Hello, boys and girls!
Do you like controversy?
Would you like to see me drill 2x4s through each one of my ass cheeks
So that the comedic world takes me seriously?
I might be a misogynist, I might be a masochist
Would you believe that I'm the proud father of three healthy, multiracial kids?
And my wielding can convince her that I'm not gay
Not that there's anything wrong with that lifestyle choice
It just means you prefer to see naked little boys
Praise Allah, the church is saved!
With another publicity stunt – I mean, serious matter that they'll defend to the grave
What do you mean, you saw me skipping around in hot pants yesterday?
It was laundry day and I had nothing else to wear
It's just a coincidence that I shaved off all of my pubic hair
Just last night, I met a depressed man named Steve
Who has to take little blue pills that help him go to sleep
'When did you start feeling these symptoms, Mr. Lowt?'
"Right about the time I started pulling chunks of my hair out"
And is it really such a horrible thing
That your nineteen-year-old son doesn't find breasts sexually arousing?
Ironic how pink calms most people down but really heats you up
To test our theory, we're going to have you jack off in a cup
"Be quiet and don't turn around," says the man with the knife
"Just put it in your mouth and everything will be all right."
Would you consider yourself generally crazy
Do you have voices telling you about death, killing, and causing people strife?
Or do you just want an excuse other than, "Right now I can't deal with my life"?
Some people tell me who I'm to be, some people: how I'm to act
Wouldn't it be funny if they woke up to find a knife coming out of their back?
The room was hot and stuffy and I probably wasn't thinking
That must be why I said you were wrong and then chopped off your pinkie
It couldn't be the truth, you're not an alcoholic, you told me
As you took a sip of your seven-brand whiskey
And nodded off to sleep
This poem is for those who say the general public does bad
Then run out of the doors screaming for acceptance from their dads
From the bottom of my ass, to the crotch up yours
I give you denial from the priests who like whores