He loved waking up with Ryo. He loved the way the other man felt and smelled, the way he sought his presence, even if he fought him off in public. He knew every inch of that smooth chest and his lips nuzzled against a semi-interested nipple.
"Dee," came a gentle voice, chastising, annoyed, amused.
He blinked his eyes open, looking up, and met the chocolate brown eyes of his lover. Ryo gave him a warm smile, pushing black strands out of his forehead.
"Good morning, Dee," he murmured.
Dee smiled lazily. "Hey there, beautiful."
It earned him a kiss.
"How are you?" Ryo inquired, carding his fingers through the black strands.
Dee blinked at the question and suddenly memory came back. Slowly, like leaking through a bad roof, drip after drip.
The rush of emotions he had felt at the precinct. Going back in to find Ryo.
The fight in Barclay's office.
Threatening Barclay.
Ryo yelling at him.
And Barclay finally giving the names some faces, showing him the proof that there was more between them than bad blood. It was related blood, the same parents… parents who had died to protect him. A brother who had never given up hope, had searched for him, had built his life around finding his baby brother. The same man whose icy blue eyes and arrogant demeanor had irked Dee in the past. The man he couldn't stand.
And the man who had looked at him so strangely, so hopefully, in that empty precinct. Hope for Dee to understand and accept.
He hadn't been able to deal with it all.
Gentle hands cupped his face and Ryo's dark brown eyes held his.
"Dee?"
"Oh God, what have I done?" Latener murmured and flung himself at his lover. "I'm so sorry, Ryo. I didn't… I never wanted… I love you so much!"
Ryo held him, soothed him, kissed his temple. "I know, Dee. I know. And I love you."
"I didn't mean to be jealous, but whenever he's there… when he's around…"
"Barclay doesn't want anything from me but friendship, Dee. We talked a lot lately and I'm beginning to understand him a bit more. He's an ally, our friend, and he's not going to come between us."
Dee buried his head against Ryo's shoulder and neck.
Even if I wanted I couldn't succeed. He won't have anyone but you.
That had been Barclay's words. True, honest, no hidden meaning.
"I know," Dee whispered brokenly. "It's just…"
"Old habits die hard. And he is your brother."
Dee tensed at the words.
"You have to accept it, love," Ryo went on, voice soothing but firm. "Ross Barclay is your older brother and he has been searching for you for nearly thirty years. He's just as torn up about all of this as you are."
Dee pushed back, green eyes glinting. "How do you know?" he rasped.
"Because he and I talked a lot lately. Dee, we never did anything but talk, okay? And I know why he reacted so intensely to me, too. He told you, right?"
"That it's in his blood?" Dee spat, anger rising again.
A touch calmed him, drew him back against Ryo, who rested his chin on his head.
"Yes, it's in the family's blood. I'm your partner, Dee, in more ways than one. We're partners at work, we're lovers in our private life, and we're a Shaman Pair. I am your shield, love. Your whole family in turn is mine. Barclay can't but try and protect me, okay? He confessed it was lust on first sight, but he's over that."
Dee sighed and tried to relax, but old habits died hard. "Just thinking that he might…"
"He won't!" Ryo insisted, an edge of steel in his voice, and Dee winced. This was how the whole argument had started last night and it had ended painfully.
"Sorry," he whispered.
The caress never stopped and Ryo kissed his head. "You'll learn to live with it, Dee. We both will."
Dee turned in the embrace and sought out Ryo's lips, his kiss almost hesitant. When Ryo responded, he grew bolder, asking for entrance which was readily granted. Sliding over his lover, he took his time exploring his mouth as Ryo's hands ran over his back and suddenly underneath his sweater. Gazing into the deep brown eyes, eyes that sometimes seemed to be completely black, Dee wondered what he had ever done to deserve this man.
"I love you," he whispered.
Ryo smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth, then along his lips until Dee hungrily claimed the full kiss.
He wanted to melt into the other man, wanted to become one with him, never let go. Ryo was safety, Ryo was warmth and love, Ryo was his.
His alone.
It was a miracle that they had truly made it out of bed, Dee mused as
he watched Ryo in the kitchen. The coffee was already done and Ryo poured
it into two mugs, setting one in front of Dee, who took it gratefully.
He stole a quick kiss, which Ryo didn't resist, and he reveled in the feeling
of this handsome man so openly accepting his gestures of love.
So much had changed.
So much was still changing.
He gazed into the dark liquid and sipped it carefully, thoughtfully,
while Ryo was doing something or other at the fridge.
Why him of all people? Why them? Why Barclay? He pushed the image of
the blond lieutenant aside, refusing to think about last night. He couldn't
really deal with it right now.
Still, it kept coming back. Insistently.
"Dee?"
Ryo's voice drew him out of his thoughts and he looked up, sighing
slightly.
"Talk to me?" Ryo begged.
Talk to him. He wanted to. He wanted Ryo to know everything, be a part
of his life like no one had ever been. His lover knew so much about him
already and he was just getting to know McLane. Dee had thought there
were no more secrets, no more hidden truths in his own past. A few minor
things in his childhood, but nothing big. Ryo knew about his life, how
he had grown up, how he had turned everything around after Officer Jess
Latener's death. He knew about Buck, too.
Now… now he also knew about Ross Barclay.
"You know, when you're an orphan, you think a lot about why you were
abandoned," Dee said slowly, voice faraway. "You want to know why your
parents didn't want you, left you in an alley, and why they never came
back. You want them to get you out of the orphanage, take you home, and
in your dreams, that home is wonderful and warm, and you have brothers
and sisters, and it was all a big mistake."
A rueful smile crossed his lips. Ryo kept his silence.
"Penguin told me that my parents loved me. Why else would my mother
have wrapped me up and put me in that baby carrier? The alley wasn't very
remote either. I was bound to be discovered. But I didn't listen. At that
time, it was easier to hate them and to also wish them back. All of us
kids came from different backgrounds, were there for different reasons,
but I was the only one who had been abandoned as an infant."
Dee closed his eyes and sighed a little.
"Kids like to dream, but my dreams were quickly shattered by life on
the street. I tried to forget I had no parents, no brothers or sisters,
no home that welcomed me back. I created my own life. And now… now he comes
barging into my life, my personal life! Suddenly I'm part of a family,
a big one, and I'm the kid everyone was looking for."
"It's like a fairy tale," Ryo supplied quietly.
"Yeah, but who believes in fairy tales, right?" Dee shook his head
and drank some coffee. "I don't."
"But it's true. Barclay is your brother…"
Dee inhaled sharply. "Yeah, maybe, but I don't want him to be."
"Doesn't change it."
"Right. So I'm the youngest, the one everyone has been looking for…"
"Only Barclay did…" Ryo interjected and it drew a pained expression
from Dee. "He never gave up and he found you. He made a promise to protect
you and even though he's a grown man now, even though he's your boss and
you don't like him, he still keeps it."
"I'm not Prince Charming, this isn't a fairy tale… and… and just because
Barclay says I'm part of the Barclay money family doesn't make me it!"
Dee snapped.
Ryo gazed at his lover, taking in the tense body, calmly meeting the
angry eyes.
That was it then, right? It was the problem of coming from a wealthy
background. Ross Barclay had monetary power, he was sophisticated, he came
from a family of money. Dee Latener was a street kid who had turned his
life around and had become a cop. He had worked his way up the ladder,
against all the opposition, had won so many fights, and he had made detective.
What he was today had come from a lifetime of fighting. In Dee's eyes,
Barclay had gained his position because of money and influence.
"You can't fault him for it, love. Your parents had money. Their children
inherited it. You're part of that family now."
"I'm not changing my name! Or my life!"
Ryo smiled. "No one's asking you to. I love you just the way you are,
and what you are was shaped by you and life, not Barclay or money. Just…
give him a chance, okay? Don't push him away, because it hurts him as much
as you."
"I don't care about him!" Dee snapped.
Oh really? Ryo thought. You don't really hate him that much. No one
can hate that much, least of all you, Dee.
You need time. Lots of time.
"I'm not special," Dee murmured, staring at his coffee again. There
was a faint note of pleading in his voice.
"You're a shaman, love."
Green eyes flashed up at him. "So? There's more than one out there!"
"There are seven now. Six other Shaman Pairs like you. True, there
are shamans all over the world, but you are part of a Shaman Pair. Your
parents were a warlock and a female shaman. By laws of nature, you shouldn't
be able to exist, but your parents had not just one child, they had five.
Five impossibilities and one showed powers that made him part of a Shaman
Pair." Ryo's voice was quiet, soft, level. "It brought us together."
"I'm not special," Dee whispered, pleading more. "I'm not."
Ryo walked over to him and gathered the other man in his arms. "We'll
take this one step at a time, love. All of this, including Ross Barclay."
Dee held on tight, burying his head against his lover's chest. As Ryo
looked up he discovered Bikky standing in the entrance of the kitchen,
looking at them with his vivid, blue eyes. There was a serious note in
his expression and none of the screaming mayhem he usually displayed when
the two men had been affectionate with each other in the past. Ryo just
calmly stroked over his lover's dark head, silently communicating his need
for Bikky to behave.
The teenager nodded his understanding and only grabbed a few slices
of toast. He waved at Ryo, mouthing 'Carol' and was gone. Ryo was glad
his adopted son had a friend like Carol. He wouldn't have known how to
handle Bikky if he had reacted the usual way. Strangely enough he seemed
to understand what was going on, or at least gave them room.
And then something struck Ryo. How much had Bikky heard of what he
had told Dee?