in. No matter how obscure or how much of a crackpot idea it maybe.
Shelli: Thank you very much for reviewing. For a while I seriously thought of responding to "Me's" rude comments but decided against it. It's seriously not worth my time. I mean, I easily could call him a Barry MANILOW-loving, she-male, whom apparently can't even write let alone read seeing as I repeatedly wrote "OOC: out-of-character".... But I don't like to be petty...uhhh. Thanks again!
Darknight88: You're the first one to mention the little Jean cameo I did! I plan to bring her up every time Scott's acting like a dick. Which should be quite often.
Amanda: I think we have the same sense of humor because the part with Colossus is my favorite, too. I'm sorry it took so long to update but between schoolwork (My English teacher actually had the nerve to give us work over the summer!), work and having to re-write this chappie I've been swamped.
And of course quick shout outs to Dee Bryant, aehart, Aztec Raven, malefiscen, The Rogue Raven, Rebel Goddess for putting me in the favorites and/or author alert!
Ok, that's enough ass-kissing on with the fic:
Chapter 6: Strategy and Stripping go Hand in Hand
"Hello Charles. I'm glad you could make it."
"Yes, ahem, well, as desperate as these times are we can't afford to turn our back on potential allies." Charles Xavier glared at his former partner. For some reason the usually calm, cool and collected professor had a beet red blush that slowly crept around his baldhead.
"Really Charles, you look like a turnip. As old as you are you wouldn't think a simple gentlemen's bar would get you so worked up." Eric teased.
Xavier was not amused. "So you decided that the best place to talk strategy would be a Hooters?! How exactly do you expect us to get any work done if all the blood in your lackeys' brains is flowing toward the wrong head?!"
Sure enough, Magneto, "Master of Metal", decided that a private booth, in a local Hooters, was an appropriate place to decide the fate of all mankind.
Charles rolled his eyes as Eric stretched out on the booth, propping one leg up as his smirk widened.
"Wow, Charles! Do you teach your children with that mouth? I don't think that's a side of you that you want your precious X-Men to see. Good thing their otherwise, preoccupied..."
Xavier looked at Eric in confusion before he began looking around frantically. "What the f---." Xavier turned his wheelchair around only to see his X- Men and Eric's Brotherhood surrounding the catwalk just as a slightly clothed brunette made her way down a brass pole. Behind him, Xavier could hear Eric snickering and turned around so fast it was comical.
Xavier pointed his finger at Eric accusingly. "This is all your fault!"
Eric waved his hand, dismissively and grinned. "Stop. You're going to make me blush."
Xavier narrowed his eyes and sputtered angrily until two large hands began shaking him by the sleeve of his jacket. He was startled to see Peter's slightly maniacal grin inches from his face. Behind him, Bobby and Remy were bouncing up and down like two whack-a-moles.
"Professor! Professor! Professor!" Peter exclaimed, excitedly, douching Xavier in saliva due to his eagerness and his Russian accent. "Do you have change for a twenty! I. NEED. DOLLAR. BILLS!"
Sighing, Xavier took out his wallet and gave the hormonal teenage boys some singles. After squealing in glee, the boys scurried back to the catwalk. Bobby's old/newest best friend, St. John Allerdyce gave him a high-five and Toad saluted Remy and Colossus with his beer as they settled in to enjoy the show.
On the other side of the catwalk were Wolverine, Sabertooth and Scott. Surprisingly enough the three seemed to be getting along, creating a conversation based on their mutual dislike for Stryker, their favorite beer and occasionally pointing and laughing at Scott's red, checkered print, sweater vest. This lead to him moping for a few minutes until they all began talking about which beers taste more like piss.
Xavier leaned one elbow onto the arm of his wheelchair and rested his hand in his head. "Well, that explains those cretins, but where's Kurt?"
Eric grinned and pointed to the far left of the room. Xavier turned around, his eyes bugging out at what he saw.
"Oh no."
Kurt was standing ramrod straight as two busty blondes in black halter tops, miniskirts and clear heels slithered themselves around the nervous young man. In the dimly lit room only the whites of his eyes could be seen darting from side to side frantically as the two women with objectionable ethics continued to press up against him.
The blonder of the two was behind him and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Just how talented are you with this tail of yours?" She purred as she wrapped her leg around it. Kurt squeaked and fumbled for the cross and rosary beads around his neck. "Lord, please give me the strength to deny temptation."
When her tongue found its way into his ear he made a beeline for Eric's booth. "GAAAAHHH!" Kurt shivered as he slid into a seat next to Xavier.
"Did ja see that, Professor? I don't think those women have excepted the Lord as their personal savior." Kurt shook his head sullenly and then looked at the older man. His head had returned to its previous prone position as he tried to indiscreetly go for the flask in his jacket.
"Charles." Eric said in a low, reprimanding tone. "In all fairness, Charles, there's really no time to get you into a twelve step program so cut the drinking."
"In all fairness, Eric I didn't feel a need to drink until I saw your face."
Bobby plopped back down in the seat next to John and handed him a beer.
"Thanks, "Iceman"." John snickered as he grabbed the beer and took a long pull.
Bobby scoffed. "Please. Like "Pyro" is any better?"
"Don't hate on my game, Bobby, my boy." John slapped the other teen on the shoulder. "Sides, when they have the choice between the cold and frigid, straight arrow and the hot and sexy bad boy, the girls always go for the fireworks!"
Bobby snickered. "Right, you're a regular Casanova. That's why I was able to steal Rogue away from you."
St. John tore his gaze away from the leggy blonde currently sliding upside down on the pole, long enough to give his friend a startled look. "What are you kidding me? I let you have Rogue. Like I really wanted some pushy broad telling me what to do 24/7."
Bobby chuckled. "Yeah right. It just ate at you that I got to her first, which is the real reason why you joined the Brotherhood..." St. John opened his mouth to argue but Bobby raised his hand to stop him. "Which is alright. Perfectly understandable. No one's here to judge you."
St. John rolled his eyes. "Bobby, if anything I couldn't stand to see Little Miss Bit---...Bossy punk you in front of your boys. If you don't believe me ask, Pete."
Bobby frowned in confusion so John called out their friend. "Hey Pete! Remember last Christmas? When I went around the school collecting money for a leash and collar for Marie? You know, that way she wouldn't kept leading Bobby around by the short hairs?"
Peter and Remy began laughing at the memory. Toad and Sabertooth choked on their beers while Wolverine howled in laughter. Scott frowned. "You said that was for the teachers' gifts from the students!" Everyone looked at him and began laughing again.
Scott chuckled. "Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Never mind."
Bobby crossed is arms and sank into his chair, grumbling something about "Backstabbing, hair gel loving, fire freaks."
St. John laughed. "Ah, buck up, Iceman! Consider yourself lucky. Untouchable girls are more suitable for a man of your...limitations."
St. John took a swig of his beer and shifted around in his pocket for a dollar bill while Bobby looked at him in confusion.
"What in the Hell are you talking..."
"I'm just saying that with her being untouchable it didn't get you into a predicament where she could call you Mr. Softie." John said very matter-of-factly.
Bobby glared at John as the firestarter placed a crisp dollar bill in the g-string of the red head that was currently on the catwalk. Before he could pull away Bobby placed his hand on John's and froze his hand to the red head's g-string.
"Hey! Get offa me!" The woman screamed as she backed away, leaving John with little option but to follow her up the catwalk. Freaked out, the woman began to hit him, trying to bat the pervert away.
"Ouch! Stop hitting me!" John said frantically as he fumbled for the Zippo in his pocket.
"Ahem!" Bobby cleared his throat loudly to catch his friend's attention. When John turned to him, Bobby showed him the Zippo he had lifted from the other man's pocket as the red head pummeled him.
John was so busy glaring at Bobby that he didn't notice the young woman hitting him anymore until she screamed again. "Hank!"
Suddenly, none other than Hank McCoy walked out from behind the curtain of the stage. He was wearing a well-tailored black Armani suit with a red dress shirt underneath and a hat.
"Is there a problem here, Vanessa?" Hank asked. Vanessa turned around to show Hank their predicament. "Hmmm. It seems you two have been stuck together by some icy obtrusion." Hank looked down suspiciously at Bobby who grinned innocently.
"Yes." Hank growled as he yanked John's hand from the young woman's derrière. He rubbed his chin, thoughtfully. "I think I see the problem." Hank yanked Bobby up onto the catwalk and led the two young men toward the back.
"Uhh, Hank? "Scott interrupted before Hank could go back behind the curtain. "Since when have you been a bouncer here?"
"Oh, about a month ago. I decided to use my brawn a little more. Especially since Xavier doesn't really pay enough."
"Ain't that the truth." Scott grumbled.
"Excuse me!" Xavier yelled from the booth as Eric pointed and laughed, a gesture that was coming all too common that night.
"Nothing!" Scott shouted back.
"Woo!" Eric cried as he wiped the tears of laughter away from his eyes. "As amusing as you and your X-Men are, I really do think it's time we get down to business."
Xavier nodded. " Excuse me, gentlemen!" Xavier yelled. "And I use that term as loosely as possible. It's time to get to work!"
Not surprisingly, neither the X-Men nor the Brotherhood heard him so Xavier went to plan B.
"Bloody hell!" Toad screamed as his legs began to move on their own accord. One by one, the guys approached the booth, except for Wolverine, who first went to the bar and got a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass. He poured some into the glass and then walked up behind Xavier's chair.
"Well, wasn't that considerate of you, Logan. I'd love a glass." Logan glared at the back of Xavier then spat in the glass and grinned evilly at the rest of his colleagues. He placed the glass in front of Charles and kept the bottle as he sat in a chair to the right of the older man. "Your welcome."
"Right then." Toad managed to squeak as he tried not to laugh by busying himself. He looked around under the table until he spotted his briefcase. "Let's get to it, shall we?"
Toad opened the briefcase and pulled out his laptop.
"Our first logically step would be to compile a list of possible attacks that could possibly deter their attempts to...uhhh... you know." They all shuddered.
Unfortunately, Scott couldn't take anymore. "I refuse to go back to that life of slavery by a woman! Look at me! Do you really think I picked this sweater?! It was a gift from Jean!! Have you ever looked in my closet?! It's like an Abercrombie and Fitch store blew up in there! Sure it gets a little lonely at night but I just bought a new pair of leather pants and a biker jacket, dammit! And I'm gonna wear 'em!"
Scott was cracking up. He jumped out of his seat and grabbed Xavier's untouched glass of Jack Daniels. "Free at last free at last. Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!" Scott began to drink it but stopped when he saw Logan, who had a grin on his face that could only be described as shit eating.
Although he had his visor on, the guys could have sworn they saw Scott's eyes widened to twice their normal size. It wasn't so much him as it was the slap on the back of the head Scott felt that caused his head to snap in front of him and spew the drink in Xavier's face.
"Jackass. If it weren't for me he'd still be wearing does god awful, ratty, old yellow trunks outside of his uniform. The most terrifying thing about them is that they were white when I bought them..."
"Who said that?!" Scott yelped as he looked around in paranoia. He looked at Logan across the table. "I know that was you, Logan!"
Logan snickered. "Uhhh, just for the record, Scott. Going from the gap to all leather clothes isn't that far of a jump. It just suggests that you spend a lot of time in the closet."
Xavier pulled a handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit and wiped his face off.
Sabertooth shook his head as Scott returned to his seat. "I can't believe we lose to these guys! We really need to work harder, Mort."
Toad nodded. "Yes well, Sabertooth and I thought we could try kidnapping some of their more beloved celebrities. I suggest Dr. Phil."
Remy shuttered. "We want to stay off their butchering radar. Not get skinned. Besides, if you think Mystique can get an army of angry women riled up, try Oprah. She'll have us thrown in her dungeon, with only the book on tape of her fiancée's new book playing constantly to keep us company."
"Right. So that's off the list." Toad deleted the idea. "Well, we could always have Xavier tap into all the women and make them forget this cockamamie plan."
"You have to be out of your damn mind!" Xavier screamed. The whole table, except for Eric, was surprised by his reaction.
"You'll have to understand. For Charles to be in psychic contact with that many furious women could have long lasting effects on his own psyche. Possibly even becoming more female than male."
"To boldly go where no man has gone before." Toad summarized. Xavier glared and Logan snickered. "Now that he mentions it, you do look an awful lot like Captain Picard."
Sabertooth scrunched his nose up in disgust. "Yeah, but do you really want to imagine him in that inappropriately tight jumpsuit?"
The whole table shuddered, once again. Except for Eric who got this strange, glazed over, look in his eyes. Both insulted and creeped out, Xavier psychically made everyone at the table slap themselves, causing it to look like a corny Three Stooges stunt.
Xavier snickered. "Obviously, our only choice is to stage some sort of peace treaty with the women."
Kurt frowned. "But how? I doubt any of us could get in before they maimed us."
Xavier sighed. They were all so deep in thought as to how to get their attention without injury that they didn't even notice it when Hank came to their table.
"Hello colleagues." Beast greeted as he pulled up a chair. Eric looked up at him in confusion. "Mr. McCoy. Where are Iceman and Pyro? Well, actually, you can keep Iceman. Where's Pyro?"
"My boss, Karen, decided to have them work a show to make up for their shenanigans."
Logan frowned. "What "show"?"
Hank shrugged. "I'm not sure. Excuse me, Karen?" A pretty, woman in her mid thirties with dark hair and pale skin walked up to Hank. "What can I do for you?"
"Could you please tell us where you sent our friends?"
"Oh, the two young men with the sticky fingers? I sent them to some party that a blue, scaly woman asked me to provide entertainment for. I had already sent some male "entertainment" that a friend of mine in the business knew about but why not add two more, right?"
The men at the table were silent, mouths were ajar and not even the brave of heart dared to breathe as the information sank in.
Colossus was the first to speak. "Oh crap."
The music was blaring so loud that even from backstage, Bobby and Pyro could feel the pounding rhythms pulsating in the floor and on the walls. All around them, well-toned guys with skimpy uniforms were buzzing around them.
"What the fuck have you got us into, Iceman!" John seethed as he grabbed his friend by the collar. Suddenly, a man with a police uniform was standing in front of them.
"Are you two partners?" He asked.
"What?!" The boys squeaked as they tried not to pay attention to the fact that the "policeman's uniform consisted of shorts that were waaaayyy too tight and waaayyy too short.
"Uhhh, yes. "Bobby replied as he grabbed John's arm. "What?!" John squeaked.
"Good." The "policeman" said. "Because you two are up now!" He pushed the boys out of the curtains where they were confronted by a room full of screaming women.
"What fresh new hell is this?" St. John muttered in a slightly dazed state.
"Uhhh, John?" Bobby said quietly as he tugged on John's sleeve. He pointed toward the ceiling and that's when John saw it....
A banner.
"WELCOME TO MYSTIQUE'S COMING OUT PARTY!"
John and Bobby looked at each other.
"Ah shit!"
(A/n) Damn I liked my first draft better. This sucks compared to the original. I wish I could find where I wrote it down. Shit. Summer is almost over and I have three other stories to re-write. I'm gonna need some Red Bull and Sour Skittles....