To Just Give In

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonlance...sorry to disappoint anyone.

Author's Note: I'm giddy just writing this chapter. Sorry about the cliffhanger my little attempt at being suspenseful (! I hope you guys are enjoying reading this story as much as I am writing it...and if not, well, thank you for reading anyway...and on with the story we go!

Chapter 4: When Things Can't Get Any Worse

Caramon paced nervously outside the tent he had heard his brother curse once, uncooperative magic probably he figured. He heard him gasp and a few things fall he wanted to rush in to make sure he was still ok. Unable to tolerate the anxiousness any longer he went to the soldier's hall to fix her a cup of tea for when she woke up, it always helped Raistlin overcome his weakness. Finally after a few minutes he heard his brother say: "Welcome back Revered Daughter you gave us a bit of a scare." But Raistlin's voice sounded odd a bit frightened perhaps.

"Caramon you can come in now, she's fine." Raistlin called knowing his brother had been ready to jump in the tent at the drop of a pin. He had to calm down a bit or she might faint again or Caramon could begin to worry more.

"I'm so glad to see you're feeling better Crysania, I was so worried." Caramon said genuinely hugging Crysania tightly.

"Be careful with her you big oaf she's still weak." Raistlin said feeling jealousy creep it's evil hand into his blood.

"Oh oops sorry Raist." As Crysania began to drink the warm tea Caramon had brought for her, he whispered into his brother's ear, "What was wrong with her?" his face was still marred with nervousness.

"Just nerves and lack of sleep I supposed, other than that she's absolutely healthy." Raistlin said looking back at her drinking the tea, but his voice sounded uncertain.

Caramon examined his brother closer he was sweating and his normally sarcastic manner was completely serious, his face had a rather odd expression on it. "Your not telling me something Raist what's wrong with her?" Caramon whispered gravely staring his brother in the eye.

"Please leave brother I've told you everything, but I've over exerted myself between the spells I've cast today and I really need some rest." He then turned to Crysania. "Revered Daughter you may leave with my brother if you wish, I need some rest."

"Can I speak to you for one moment." She turned to Caramon and gently added, "... in private."

Caramon nodded with a little smile. "I'll wait out side Revered Daughter." And he then rather reluctantly exited the tent.

"What is wrong with me Raistlin." She demanded standing directly in front of him. "And don't you dare lie to me too." She added in a serious tone.

Raistlin was pacing around the tent rubbing his temples. "You have ruined me woman." He hissed his eyes held hatred beyond any comprehension.

"What I don't underst..." she tried to finish her sentence but the dark cloud of dread that had followed her suddenly struck furiously causing her to fall to her knees and cry out burying her face in the ground. "No, no, no, Paladine please!" she pleading scratching her nails into the dirt breaking into sobs.

"Oh yes you wretched, evil, sinful, god forsaken woman! How could I be so stupid...and don't whine to you miserable god he's obviously not interested in hearing anything from you." Raistlin pulled her up roughly from the ground and shook her. "Why are you crying, what do you have to weep for?" he grabbed her chin and forced her to look him in the eyes. "This is what you wanted isn't it, to have me for yourself, to make me your loving husband and for us to have little children and live in a pretty little castle, in your pretty little city filled with sins and lies. And you would lead the glorious Church or Paladine, and I would give up the black robes and dedicate myself to you and you only. All the while you'd live with the comfortable thought everything was perfect. While most of your city lived in conditions that would make a gully dwarf cringe, and children fall asleep starving every night with that little bit of hope that Paladine and his wonderful Church might not be so horribly blind!" He let go of her and turned to go find somewhere to clear his head, pushing Caramon out of the way as he left he grabbed a horse and rode off.

Crysania stood unmoving for a few second before she once again slipped into darkness, this time greeted by strong arms ready to catch her.

Caramon heard Raistlin begin to shout and Crysania cry and he couldn't help but listen, when he finally figured out what was happening his blood turned to ice. "No it can't be..."he muttered with a sick feeling. Soon it was apparent that he had to go back in there before he hurt her. He was about to rush in when Raistlin apparently decided he had enough and brushed by him took a horse and galloped off. Caramon ran inside the tent just in time to catch Crysania before she fell, and that's where they were left now. He didn't even know what to say. He was so insanely jealous at this point that he was unsure if he could face his brother without killing him.

Crysania began to stir and was greeted by a flood of thoughts and emotions. She had been placed on a soft bed with plush blankets. She tried to calm herself down remembering all the horrible things he had said...and they were all true. No matter how hard she tried to deny it to herself, that one startling fact overcame her. All this time her prays had been for that, his love, no that wasn't what she wanted, she knew she'd never have that. She wanted him to be bound to her unable to leave even if drove him insane. She didn't care if it made him happy, she wanted to be happy, and she wouldn't unless he was hers. This terrible realization only compounded the wooziness she had begun to feel, and suddenly she found herself rather unpleasantly spilling the contents of her stomach on the freshly prepared bed. "Sorry", she weakly managed to Caramon who was cleaning up her mess.

He smiled at her, "It's not your fault don't worry about it." He said wiping up the blankets. He went to the corner and fetched a bucket; "You might want this though, just in case."

"Thank you so much Caramon." And leaning against his shoulder she began to cry.

After listening to all her thoughts and worries for half an hour and trying his best to comfort her, Caramon had one of the worst headaches in his life. It was worse than the ones he got when he woke up after a long day drinking, worse than when Tika hit him in the head with the frying pan even... Caramon felt the wave of guilt sweep over him once again. Tika had seemed like this imagination he had up until this moment, she was so far away. He was suddenly swallowed by the enormity of how badly he missed her and how guilty he felt for all the awful things he made her suffer through. He would have done anything at that moment to see the bouncy fiery red curls framing her cheery freckled, smiling face. When he looked back at Crysania instead of seeing that unattainable captivating beauty he had been so possessed by he just saw a sad, weak, and sick woman who was in need of a friend right now and nothing else, and a friend was all Caramon wanted to be anymore.

As Raistlin rode across the plains he heard the hideous laughter of his queen, she followed him wherever he rode when he closed his ears with his hands, and she was inside his head laughing with victory. He closed his eyes trying to block her out and he was met with her beautiful face, the face of a temptress laughing. He shrieked ripping at his hair. His shrill scream frightened his horse, causing it to buck. Raistlin flew off and landed hard on the ground. The horse galloped off until he could no longer see it. Left with no way to get back and miles away from camp, he did the only thing he could think of, sleep.

I walked towards the executioner's block this time greeted by two figures the hooded one I knew was my brother, but standing next to him was a boy of about thirteen. He had gently waving auburn hair and stormy blue eyes. His skin was the color of warm cream; he was truly a beautiful child. Slightly thin, but with a strong set jaw, he looked very determined. He stepped in front of Raistlin. "This child is my son," he thought. Smiling Raistlin extended his arms out towards this lovely child. The boy looked up at Raistlin and smirked, the same smirk as his father. "Die Father." He said in a loathing voice and sunk a dagger in to Raistlin's heart.

Raistlin awoke in a cold sweat. He couldn't stop shaking, what could it mean, what did his far from born child have to do with this. Guilt, of course, he had been harsh with Crysania, but he had meant it. He saw it in her eyes even as she cried he heart out, she wanted this to happen. Just his luck of course, just once he beds a woman, and she ends up with his damn child. How many tavern wenches had his brother bedded and nothing! Now with his dream seemingly changing every night this must mean the very fabric of time is being altered in every passing moment. He laughed slightly, just imagine what Astinus must be thinking. As if the chronicler had been standing there listening, he suddenly found himself in the great library.

"YOU!" the chroniclers mighty voice bellowed shaking the core of Raistlin's soul.

So this is what the true voice of a god is like Raistlin thought trying to stay calm, but he couldn't stop his knees from shaking or his teeth from chattering. "Yes it is I Raistlin Majere at your service great one."

"YOU!" Astinus stood now pointing a shaking white knuckled hand at Raistlin, it seemed as if many other voices were mingled in with his.

Raistlin began to nervously back up against the wall. He looked behind him for an exit, and suddenly the room began to change.

Library walls morphed into great expanses of nothingness. The richly crafted elven chairs slowly transformed into mammoth stone thrones that not even the most skilled dwarves could craft, with a lifetime of devotion. There were many of the mammoth thrones, but three were so large that he could barely see the top. The center of the massive thrones had the scales of balance etched into it. The one to its left had the five-headed dragon of all colors, but none, of his queen carved into it. The throne on the right had a carving of the platinum dragon of Paladine. They formed a circle around him blocking any escape, not that there was anywhere to escape to. Soon Astinus sat upon the middle throne of the three large ones, but it was not Astinus, for this man was much larger, literally he was the size of the mammoth throne, but his face was as stoic as ever. To his left was Raistlin's queen Takhisis, fortunately she was not in her temptress form that tormented him so often. She appeared regal and beautiful, and utterly completely evil, as the Dark Majesty herself. To the left of Astinus, or should he call him Gilean, was seated Paladine eternally youthful and ultimately wise in his Elven form. Across from them sat the gods of magic, Solinari tilted his nose in disdain, Lunitari sadly shook her head, and Nuitari smirked at him as if he could barely believe he had managed to do whatever he had been brought here for.

Determined not to let fear devour him, Raistlin smirk first the Gods of Magic, then Takhisis, then turned to Gilean and Paladine. Sarcastically he bowed to them. "Now that you're done with your strike awe in the little mortals heart act, What have I done this time?"