A/N - Ch.3, friends. Oh joy. Thanks to all my reviewers. And before I forget - please note the little purple button at the bottom of the screen when you finish reading this chapter. Move the little arrow on your screen over the button and click on it. Thank you.

Disclaimer - I own nothing, but at least I am off parole now. ;-) If I wait a few months, I can try to kidnap Orlando Bloom again PDQ. Yay!! Maybe this time I won't get caught. Anyone got any ideas for a supersecret kidnapping attempt?...

A/N - yeah, I was put in the slammer for Attempted Kidnapping Of A Hot Actor. Yeah, I was in for ten months. Yeah, thank goodness, I'm finally done with it (jail, not kidnapping Orlando), hopefully forever. Now that that's clear, on with the story...

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Nasssty Pink!

Ria woke in the morning and barely managed to suppress a scream. Bulging, gleaming green eyes stared down at her. Her heart slowed, gradually, as she remembered the unexpected events of the night before. "Smeagol!"

"Yes, yes, silly Ria is finally awake! Must hurry. Yellow Face is hidden. We has much to do."

"The sun's not shining?" Ria groaned. "Is it raining?"

"Little bits of water fall from the sky," Gollum informed her. "Smeagol may be a @#$!&%* thief but he can tell when it is raining, oh yes my Precious."

"Right," Ria mumbled. "Leave me alone and go back to sleep."

"Silly Ria promised us that she would show us around town. Silly Ria must keep her promise."

"All right, all right," Ria said, tumbling out of bed. "Hold your horses. I'm coming."

"What's 'hold your horses' Precious? What's that?"

"Oh for crying out loud stop with the questions!"

It took a long time for Ria to find a suitable disguise for Gollum. For one thing, it is not easy to find clothing that is not too girly or too large in the closet of a teenaged girl for a pint-sized thing that walks like a monkey and is 500 years old. For another, Gollum hated everything that she suggested.

"This?" she asked, holding up a hoodie that she had outgrown.

"Phwaw! Not nice!"

"How about these shoes?"

"Hates shoeses!"

"What about these pants?" she said, proffering a pair that she had last worn when she was five.

"No! Nassty colour! Hates pink."

"This jacket might fit you," Ria offered wearily.

"No! We hates it! Clothes not nice!"

"Well you've got to wear something! Geez, this is all I have! You don't have any choice. I could make it worse for you. I have old dresses that would probably fit you. I have some nail polish, neon purple, and some ribbons that we could put in your hair. Would you prefer that?" Ria was cuttingly sarcastic.

Meekly, Smeagol said, "Wear nice green shirt -" meaning her hoodie. "That will be good. Smeagol will be good. Very good. Don't mock poor Smeagol, even if he is a @#$!&%* thief."

"Good," Ria grumbled, throwing the hoodie at him. "Put it on and we'll get going. But you'd better put on the shoes too. Great ugly duck feet like yours will attract too much attention."

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A/N - yeah, yeah, it's slow so far. Don't worry. Action will - hopefully - be coming up.