A/N - Finally, finally, finally! I updated! (happy dance) I've been slacking off on all my fanfictions, not just this one....so don't yell at us! (cringes) Cruel reviewers, always pessstering us! And that's not very nice of them is it? No preciouss...not very nice at all.

Actually, you have all been abnormally kind to me. Thanks to your patronage you've made this one of my most popular fics! Go you! Cookies to everyone!

As you can probably tell by my misquoting of Gollum line above...I've seen RoTK...twice...and IT WAS AWESOME! Except Gollum really pissed me off. I mean, really pissed me off. That cliff above Minas Morgul? Wouldn't it just be so sweet just to dropkick the little $!&% over the edge? (sighs) I think it would...(slaps self out of sadistic daydream) AnYwAyZ...I think I meant to warn you that I might not be so nice to Gollum in the next couple chapters as I have been (comparatively) in the past.

Disclaimer - I own nothing. As usual. No one'll give me anything. U.U

Turbulence

"What's that sound?" Ria's dad asked his family.

In the back seat beside her mother (Elrond was riding shotgun), Ria cringed. She could hear it very clearly.

"Nassssty Ria!" howled Gollum. "Let us out, let us ooout! Cruel hurtful Ria locks us in nasssty dark place. Doesn't smell nice either, oh not at all preciousss! Let us out! Let us go free!"

Ria turned up the volume on her Discman. "I don't hear anything, Dad. Are you sure it's not some other car?"

"I don't hear anything either, dear," Mrs. Fawcett said absently. She was in the middle of reading - very ironically, Ria thought - Lord of the Rings. She'd finally gotten around to it after seeing the movies. Ria honestly didn't think that having read up to the chapter Shelob's Lair in The Two Towers would drastically improve her parents' reaction to discover that Gollum was in their trunk.

Ria had had a very interesting time attempting to figure out how to bring along her new companions. Elrond was easy, of course. Gollum...well, let's just say Ria had a very interesting time trying to get him into the trunk. She'd had to toss out two shirts because he'd ripped the arm off of one and she'd bled all over the other one. In spite of it being about thirty degrees Celcius outside, Ria was wearing a longsleeved shirt to hide the big bandage from her parents. She hoped the bite wouldn't get infected.

The Nazgul had been another problem. They had only reassured her that they would meet up with her at the airport before sneaking off with Gollum to hide in the luggage compartment of her plane. She had no idea where they were or how they were getting there. She only hoped it wasn't against the law, because if they were caught that would be the end of everything.

Her eyes kept darting nervously around the car. She was just lucky her dad was occupied with driving and her mom was deeply absorbed in The Two Towers. Elrond sat stiff and nervous in the front seat, flinching every time a car passed them going in the opposite direction. He was very uneasy, and quite frankly Ria was a little worried about how he would react to the plane ride. If he was this nervous in a car....

Ria sighed, stared blankly out the window.

And her jaw hit the doorframe.

I did not just see that, she thought frantically, rubbing at her eyes.

But she had.

The Nazgul had found their horses. And they were riding them across the fields. But they were no longer wearing their old, familiar black robes.

One thought crossed Ria's mind: Where on Earth did they find the Bermuda shorts and those horrid gaudy shirts?

---later---

Ria spied the Nazgul filing past her towards the terminal and sidled over to them, trying to be inconspicuous, which is rather difficult if you are being seen with a group of extremely pale men wearing brilliant Bermuda shorts and gaudy tourist shirts. (If you didn't look closely you didn't notice that they were wraiths and not people who looked like they'd been locked in a sunless basement for three decades.)

"What did you do, rob Cheezy Tourist Clothes R Us?" she hissed. "I thought you said you wouldn't be seen!"

"We never ssssaid that we would not be sssseeen. We ssssaid that we would fit in," said Goraldaion.

"No, you specifically said that you would not be seen! And besides which, who around here do you see dressed like you? Who? You are not fitting in!"

"The lass is right," muttered Lhunath unhappily. "I did be warning you."

"I don't know," commented Pherthond. "I rather like this outfit."

Ria groaned, knowing there was nothing more she could do about it. "Just get on the plane. Oh - wait. Have you got Gollum?"

Donarda moved aside to reveal Gollum crouched in the centre of the group, groaning to himself.

"All right. See you in Toronto."

The Nazgul moved off. Pherthond and Valin turned and waved cheerily before they disappeared from sight.

---later---

The inflight movie was, ironically enough, Return of The King. Ria was quite frankly getting sick of irony. Irony had definitely worn out its welcome, in her opinion.

Irony looked ashamed and guilty, and slunk out the door. Ria waved good-bye happily....

Ria was jolted out of her half-dream by funny voices in her earphones. She had fallen asleep with them on.

"What do this does wire its connected if here to?"

"Andwath! What if that wire is important to the running of this 'air-plate'? You will end up causing us to crash!"

"Big deal no. See? Happened nothing!"

"Nooo...leave us alone! We does not wish to talk to nassssty cruel wraiths. Go away!"

"Whal, that's not vury naice, thayre. Ah wuz oanly trahyin' ter help!"

"Valin! These square objects, do you know what they are?"

"Nao clue. Maybe thay're fer us ter sit ohn."

"I say, then this 'air-place' whatchacallit is most considerate! Don't you think?"

"Yeth indeed. Thethe are motht comfortable. Hey - therthe'th thlidy thingth on the thideth. Thethe thingth open!" The sound of various zippers being pulled made Ria close her eyes in resigned horror.

"Shreeeee! Eeeeeyaaaaagh! Wheeeee!"

"Ssssshut up, Ssssssquealer."

Elrond, sitting in the seat beside Ria, tapped her shoulder. "Pardon me, miss Ria...can you explain to me why there appear to be voices speaking through these - these things that sit on one's head - that sound like the Ringwraiths and Gollum, and not like the magical pictures at the front of this chamber?"

"You can hear them too?" Ria groaned.

"Yes...."

"Andwath's screwing around with wiring...." she said quietly.

"Ow!"

"Sssstop ssssstepping on me!"

"Andwath is resolved to induce voluminous furor by vandalizing this 'air-plaid' from the interior outward."

"Thank you, Donarda. We would never have worked it out without your help." Pennondo sounded pained.

Ria slumped in her seat. Only two more hours of this lunacy to go.... she told herself. You can last two hours without going insane.....

Right?