TITLE: The Pain of Love
CONTENT: F/F relationship
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon or the characters. K? K. I thought you'd understand.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Uh…sorry I haven't posted in a long time. I am just so lazy. I feel really bad. Also, I'm was in a bit of a writers block and I didn't know where to go from where I was and…well anyway, this is the next chapter. It's kinda short, but I promise that the next chapter will definitely follow shortly after this. I promise this time. I hope you enjoy. :) Oh and this is Ami's POV.
I'm hardly listening. I am too dazed. Too much is happening. First of all that kiss that we just shared, oh wow it was wonderful, then me realizing you were awake and not knowing what to do and me getting all sweaty and my head hurting like hell. How was I suppose to pay attention to you rambling on about being sorry or whatever.
Then I see you. Clenching your stomach and falling to your knees. Oh my god! It is my fault, all my fault.
"Oh god Makoto!" I yell as I run to you with so many panicked thoughts in my mind making my head hurt even worse than it already was. I go to my knees right in front of you and I can already feel myself crying hopelessly. I notice you are crying too. I feel so guilty!
I want to feel you close. I want to apologize and I want you to know I mean it. So, I take your arms from around your stomach and I put them around my waist and I begin to speak.
"Oh Makoto. Don't cry please don't cry. Please. Please don't cry."
I move my arms so that they are around your neck and I rock you back and forth as I sob for you and for me….and for us. Oh I hate this. I am so sorry! I speak again in such a sobbing voice it doesn't even sound like me, but I have to tell you that I am extremely sorry and not to cry anymore because of me and my idiocy.
"I didn't mean to scare you! I am sorry I kissed you Makoto. I will never do it again, just don't cry!"
I sob and I sob and I notice that you are moving backward and I am moving forward so that we are on the floor with me lying on top of you. You have stopped crying. This makes me feel better and my sobs stop.
For a period of time close to a minute that feels like forever, neither of us says a word. We are quiet and the silence is more than a little uncomfortable. I mean come on! We are on the floor in a rather……..sexual position. There is no way this can happen without it feeling awkward.
"A-Ami?"
I sigh. I love the sound of your voice especially after I haven't heard it for what seems like an eternity.
"Yes Makoto"
That comes out in a really soft whisper.
"Was it an accident?"
I know what you are talking about. I know very well what you are talking about. The kiss. That is what you are talking about. However, I still go ahead and act dumb to stall so I do not have to talk about what just happened anytime soon.
"Was what an accident Makoto?"
'I am so stupid!' I tell myself in the meanest inner voice I can come up with.
"Th-the kiss..."
I have to stop myself from saying 'what kiss?' That would make a fool out of me. You would think I was such an idiot. Not like you don't think that I am an idiot already.
Suddenly I am aware that we are about to talk about our recent intimate moment while being in a rather intimate position and I wasn't very comfortable with that. I get off of you and go to sit on your bed. When I look at you, you are sitting up, no longer laying on the floor, with your legs in Indian style. I can see that you are sad in your eyes and worried and distraught. Damn! Why can't I do anything right!
I don't say anything. I just sit here. Of course by now I am looking away from your eyes. What a real disaster it would make if I just kept staring into your eyes. First the kiss and now this. You'd have to know I was in love with you and I bet that you would be pretty pissed. I've seen you get mad before Makoto and it is not pretty. I wonder what your eyes look like now. Do you look angry now. Upset with me for my disgustingness and perversion. Yeah, I bet so.
Suddenly I am taking aback by your loud and angry voice.
"Answer Me Dammit!!"
I close my eyes tightly in a complete desperation not to cry. I hold on tightly to your bed's covers. I knew it. You are angry and you will probably never speak to me again. I can't bare this.
"Come on Ami I need to know!"
I am crying. I can't help it. You're yelling at me and our friendship is completely ruined because of me. Nothing will probably ever be the same between us again. And that is why I get up off of your bed, run out of your room and then out your front door. I have to get home. I can't bare being in there with you any longer. I feel too embarrassed and ashamed.
So I just run. Run all the way home without stopping. The pain in my side and lump in my throat are both being completely ignored as I do so.
When I get home I am all out of breath. I don't feel like climbing up all of those stairs to my apartment door. I don't even feel like walking to the elevator. I just collapse. Half from tiredness because of running and half from defeat and pain from what happened tonight.
So I just lay there.
For a very long time until I know I am drifting off into sleep. However, I fight it off because I know that I need to get to my apartment.
I slowly and painfully lift myself from the ground to get on the elevator. I am surprised by how much this actually hurts physically. That's what and impact you have on me Makoto. You will probably never know.
In my thoughts and pain I do not even realize that I had made it to my floor. Getting off the elevator I walk down the hall and to my door. As I reach for my keys I begin to think about what I can do to make the pain in my heart, mind, body and soul go away. Then, I am struck with and idea.
I open my door and run to the kitchen and open one of the cupboards. Out of it I pull out the thing that I know can make it all go away.
I take a sip and smile as I feel the alcohol going down my throat and into my veins. Yup, this is exactly what I need.
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Yes I know it was really, really, really, REALLY short. Well sorry! I try and like I said I am really lazy. Anyway I hoped you enjoyed that one. Probably did not but whatever. By the way, thanks so much for the reviews keep them coming.
CONTENT: F/F relationship
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon or the characters. K? K. I thought you'd understand.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Uh…sorry I haven't posted in a long time. I am just so lazy. I feel really bad. Also, I'm was in a bit of a writers block and I didn't know where to go from where I was and…well anyway, this is the next chapter. It's kinda short, but I promise that the next chapter will definitely follow shortly after this. I promise this time. I hope you enjoy. :) Oh and this is Ami's POV.
I'm hardly listening. I am too dazed. Too much is happening. First of all that kiss that we just shared, oh wow it was wonderful, then me realizing you were awake and not knowing what to do and me getting all sweaty and my head hurting like hell. How was I suppose to pay attention to you rambling on about being sorry or whatever.
Then I see you. Clenching your stomach and falling to your knees. Oh my god! It is my fault, all my fault.
"Oh god Makoto!" I yell as I run to you with so many panicked thoughts in my mind making my head hurt even worse than it already was. I go to my knees right in front of you and I can already feel myself crying hopelessly. I notice you are crying too. I feel so guilty!
I want to feel you close. I want to apologize and I want you to know I mean it. So, I take your arms from around your stomach and I put them around my waist and I begin to speak.
"Oh Makoto. Don't cry please don't cry. Please. Please don't cry."
I move my arms so that they are around your neck and I rock you back and forth as I sob for you and for me….and for us. Oh I hate this. I am so sorry! I speak again in such a sobbing voice it doesn't even sound like me, but I have to tell you that I am extremely sorry and not to cry anymore because of me and my idiocy.
"I didn't mean to scare you! I am sorry I kissed you Makoto. I will never do it again, just don't cry!"
I sob and I sob and I notice that you are moving backward and I am moving forward so that we are on the floor with me lying on top of you. You have stopped crying. This makes me feel better and my sobs stop.
For a period of time close to a minute that feels like forever, neither of us says a word. We are quiet and the silence is more than a little uncomfortable. I mean come on! We are on the floor in a rather……..sexual position. There is no way this can happen without it feeling awkward.
"A-Ami?"
I sigh. I love the sound of your voice especially after I haven't heard it for what seems like an eternity.
"Yes Makoto"
That comes out in a really soft whisper.
"Was it an accident?"
I know what you are talking about. I know very well what you are talking about. The kiss. That is what you are talking about. However, I still go ahead and act dumb to stall so I do not have to talk about what just happened anytime soon.
"Was what an accident Makoto?"
'I am so stupid!' I tell myself in the meanest inner voice I can come up with.
"Th-the kiss..."
I have to stop myself from saying 'what kiss?' That would make a fool out of me. You would think I was such an idiot. Not like you don't think that I am an idiot already.
Suddenly I am aware that we are about to talk about our recent intimate moment while being in a rather intimate position and I wasn't very comfortable with that. I get off of you and go to sit on your bed. When I look at you, you are sitting up, no longer laying on the floor, with your legs in Indian style. I can see that you are sad in your eyes and worried and distraught. Damn! Why can't I do anything right!
I don't say anything. I just sit here. Of course by now I am looking away from your eyes. What a real disaster it would make if I just kept staring into your eyes. First the kiss and now this. You'd have to know I was in love with you and I bet that you would be pretty pissed. I've seen you get mad before Makoto and it is not pretty. I wonder what your eyes look like now. Do you look angry now. Upset with me for my disgustingness and perversion. Yeah, I bet so.
Suddenly I am taking aback by your loud and angry voice.
"Answer Me Dammit!!"
I close my eyes tightly in a complete desperation not to cry. I hold on tightly to your bed's covers. I knew it. You are angry and you will probably never speak to me again. I can't bare this.
"Come on Ami I need to know!"
I am crying. I can't help it. You're yelling at me and our friendship is completely ruined because of me. Nothing will probably ever be the same between us again. And that is why I get up off of your bed, run out of your room and then out your front door. I have to get home. I can't bare being in there with you any longer. I feel too embarrassed and ashamed.
So I just run. Run all the way home without stopping. The pain in my side and lump in my throat are both being completely ignored as I do so.
When I get home I am all out of breath. I don't feel like climbing up all of those stairs to my apartment door. I don't even feel like walking to the elevator. I just collapse. Half from tiredness because of running and half from defeat and pain from what happened tonight.
So I just lay there.
For a very long time until I know I am drifting off into sleep. However, I fight it off because I know that I need to get to my apartment.
I slowly and painfully lift myself from the ground to get on the elevator. I am surprised by how much this actually hurts physically. That's what and impact you have on me Makoto. You will probably never know.
In my thoughts and pain I do not even realize that I had made it to my floor. Getting off the elevator I walk down the hall and to my door. As I reach for my keys I begin to think about what I can do to make the pain in my heart, mind, body and soul go away. Then, I am struck with and idea.
I open my door and run to the kitchen and open one of the cupboards. Out of it I pull out the thing that I know can make it all go away.
I take a sip and smile as I feel the alcohol going down my throat and into my veins. Yup, this is exactly what I need.
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Yes I know it was really, really, really, REALLY short. Well sorry! I try and like I said I am really lazy. Anyway I hoped you enjoyed that one. Probably did not but whatever. By the way, thanks so much for the reviews keep them coming.