"i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears"
She was leaving. He had been dreading this day for a while. At first he couldn't wait for her leave, he hated her for God's sake!!! But now...now it was different. Now he had fallen in love with her. The petit brunette that never had a nice thing to say had wedged her way into his heart. And now she was leaving it empty...just like many others before her had. His father, his mother, everyone. For once he thought that maybe he had found happiness and it would last. But just like before, it didn't. It never did...why should it now??
"and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave"
"Steven...are you in here?" Jackie called out the next day in Eric's basement.
"In here," he answered her. She walked in and sat down next to him.
"So what do you want to do tonight?" she asked him.
"Don't do that," he said softly.
"Don't do what? All I wanna know is if we're going out tonight."
"Your acting as though everything's fine. Everything's not fine Jackie!! You leave in two days!"
"Well excuse me for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend before I go away," she snapped as she walked out of the house. He watched her go and sighed. He hated this. He hated that she was dragging this out, pretending that everything would be fine. Everything isn't going to be fine. She refused to recognize it and it drove him crazy!! Half of him wanted her to leave already and the other half of him wanted her to never leave. He just wanted it all out of the way, the good byes, the lonesome days and nights, the little things that would remind him of her. He wanted it all gone...it sounded horrible, he knew it, but he just wanted her gone already.
2 months later
"because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase"
Hyde sat on the sofa watching tv as Kelso stumbled through the door with his latest girl on his arm.
"Oh yeah...Heather, this is Hyde. Hyde, this is Heather," Kelso said after a few minutes of looking up and realizing that he was sitting there.
"Oh get a room," Hyde muttered as he walked into his room. He sat down on the purple bed that Jackie had picked out so long ago and sighed. Two months had passed. Two months of not talking. Sure, they had broken up, but he at least thought that they would somehow still talk. God how he missed her. He missed her looks that she gave him when he said something wrong, when Eric screwed up again with his mother or Donna, he missed her talking to him, he missed them kissing...hell he just missed everything about this girl.
"Go away!" he yelled at the room at large hoping to chase away her spirit. Convinced it had worked, he turned on his radio and leaned back to listen to it. But no, it had a song that the two of them had done something to. He could still feel her beside him saying how he needed to get some button up shirts and how he needed to come to Kitty's dinner party for Fez. Was it normal to still feel the girl that you broke up with is still right there beside you two months after you broke up?? God he hoped so, he really did.
"when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me"
"Steven, phone!!" Kitty called down the stairs the next day. Hyde bounded up and took the phone.
"Leo, I told you, you can't just take the money out of the cash register. That's called stealing. Normally I wouldn't say anything...but I don't the need the cops," he sighed. Leo never got it. He was too stoned to get it.
"Steven?? It's me," Jackie's voice came over the line.
"Jackie?" Hyde repeated as he sank down into the corner of the counter. After weeks of hearing her voice, he finally did and it sounded the same; bitchy and irritating, but at the same time heart warming.
"How-how are you?" he asked unsure of what to say.
"I'm fine. How's things back home??"
"They're good. Kelso has his latest Barbie, Eric and Donna are still the same and Fez is still looking for another girl to use as girl candy."
"Yeah...that's great. Hey Steven, is Donna there?"
"Donna?"
"Yeah, you know, red head, lumber jack, goes out with Eric..."
"I know who you're talking about and no she's not. Why'd you call here for her?"
"Well, it's Eric's house."
"Try her house. I heard she lives there," he said as he hung up the phone.
"Steven!! Did you just hang up on that girl??"
"Yeah," he said as he walked into the living room. He sat on the sofa, turned on the TV but tuned it out, and pulled off his glasses and put his head in his hands. After all the fights they'd had, after all the talks they'd had, after assuring him that he was worthy of love, after everything that they'd been through together, she called her for Donna??
"Donna, Jackie called earlier," Hyde told her as she walked into the kitchen later that day.
"Well what did she say? Does she miss you?" she asked.
"No."
"Well, what's going on?" she asked confused.
"She called for you," he replied getting up.
"Me?"
"Yeah, apparently, she can't talk to me. Probably would ruin her 'reputation' so far away," he said bitterly.
"Hyde, I'm so sorry," Eric offered as he put his hand on Hyde shoulder.
"Yeah whatever, I'm fine," he pulled away as he walked downstairs not wanting people to see the tears pooling in his eyes. He loved her still and she doesn't even miss him. Wow, he must of really meant something to her.
"you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me"
"Hyde!! How's Jackie doing??" someone called out that day.
"I dunno," he muttered.
"How could you not know?? You're her boyfriend," the girl said snottily before walking away. Hyde sighed again for what seemed like the tenth time that day. People that would never talk to him were talking to him because of Jackie. Granted it was just because of asking how Jackie is, but still. Cheerleaders noticed him for crying out loud!!! He shook his head to rid himself of that thought and moved on towards his next class.
Her face broke out in a smile and laughed at him when he told her that they were going canoeing down the street.
"You're doing what?"
"Canoeing."
"UUmmm...isn't that dangerous?"
"No, no. I'm driving."
"Oh, ok. Have fun then," she kissed him as she walked away. Later that night after everyone had gone away she came back. She walked into the basement and straight to him. He put his arms around her and hugged her as he kissed her. They cherished this time...they never to get to be alone. When they are, they milk it for all it's worth.
"Steven?" she paused while looking at him.
"What?"
"I love you."
"I know. I love you too. I always will baby," he said as he kissed her again.
"Hyde!!!"
"Foreman?" he asked confused. What was Eric doing there??
"Hyde, wake up!!"
"What?"
All the sudden, someone was shaking him. He cracked one eye open and saw Eric standing there.
"What?" he snapped.
"Did you mean that?" Donna asked from behind him.
"Mean what?"
"You loved Jackie?"
"What?? No!!!!"
"Well you just said-"
"I was dreaming. Or in this case a bad dream," he replied.
"Right...you could of just said yes," she said as she walked out of his room.
Damn it!! Now everyone knew that he loved her...he knew that Donna would tell everyone, especially Jackie. Great, now he had to lie everyone...and he didn't like doing that. It was too hard to keep them straight.
"these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along"
"So I guess you've heard?" Kelso asked that day.
"What are you talking about?" Hyde asked.
"Jackie's coming back??"
"Yeah. She called me last night. I'm surprised she didn't call you...I mean you are her boyfriend and all right??"
Hyde just looked at him and punched him in his arm. Kelso knew that they broke up...they all knew. And they all knew now that he had his heart broken too.
-We broke up. I should move on. She's not here anymore and she's probably with some other guy right now. What do I care?? That's right...I don't care!!- he thought to himself.
All the sudden there a whirl through the room and her voice came, "Hey guys!!"
There was no way. He had to be dreaming. Jackie wasn't here...at least not yet. But when he opened his eyes, she was standing there, beautiful as ever, with a guy on her arm. Great. It figures that she would do that; break his heart and then shove it in his face. It just figures that she would do that. He dreamed of her every night when she was gone. Thought of her every day, and she just didn't care. She really was a cold heartless bitch wasn't she?? -Wait, what am I talking about? She's not, I know that. Then what the hell is she doing with Johnny Fruitcake over there?- he thought to himself.
"Jackie can I talk to you?" he pulled her aside later on that evening.
"What's up Steven?"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Excuse me?"
"I thought you said that we were still dating."
"We are. Just more than one person."
"Jackie..."
"Steven, you are miles away!! I can't keep all of me to myself!!"
"How about me!?"
"You're not there!! You're miles away!! I'm gorgeous, I can't help it if people think I'm attractive!"
"Forget it Jackie, just forget it."
"What is your problem??!"
"YOU!!!! I love you ok?? I love you Jackie."
"Steven..."
"No, forget it. Go be Johnny Fruitcakes girlfriend. Whatever," he said as he stalked away.
The whole time she was away, he thought of her. Hell, he could of gotten with tons of girls, but he didn't. He couldn't. Because of Jackie. And she just didn't care.