A/N- Gollum is introduced to the wonders of the 21st-century, and a lot of lying occurs. Oh joy.

Disclaimer - I STILL own absolutely nothing that belongs to LoTR, though I am trying to figure out a way to convince the Tolkien family that I am a long-lost niece twice removed. Oh yeah, and Yayness! I'm out of jail! *does Gollum's happy circle dance* I am free! Smeagol is freeee!....*ahem* Anyways, on with the story.

Duh!

But none of this came to be. Before Ria could attempt to sneak Gollum out of her room, her mom knocked on the door. "Ria, you up?"

"Quick!" she hissed. "Hide!" Gollum blinked in confusion.

"Damn you," Ria muttered. "Yes Mom, come on in," Ria made her voice sound innocent.

Her mother opened the door just as Gollum figured out what she had meant and scampered out of sight. "Ria! Your room's a mess! Why are all these old clothes flung all over the floor?"

"I was, uh, getting some stuff together to take to the Salvation Army."

"Well, clean it up before you come get any breakfast, OK?"

"Yes Mom."

"Oh, and Ria, don't forget that on Sunday we're going in to Saskatoon to the airport."

"Mom, how could I forget? I've been waiting to go visit Tanya for months!" Tanya was her older sister who lived in Ontario. She had left home two years ago and during the holidays Ria always went to visit her. She and Tanya were very close.

"Right," her mom conceded.

Her mom left then, thankfully satisfied with that. Her mom tended to be slightly taciturn, direct and to the point.

Ria shook her head in dismay as Smeagol climbed out from under her bed. "We're never gonna be able to sneak you past her. This is not working. I wish you'd never shown up!"

"What about the window, precious? What about the window, eh?"

Ria slapped her forehead. "Duh! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because she is a silly stupid girl, and Smeagol's a sneaking @#$!&%* thief."

"Oh, shut up."

*~*~*~*~*~*

If anyone had happened to be standing in the alleyway a few minutes later, and if that person had happened to be looking at Ria's house, and if that person had happened to look up at Ria's window at that certain moment, they would have seen a strange sight. A small, monkey-like creature that looked vaguely human, wearing a green hoodie with the words "Eyebrow Eagles" emblazoned on the back and fuzzy pink slippers, was struggling and cursing as an exasperated girl tried to force him out the window.

"Oh for crying out loud, Smeagol, it's not that far! You've climbed down worse! Just jump!"

"Nasssty cold wet day! We cannot climb on wet ssstuff!"

"Smeagol, jump! Or I'll push you!"

"Aiyaaaaaaaa!" Gollum shrieked as he lost his grip on the windowsill. He fell, and landed on a rosebush. "Aiyaaaa! Aiyaaa! It hurts us, it does! Aiyaaa!"

"Shut up!" hissed Ria. It took a second for Ria to swing herself up onto the windowsill, and she tensed herself for the drop. "Move, Smeagol!" She dropped, catlike and much more gracefully than Gollum, down to the wet grass. "See, that wasn't so difficult," she told Gollum, who was still cursing, and plucking thorns and leaves from his skin and bedraggled hair. Ria took one step and slipped on the grass. She landed hard on her rear. "Ow!"

Gollum chuckled maliciously. "Not so high and mighty now, are we, preciousss? Come now, let'sss get going!" He danced on ahead, and Ria followed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N - ah, finally, I have updated this! I'm sorry I slacked off after the first chapters. Thanks to my reviewers, who, though few, are mostly loyal. (Smeagol is the coolest, I agree, Artemis. You should meet my sister. She adores Smeagol and thinks he is the cutest. 'Course, she also loves Dobby, and she thinks slugs are kinda cute too, so go figure)

Yayness! The judge also agreed to cut my parole short, as I have been "very very good", just like Smeagol! *does the happy circle dance*