Sorezore no Omoi :: Each and Every Feeling
I don't own Inuyasha, obviously. If I did, I would publish my work and not post it here. And I would write in Japanese.
By: Banana Rum :: Kalliel Inuyaksa
Chapter 2: The Crying Space
Lying here like this, I can here you crying.
Why? I don't know.
I cannot comfort you.
You want to be alone...I think.
Alone within the passion of the silver moonlight.
Mourning for your family, or for even us?
You've stopped now. Your breathing slows, and I now you have cried yourself back to sleep once more.
Why do I let you do this every night?
I want to go over there and hold you and kiss you; to whisper, 'it will be alright' in your ear.
But I'm still just lying here.
Since your tears have ceased, now I can hear someone else's.
So faintly I wonder if I'm imagining things.
Sitting there with his sword in his lap, he probably doesn't know I'm awake at all.
Or maybe he does, and doesn't care to acknowledge that fact.
He's not crying like you, where all the world could hear if they listened hard enough.
No, no one.
Not unless you were lying as close to him as I was.
You cried with true tears, releasing the emotions you have to carry with you all day so you can be ready for tomorrow's sorrow.
He keeps carrying it, and every day it gets heavier and heavier.
How long, I wonder will it be before he falls under that burden?
How many sleepless nights have there been for him, sitting like he is now, silver hair reflecting the tender caress of the waning moon.
The golden pools that are his eyes are empty, but his expression is to tragic and hurt...
You know he's crying more than the rest of us inside.
I...I don't do that. But I don't weep like you either.
By locking my fears and painful memories far away, I can make it so they don't touch me.
That way I can live even knowing I may die today and never greet tomorrwo because of this curse I carry upon me.
I told myself that if I ever accomplished even one thing that would make both you and my father proud, I could die happy.
But what if I can't do even that?
My soul would wander in life unappeased, and I would go on feeling like I do now for all eternity.
I believe everyone has their crying space.
Yours you can find wherever you go because you are strong enough to carry it with you.
And his is eating away at his heart little by little, but he's proved more than once he can bear that pain.
I, however, am only strong enough to keep it at bay, away from the point where it could touch me.
I say to myself I have no crying space, no weakness.
But maybe I was just trying to run away from my pain, my memories, who I am; and I haven't found it yet.
fin