Vinny and Barret are sat in the lotus position under a willow tree in the back garden. Both are dressed in psychedelic flares and tie-dyed t-shirts. Barret's wearing his 'I pity da fool' headband, in tribute to his hero, Mr T. Vinny has his long, raven hair loose over his shoulders.

'Let yourself sink into karma. Listen to the bells!' crooned Vinny, eyes shut tightly.

'As we enter the ecstasy of karma, repeat to yourself: I am confident. I am dry' said Barret.

'I am confident. I am dry' muttered both, in unison.

'I'm not just thinking I'm dry. I AM dry' said Vinny, dreamily, unaware that the pleasant tickling feeling was not the bliss of karma, but in fact an inquisitive spider.

'We have entered karma. The feeling of blisss.....' purred Barret.

Aeris skips along, oblivious to the blissful awakening taking place. Squinting at sun, she carefully tugged at Vinny's unkempt bangs.

'Hey guys? Guess what? I've got the panel's approval! Loo roll will be made on the other side!' she said.

'Wooohooo!' shouted Barret, turning around to high five Vinny.

'Testify brothers!' shouted Vinny.

They begin to dance around to YMCA as men dressed as Cowboys and Indians emerge from the bushes and join in as well.

Meanwhile, at the chocobo stables.

Cloud saunters in casually, stopping to check up on his chocobos. He spots Choco Billy, in the feed room.

'Hey Choco Billy, Where's Goldie? It's time he had some exercise' said Cloud.

'Sure. But you should take a look at your green one first...' said Choco Billy, gesturing towards Cloud's green mountain chocobos, Emerald, who happens to be frothing at the mouth.

'What do you recommend?' said Cloud, scratching his head.

'Cut out sylikis greens. I have a feeling that the Chocobo Sage gave you dope instead of greens' replied Choco Billy, reaching over to pat the agitated Chocobo's neck.

'I wondered why his eyes were so blood shot' muttered Cloud thoughtfully. He moved onto the next stall, where his Gold S Class racer was boarded. Cloud blinked in surprise to see the normally hyperactive Gold chocobo, curled up asleep.

'What's up with Goldie?' he asked Choco Billy, having to raise his voice slightly over the chocobo's snores.

'Oh hell. Looks like sleeping disease' said Choco Billy, peering at Goldie with his short sighted eyes.

'What's the cure?' asked Cloud worriedly.

Choco Billy merely leaned back onto some hay bales and continued to chew the piece of grass he had.

'Well as the saying goes, 'let sleeping chocobos lie'' he said languidly. Cloud ran his hands through his spikes manically.

'WHAT?!?!?!' growled Cloud, his eyes popping out, making his resemble a drugged up dragonfly. He rushed into the stall, and tried to shake the chocobo awake. Instead, it falls into an even deeper slumber.

'Leave it alone Cloudie-Boy. It'll wake up in its own time' said Choco Billy unconcernedly.

'How long could that be?' asked Cloud. He was starting to get desperate now.

'Around three to five months...' replied Choco Billy.

'But I can't wait that long! The alien girl must be eradicated nowwwwww' howled Cloud, beginning to bang his head on the stable floor. Choco Billy wisely chose to ignore Cloud's latter admission.

'Well there is a cure. Only Scarlet of Shinra knows that though' said Choco Billy.

'If I bug her enough, she'll tell' responded Cloud confidently, from his prone position on the floor.

'Well....Scarlet isn't what I'd call a push over...'mused Choco Billy.

While, back home.

Yuffie is grovelling on the floor, in front of Red.

'Please Red, we need your help!' she pleaded. Red merely looked at her with an expression of disgust.

'No. Make it yourself' he said in a bored monotone.

'Red! I'm a teenager with the IQ of a bunny rabbit. Hmm...carrots' moaned Yuffie, her interest momentarily piqued by a carrot.

'But you told my secret!' pouted Red.

'I'll make it up to you! I'll...um, buy you a litter tray!' said Yuffie, desperately.

'In the shape of a puppy? With a lifetime supply of Madonna porn?' asked Red.

Yuffie gaped.

'Madonna porn? Who the hell would have that? Oh I know, Sephy! But Red, wouldn't you prefer something else?' said Yuffie.

'Madonna' said Red in a flat monotone.

'Okay. So If I get you these things, you'll make the mechanism?' levelled Yuffie.

'Don't forget the puppy shape! PUPPY PUPPY!' chorused Red.

'Yeah Red. Puppy....'groaned Yuffie.

Tifa strides confidently in the local bar, her legs visible from beneath the short and naughty hem line of her skirt. She hitches up her halter neck top, and pauses to primp quickly in the mirror.

'So...I'm gonna be perved on....Well it'll make the job easier. Distract them with my chest, and they'll agree to anything. Can't be worse than Don Corneo. That guy was screaming to be let out of the closet' said Tifa aloud, furrowing her brow in the mirror.

Her childhood friend, Johnny, spots her from the across the bar. He nods at her, and Tifa immediately seizes her chance and scoots up to him. She playfully twirls a lock of chocolate brown hair around her finger.

'Hey Teef' said Johnny, nodding at her. 'Well, well, well...what do we have here' he thought, sizing up what's on show.

'Hey Johnny! Do you want to find out something so interesting and hyper cool?' she asked, turning on her sugary, 'Hey I'm a Bimbo' voice she used for her advantage.

'So hyper cool that it would power a monkey fuelled car around the world?' asked Johnny curiously.

'Twice....'purred Tifa, slanting her brown eyes mischievously.

'I'm all ears! Spill' he replied, swigging from his pint glass. 'And hormones, too' he thought, trying to keep his eyes off what was on show.

'You know Aeris...' said Tifa, letting the statement hang. Johnny nodded and shrugged.

'That girl who tried to run for Mayor a few years back? Flower worshipper?' said Johnny, wincing at the memory.

'That's her. Well I've heard from a VERY reliable source that she's an alien!' quipped Tifa.

'That would explain the weird eyes and her interest in white magic' mused Johnny.

'Well, we need to notify everyone!' said Tifa, prodding him.

'Why?' asked Johnny.

'She's planning to take over the world! She'll turn the sky pink and everyone will be flowers for all eternity!' said Tifa, urgently.

'No! We have to stop her! I'll go tell everyone!' concluded Johnny. Swigging down the last of his beer, he races out of the bar to spread the world.

'Now that wasn't so bad' mused Tifa, brushing a speck of dirt off her skirt. The rumour mill had begun.

End of chapter 2