A/N - This chapter may be a little odd, but what the heck, who cares. I had to keep it from getting too grim. Apologies to all my sadistic readers. I'm not good at writing horror. At any rate, if you don't like it, review or e-mail me - the usual procedure - and I'll try to change other chapters in the future.

Disclaimer - as I hoped, I am writing this chapter from Middle-Earth. I'm staying in Bag-End right now, then I plan to do a bit of wandering for the next couple months. I will still try to update as much as possible. I will try to give you an update from Rivendell, maybe two, because Bilbo says it is very beautiful there, and I would really like to stay a good long while. Oh, right. Disclaimer. I own nothing except the tea-cosy Bilbo gave me. He's so sweet. :-)

Shriek! Eeeyaaagh! Aiyeeeeeee!

Ria felt the chill in the air that always accompanied the Nazgul everywhere they went, and she felt dizzy. Gollum was silent now, struck dumb with terror perhaps, and Ria had a wild hope that the Nazgul might miss them.

"Where isss the Ring?" she heard one of the Nazgul hiss. The others wailed their eerie cry.

Gollum let out an inadverdant cry of fear.

In a split second, the Nazgul had the two dragged out from under the car. Ria curled up into a ball, trying to shield as much of herself as possible from the Morgul blades poised above her. Gollum lay there, whimpering and clenching his Precious tight in his fist.

"Where isss the Ring?"

Ria gulped. "Ring? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sure if you've lost a ring of yours it can't be all that hard to replace. Just go to any jewelers' store with a drawing of the original and they'll make you another, good as new. And would you mind putting away those swords? I have a bit of a phobia about sharp pointy objects aimed at my head."

Surprisingly enough, the Ringwraiths withdrew their swords. They didn't sheathe them, but they were no longer poised to strike. Ria allowed herself to draw a breath of air.

"Doesss ssshhhe ssspeak truth?" one Nazgul questioned another. He appeared to shrug. Though Ria would never have thought the Nazgul capable of shrugging, she had also never thought that one day she would be holding a conversation with them.

"Sthe thpeakth truth," replied the other Nazgul - with a very heavy lithp - sorry, lisp. If it had been any other time than this, Ria would have burst out laughing. As it was, she didn't think now was the appropriate time.

"What must one do to find the Ring in this world?" raged another, surprisingly without a lisp or hissing s's. His articulation was really quite good.

"Och, we're better off now than we were, with the mountain of doom spittin' rocks and lava at our heads, while our Lord's tower came a-crumbling down, and the Orcs and men scatterin' to all the corners of the earth," commented another with a Scottish lilt to his voice. Ria shook her head and pinched herself. This was really just too weird.

Gollum was still rocking back and forth, clutching the Ring to his chest. "Nooo," he moaned, "nassty cruel Nazgul, come to take it from uss."

"It?" The Nazgul with the good articulation said, suddenly suspicious. "You have IT?"

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Ria pleaded, desperately playing for time. If the Nazgul actually bothered to stop and talk to each other, perhaps they weren't really so bad as everyone made out.

"Wal, gurl," said one, drawling like a Texan (which really sounded extremely funny coming from a black robed undead man), "Ah reckon that yew've hurd of the Wan Ring?"

"The Wan Ring?" Ria repeated, feeling laughter bubbling up in her throat in spite of herself.

"Yeah. Sow yew've hurd of it?"

"Ah recko - I mean, I guess so."

"Wal, that's whut we're lookin' fur."

"Oh," Ria said.

The drawling Nazgul was smacked upside the cowl by the hissing one. "You idiot! You do not jussst tell anyone we come acrosss that we are looking for our Lord'sss Ring of Power!"

"Your friend has he the Power Ring?" said another.

"Whaaa - ?"

"Your friend has he the Power Ring?"

"Nnnoooo..." Ria's lips were raw, from biting on them to keep from laughing. So these were the real Nazgul? I think Tolkien exaggerated their fearsomeness just a little, she thought.

She could not believe her luck - though, to consider being saddled with the Nazgul and Gollum as luck just proved how much her view of luck had changed in a day or two.

"Confound the luck!" cried another with a strong English accent. "I say, this is a right good pickle we've got ourselves into. Spot on, O Head One!"

At this point, Gollum tried to dash away. The Nazgul with the drawl caught him by the scruff of his neck before he'd gotten far. "Howld on now, sonny boy. We ain't gonna hurt yew none." Gollum choked as the Ringwraith's hand yanked him back. His grip loosened, and the Ring rolled out of his clutching fingers and onto the floor.

"The Ring!" they all yelped in their various accents. "Shrreeeeeiik! Eeyaaaaaugh! Aiyeeeeeee!" added one Ria had not heard speak before.

Ria shouted desperately, "Wait!"

They stopped. Ria was surprised at how much they obeyed her. It was really rather odd.

"How are you planning to get the Ring back to Sauron? Your lord holds no sway in this world. I think you will find it very difficult to find your way back home. I suggest that we work together."

Murmurs of surprise from the Nazgul.

"Since Sauron holds no power here, I would suggest that we forget about him entirely."

"You joking are tell me!"

"Whut a loawd of horse-patooties!"

"I concur. On the whole, the female's concept is deficient in signification."

"I say, that's a bit of a stretch, missie!"

"Never, in my years of bein' Ringwraith, have I heard such presumption. I couldna accept such an idea, lassie."

"Sssilly little human! You mussst be mad!"

"Eeeyaaaagh! Shreeeeee! Aiyeeeee!"

"Thith ith not good! Thith ith very bad!"

"Young lady, you cannot simply presume to usurp our loyalty to our master. Have you any proof he has no power here?"

"No proof," Ria admitted, "but a great deal of reason. There are many people here in this world who would be willing to take the Ring and use it for their own purposes. They are the ones who would usurp your loyalty to your master. My idea is to leave Sauron out of this, as he has no jurisdiction here. Start everything fresh, and find a way to keep the Ring from falling into the wrong hands."

"Cannot I believe implications this of the!"

"You must," persisted Ria, wondering, deep down, where she was getting all this from. "We can't risk anything else."

"The maid is right," piped up Scottish Lilt. "We canna afford to play by rules from the world of auld. I believe we would do worse, if we didna follow her, wherever she may lead. She knows the lands a sight better than we do."

"Ah reckon the gurl's been sniffin' the silage," shrugged Texan Drawl. "Bhut whut alse can we do? She may be rahght."

"Shreeeee! Eeeyaaargh! WheeeeEEEee!" said the Squealer.

"He says you're mad, and he's never going to join you," supplied Grammar.

Hissing One glanced around at the others. "With the exsssception of one, I think you have convinsssced usss, misss."

Gollum stared in wonder as the Nazgul, as one, except for the Squealer, sheathed their swords and proceeded to discuss with Ria exactly what their first step should be in their new plan.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N - I hope this chapter is a little bit longer than the other ones. I did have to introduce all nine Nazgul, which is a little difficult because now there's eleven characters! Anyways, I will continue the adventures of the Maligned of Middle-Earth, and we shall see what we shall see...