Disclaimer: After all this is over, you'll be happy I don't own Harry Potter and Co. Cause if I did, books 6 and 7 would never come out, cause the way this is looking, my life expectancy just dropped to within a few of weeks of right now.

Last time on Swim: "WHAT THE HELL?!?" Voldemort yelped, as an artic cold jet of water hit him in the small of his back.

"Oh shit." Malfoy quietly remarked. He was out of the pool and holding a very large Muggle Water Gun, a Super Soaker to be exact. The Super Soaker was dripping water at the nozzle part. "I'm going to die aren't I?" He said.

"Malfoy, on your grave would you like red or black roses?" Ginny asked.

All six Harry Potter characters were equipped with fully loaded Super Soakers (with Malfoy's emptied of the ice water and refilled with pool water) and were dried off. The author had three bandoliers of cheaper water guns and water balloons striping her chest, and a trash can shield. "All of you will be sorted into teams. Ginny and Hermione will be Captains." Everyone looked at her with a look of sheer horror as the full realization of that set in.

"If that's not proof she's nutters, I'd like to see what is." Ron muttered, in a voice all but the author could hear.

"And so that there will be a good mixture of people on each team, the captains will have to choose out of a cup!" Here she produced a red, flimsy, plastic cup, six pencils (two of which had chewed off erasers), and slips of paper.

"You must be kidding me."

"She belongs in St. Mungo's."

"St. Mungo's?! She belongs in someplace shut off from everyone else, like your cupboard, Harry!"

"What cupboard?"

"Are you saying you haven't read the books at all, Malfoy?"

"No, waste of time. Why the hell would I want to read about Potter, Mudblood?"

"There is the fact that he has neglectful guardians who make him work like a dog."

"You've read them, too?!?"

"Hasn't everyone?"

"Not me!"

"Well, as I was saying," JF said, glaring at them with a glare that melted icebergs and would had done so to them also had it not been for the fact that all of them had seen much worse (i.e., Snape!). "Write your names down so they can draw and we can get this chapter over with!"

With much muttering and several curses that would have caused grievous bodily harm by way of rotting the author's eyeballs and causing her flesh to drop off in alarming amounts had it not been for the safeguards, that was done. JF took her pencil out of wherever she had hidden it and tapped the bottom of cup. "To make sure they're not cheating" she said, to answer the looks she got.

Ginny shrugged and picked first. The name on the paper had been written in an elegant style. Ginny frowned. "Malfoy." Malfoy groaned, as Ron looked on in fury.

Hermione went to the cup and plucked a paper out. She recognized the familiar writing and sighed in relief. "Ron." Ron pumped his fist up in the air in joy.

Ginny pulled out the last one quickly, as only Voldemort and Harry were left. "Harry," she said, reading the paper, letting out a large breath, as Ron looked on in horror.

"Someone up there hates me, don't they, 'Mione?"

"The rules of the game are these. Whoever gets completely soaked by the water guns is out. You have to be all the way wet. You can't use towels to dry off. You also can't push anyone into the pool, but they can 'trip' Team with all members out loses. The winners get to square of against me. When you need to reload, no one can squirt you or anything. You reload at the pool. You are also not limited to only the water guns," she said, her eyes glittering with just the slightest hint of sadistic malevolence.

=-=-=-

Ron: Did anyone else see that look she was giving us? It looked like she was planning something.

Voldemort: Planning something? She most likely already has it planned, Weasley. She was most likely having it played out in her head.

JF: He's right. It already planned out. Notices looks of alarm Don't worry, it's nothing like being "Crucio"ed as you're simultaneously having rusty nails raked over your flesh while being forced to various kinds of mental torture.cackles It's much, much worse!

everyone moves further away

Voldemort: sarcastically What's much much worse?

JF:whispers it in his ear

Voldemort: You are right. That is worse. thumbs at Ron And the blood traitor is right, also. You are psychotic.

Harry: Excuse me, I think I need to find a sink to vomit in.

Ginny: Please review! I want to get away from this hellhole as quickly as possible!