A/N - so, here we go again. On to Ch. 2. What madness awaits these two reluctant companions?

Disclaimer - I still own nothing. But at least I'm out of jail and on parole. ;-) Don't worry, I wasn't imprisoned for trying to kill my fanfic readers who don't review. Yet.

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Smeagol's A @#$!&%* Thief

"Ria?" she heard her mom call out sleepily from downstairs. "Is something wrong? What's all the noise in aid of?"

"Nothing mom. Just fell out of my bed. Go back to sleep." Crap, she thought. Totally forgot how hard this will be to hide from my parents. They'd go totally nutsoid if they knew.

Gollum looked at her curiously. "What'sss that?"

"Shh. My mom. We've gotta talk quieter, or she'll want to know what's going on."

Gollum looked crafty. "We knows how to keep secrets, silly girl. Smeagol's a sneak."

Ria rolled her eyes. "We're not back into that nonsense are we? Don't call yourself that or I'll think of something worse to call you." Her tone turned threatening.

"Smeagol will be good," he promised, eyes wide. "Very good. Don't hurt Smeagol!"

He'd laugh, she thought, if he knew that the only way I could hurt him is to pull a kitchen knife on him.

"All right." Ria sat down, cross-legged, on the floor. "Here's the facts that you need to know. Sit still when I'm talking to you! And don't touch that, you @#$!&%* thief!" as he reached for her shiny birthstone ring that lay on her desk.

"Yes, silly girl. Smeagol's a @#$!&%* thief. We knows it, oh yes we does." His tone was as sardonic as she had ever thought to hear it.

Ria had to laugh. "By the way, Smeagol, my name's not 'silly girl' it's Ria. But just listen now. You need to know this. See, you're not in Middle-Earth any more. You're on a world called Earth. It is very different from what you're used to. Right now you are in a town called Eyebrow, in the midst of the province Saskatchewan which is a lot like Rohan, if you've ever been there. You are in a country called Canada. Remember the machines in Mordor? Well, Earth's got stuff like that, only a hundred times more advanced. I'll show you around a bit tomorrow, if I can, but we'll have to do something to disguise you, because no offense, you are not exactly what you'd call normal-looking. Not that there's much to see in Eyebrow, but what the heck, I'll do the best I can. You're lucky we don't live in a big city."

"Silly Ria, Smeagol will be very very good. Not hurt silly Ria that did not hurt us. Be nice to her. Will not be a @#$!&%* thief any more."

"That's good to hear, Smeagol, very good to hear." Ria smiled, relieved.

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A/N - a v. short Ch. 2, but oh well. I needed to explain some stuff to Gollum. You wait, there'll be more excitement coming soon. Ria and Smeagol are goin' to the big city!

Note: Yes, Eyebrow is a REAL TOWN. I found it one day when I was extremely bored and looking through the atlas for funny names. You would not believe some of the names I found. So I used it because I could not think of any other place names that I actually know what it would v. likely look like.