"I
look away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things
that you can't undo"
Hyde couldn't stand it anymore. All he heard out of her mouth was excuses after excuses. He was miles away, he never saw her, she was too gorgeous for her own good...blah, blah , blah. She couldn't even look at him. God how pathetic is that?? She tried to say that she was sorry that he misunderstood, but it was no use now. He told her that he loved her and just like that she wanted him back. Not gonna happen. He loved her, she didn't love him...end of story. At least in his book.
"If
I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray
that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it
through it all"
"Oh Ray!!"
Jackie squealed the next day. He just laughed as he hugged her to
him and kissed her passionately. The worst thing was that she kissed
him back. In front of Hyde.
"Yeah, I gotta go.
Nice meeting you Jay. Have a nice life Jackie," he said as he
got up, flubbing Ray's name on purpose.
"It's Ray,"
he offered as he stuck his hand to shake.
"That's
nice," Hyde replied as he looked at his hand and then walked
right out of the door.
How could she do that?? In front of him!!?? It was like she really just didn't care about his feelings at all. He said the one thing that he vowed to himself he never would and the girl just put on her stilettos and walked all over his heart leaving tiny heel imprints. It was no use. He wanted to hate her. He wanted her to leave forever. But at the same time, he loved her and didn't want her to leave. He wanted that fag that she was with to leave, that's who he wanted to leave. He threw his hands up as he walked along the sidewalk. He didn't even know why he tried...he was never to get over her. No matter how much he tried, she would always have his heart. And he didn't know why. All he knew was that she had four more days here with that fruitcake. He just had to make it through...he couldn't let it show that he cared. Well, she knew that he cared...but he had to pretend that he was ok. As long as he could keep face, he was ok. But not really.
"And I don't wanna fall to piecesI just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you"
She was perfect. Her hair had flipped over her shoulder in the messy, sexy, but not trying to be sexy hair do. It turned him on whenever she would do that and scratch her nails lightly on him and she knew it. If she touched him, so help him God, he would just lose all control. He wanted her. He wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to hold, to have her love him back as much as he did her. He hated feeling this way. He was stuck in the rut, and he knew it. But he didn't like it. He couldn't be in the same room as her, he just wanted to touch her. He couldn't hold a conversation with her anymore because all her wanted to do was kiss her and play with her tongue. All he could do was stare at her and ache with want. At times he would just sit there and look at her watch TV. He couldn't help it...he was just attracted to her. He almost broke down one time in front of her, but resisted and went away...far away. He never cried...especially over a girl. So why was he acting so unlike himself now? He didn't get it. He didn't get her.
5 days later
"You're the only one,I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the star
Back into your arms"
"Steven?"
"Umph," he muttered, still asleep.
"Steven, please?" the voice begged.
"What
do you want?" he snapped as he cracked an eye open. "Jackie!!
What are you doing here??" he asked in incredulousness and
happiness.
"I mean, what do you want?" he
asked as he regained his composure. He hated her, he didn't love
her. At least that's what he had been telling himself for the past
week. But seeing her there sitting on his bed just like she used to,
made his insides stir. Suddenly he noticed her red rimmed eyes that
were all red and puffy.
"What happened?? Did
that guy touch you?? I'll kill him," he told her as he suddenly
sat up straight.
"No Steven, no!! He didn't
touch me...he never did. He broke up with me, that's what he did."
"Oh. Ok..."
"He said that
he felt like something was between us. I told him time and time
again that it was over, you wanted nothing to do with me, but he
didn't believe me. Oh God Steven I'm sorry. I know that you hate
me, I just didn't know who else to come to."
"Calm down, calm down! It's ok. And I don't hate you. I hated
that you were messing around with that fag in front of me when I told
you that I loved you. I hated that I thought of you the entire time
you were gone and you just didn't care. I hated how you moved from
me to him so damn quickly. I hated that I couldn't hate you, no
matter how hard I tried."
"Oh my God
Steven," Jackie said as she put her hand to her chest as her
eyes filled with tears. "You've never said that to me."
"Yeah well I'm tired of lying," he said as they
sat there and stared at each other.
"Wanna
know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what
this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I
wanna know everything, everything"
Jackie
sat and stared at Hyde for what seemed like forever. Usually he
hated it when people stared at him, but for some reason, he loved it
this time. He felt like she was seeing him for the first time in a
long time.
"What do you mean, you're tired of
lying?" she asked finally.
"You know what I
mean Jackie. You're the only thing that I think about night and day.
You know that I love you...I always have. I always will," he
barely finished when she lunged at him and pressed her lips against
fervently. He grabbed her and hugged her to him as he kissed her
back with passion.
"Wait, wait," he said
breathlessly.
"What?"
"What
does this mean?? Are we back together or are you just fucking around
here with me?"
"Steven..."
"No, because if you're not serious, go away. I don't need this
right now. If you are serious, then say it. Say what you feel, say
what you want."
"What I want?? Hmmm...what I
want is for you to shut the hell up," she said coyly as she
kissed him again several times.
When she stopped, her held her at
arms length and just looked at her.
"What?"
she asked confused.
"Nothing, I'm just looking at
you," he said as he reached up to brush her hair out of her face
and then caressed her cheek.
"Steven, I've been
lying to you."
"What??!!" he said.
"With Ray. I was only with him to get my mind off of you.
I never stopped thinking about you, I never stopped feeling for you.
I only brought him here to make you jealous. I thought that you
hated me and I wanted to flaunt him in front of your face to get back
at you."
"Well, it worked. Jackie, why didn't
you just tell me??"
"I was going to, but..."
"But..."
"I just couldn't. I don't
know why...I think I was afraid of you. Afraid that you'd laugh at
me and just blow me off."
"I would never do that
to you," he said as he kissed her again.
"Steven..."
"What?"
"I love you too."
"I was hoping that you did," he said as tears sprang
unexpectedly to his eyes.
"Oh my God!! What's
wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing...it's just that I
thought that I lost you."
"You never have. You
never will," she responded to him as she kissed him again before
lying down beside him in his bed.
"I'm in love with
you
Cuz i'm in love with you
And I'm in love with you
I'm in
love with you"
-"Fall to Pieces" by Avril Levigne
